Too Much Baggage?!

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by delph998
You're so right about that! And I stressed to him that it's not safe to internalize stuff like that. He didn't even want the church to know about his loss. That's something we ALL need to pray for, you know. I did tell him, if anything, I want to be his strength so there's nothing that he can't tell me. I'm flattered that he feels comfortable to open up to me like that. Like I said, I'm just evaluating the situation. I'll keepyou all posted!

I have to tell my boyfriend all of the time to don't keep stuff to himself. I think that is a widespread problem for Black men. He needs to remain healthy not just for himself but for his 2 daughters.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by delph998
Ummm, yeah...we actually went out! Let me tell you all about it:

The setting was nice. He called me and said that he couldn't go to sleep. I had just gotten home and had a lot on my mind as well, so I said that we could go riding to vent. That's when he told me the following:

His grandfather had just passed and he didn't want anybody to know about it. He has a problem letting our his emotions. He said that he couldn't keep it in another day, so he told me. He also said that there's a lot of drama going on back at his hometown. Let me give you a little bit of background on him. In the past three months, he's lost his father, uncle, cousin, high school classmate, now his grandfather. His entire family is going through because of this and they look to him for strength. He's having a hard time with it now. So he told me all of the stuff that's going on in his world right now.

Currently, he pays $1100/month to his first child. He didn't tell me how much he pays for this second child. He pays his mother's mortgage, utilities, cell phone bill, etc. He also pays one of his uncle's bills, and then he has to pay his own bills (rent, car payment, insurance, etc.) I am not going to lie, that was bit overwhelming to me. He has a lot on his plate, and I don't know if I'm mentally ready for all of that.

Moving on with the date, I told him what was on my mind, which was nothing compared to his drama. And we just gave strength to each other and took me back home.

NOW...what are your thoughts...

TonyB06, I'm waiting on your comments!

Excuse grammatical errors, I didn't feel like correcting them.

I will definitely pray for him.

[TonyB06]

Originally posted by delph998
Ummm, yeah...we actually went out! Let me tell you all about it:

The setting was nice. He called me and said that he couldn't go to sleep. I had just gotten home and had a lot on my mind as well, so I said that we could go riding to vent. That's when he told me the following:

His grandfather had just passed and he didn't want anybody to know about it. He has a problem letting our his emotions. He said that he couldn't keep it in another day, so he told me. He also said that there's a lot of drama going on back at his hometown. Let me give you a little bit of background on him. In the past three months, he's lost his father, uncle, cousin, high school classmate, now his grandfather. His entire family is going through because of this and they look to him for strength. He's having a hard time with it now. So he told me all of the stuff that's going on in his world right now.

Currently, he pays $1100/month to his first child. He didn't tell me how much he pays for this second child. He pays his mother's mortgage, utilities, cell phone bill, etc. He also pays one of his uncle's bills, and then he has to pay his own bills (rent, car payment, insurance, etc.) I am not going to lie, that was bit overwhelming to me. He has a lot on his plate, and I don't know if I'm mentally ready for all of that.

Moving on with the date, I told him what was on my mind, which was nothing compared to his drama. And we just gave strength to each other and took me back home.

NOW...what are your thoughts...

TonyB06, I'm waiting on your comments!

Excuse grammatical errors, I didn't feel like correcting them.

Dang, $1,100 a month....is this baby named Rockafeller?

Really, with all the weight this guy has on him, I'd expect him to have the issues you described with guy numma 2.

It's good that you could listen to him uncritically. Because most men, I think, are more analytical than verbal, we tend to keep our own counsel and don't let much of our emotional turmoil out for others to see. (of course yall see the dysfunctional result of this but that's another thread.)

I think the fact that dude shared all that with you suggests he does like you. Otherwise, he'd have continued to carry it inside, leaving you to make your judgements based on his external behavior.

I agree with CT4, P-R-A-Y-E-R is most definitely in order.

...but of course D998, all GC eyes await your next move.

Announcer voice says from off-screen:

Will D998 hold ole boy's hand and say "baby, it's gon be alright. we gon do dis here" orrrr (in my best Tom Joyner voice) will she say "can you run me 'round the corner to my momma nem' house and I'll get wit you later?"

Stay tuned for the next GC installment of "D998 Handles Biz."

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by delph998
You made some good points. He's been divorced from his first wife for about six years. He's been divorced from his second wife for two years. He and his second wife came to the church together, but not as husband and wife. They were going together at the time. He said that his second wife left because she just didn't want to be married any more. That's strange to me too. But I know that since, he has hardly ever mentioned her name. He has told me that they really weren't on the same level and both parties tried to make it work, but it just didn't work.

With this first wife, he did say that they both grew apart once she started making more money than him. According to him, she wasn't at home as much, he was taking care of the family more, she started dictating what he could do, etc.

UNDERSTAND, I do know that there are two sides to every story, so I'm sure he was wrong at a lot of things. One, if he knew that the second wife wasn't on his level, why marry her? But like I said, he wasn't where he is spiritually nor mentally then. He's grown a lot since all of that stuff went down.

You're a mess TonyB06!

I've been down this road before, and if you don't take heed to the "flags" that God has allowed you to see -You will have nothing but heartache.

Are you prepared to deal with a woman who may still have feelings for him?

Women(and Men) are territorial, and you'd be amazed at how they will act once they feel like they've 'lost' that person. As long as this man is by himself and not dating anyone, it's all good. But if they see you two together. DRAMA!!!

This man still has feelings for his Ex-wife, no matter what he may tell you. His actions are speaking louder; he came to church with the woman!!! When you are truly over someone, you don't do stuff like that.

He also has an inflated ego: Men have to feel like they're needed; and by him having problems with his ex-wife making more money than him, that contributed to their demise.

Delph998, if you hook up with this man, you will be unequally yoked, and have nothing but problems. Be patient... and pray that God will bless you with someone who is more on your level.

[delph998]

Originally posted by Lizanabavi
I've been down this road before, and if you don't take heed to the "flags" that God has allowed you to see -You will have nothing but heartache.

Are you prepared to deal with a woman who may still have feelings for him?

Women(and Men) are territorial, and you'd be amazed at how they will act once they feel like they've 'lost' that person. As long as this man is by himself and not dating anyone, it's all good. But if they see you two together. DRAMA!!!

This man still has feelings for his Ex-wife, no matter what he may tell you. His actions are speaking louder; he came to church with the woman!!! When you are truly over someone, you don't do stuff like that.

He also has an inflated ego: Men have to feel like they're needed; and by him having problems with his ex-wife making more money than him, that contributed to their demise.

Delph998, if you hook up with this man, you will be unequally yoked, and have nothing but problems. Be patient... and pray that God will bless you with someone who is more on your level.

Wow! It's amazing to hear someone say the total opposite of what everybody else has said. Firstly, he came to church with the girl BEFORE they married each other. So it wasn't like they came to church after marriage. When they divorced, she moved to a different state. MORE INFORMATION: Well, I found out some interesting information this weekend that will respond to what you said about him still having feelings for the wife that he came to church with. He told me this weekend that he was soooo unsure about marrying this girl that he called the church to meet with the Pastor. Ummm, I don't know, but that says a lot to me.

I have concluded that I will give him an opportunity to win my heart. I talked to my parents about it (we're very close-knit) and my daddy pretty much said that people make mistakes. We'll see what happens. To be continued...

Tony, you crack me up!

[TonyB06]

Originally posted by delph998
Wow! It's amazing to hear someone say the total opposite of what everybody else has said. Firstly, he came to church with the girl BEFORE they married each other. So it wasn't like they came to church after marriage. When they divorced, she moved to a different state. MORE INFORMATION: Well, I found out some interesting information this weekend that will respond to what you said about him still having feelings for the wife that he came to church with. He told me this weekend that he was soooo unsure about marrying this girl that he called the church to meet with the Pastor. Ummm, I don't know, but that says a lot to me.

I have concluded that I will give him an opportunity to win my heart. I talked to my parents about it (we're very close-knit) and my daddy pretty much said that people make mistakes. We'll see what happens. To be continued...

Tony, you crack me up!

What, all ole boy had was cold feet? I thought you were going to say you found out that he had a crack problem or that he'd just found out that bin Laden was his second cousin on his momma's daddy's side or or something like that.

...after all we gotta keep the soap "How D998 Handles Biz" hype. It's all about the ratings, kid!!

(Seriously, as has been said, I suggest you do your own praying on it and go with what the Lord tells you.)

[delph998]

Originally posted by TonyB06
What, all ole boy had was cold feet? I thought you were going to say you found out that he had a crack problem or that he'd just found out that bin Laden was his second cousin on his momma's daddy's side or or something like that.

...after all we gotta keep the soap "How D998 Handles Biz" hype. It's all about the ratings, kid!!

(Seriously, as has been said, I suggest you do your own praying on it and go with what the Lord tells you.)

TRUE, you're totally right. I'll keep you posted!

[Gyrl7]

Originally posted by TonyB06
What, all ole boy had was cold feet? I thought you were going to say you found out that he had a crack problem or that he'd just found out that bin Laden was his second cousin on his momma's daddy's side or or something like that.

...after all we gotta keep the soap "How D998 Handles Biz" hype. It's all about the ratings, kid!!

(Seriously, as has been said, I suggest you do your own praying on it and go with what the Lord tells you.)

I agree 4hunnit pacent , but keep both eyes open, and if you wear glasses keep all four open!!!!

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by TonyB06
What, all ole boy had was cold feet? I thought you were going to say you found out that he had a crack problem or that he'd just found out that bin Laden was his second cousin on his momma's daddy's side or or something like that.

...after all we gotta keep the soap "How D998 Handles Biz" hype. It's all about the ratings, kid!!

(Seriously, as has been said, I suggest you do your own praying on it and go with what the Lord tells you.)

Tony, you are straight crazy!!!

Delph, seriously, keep us posted. With all of his problems, I'm glad that he has you to consult with. Remain his friend first and foremost - if you start developing deeper feelings for him, they hey, go for it (with both eyes open of course). Do keep us posted.

[btb87]

Delph, you've been given some good advice. But honestly, another thing also concerns me about this situation, and that's you. You sound a lot like me - a real soft touch. I don't know you from Adam's housecat, but I would hate for you to really start feeling this guy and he take advantage of your emotions. Just be careful. I'm sure he needs a friend, and you sound like the type that I can call on at 4:00 in the morning and you'd say "come on over - oh no, it's no problem, I was getting up for the day anyway!" and there'd we be talking about problems.

I can also see where Lizanabavi is coming from with her concern. This friend of yours does have a mountain of issues, but if you're willing to deal with it, then so be it - JUST BE CAREFUL!

[TonyB06]

Originally posted by btb87
Delph, you've been given some good advice. But honestly, another thing also concerns me about this situation, and that's you. ... I would hate for you to really start feeling this guy and he take advantage of your emotions.

Well said, btb87. I think most of us felt that sentiment although it never made it to our posts.

besides, if ole boy starts actin' s a fool, can you say GC ROADTRIP? (hey, I ain't swung any wood in a while --never mind, nationals. that was a jokey-joke!)

can you even do a drive-by up in the great lakes region?

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by TonyB06
Well said, btb87. I think most of us felt that sentiment although it never made it to our posts.

besides, if ole boy starts actin' s a fool, can you say GC ROADTRIP? (hey, I ain't swung any wood in a while --never mind, nationals. that was a jokey-joke!)

can you even do a drive-by up in the great lakes region?

CTFU!

If y'all were swinging round by the East Coast I would be down.

I wish more folks lived closer

[delph998]

Originally posted by TonyB06
Well said, btb87. I think most of us felt that sentiment although it never made it to our posts.

besides, if ole boy starts actin' s a fool, can you say GC ROADTRIP? (hey, I ain't swung any wood in a while --never mind, nationals. that was a jokey-joke!)

can you even do a drive-by up in the great lakes region?

Okay Tony! You said it...if I start having some issues, I'm gonna call ya! You're not too far away from me too! I'm gonna hold you to your word.

BTB87, your assessment is very correct! I am very compassionate. All of my friends know that I am there for them whenever they need me. So that's the reason why I'm going to take things slowly because I'm not trying to get hurt. I'm also praying over this situation BIG TIME! We'll see what happens.

Lovelyivy, you seem soooo cool! I wish you were closer so we could hook up girly!

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by delph998

Well, I found out some interesting information this weekend that will respond to what you said about him still having feelings for the wife that he came to church with. He told me this weekend that he was soooo unsure about marrying this girl that he called the church to meet with the Pastor. Ummm, I don't know, but that says a lot to me.




Flag!!! Delph998, this man has fed you nothing but a bunch of bunk!!!

He married that woman because he wanted too, don't fall for that. I'm not suggesting that you can't handle this man; but why put yourself through uneccesary heartache when you don't have too? What he did to those two women, he will do to you.

A man will do what you allow him to do, and if he knows he can play with your emotions -he will. At this point, he's trying to fill you out, to see where his boundaries are. Leave that man where he's at... the altar for prayer.

*When in doubt... don't!*

[delph998]

Originally posted by Lizanabavi
[i] Flag!!! Delph998, this man has fed you nothing but a bunch of bunk!!!

He married that woman because he wanted too, don't fall for that. I'm not suggesting that you can't handle this man; but why put yourself through uneccesary heartache when you don't have too? What he did to those two women, he will do to you.

A man will do what you allow him to do, and if he knows he can play with your emotions -he will. At this point, he's trying to fill you out, to see where his boundaries are. Leave that man where he's at... the altar for prayer.

*When in doubt... don't!*

You say this with such conviction!! So you don't believe that he's made two big mistakes, and he's made a change in his life? That's what I get from you. I understand that there are two sides to every story--he has a jacked up past. He's never made it seem like his two wives were the blame every time. He's admitted his faults as well. However, like I said in the first post, he's changed. When Christ enters your life, it can change completely!! That's why I've considered giving him an opportunity.

I've decided to give him a shot simply because I've lived a guarded life for so long. I'm not gonna marry this dude tomorrow...I'm just giving him an opportunity to prove himself and then I'll see if "WE" can be.

OH BY THE WAY: we're going out tonight, guys!!