Cutting the Umbilical Cord

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

when she gets here, she'll give you your opinion!

There goes the point...

It went that way --->

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

when she gets here, she'll give you your opinion!

And when she gets here, he'll give you the opinion that she gave him! Because she's the one giving and he's just passing it along! See what's happening is that he doesn't have an opinion until she fills him in!

It's a crazy crazy loop! Holy crap!

[SWTXBelle]

Back on topic - I had a former student who never set his alarm at college - his mother called to wake him up every morning. He dropped out - and is now, God help him, in Iraq. Mom can't call and wake him up now . . .

My daughter is applying to college, and I am constantly slapping my hand to keep from "helping" too much. This is her deal, and she is practically an adult,so although it is KILLING me I'm going to send her to Baltimore on her own for her campus visit/interview in September. Sigh.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Back on topic - I had a former student who never set his alarm at college - his mother called to wake him up every morning. He dropped out - and is now, God help him, in Iraq. Mom can't call and wake him up now . . .

My daughter is applying to college, and I am constantly slapping my hand to keep from "helping" too much. This is her deal, and she is practically an adult,so although it is KILLING me I'm going to send her to Baltimore on her own for her campus visit/interview in September. Sigh.

I know it's painful- but GOOD FOR YOU! It's one thing to be there for your child if she asks for help or an opinion, it's another thing to helicopter!

[AKA_Monet]

I personally think my parents are cool. They pay for food and the movies and stuff. But, when I wanted to talk to my age group, I did not what my parents seeing me... They would say ALL kinna things that piss me off, to "why you talking to the snaggle tooth boy" (who is really a man and I had to talk to him to leave me alone); to "if you gonna go out, wear this business suit to the beach!" (Yes, it's an exaggeration).

But really, I cut my cord to my parents when I left home for college West Coast to the South... I found myself having to move back to the West Coast. However, as soon as I found a "relatively stable job", I moved out. No one telling me a 23+ year old that I had a curfew at 11 PM... NOT!!!

Then, I left SoCal and moved to Texas. My folks helped me move into a nice apartment. But, I was responsible for ALL the payments... Anyhow, when I fainted at work and had to be hospitalized, my boss who is a physician, called my mother and told her what happened. So, I am grateful of that.

Now, that I am married, my mom freaks and my dad is goofy. But they are old and I have to speak to them. They are preoccupied with my little nephew right now and that makes them happy. But, I refuse to request monetary assistance from them or constantly consult them in any of my major decisions. Why? Because, when we got married, my husband and I CLEAVED unto each other and became ONE... And we promised to let no one put us asunder... And yes, it goes both ways.

Honestly, my folks may have given me lots of freedom and independence when I was too young to know up from down. That's the beauty of growing up, it is fraught with mistakes that you are suppose to learn from. When you are an adult, you still make mistakes, but your buffer is reduced. And while some parents cannot let go, many do and remain proud that their kids are living the life they choose...

[carnation]

Yesterday, the mom of one of my fall semester students showed up in my office and exclaimed, "Hi! I'm a helicopter parent!" and I'm thinking, "You better not mess with me, lady..." So far she's only introduced herself.

Y'all cut your parents some slack, though. Parenthood is rough and you're forever wondering if you're doing the right thing. Yes, even if you have as many as I do.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by carnation

Y'all cut your parents some slack, though. Parenthood is rough and you're forever wondering if you're doing the right thing.

You speak the truth.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by carnation

Y'all cut your parents some slack, though. Parenthood is rough and you're forever wondering if you're doing the right thing. Yes, even if you have as many as I do.

I do try to remember that most people are trying to do the best they can and that sometimes we all make mistakes. But the difficulty in parenting doesn't excuse craziness or people who want to mess with your professional life for a tiny gain for their kids.

And I really do see it several a year. Fortunately, it's not often directed at me personally, but nutty sports parents, nutty grade grubbing parents, nutty band parents really sort of start to destroy your faith in humanity sometimes. And sometimes, people really do need to be told that what they are doing is inappropriate or even wrong.

(Now, not all helicopter parents lack ethics like the folks I mentioned above. Some just can't let go in any way or think that sparing their kids any failure makes them good parents. They are just misguided, but not evil.)

But some people really do cross the line into unethical or immoral behavior. Just because your kid is involved doesn't make everything you do on their behalf right. Just because you kid's feelings are hurt doesn't mean he or she has been attacked or victimized. Just because you fear a negative outcome doesn't mean you should intervene. We need to try to get parents to conduct themselves accordingly.

But I have no idea what that means when someone announces that "I'm a helicopter parent."

I suspect that you were supposed to turn it in to a chance to compliment her. "On, no, I think you are just very positively involved. Just because they go off to college doesn't mean they quit being your children."

When really we should say something more like, "you might be able to get counseling for that."

[alum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I agree with this and that it's a pain to get your license last and I would prevent my child from being in that position. However, I would do so by just holding the kid back from going to kindergarten for a year. Can't they do that where you are?

We had to be 5 by September 1 to start kindergarten. If you weren't (ex, if your BD was Sept 3) tough - you did not start. I know some schools still do Feb 1, which I think is way stupid. When was this girl's birthday?

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Mariana's birthday is Oct 11, and the current cutoff is Oct 16th. It will probably change by the time she gets into school, but if it doesn't we're going to have a decision to make, on whether she should start when she's 4 or 5. If she continues advancing cognitively at her current rate, we'll probably go ahead and start her at 4...but like I said, we probably won't even have the choice by then.

I am not fond of this trend of pushing the mandatory cut-off earlier and earlier in the school year. Every state has different cut-off ages. Some areas even have cut-off ages determined by town/city school systems.

My area's cut was January 1st so there were lots of 4y9m's in my class. You also could have your child tested if the child missed the birthdate. I would say at least the top 10 kids of my hs class should have technically graduated a year later. They weren't socially inept nor were they immature.

It never dawned on me until I had our first child in the month of September and heard that the cut where we were living at the time was 1 October, other states were even earlier and that this kiddo might miss the cut-off. Quite frankly, 3 years of AMI Montessori was plenty and did not need a 4th year of preschool. Luckily our next assignment was to CA were the cut was 1 December. I made sure the second child was born in the spring so we wouldn't go through this rigamarole again.

The late license wasn't an issue for our late-birthday child. The only thing it affected was that she couldn't have paid employment as a rising junior since she wasn't 16 that summer.

If you want a young child to go to kindergarten and 1st grade when they have missed the cut-off, find a good private school. Many public systems have their hands tied in terms of age waivers but privates can be a little more flexible. My youngest niece has a November b'day. I don't know what strings my sister will pull, but I would be very surprised if that child isn't starting kindergarten at 4y, 10m.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by alum

I am not fond of this trend of pushing the mandatory cut-off earlier and earlier in the school year. Every state has different cut-off ages. Some areas even have cut-off ages determined by town/city school systems.

Umm, to my knowledge ALL cut-offs are determined by the school system, not the state. Everyone I was talking about in my example went to school in Pennsylvania and all their cut-offs were different.

My mom was double promoted (I realize this is back in horse and buggy days) from I think 4th to 6th grade because her grades were so good. They weren't by the time she was in high school. Lots of kids that are super smart or mature when they're younger tend to, umm, level out when they get older. Not to mention, if you're talking about a boy, they reach their physical maturity later than girls as a rule and starting them to school early can really come back and bite them during adolescence (when they're 5 feet tall and their friends are all 6 feet).

Honestly, what's the hurry??

[Glitter650]

Originally Posted by alum

It never dawned on me until I had our first child in the month of September and heard that the cut where we were living at the time was 1 October, other states were even earlier and that this kiddo might miss the cut-off. Luckily our next assignment was to CA were the cut was 1 December.
The late license wasn't an issue for our late-birthday child. The only thing it affected was that she couldn't have paid employment as a rising junior since she wasn't 16 that summer.

.

I don't know about now... but back when I started school in CA, the cut off was Sept sometime because everyone with Sept B-days were the youngest in the class, and I, with my Dec. b-day was one of the oldest. They gave my mom the option to let me start earlier, but she didn't want me to be like THE youngest person for my grade and do EVERYTHING after everyone else. I didn't mind being on the olderside actually.

[ForeverRoses]

I think like everything, it really depends on the child. My son starts kindergarten in 2 weeks- he just turned 5 in July. His school's age cut-off is August 1st, so he will more than likely be the youngest in his class. However, when we mentioned to both his preschool teacher and his pediatrician that we were considering holding him back a year, both of them told us to seriously reconsider.

Why? Because my son tends to pick up on concepts fairly quickly and as his preschool teacher said- he has already mastered everything he needs to know in preschool. Holding him out another year would just make him really bored at preschool. And boys when they are bored tend to act out and not listen- and kids that act out and don't listen can very easily be labeled as ADHD or ADD.

My Ped. said she sees more and more kids being brought in to see her because a teacher has suggested ADD or ADHD when in fact, they are just bored and acting out.

So yes, when he is in middle school, he might not go through puperty at the same time as his friends, but some kids are late bloomers and some are early. We won't know until we get there!

[Still BLUTANG]

my b-day was always during the 1st week of school (in august) but i was never the youngest kid in class. i think we had people with b-days as late as mid-january... so maybe back in the day the cutoff was feb 1? or maybe more people "skipped" grades back then?

[alum]

If the parents have the right to hold their kids back for a year even if the birthdate is before the cutoff, parents should also have the right to have their slightly too-young kids tested for kindergarten readiness.

[nikki1920]

They do have that right.

I started school overseas (military brat). The cutoff stateside was September 1. For DoD schools it was December 31. I made it by 2 days. Parents can ask that their child be tested if they want to start them early. I was a smart kid. I lost most of that smartness when I got to college though, lol..