Playas till the day we die... - Page 3

marquise1911 · #31 07-10-2007, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i have a good friend on wife #4...) and it doesnt work?

*Gets on knees and prays in panic*
I never wanna be that man. You know what they say "The common factor of all your failed relationships is you"

OneTimeSBX · #32 07-10-2007, 11:27 AM

lmao, my limit is 2 husbands! and im hoping i only get to #2 after #1 leaves this earth...not that i would have anything to do with that lol!

marquise1911 · #33 07-10-2007, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

lmao, my limit is 2 husbands! and im hoping i only get to #2 after #1 leaves this earth...not that i would have anything to do with that lol!

Well my limit is 2 obviously, ok 3 if #2 leaves me early. Or I could live a quite life as a widower, receiving sympathy sex and free meals to ease my grief.

OneTimeSBX · #34 07-10-2007, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Well my limit is 2 obviously, ok 3 if #2 leaves me early. Or I could live a quite life as a widower, receiving sympathy sex and free meals to ease my grief.

you will eventually get tired of that tuna casserole...

marquise1911 · #35 07-10-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

you will eventually get tired of that tuna casserole...

But I will never get tired of the the first one.

OOhsoflyDELTA#9 · #36 07-10-2007, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marquise1911

But I will never get tired of the the first one.

You just made me spit Sprite Zero on my work laptop...LMAO!!!
You stupid Cole!!!!!

PrettyBoy · #37 07-11-2007, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Frat I feel you. I've never been the type to take my pain out on someone else (now the guilty party is open game). I have been given the short end of the stick too many times. I was so done w/ dating/relationships at first also, but then I realized I still want children and stability and those are two things that I probably will only find in marriage. So I have to keep a eye open.

Nupe, you'll find a good woman. The funny thing about it, it's always when and where you would least expect to run into her.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Your signature is the bomb, I couldn't have said it better myself.

AKA_Monet · #38 07-11-2007, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Umm I don't know how clear I have to be...REMARRIAGE. I think that pretty much explains itself. As far as being "unsure or who" I really am, that is not the case. I just simply didn't know who I was married to even after 5 yrs. Quite frankly no one is ever certain.

How does it explain itself? What does remarriage to YOU mean? It means to me that your prior marriage failed for whatever reasons and you are no longer married as defined by the state and the nation. You know the legal ramifications between marriage and divorce. But are we discussing marriage as one form of a "LOVING STABLE RELATIONSHIP" or are we discussing just relationships? Because I need a reference otherwise, I really do NOT understand where you are trying to go with your diatribe. I am interested in trying to relieve some people's pain.

Quote:

I would gladly hand you my cell phone and let you take a random dial. You would find quite a few. There are people who keep their relationships to such a bare minimum that there is no room for someone to hurt them. Hell if it wasn't so common Kelly Clarkson couldn't have a #1 single for 4 weeks based on it. Let's not pretend to be so in the dark about these things.

A bunch of hurt people means there is a lack of internal love within themselves. If they failed to love themselves initially, they ALLOWED themselves to be in a hurtful and painful vicarious predicament. Relationships, married or not just don't END for no reason. Something gets exchanged, be it money, good times or bodily fluids. And some things are at least grunted and/or moaned at minimum in the kinds of relationships we are discussing. I think it is a cop out when people take their past hurts and pains and assess and project those onto new lovers. The new lover does not have a chance when the relationship starts. Now we are not talking about the pimps and playas and prostitutes. We are talking about people are seriously and actually DO want to be in a MEANINGFUL relationship.

Anyone who keeps a distance to minimize hurt and pain in a relationship is at best not allowing himself or herself to the actually vunerability of exposition to a fault for the re-actualization of true love.

The irony about TRUE LOVE is you cannot hide your faults and you must show them as badges of courage, experience and honor. You only go into love for the experience and enjoyment of the other person's presence in your life. Be it a friend for now, sometime or a lifetime. And in the end, you have a friend... A friend is someone you dare to be yourself with all your warts, blemishes, bruises and scars.

Now, I am not romanticizing this issue because I have been there, done that is the most horrible of abusive, physically, sexually and verbally relationships. So, I do not have any delusions of the degeneration of all relationships. However, I CHOSE to entertain FOULNESS in my life at that time. And now, all I can say is that I am blessed to be in the marriage that I am in even if it is temporary. Because as an attorney told me, "all marriages will end" either by choice or by death...

What can one do to guard his or her heart from relationship pain and distress?

I don't think one can...

PrettyBoy · #39 07-11-2007, 02:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i dont think it is the men's fault 100%. we, as women, need to learn how to gently put our foot down when it comes to relationships. we cant threaten you all into marrying us. we cant get knocked up and trap you. what we can do (but usually dont) is follow thru on our threats. i had to do that, didnt want to, but it got to that point with my now fiance. i had to explain to him that after 4 years, if there was not a good reason to stay shacked up, that i was leaving. i packed my stuff and left. i didnt want a ring, i didnt want a proposal, i wanted a PLAN. thats what i got!

maybe im wrong, but thats what most women want: an intention to do right by us!

That's it. There you go! I'm not trying to be graphic, but I call it like I see it. These men gotta realize the nookie isn't free. Make that joker pay for it with a ring. Most men are like, hey if I can get it for free, cool. Once she gets pregnant that joker is out. That's why you gotta make that joker pay for it with a ring.

PrettyBoy · #40 07-11-2007, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

i think womens main problem is we LOOK for a man. dont get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with being proactive, but some of us have that "have to be in a relationship" attitude, as if we are less if we dont have a man...we all know who that girlfriend is. the one who is constantly looking before she gets herself straight first.

the best advice i ever got was to stop looking. take time to learn myself. enjoy my youth. practice my faith.

lo and behold, the man in my life moved in across the street from me and we've been together ever since.

I agree. Get yourself right 1st but at the same time don't just settle for any joker, it's not worth it. You can be miserable by yourself.

marquise1911 · #41 07-11-2007, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

How does it explain itself? What does remarriage to YOU mean? It means to me that your prior marriage failed for whatever reasons and you are no longer married as defined by the state and the nation...

Ummm that's not the definition of remarriage, sounds more like divorce. But yes in order for me to "remarry" I would have had to have a marriage which had previously ended. So your question as to if I had been married was silly...

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

A bunch of hurt people means there is a lack of internal love within themselves. If they failed to love themselves initially, they ALLOWED themselves to be in a hurtful and painful vicarious predicament. Relationships, married or not just don't END for no reason...

Ok. You must be a few steps short of reason to honestly believe that a person through a lack of self love invites pain. I would whole heartedly agree with you if you said they ACCEPT ill treatment because they lack self value. But the fact remains that no matter how much you love yourself, it will not stop your spouse from cheating. No matter how much you love yourself, ith will not stop your mate from diving head first into a bottle of whiskey. Self love is not the issue. What we are dealing with is the fact that the relationship and family structure of our people is on a speed boat to hell and some of us are enjoying the ride. That my friend is the real issue.

OneTimeSBX · #42 07-11-2007, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I agree. Get yourself right 1st but at the same time don't just settle for any joker, it's not worth it. You can be miserable by yourself.

id rather be miserable alone...

ive been alone. its not fun/easy, but i learned so much about myself that it was worth every lonely night. besides, i was 21, 22, who needs a full relationship at that age?

PrettyBoy · #43 07-11-2007, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

id rather be miserable alone...

ive been alone. its not fun/easy, but i learned so much about myself that it was worth every lonely night. besides, i was 21, 22, who needs a full relationship at that age?

If you like long term relationships, a full relationship is always good, but only if the person you're with is good. You're right, being alone isn't fun, but it's fun if you're with someone who ain't $%^&.

raggann03 · #44 07-11-2007, 09:12 PM

Me and my girlfriends were discussing this topic a few days ago. 1 never married, 1 still a newlywed and myself a product of a failed engagement. The only thing we could come up with is that our current society just does not promote marriage as a viable option for young couples. You see so much propaganda against marriage that most people just feel it's not worth it. It has become more of a legal partnership than a true relationship. Unfortunately I have also been exposed to women being victims of their "social status". Myself and the other single friend are in our early twenties, working on advanced degrees and are in the process of owning property and buisnesses; this alone will cause the average man to feel like he can't bring anything to the table so why try? Men ask me what I'm looking for in a man and I say " to be confident in yourself and comfortable with who you are" Thats all! You'd be surprised and the number of men who decide thats too much!!!

ShamikaT · #45 07-11-2007, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marquise1911

Yesterday at the Bar-B-Kue I was looking around and just watching. I noticed something that made me scratch my head. A lot of my older bruhs (35+) were still unmarried. As a matter of fact I could only count on one hand the older Nupes I know who are married. A lot of my bruhs have children (as evident by the droves of lil ones running a muck in dat park). A lot of my bruhs have women, but not wives (can't remember the last time I met a Silhouette). This felt like a glimpse into my future, as i am now back on da market with no aspirations of remarriage.

Ladies and Gents. What happened? I know this problem reaches far out of my fraternity. Black men period! I don't know many of my peers period who are in positive long term committed relationships or married. How will our people ever mend our family structure when we no longer value one of it's most essential ties.

Shiiiiiii, it's pretty obvioius them niccas haven't been hangin around the right women. LIKE ME. *ahem*

My vagina, mouth, and recturm is lined with gold.. I was going to go into more detail, but remembered that this is GC, and some of us are saved.