Dating and finances - Page 4

DrPhil · #46 03-09-2010, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

I've actually read (don't remember where...maybe one of the Mars and Venus books) that men and women differ when it comes to receiving help carrying things. If a woman is struggling to carry something (e.g., multiple bags), another woman sees that as a sign they need help and will probably offer. However, if a man is struggling with multiple bags and a woman offers to help, there's a good chance he'll be offended--he'll see her offering to help as an insinuation that he's not strong enough to handle it. I'm not a guy so I don't know how much truth there is in that.

There is truth to that both consciously and subconsciously. We don't need individual men to vouch for something to know what has been found to be the case in research, etc.

Your post speaks to my point. Thanks, christiangirl.

DrPhil · #47 03-09-2010, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starang21

gender roles or duties exist. it's life.

Bullshit.

As your friend, I am not shocked that you feel this way and this is why you and I discuss race but rarely discuss gender.

DaemonSeid · #48 03-09-2010, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Because I said nothing about a woman carrying the majority of the bags.

Are they shopping bags?

With shoes?

christiangirl · #49 03-09-2010, 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Are they shopping bags?

With shoes?

Let's say she buys a purse and it goes into a shopping bag. If he offers to carry the bag for her, is that the same as "holding her purse?" What if the bag is clear (so everyone can see there's a purse in there)?

starang21 · #50 03-09-2010, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Bullshit.

As your friend, I am not shocked that you feel this way and this is why you and I discuss race but rarely discuss gender.

you never bring it up.

and gender roles do exist. whether or not you believe in them, enough people do to make it reality.

trying to challenge gender roles is all fine and well, but don't get mad when you're stuck with all the bags and your man is carrying a purse.

DaemonSeid · #51 03-09-2010, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starang21

you never bring it up.

and gender roles do exist. whether or not you believe in them, enough people do to make it reality.

trying to challenge gender roles is all fine and well, but don't get mad when you're stuck with all the bags and your man is carrying a purse.

Especially if it's HIS purse.

at which point some intervention may be needed.

So...now that we are at this point of conversation, are there things that men and women are supposed to do because of their gender?

(Sidebar: When out and about, I walk with my s/o I walk closest to the street side...like my body can withstand the impact of a 2 ton car traveling upwards of 25 mph.)

Things like:

Washing clothes
Household repairs and plumbing
Holding doors open
Cooking (my pet peeve...LOL)
Paying bills and finances

starang21 · #52 03-09-2010, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Especially if it's HIS purse.

at which point some intervention may be needed.

So...now that we are at this point of conversation, are there things that men and women are supposed to do because of their gender?

(Sidebar: When out and about, I walk with my s/o I walk closest to the street side...like my body can withstand the impact of a 2 ton car traveling upwards of 25 mph.)

Things like:

Washing clothes
Household repairs and plumbing
Holding doors open
Cooking (my pet peeve...LOL)
Paying bills and finances

i saw a dude who had a murse on. AND skinny jeans.

i walk to the side closest to the street. i can't stop a car, but i can push her out of the way.

all of those things you listed, either person can do. particularly if they have th know-how. but there are still things that a man should do. like open the door and carry most of the bags. or walk on the street side of the sidewalk.

DaemonSeid · #53 03-09-2010, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starang21

i saw a dude who had a murse on. AND skinny jeans.

^^^

Surprisingly, even with that short list, there are some people that think they are covered by gender specific roles; the man should be able to fix everything, the woman should wash clothes, etc.

You know, while I have no problems at all with cooking, and can do quite a bit myself, I still believe that if a woman wants to attract a man, 2 key things will bring him in, a clean home and good cooking.

agzg · #54 03-09-2010, 11:29 AM

I do wash the clothes in my house but that's mostly because I like it, and although live-in does it just fine and also doesn't mind doing it, I have a tendency to freak out because I don't like other people doing my laundry. Laundry was my chore while growing up in my house, dishes were my brother's.

AGDee · #55 03-09-2010, 11:52 AM

If he can't kill a spider or scrape a frozen dead duck off the deck, then he's useless to me. Other than that, i can do it myself, thanks. (but love assistance and accepts it when offered.. if he's going to do the job RIGHT, which is usually an issue).

33girl · #56 03-09-2010, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

I still believe that if a woman wants to attract a man, 2 key things will bring him in, a clean home and good cooking.

And fast forward that 30 years. Her son is so content with his clean home, ironed shirts and never having to cook that he's still living at home with no desire to get married. Have seen it happen, y'all.

Just stating that it's essential to show your children that men can also (and should also) do these things.

Not only that, it goes both ways. A man who wants to cook for me and does it well gets a pass on one annoying trait (for example, owning Nickleback albums).

DaemonSeid · #57 03-09-2010, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

And fast forward that 30 years. Her son is so content with his clean home, ironed shirts and never having to cook that he's still living at home with no desire to get married. Have seen it happen, y'all.

Just stating that it's essential to show your children that men can also (and should also) do these things.

Not only that, it goes both ways. A man who wants to cook for me and does it well gets a pass on one annoying trait (for example, owning Nickleback albums).

I agree it does go both ways. No one should ever rely on someone to do both but some things regardless of how it may come off stereotypically, it shows how well you take care yourself.

Mother always said, if she doesn't keep a clean house, there are other things that aren't clean. *wink*

Nickelback is not forgivable...hehehe

honeychile · #58 03-09-2010, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

If he can't kill a spider or scrape a frozen dead duck off the deck, then he's useless to me.

I have asked guys about what they can and can't do, but I have never, ever asked if they can scrape a dead duck off the deck!

I completely agree that both men and women should know basic life skills (cooking, cleaning, laundry, fixing, killing critters, etc). I'm a mean cook, enjoy doing the laundry, but I also have my own power tools. If you give me a long enough fly swatter, I can kill a spider but hate it. But my mother-out-law made such an idol out of cleaning that she grossed me out. That poor woman had no life that didn't include a dust rag or detergent. I believe in tidy, I believe in clean, but an antiseptic house is a sign of illness!

I think that every couple needs to sit down and figure who will do what and how often. And if neither can do something or the other, then how to get it done should be figured out, too.

DrPhil · #59 03-09-2010, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starang21

you never bring it up.

I always knew why. Now you do, too.

DrPhil · #60 03-09-2010, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

You know, while I have no problems at all with cooking, and can do quite a bit myself, I still believe that if a woman wants to attract a man, 2 key things will bring him in, a clean home and good cooking.

So, you believe gender equality. Good.

The man who got me partially brought me in because of two things: a clean home and good cooking.

I REFUSED to bring something to the table (literally and figuratively) that he couldn't. My household is relatively gender neutral so outside of the biological differences, he and I do the same or similar things.