Recession Proof Dating? Is there such a thing? - Page 4

preciousjeni · #46 02-18-2009, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. guys this post just scared the crap out of me.

Why?

AGDee · #47 02-18-2009, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. guys this post just scared the crap out of me.

There are plenty of people that doesn't happen to. Personally, I think I'd have found out had I lived with them first, but I never did. However, I did point out that I have very little tolerance for others' shortcomings (like not putting things away where they found them). That's my own flaw, but now that I recognize it, I know I couldn't live with someone again.

ETA: I should have recognized those things about myself because almost every college roommate I had drove me absolutely up a wall with their bad habits. Yes, I have bad habits too, but I'm ok with mine. It's other people's I can't deal with!

cheerfulgreek · #48 02-18-2009, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Why?

I mean everything she said was negative. Not so much the sharing part, because I'm all about that. But the part about changing after the papers are signed. Then she said not eveyone is cut out for it. She tried it twice and it still didn't work.

cheerfulgreek · #49 02-18-2009, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

There are plenty of people that doesn't happen to. Personally, I think I'd have found out had I lived with them first, but I never did. However, I did point out that I have very little tolerance for others' shortcomings (like not putting things away where they found them). That's my own flaw, but now that I recognize it, I know I couldn't live with someone again.

ETA: I should have recognized those things about myself because almost every college roommate I had drove me absolutely up a wall with their bad habits. Yes, I have bad habits too, but I'm ok with mine. It's other people's I can't deal with!

o.k. so then it's you. Not them. You said that they changed once the papers were signed. What about you? Did you change? So was it you that was the common denominator of the problems in both of your marriages? Dee, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just asking.

agzg · #50 02-18-2009, 09:50 PM

Whoa. I think you went a little too far there. Stay in your lane, please.

KSUViolet06 · #51 02-18-2009, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. so then it's you. Not them. You said that they changed once the papers were signed. What about you? Did you change? So was it you that was the common denominator of the problems in both of your marriages? Dee, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just asking.

Holy none of your business batman!

cheerfulgreek · #52 02-18-2009, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Holy none of your business batman!

It isn't, and I've long sent her a PM about it. Thanks.

agzg · #53 02-18-2009, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Holy none of your business batman!

KSU you and I really are the same person.

VandalSquirrel · #54 02-18-2009, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Are we the same person or something? Seriously, with my last BF, I'd find any excuse I could to get out of the double dating with married people or married people with kids.

Why? Because I don't want to hear:

*"Oh we used to go out for expensive dinners like this all the time before we got married, but once you get married, your priorities just kind of change, you know?"

WTF. We're at APPLEBEE'S. You're talking like we're at Tavern on the Green right now or something. No need to be condescending about how cheap you are and try to blame it on marriage.

*"Oh I used to be all skinny like you! You better enjoy it, once you get married, it's all downhill for your body!"

Please don't blame marriage for your mid-20's fat. You just got lazy and decided not to work out.

*"I'd love to be able to spend $20 on a haircut, but you know, we're parents now so we can't afford to spend SO much money on unimportant things. It's just not in our budget."

Are you really talking about a $20 haircut like it's a new Lexus or something? Please don't blame having kids on your cheapness.

*OMG. Those are the cutest jeans. I just don't think spending $50 for a pair of jeans makes sense now that we're married."

Well good for you, but it makes perfect sense to me thanks.

I could continue, but you get the idea. No thanks to the double dates.

I had more money and a better financial situation when I was engaged and living with my former future ex-husband. Married people can actually have a better situation money wise, since they have one household to support.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I feel like such a horrible person for hating all my married friends now.

I don't hate them. I just don't like going out with them.

The only married couple I like hanging out with is my brother and his wife. And mostly because they're pretty much the same as they were before getting married. They're having a baby this summer. I wonder if I'll like talking about my niece or nephew more than I like talking about other people's kids. I have a feeling I will.

Almost all the married people I know are freaking miserable, and complain all the time. The only married couple I actually want to hang out with is a same sex couple because they are exactly the same people as before they got married in a state that recognizes they are a couple.

AKA_Monet · #55 02-18-2009, 11:14 PM

Cheerful---

As long as I have seen AGDee's posts, this is just her reality and her path in her life. So what, her marriage experience was less that to be desired for her? That is all it is...

She MIGHT get married again...

But for her right now, her issues are about respecting her space... That's all, no more, no less...

My marriage has not been rosy either. There have been times I got fed up just like AGDee. I just chose how significant my relationship to my husband is to me. She just chose differently--'cuz hey, fortunately, she's not me... But, I do respect her for what she is saying and from that all of us can learn...

cheerfulgreek · #56 02-18-2009, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Cheerful---

As long as I have seen AGDee's posts, this is just her reality and her path in her life. So what, her marriage experience was less that to be desired for her? That is all it is...

She MIGHT get married again...

But for her right now, her issues are about respecting her space... That's all, no more, no less...

My marriage has not been rosy either. There have been times I got fed up just like AGDee. I just chose how significant my relationship to my husband is to me. She just chose differently--'cuz hey, fortunately, she's not me... But, I do respect her for what she is saying and from that all of us can learn...

Oh no, please don't get me wrong. I respect Dee too. She's one of the nicer posters on here. It's just the way it was posted that gave me a bad impression. That and based on some of the other things I've heard from other people. I sent her a PM though, because it really wasn't any of my business to begin with.

AGDee · #57 02-19-2009, 12:44 AM

No worries folks, it's all good. I posted it after all. When any relationship fails, there is "fault" on both parts. Yeah, both of them acted differently after being married than they did while we were dating. Dating is a lot of fun. You go out, you hang out when you want to, you have fun. Marriage is MUCH harder. I think even happily married people will admit that. Suddenly, you're sharing housework, finances, and most often, eventually, parenting duties. Suddenly, it makes a big difference when he works long hours or golfs on three golf leagues or buys a $900 TV without mentioning it to you. Who knew he wouldn't give that up when there was an infant at home, day care bills and diapers to be changed? Who knew he wouldn't put his wife and child first at that point? You can't really know until it happens. Who knew he would freak out at having to live on a budget? Just because he lived at home until you married (when he was 30), he's an accountant, you figure he'll be all good financially but in reality, he has never balanced his checkbook! There's a lot of stuff you just don't know. And then, there's how you react to those changes. People are going to change over their lifetimes no matter what. Sometimes it's for the better and people grow closer together. Sometimes it is for the worse and they grow apart. Sometimes they become so resentful of each other that they say mean and hurtful things, creating wounds that won't ever really heal. We don't always handle the situation in the best way possible. However, we have to take each experience and learn from it. What I learned from mine is that I'm probably not really cut out to be married, even though I was brainwashed to "go to college, get a career, get married, have babies". I have no regrets because I got two wonderful children out of the deal. I'm very independent by nature, more independent than I thought I was (or could be!). But, there's nothing to be afraid of, really. It's simply this thing called life. There are ups and downs along the way. The ups don't mean you're a good person and the downs don't mean you're a bad person. We all just do the best we can to live our life in the best way we know how.

Yes, I'm very cynical about marriage personally. I do have a hard time shutting my mouth about it some days..lol. I should be more careful about it around the idealists. But, I tend to be practical too. Relationships are hard work. I didn't get much benefit from either of my marriages so I didn't stick with them. Along the way though, I also learned that I didn't "need" a man, which was the most liberating discovery I've ever made about myself. It freed me to be who I really am instead of what society (family, etc) expected of me.

I know people who consider themselves very happily married whose marriages would make me miserable if I was the one in them. I know others who are truly happily married in marriages that I could probably tolerate (lol.. probably). I see many people with completely different expectations of how a marriage should be. All of those expectations should be explored long before marriage.

cheerfulgreek · #58 02-19-2009, 12:51 AM

^^^Thanks Dee, and I'm really sorry for being so direct.

AKA_Monet · #59 02-19-2009, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

I know people who consider themselves very happily married whose marriages would make me miserable if I was the one in them. I know others who are truly happily married in marriages that I could probably tolerate (lol.. probably). I see many people with completely different expectations of how a marriage should be. All of those expectations should be explored long before marriage.

Thank you so much for sharing that aspect of yourself. I know I appreciate it.

You remind me of one of my aunts. She could not stay married too long. Married 4 times!!! She currently is married now. Does not have children...

The fact is, I admire your reality of choosing to be a single mother with beautiful children. While it is harder to make it on your own, it is awesome that you are WORKING it, gwirl!!! WORKING IT!!!

And hayle yeah, all those expectations can be explored long before marriage!

AGDee · #60 02-19-2009, 01:13 AM

See, that's the whole thing. For me, it's EASIER to do it on my own... so much easier than dealing with "him" on a daily basis. Of course, he's as dedicated a father as he is capable of and we do have 50-50 custody so my kids firmly have two active and involved parents. Plus, I get the "alone time" that I so badly need.

I do think that two marriages was enough and I can't imagine doing it again. I think I've lost all credibility with saying those vows! I ascribe to the notion that I would do best in a long term relationship with His and Hers houses right next door to each other! That would suit me fine.