Something needs to change

[AZTheta]

Am I the only one who's confused by the OP?

Initially the statement was that the daughter got a sorority she didn't want. Now, it's a "fish out of water" (huh?) who wanted a sorority at which others turned up their noses (paraphrasing for the sake of brevity). Then, when I let that sit and work all the way through, I go back to my original premise. And I'm still confused.

So, which one is it? Really having trouble figuring it out, or getting to the bottom of this. Am I just being too logical again, Captain Kirk? Sigh.

[carnation]

No, I am too. Does she want us to band together to change rush at Ole Miss? Create a system in which all girls get the group they want? I'm not sure which is more improbable.

[33girl]

It makes no sense since the sororities inspiring nose upturn would be the ones with higher quotas, and if one listed them first, one would most likely get a bid from them.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

Am I the only one who's confused by the OP?

<snip>

Nope.

I'm still reading the first post and wondering why a woman accepted a bid to the sorority she couldn't afford. Had she not signed the MRABA, she'd be available.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by DGTess

I'm still reading the first post and wondering why a woman accepted a bid to the sorority she couldn't afford. Had she not signed the MRABA, she'd be available.

That one I actually do understand. No surprise... some sororities cost more than others. Maybe they have more activities, more expensive or elaborate activities.It is definitely more expensive to keep up some of the multi million dollar houses that the sororities have at Ole Miss.

Specific dollar figures are not published for a variety of reasons. Parents and PNMs look at the ranges of costs and think that they will miraculously end up in the lower end of the fee scale... and then bitch if they end up in less than a "top tier" chapter. They want a "top tier" experience, but not the price tag that comes with it.

[JLCo]

Originally Posted by NerdyGreek

Back when I was in college, each of the sororities on my campus had their own personality. Recruitment really felt like it was a matching process. More social girls were attracted to one house, another had a much more artsy flair, one was more academic, etc. Houses might evolve, and reputations changed over time, but they were not just randomized groups of girls having to get along. No upper classmen were telling us that "nobody likes their sorority at first." like they are telling my daughter and her friends. And it's not like they all wanted the same house and are disappointed, they all had different favorites.

I am a mom of a recent pledge. I can tell you that she went on approx 15 college tours before making her choice. One of the colleges she visited was a highly ranked, small liberal arts college where Greek dominates the social life. Nearly the entire campus is Greek and it is in a rural environment- so there is little else to do socially. After my daughter's visit (which she extended due to extra invite) from a Friday to attend classes and meet professors that included two nights of Greek on Friday and Saturday, she told me that they have a very distinct Greek life there. She described how different types of people were in each sorority and I believe her descriptions are much like what you are describing. So, what you are describing seems to still exist- just at smaller colleges.

My daughter included Greek life in her assessment of what type of college or university she wanted to attend. We started her sophomore year of high school and discussed whether she wanted to be in a sorority or not. We talked about the benefits of being in a sorority. Since she was NMF, she had quite a few scholarship offers from SEC schools. I found that they had very intense, competitive, expensive sororities and large chapters. I don't think either one of us was very excited about the size of the sorority chapters and that it seemed like the bigger the sorority, the less likely a member would get the chance to live-in. Living-in was an important facet of sorority to my daughter. I will also add that I would have a tough time justifying paying $4,000 - $6,000/ year without the added benefit of her being able to live in. (At her university, the fee for living in the sorority house, including dues is about $11,000).

I guess my opinion is that people who are happy with their environments do better. For that reason, I think college-bound students should do a lot of research and thinking about what environment would be best for them. And since parents are paying for it and they do want the best outcome for their children, they should also be involved.

Ultimately, she chose a college where Greek life did not dominate the social scene because she was not totally sure she wanted to rush. I can tell you though that she spent quite a few days over the summer before she started her freshman year researching all the clubs and activities they had and how many things she was interested in getting involved in. She tried some activities and eventually focussed on 3-4 of them her freshman year and then decided to rush her sophomore year. Her sorority has agreed to excuse her when she has time conflicts from the activities she was already involved in prior to joining the sorority. She is having a great time in college and I think this is a direct result of all the thought that was put into selecting a college that was the right fit.

If your daughter is not enjoying Greek life that much, I think following the advice of some who have posted here to give it some time is a good idea. However, perhaps she could also check out some of the clubs and activities. I am sure there must be many since she is going to a large university. That way, if she drops the sorority, she will already be involved in other things and it will make the transition much easier.

[Ktx]

My daughter is a member of a sorority at Ole Miss. She went to Ole Miss not knowing anyone and was from out of state. Rush was tough, but she was happy with her bid. She would call and complain that she didn't know anyone and felt uncomfortable. I told her she had to put herself out there and go to everything. She did. She met a couple of girls through sisterhood events. Made a couple of friends after a month or so. It wasn't until rush workshop or spirit week or whatever they call it, right before school started back, until she truly fell in love with her sorority. She thought about quitting, but gave it all she had and is happy she did.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by JLCo

I am a mom of a recent pledge. I can tell you that she went on approx 15 college tours before making her choice. One of the colleges she visited was a highly ranked, small liberal arts college where Greek dominates the social life. Nearly the entire campus is Greek and it is in a rural environment- so there is little else to do socially. After my daughter's visit (which she extended due to extra invite) from a Friday to attend classes and meet professors that included two nights of Greek on Friday and Saturday, she told me that they have a very distinct Greek life there. She described how different types of people were in each sorority and I believe her descriptions are much like what you are describing. So, what you are describing seems to still exist- just at smaller colleges.

Was that W&L by any chance?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

Was that W&L by any chance?

My thought was DePauw.

[Momoffour]

My daughter pledged a "low tier" house by choice. She felt more comfortable there and has been very happy with her new sisters. She had a friend that went through with her, and got cut from every house except for the one that my daughter pledged. She attended pref, but did not sign her MRABA. Before bid distribution, she was called and offered a snap bid from my daughter's chapter, but she declined because she was "torn". (Also known as having a bruised ego from being cut.) This girl said that she felt no connection to the 3 or 4 girls that she talked with during rush. Fast forward to 6 weeks later, and the same girl decided to attend a COB party at my daughter's house and actually loved it. They once again offered her a bid and she accepted. She is very happy. (And lucky in my opinion.) The thing that needs to be stressed here is that the formal rush experience may give you a glimpse of a chapter, but it isn't always the full picture. I find it very hard to believe that with a chapter as large as the ones at Ole Miss, your daughter can't find a handful of girls to call 'her people". As far as RFM is concerned, how would it be fair to the girls going through rush if they attended pref at a house where that house could only pledge 20% of the girls attending their pref party?

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by Momoffour

My daughter pledged a "low tier" house by choice. She felt more comfortable there and has been very happy with her new sisters. She had a friend that went through with her, and got cut from every house except for the one that my daughter pledged. She attended pref, but did not sign her MRABA. Before bid distribution, she was called and offered a snap bid from my daughter's chapter, but she declined because she was "torn". (Also known as having a bruised ego from being cut.) This girl said that she felt no connection to the 3 or 4 girls that she talked with during rush. Fast forward to 6 weeks later, and the same girl decided to attend a COB party at my daughter's house and actually loved it. They once again offered her a bid and she accepted. She is very happy. (And lucky in my opinion.) The thing that needs to be stressed here is that the formal rush experience may give you a glimpse of a chapter, but it isn't always the full picture. I find it very hard to believe that with a chapter as large as the ones at Ole Miss, your daughter can't find a handful of girls to call 'her people". As far as RFM is concerned, how would it be fair to the girls going through rush if they attended pref at a house where that house could only pledge 20% of the girls attending their pref party?

They should include this on the MRABA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Momoffour

As far as RFM is concerned, how would it be fair to the girls going through rush if they attended pref at a house where that house could only pledge 20% of the girls attending their pref party?

But there's the rub. The rushees/moms who rail against this are convinced that if RFM hadn't forced them to drop so many girls, she would have magically connected and been in that 20%.

[tcsparky]

Originally Posted by 33girl

But there's the rub. The rushees/moms who rail against this are convinced that if RFM hadn't forced them to drop so many girls, she would have magically connected and been in that 20%.

Not realizing that if you didn't make it to the top 50% out of everybody going through to get an invite to the next round, you probably won't make the top 20% when they make their bid lists after Preference!

[PearlGirl13]

Originally Posted by Momoffour

My daughter pledged a "low tier" house by choice. She felt more comfortable there and has been very happy with her new sisters. She had a friend that went through with her, and got cut from every house except for the one that my daughter pledged. She attended pref, but did not sign her MRABA. Before bid distribution, she was called and offered a snap bid from my daughter's chapter, but she declined because she was "torn". (Also known as having a bruised ego from being cut.) This girl said that she felt no connection to the 3 or 4 girls that she talked with during rush. Fast forward to 6 weeks later, and the same girl decided to attend a COB party at my daughter's house and actually loved it. They once again offered her a bid and she accepted. She is very happy. (And lucky in my opinion.) The thing that needs to be stressed here is that the formal rush experience may give you a glimpse of a chapter, but it isn't always the full picture. I find it very hard to believe that with a chapter as large as the ones at Ole Miss, your daughter can't find a handful of girls to call 'her people". As far as RFM is concerned, how would it be fair to the girls going through rush if they attended pref at a house where that house could only pledge 20% of the girls attending their pref party?

I'm happy for your daughter and now I'm even happy for your daughter's new sister. But I think it is time for you to quit reminding us and yourself that your daughter pledged a "low tier" sorority. Let it go. This story was great on it's own - it doesn't matter if she pledged the snowflakiest of all snowflake sororities - she is happy with her choice, you are happy for her and we all need to quit chewing on the tier thing!

[JLCo]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

Was that W&L by any chance?

No. By that time, she had ruled out schools that were more than a 5 hour drive from home.