Legacy - Page 4

bejazd · #46 05-11-2007, 11:47 AM

So true ISUKappa!

When you think about your chapter, imagine your closet. I love pink and shiny and bling...but if everything in closet was pink and shiny and blingy when I looked in there every day...I'd probably want to throw up! A wide array of choices with a little well placed sparkle and bling here and there is so much easier to live with....

33girl · #47 05-11-2007, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bejazd

So true ISUKappa!

When you think about your chapter, imagine your closet. I love pink and shiny and bling...but if everything in closet was pink and shiny and blingy when I looked in there every day...I'd probably want to throw up! A wide array of choices with a little well placed sparkle and bling here and there is so much easier to live with....

That's a fantastic way to put it, without being cheesy.

Awesome poster, would read again. A+++++++

fantASTic · #48 05-11-2007, 12:54 PM

I think that unless the PNM is a blatantly bad fit, she should probably be given a bid. I know that a lot of groups cut legacies because they don't want to hold onto someone who they think is going to join another group, and I guess I feel that if she DOES decide she doesn't like her legacy XYZ, she can always decline the bid in favor of another bid. If she's a blatantly bad fit, though, then she should indeed be cut. If she has a relative who is an active there, the active should probably be allowed to tell her and explain it to her, so that she doesn't get overly upset.

ejay286 · #49 05-11-2007, 01:04 PM

Well my father is a member of Omega Psi Phi and my mother and both of my sisters are members of Delta Sigma Theta and they are loosely bonded together (not constitutionally lol

). But anyway growing up I was never really pressured to be an omega by any of my family but I always wanted to be. I think if my father would have pressured me my whole life to do it then I would have been less interested but since he let me go my own way I was much more enthusiastic about becoming an omega. (I am the owtest neo you will ever meet

). If I would have chosen something else I think they would have been disappointed but they never told me that.

Leslie Anne · #50 05-11-2007, 06:49 PM

Many of you have said that unless the legacy is an obvious bad fit with the chapter she should be given a bid. I agree, but I'm wondering about what you would all think about a situation that occured at my chapter.

We had a legacy come through whose older sister was an active member of the chapter -- she had just been initiated the year before. I think it's even more important to give that type of legacy due consideration. Well, she was cut. She was a rather large girl.

She didn't pledge any sorority at all and I don't think it was her size either. There were 17 other chapters on campus and I'm sure she could have been bid. I think she was just too devastated to continue with Recruitment. So, in this case, the pressure to pledge her legacy group was way too much for her.

Personally, I thought cutting the girl was wrong and it ended up being the second to the last straw before I ended up taking alumna status. What would you have done or thought about the situation?

Drolefille · #51 05-11-2007, 07:07 PM

Based on what you've said, it's incredibly inappropriate and I would have said something.

nwu43 · #52 05-11-2007, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ejay286

Well my father is a member of Omega Psi Phi and my mother and both of my sisters are members of Delta Sigma Theta and they are loosely bonded together (not constitutionally lol

). But anyway growing up I was never really pressured to be an omega by any of my family but I always wanted to be. I think if my father would have pressured me my whole life to do it then I would have been less interested but since he let me go my own way I was much more enthusiastic about becoming an omega. (I am the owtest neo you will ever meet

). If I would have chosen something else I think they would have been disappointed but they never told me that.

That's so cool! Is this common for people of BGLO's to be all from the same family (not just in terms of legacy, but couples who are both black Greeks who later marry each other)? Also, is Delta Sigma Theta considered like a sister sorority to Omegas?

xoheatherxo · #53 05-11-2007, 08:26 PM

leslieann--i would totally have said something. i dont think i could be part of an organization that wouldnt take someone because she was a "rather large girl". actually i know i couldnt be part of an organization like that. that is a stereotype of sororities that i thought we were trying to get rid of--that every girl looks and acts the same. we have girls of every shape and size in my chapter and im glad for that. id go crazy in a room full of people that all looked and acted the same!

ejay286 · #54 05-11-2007, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nwu43

That's so cool! Is this common for people of BGLO's to be all from the same family (not just in terms of legacy, but couples who are both black Greeks who later marry each other)? Also, is Delta Sigma Theta considered like a sister sorority to Omegas?

I wouldn't say it is overwhelmingly common but its not uncommon to see it either, and yeah Deltas are kinda considered a sister sorority but its nothing official, just due to founders dating and such. I also would say it is pretty common for members of BGLO to marry other members due to lots of times in college greeks dating other greeks, but of course it isn't always brother and sister orgs. My g/f of 3 years is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha and one of my sisters has been dating a member of Alpha Phi Alpha for quite some time as well.

33girl · #55 05-12-2007, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

Many of you have said that unless the legacy is an obvious bad fit with the chapter she should be given a bid. I agree, but I'm wondering about what you would all think about a situation that occured at my chapter.

We had a legacy come through whose older sister was an active member of the chapter -- she had just been initiated the year before. I think it's even more important to give that type of legacy due consideration. Well, she was cut. She was a rather large girl.

She didn't pledge any sorority at all and I don't think it was her size either. There were 17 other chapters on campus and I'm sure she could have been bid. I think she was just too devastated to continue with Recruitment. So, in this case, the pressure to pledge her legacy group was way too much for her.

Personally, I thought cutting the girl was wrong and it ended up being the second to the last straw before I ended up taking alumna status. What would you have done or thought about the situation?

I think that's horrible. Especially the part that council (I assume you're talking about your chapter exec board/council, not your national council) and advisor didn't let the chapter vote. That's messed up in ANY bid situation, good or bad outcome.

Then again, if she would have been the ONLY girl in the chapter who didn't look like a model, she would have had to put up with the whispers behind her back of "She only got a bid because she's a legacy! Isn't it obvious?!" and that would have worn on her self esteem too. Especially if she wasn't able to make good friends among some of the other sisters.

Did her sister stay active?

jennie3576 · #56 05-12-2007, 10:49 PM

My chapter has had a few legacies..... mostly givn bids because we loved them independantly of their predecessors!

Last semester, a legacy crossed, and she told us she knew she wanted to be an AST while at her bio sister's wedding - and seeing how her sisters sisters reacted with each other! she's fantastic.

my niece (well...cousin, but that's a story for another day) is graduating HS in 2008, and is already scoping out schools that have AST because of me - I never even talked about sorority/greek life with her - and my sister/roommate

how exciting is that?

Leslie Anne · #57 05-14-2007, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that's horrible. Especially the part that council (I assume you're talking about your chapter exec board/council, not your national council) and advisor didn't let the chapter vote. That's messed up in ANY bid situation, good or bad outcome.

Then again, if she would have been the ONLY girl in the chapter who didn't look like a model, she would have had to put up with the whispers behind her back of "She only got a bid because she's a legacy! Isn't it obvious?!" and that would have worn on her self esteem too. Especially if she wasn't able to make good friends among some of the other sisters.

Did her sister stay active?

I appreciate your input as well as that of 'Drolefille' and 'xoheatherxo'. It's pathetic, but for years I've wondered if I over-reacted. I guess I didn't though.

In hindsight, I think they might not have brought it to a chapter vote to avoid a fight. I have to believe that I wouldn't have been the only one to speak up about it being a horrible reason to cut the girl and incredibly shallow. I'm certain it would have gotten ugly though. Inevitably, there would have been someone (at least one if not more) who would have insisted that we had an image to protect and she would have been cut anyway.

As it stands, I can't be sure if it was our entire chapter council or just one or two members of it that had objections. I'll never know who was behind it. I guess, for that, I'm glad.

My chapter wasn't all Barbie Dolls but I'd have to admit that there were a lot of really pretty girls. We were fairly diverse though too. (Hell, I got in and I'm no Barbie Doll.) I think if she had been extended a bid things in general would have been fine for her. On the other hand, I wouldn't have been surprised if a few girls would have avoided her and even resented her for "ruining our image". She would have felt it and it would have hurt.

I'm not really sure what happened to her older sister. I just looked her up in our Alumnae Directory and she's listed so at least I know she didn't resign. I have no idea how it affected her relationship with the chapter though. It was only 2 or 3 weeks later that I took alumna status and was out of there.

It's sad though. It's sad when too much pressure is put on a legacy. It's sad that she couldn't stick with Recruitment anyway and find happiness in another chapter. I'm sure being cut from her legacy house was a huge crush to her ego. The whole thing is just plain sad.

Okay, I really have been babbling. I've never spoken about this to anyone and I guess I had a lot of bottled up feelings about it. I wouldn't ordinarily want to air KD's dirty laundry, but I think everyone here already knows that what happened in one chapter years ago doesn't reflect on the sorority as a whole.

Thanks for 'listening'.

kddani · #58 05-14-2007, 06:16 AM

If it was done by chapter council and the alumnae advisers, how do you know the exact reason she was cut???

As you know, membership selection is private and ritual, so I'm not even going to point out more details by how this isn't a) in line with how we're supposed to do things and b) you're airing dirty laundry (yes, it's aged) that also happens to be private membership ritual information.

ForeverRoses · #59 05-14-2007, 10:10 AM

I think going through rush as a legacy can be VERY unnerving. My sister graduated the year before I started college, but her little sisters as well as lots of friends were still active and her big was an alumna in town. So when I rushed as a freshman I was getting ALOT of pressure- nightly phone calls from my sister and her big to "see how things were going" lots of "advice" during rush parties on things to say to the girls rushing me (usually from my sisters friends who would "stop by" to talk). I ended up dropping out of rush the day of prefs and I let my answering machine take all the calls.

Luckily it's not a big deal to rush as a sophmore, so when I did decide to re-rush, I decided not to tell anyone. I even left the legacy line blank on the application. I did like my sister's chapter, but I wanted to make sure they liked me for me, not because of who my sister is. I ended up joining a house other than my sister's and I knew I made the right decision the moment I walked up to the house with my bid.

AOII Angel · #60 05-14-2007, 10:20 AM

Forever Roses...that was a really good idea. I know family members don't mean to put pressure on legacies, but their happiness with the sorority doesn't always translate to the next family member. I didn't really have that option. What I finally decided was that why a chapter wanted me was immaterial. Did they know me by the end of rush? NO. You can find a friends in any group of women, and you bond with the others over your ritual and traditions. I think it's nice that some are able to recognize a feeling of belonging with a certain group, but I think a lot of women don't. I also think this is true considering how many people in this country don't get the first choice on their bid lists. They find a way to fit in and be happy.