Helicopter Parents' Retro Recruitment Thread

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by DeltAlum

Well, I care because I'm supposed to. Trying to enforce the TOS is a big part of what moderators do.

It's here because someone started it here and chit chat is supposed to be kind of a grab bag.

Guess we'll just disagree, as usual, on the rest.

Actually that's a completely fair response, Delt - thanks.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Unfortunately my D's studio wasn't like that at all. These were cut-throat Mama's who sat and observed with an eagle eye, taking notes and commenting on who needs to watch their weight (they all looked anorexic to me) and whose "turn out" wasn't as good as it should be. I tried to sit and quilt there but their behavior made me sick so I had to leave and come back an hour later.
These were high school age girls!

And I'm afraid that because we no longer have or use any boundaries for what normal or healthy involvement is, parents like this, or whatever like this is for the activity, are more and more common.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Actually that's a completely fair response, Delt - thanks.

Thank you, too. I appreciate it.

[WarEagle07]

I have heard a rumor of some mothers at UGA following their daughters during rush and touching up their makeup in between parties. Is this true?

[WarEagle07]

I have a secret that is weighing heavily on my mind.....
I made my daughter get her own recs, do her own paperwork, write her own essay's, go to University orientation by herself, pick her own schedule, register herself and buy her own books.
I know now that I have been neglectful. Please don't turn me over to DFACS! ; )

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by WarEagle07

I have heard a rumor of some mothers at UGA following their daughters during rush and touching up their makeup in between parties. Is this true?

Are you serious?

I don't mean it to sound snippy; just don't want to mistake you if you are completely pulling our legs.

[WarEagle07]

Haha, I can see why you are taken aback because it is so far fetched! I really did hear of this happening this year! The source was a PNM who told her mom that she had actually seen this. I am completely serious!!

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

This is so true. Back in MY day, parents never set foot in a high school until graduation day or maybe attend a Science Fair or something.

That's a little hard core, isn't it?

We went to all of the events (plays, musicals, sports events) in which our kids were involved. We volunteered our help to support groups whenever asked. The ticket prices we paid helped support the programs.

That doesn't make a "helicopter" parent -- whatever that means.

When daughter number one went off to Ohio University for college, I drove over with her, helped her move into her condo and drove home. We saw her on holidays and summers, except for two times when I was in the area on business and dropped in and bought her lunch.

Same when our son went to the University of Oklahoma, I helped him move into the dorm and then drove home. We visited campus four or five times when he was in shows.

That is support -- pure and simple. If someone thinks that's wrong -- that's sad.

I understand the "stage mother" or extreme soccer mom syndrome, but let's not be too quick with the condemnation for the average family who wants to give their kids support in their formative years.

Or should all parents really stay away from school, watch the programs die because the schools can't afford to offer athletics, music, art and other humanities?

[UGAalum94]

No, you should attend performances, support the booster club, go to games, etc.

But you shouldn't try to meddle in everything to seek an advantage for your child or attended the practices and rehearsals for the events.

[AGDee]

I think whether you attend practices depends on the age of the child and how well you know the coach. Personally, when I coached soccer, I preferred when parents stayed for practice. It was far better than them arriving 30 minutes after practice was supposed to end! But, I had 6 and 7 year old boys and no assistant coach too, so the help with practices was appreciated. We liked when parents stayed for some of the Cub Scout meetings too, especially one mom whose son was learning disabled. It would have been hard for the two of us to manage 13 boys and deal with his special needs without chaos reigning.

I'm apparently abusive too though... My son got CHOIR on his schedule (CHOIR!!!!!!) and hadn't signed up for it. It's his first year of middle school and he wasn't sure what to do. His sister and I told him he just needed to go to the office and ask them if he could change it something else. He wanted me to do it. I told him I would go with him but that he had to do the talking. He practiced with me first..lol. We walked in the office and the secretary said "Can I help you?". My son froze and then nudged me, wanting me to answer. I turned to him and said "Tell her what the problem is" and he recited his practiced line "I got choir but I didn't sign up for it". Anyway, in the long run, he talked to the secretary and the school counselor and I didn't do the talking. I will go do penance for it now...

[WarEagle07]

I don't think that anyone is insinuating that parents who are involved at the primary and secondary school level are helicoptering. Most schools encourage parental involvement and some private schools even require it. There is a direct correlation between parental involvement and school success. The problem arises when a parent can not separate their childs emotions from their own and what should be an 'I' event becomes a 'we' event. A young adult should have learned how to speak and do for themselves before they reach the college campus. But somehow rush can turn into a 'we' event and we see posts that contain phrases like 'our rho chi' or 'what should we do'.

[alum]

Many organizations that are geared for kids such as Scouting and youth sports insist that there is an extra parent at meetings/practices as a chaperone or just to keep the kid/adult balance under a certain ratio.

[Army Wife'79]

Oh sorry, my referencing to parents setting foot in the H.S. was meant for DAY TIME. Of course they came to the school musical (musicals were popular back then) and evening things they were invited to. Fast forward to MY kids H.S. days and there were parents in and out the H.S. all day long telling the teachers how to run their classes. My neice is a teacher and she says it is unbelievable.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Oh sorry, my referencing to parents setting foot in the H.S. was meant for DAY TIME. Of course they came to the school musical (musicals were popular back then) and evening things they were invited to. Fast forward to MY kids H.S. days and there were parents in and out the H.S. all day long telling the teachers how to run their classes. My neice is a teacher and she says it is unbelievable.

Thanks. Makes much more sense now.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I think whether you attend practices depends on the age of the child and how well you know the coach. Personally, when I coached soccer, I preferred when parents stayed for practice. It was far better than them arriving 30 minutes after practice was supposed to end! But, I had 6 and 7 year old boys and no assistant coach too, so the help with practices was appreciated. We liked when parents stayed for some of the Cub Scout meetings too, especially one mom whose son was learning disabled. It would have been hard for the two of us to manage 13 boys and deal with his special needs without chaos reigning.

I'm apparently abusive too though... My son got CHOIR on his schedule (CHOIR!!!!!!) and hadn't signed up for it. It's his first year of middle school and he wasn't sure what to do. His sister and I told him he just needed to go to the office and ask them if he could change it something else. He wanted me to do it. I told him I would go with him but that he had to do the talking. He practiced with me first..lol. We walked in the office and the secretary said "Can I help you?". My son froze and then nudged me, wanting me to answer. I turned to him and said "Tell her what the problem is" and he recited his practiced line "I got choir but I didn't sign up for it". Anyway, in the long run, he talked to the secretary and the school counselor and I didn't do the talking. I will go do penance for it now...

You handled this perfectly. You supported your son into being able to handle a problem himself. He is one step closer to being able to advocate completely for himself and live life as a productive adult one day (albeit, one who doesn't sing in the choir).

Getting the kids to do things for themselves is the key.

One of the best examples of helicopter parenting was from a UGA adviser about a students who when working on a his schedule and plan of study just called his mother and put the adviser on the line. That's the fruit of helicoptering.

It sounds like in the cases you are describing, you wanted parental assistance and you got it. I don't think there is a problem with that. It also sounds that the parents understood their roles and didn't try to usurp your leadership. Helicopter parents are incapable of doing that. Some of the difference in helicoptering and normal parenting, I think, is that helicopter parents decide to do things that no one has asked them to do or wants them to do.