Something needs to change

[33girl]

I think it's not just the everyone gets a trophy culture, it's that their lives have been so much more regimented than in previous generations, even in what is supposed to be recreational time.

I mean...I never had "play dates." I went and knocked on my friend's door, or we all just ended up outside. The closest I got to "organized sports" was when our 4th grade class decided to pick kickball teams at the beginning of the year and keep them for the rest of the year. And that was our idea, not the teacher's. From what I get now, random pickup games of any sort are rare as hen's teeth. Combine all that with years of NCLB standardized testing and it's no wonder that young adults just think "I did this, so I should get that." It doesn't occur that friendship is a different story.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think it's not just the everyone gets a trophy culture, it's that their lives have been so much more regimented than in previous generations, even in what is supposed to be recreational time.

I mean...I never had "play dates." I went and knocked on my friend's door, or we all just ended up outside. The closest I got to "organized sports" was when our 4th grade class decided to pick kickball teams at the beginning of the year and keep them for the rest of the year. And that was our idea, not the teacher's. From what I get now, random pickup games of any sort are rare as hen's teeth. Combine all that with years of NCLB standardized testing and it's no wonder that young adults just think "I did this, so I should get that." It doesn't occur that friendship is a different story.

Excellent point and I agree. Add in helicopter parents and it gets worse.

It's being called "Adjustment Disorder" in college counseling centers. Some kids are having a tough time in the real world on their own.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by NYCMS

Excellent point and I agree. Add in helicopter parents and it gets worse.

It's being called "Adjustment Disorder" in college counseling centers. Some kids are having a tough time in the real world on their own.

I agree. My mother NEVER would have posted on Greek Chat for/about me, nor would she have posted something basically shaming the "system" for not treating me right. Not just picking on the OP but we've had a couple of threads this season with the common theme of "my daughter didn't get into the 'right' house and doesn't feel an instant connection, therefore the system is broken and must be fixed."

Sororities are the ultimate team environment - it's never about "me", it's about "we". The women must work together to achieve their goals, whether it's a higher GPA or a more robust social calendar or being more visible on campus. It doesn't function when a bunch of prime donnas are upset they aren't being fawned over. Roll up your sleeves, young ladies, and get to work.

I was unsure of my decision on Bid Day. I got my #1 pref but I still vividly remember a girl in my pledge class crying hysterically because she thought she was going to a different sorority (she later became a VP in our chapter, fwiw!). I felt like I didn't really have a solid friend group in my chapter until I moved into the house my sophomore year and I certainly didn't feel like I had bff's 1 week into my pledge period....but good Lord I didn't tell my mom about any of that stuff!! (Especially since they paid my dues!!) I knew I had to find my own path, the same advice my mom gave me in high school..."if you want a friend, you first have to be a friend."

[NerdyGreek]

There's an awful lot of (wrong) assumptions being made about me and my daughter on this thread. This is not the stereotypical situation with someone wishing they were in a top tier sorority. More like fish-out-of-water who actually wanted a sorority many snub their noses at.

I don't believe everyone needs to accept a system where girls are meant to feel so bad after going through rush that they feel their only option is to drop out of school. Or where only those that can afford the most expensive houses on campus should be allowed to rush. Or even where it's become common not to actually like the sorority you get a bid from. It's not like this at my alma mater or the university my alumni group is affiliated with and I don't understand why it's accepted at other universities.

[carnation]

This thing is--you can't just walk into your sorority/sororities of choice. A university where I used to teach decided to implement that one year for their 3 (then) locals. It was disastrous. Some pretty awful kids barged into some nice groups. Do you know how much damage even 1 overdramatic member can do?

There is no way that a recruitment will ever be conducted in which a PNM can declare, "OK, I will only accept these 5 out of the 14 groups," and 1 of them must agree to give her a bid.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by NerdyGreek

I don't believe everyone needs to accept a system where girls are meant to feel so bad after going through rush that they feel their only option is to drop out of school. Or where only those that can afford the most expensive houses on campus should be allowed to rush. Or even where it's become common not to actually like the sorority you get a bid from. It's not like this at my alma mater or the university my alumni group is affiliated with and I don't understand why it's accepted at other universities.

Why RFM? Because this system gives the most girls possible a way to get a bid, even if that means girls don't get their preferred house. You want to see pain? That's what I witnessed during rush before RFM. My roommate got "the call" from the rush counselor and told that she would not be getting a bid.

Thanks to RFM, at least your daughter got a bid. Many a girl pre-RFM would have given their right arm to have gotten a bid to any house. The system isn't perfect, but it's set up to benefit the most girls possible. Imagine if your daughter had rushed pre-RFM and gotten no bid at all?

I'm honestly confused because you don't like the RFM system, yet the other way meant girls didn't get bids at all...so what system do you want?

If girls aren't willing or able to accept the harsh reality of a tough rush and the high costs at schools like Ole Miss and Bama, then they might be better at a school with a less competitive system, where sororities are housed in a dorm, so the cost is lower and it's easier to get the house you want. They are far more price-friendly, just like some colleges are.

[BlueCarnation]

OP, I really hope your daughter will give it some more time. The system isn't perfect. We all know that. Your daughter got into a sorority at a school where most young women would kill to get a bid. Have her make the most of it. You can't get a feel for it in just a week. There have to be some girls she gets along with. Instead of blaming the system, why not help her try to see the positives? And if after a month or so, if she doesn't like it, then re-evaluate. I don't think she has to make any rash decisions now. But we all know recruitment isn't perfect and people don't always get their first choices. I didn't. I cried on bid day. I hated it the first month. Now I'm the one who organizes pledge class reunions.

Have her give it a chance.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by NerdyGreek

There's an awful lot of (wrong) assumptions being made about me and my daughter on this thread. This is not the stereotypical situation with someone wishing they were in a top tier sorority. More like fish-out-of-water who actually wanted a sorority many snub their noses at.

I don't believe everyone needs to accept a system where girls are meant to feel so bad after going through rush that they feel their only option is to drop out of school. Or where only those that can afford the most expensive houses on campus should be allowed to rush. Or even where it's become common not to actually like the sorority you get a bid from. It's not like this at my alma mater or the university my alumni group is affiliated with and I don't understand why it's accepted at other universities.

How many campuses have Greek systems in the US - 1,000? More? Your daughter literally chose to attend college at one of like 5 schools where rush is legendary for being brutal (even with RFM in place) and the only school I know of that moved rush to mid-fall to reduce the number of freshman women completely withdrawing from the university after rush.

I'm still unclear as to how you and your daughter seem so shocked by the Ole Miss dynamics. Especially with you being Greek. And with her having been on campus for 6+ weeks prior to rush. Ole Miss' reputation, like Indiana's bed rush and the damn 1970's Texas Monthly article that cemented a certain group of University of Texas chapters to permanent top tier status, are well known across most of the country. Ole Miss is just not a campus you can waltz onto assuming rush is going to go your way.

I'm not defending the campus at all, though they have made several good moves to improve the experience for pnms, including variable quota and several recent colonizations.

[stef831]

I agree 100% with all the responses from those much wiser than myself. Ole Miss does for sure have the toughest rush in the country IMO but it has been greatly helped in the last few years with the variable quota and having the girls be more open to seeing the process thru till the end. My daughter is a junior at Ole Miss- currently studying abroad but will join her new sisters in January. While she did not go thru formal recruitment she did go thru COB which was far more laid back and more intimate an experience. She really got to know the house and meet the girls prior to her accepting a bid. I truly despise the leveling or word "tiers" but her house is considered low, and if this puts some girls off and not willing to look past that but see a house for what it is and how it can enhance their experience and life that that a truly sad thing indeed. My girl LOVES it and could not be more proud to call her house home.

It comes right down to what we all have been saying...she needs to give it time and for relationships to develop and for her to get to know how things work. If she doesn't have the time or energy for this, best she drops out now. You are only going to get from it, what you put into it. It takes work but if you are willing I assure you the experience will be more than worth it.

I think really there is no need for anything further to be said on this subject and perhaps someone to close the thread. Anyone agree??