What to tell a girl who didn't get a bid

[PenguinTrax]

I think the problems starts with the fact that the booklet says 'how to join', which makes an assumption on the part of the PNM that if you follow the things outlined in the booklet, they will be able to join regardless. I think you need to set up the process from the get-go as one of mutual selection and that the membership selection process is an internal matter. Your area alumnae advisers should be able to give you some additional direction on this.

[emily0325]

i agree that having a booklet is probably a bad idea... A lot of girls we get I know don't really know much about the process which i think is easier if they're somewhat blind going into it. They're less likely to be nervouis and overthink everything if they don't really know. Thus, showing their trueselves more.

I think the best way to deal with a girl not getting a bid is to just simply say. "XYZ sorority was glad to see you come out to get to know us during our COB events. However, a bid can not be given to you at this time. There will be many more opporunities in the future for you to recieve a bid."

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by emily0325

I think the best way to deal with a girl not getting a bid is to just simply say. "XYZ sorority was glad to see you come out to get to know us during our COB events. However, a bid can not be given to you at this time. There will be many more opporunities in the future for you to recieve a bid."

I would NOT say this. Some women will not receive bids, regardless of how many times they go through formal/informal recruitment. It's the sad truth. Telling a PNM that there will be "more opportunities in the future for you to receive a bid" will do nothing but give the PNM false hopes. There's no reason to go down that road with a disappointed PNM.

[UGAalum94]

Well, sure, opinions will vary based on experience, but remember, you asked and you didn't really give a disclaimer about what your campus was like.

Some folks on here are really snippy as a default, and I don't get it, but as I've learned from personal experience, it doesn't help to respond in kind.

Good luck! If it works for your chapter and it's okay with your national, it looks like you're putting together a helpful guide.

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

Well, sure, opinions will vary based on experience, but remember, you asked.

Some folks on here are really snippy as a default, and I don't get it, but as I've learned from personal experience, it doesn't help to respond in kind.

I wasn't saying I didn't want their opinion. i know i asked for their opinon. on what to say to a girl in this situation. not on what i should put in an information booklet on the sorority. the fact that the rho chi should cover this or the office of greek life should have information regarding it does not matter. before this post, i had no idea what a rho chi was, and our "office of greek life" is a man called Al who run the field house.

i can't be snippy too. which is why i was.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

I wasn't saying I didn't want their opinion. i know i asked for their opinon. on what to say to a girl in this situation. not on what i should put in an information booklet on the sorority. the fact that the rho chi should cover this or the office of greek life should have information regarding it does not matter. before this post, i had no idea what a rho chi was, and our "office of greek life" is a man called Al who run the field house.

i can't be snippy too. which is why i was.

That last part is kind of a zen riddle.

Really I think threads just take on a life of their own sometimes and your thread may have been more about what should be said to PNMs. If you are looking for a really specific answer, I'm afraid you have to make it clear. It seemed from what you said during the thread you were looking to speak officially for the group.

ETA: look back at your first post, and I think you'll see why people got the idea that it was about the booklet.

[James]

So you were instrumental in her not getting in? It was personal?

Or are you just her friend who encouraged her to join (and then she didn't get in)?

Why else care?

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

I wasn't saying I didn't want their opinion. i know i asked for their opinon. on what to say to a girl in this situation. not on what i should put in an information booklet on the sorority. the fact that the rho chi should cover this or the office of greek life should have information regarding it does not matter. before this post, i had no idea what a rho chi was, and our "office of greek life" is a man called Al who run the field house.

i can't be snippy too. which is why i was.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

wow thanks for being a bitch for no reason. what you said really helped.... show me how i didn't look closely at spell check. rolf lol brb lamo !!!11!!1!!!11!!!!1eleven!!

Get over it. we all left it alone but they weren't spelling mistakes, they were entirely different words which gave an entirely different meaning to the paragraph.
So is this a general advice insert, or just for this one girl who's about to kill herself because you didn't give her a bid?

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by James

So you were instrumental in her not getting in? It was personal?

Or are you just her friend who encouraged her to join (and then she didn't get in)?

Why else care?

Because when you have a small campus with a smaller Greek system, and most of the students aren't exactly pro-life, you have to care how you let people down. It's your reputation at stake.

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

as for everyone else, thanks for all of your suggestions. but most of you forget that not every school and chapter is exactly like yours. .

That's one thing I wish people on GC would understand. People from different kinds of campuses will give advice and suggestions and then be shocked about the way your Greek system is run. I wouldn't give advice to someone with a large Southern campus's system.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

That's one thing I wish people on GC would understand. People from different kinds of campuses will give advice and suggestions and then be shocked about the way your Greek system is run. I wouldn't give advice to someone with a large Southern campus's system.

I can see this, but wouldn't it be helpful to tell people what your campus was like? The only info. on this thread about the number of groups seemed to be provided by other people.

I think you all are right that at a small campus like you described the members may be more likely to face direct questions from PNMs that would be hard to imagine other places. Having the standard line from James, plus generally being nice after recruitment, will probably go a long way.

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

That's one thing I wish people on GC would understand. People from different kinds of campuses will give advice and suggestions and then be shocked about the way your Greek system is run. I wouldn't give advice to someone with a large Southern campus's system.

Okay, now this absolutely absurd. Show me where these large Southern campus ladies gets shocked at how her campus does rush? If anything, the ladies who posted here showed some concern at her rush booklet/insert because it could possibly be going against NPC policies.

The consensus I got from this thread was:

a) Have a Rho Chi comfort her -- it's their job.
b) Membership selection is private, period. End of story.

(Fine, we didn't know that she didn't know what a Rho Chi was, but now she knows and knowing is half the battle)

If anything, recruitment at MY school is probably more similar to her campus than yours... so please don't paint us all with the same brush. THANKS.

[KSUViolet06]

During COB, when contacting a girl to let her know that she wouldn't be receiving a bid, our COB chair just said something along the lines of "Thanks for your interest in Tri Sigma, but we unfortunately won't be extending you an invitation to membership."

Most girls were just a little upset and were just like "okay thanks bye." If a girl was really upset and asked why she wasn't given a bid, she would just tell them that membership decisions were private and could not be discussed.

When you're giving someone bad news, it's hard not to hurt their feelings. There's no real nice way to say "You can't join my sorority." The best thing to do is start off with something positive ("Thanks for your interest in XYZ"), get straight to the point, and keep it brief. I would just make the section in your booklet brief and not getting into possible reasons.

Originally Posted by centaur532

Get over it. we all left it alone but they weren't spelling mistakes, they were entirely different words which gave an entirely different meaning to the paragraph.
So is this a general advice insert, or just for this one girl who's about to kill herself because you didn't give her a bid?

yes. it wasn't a spelling mistake. defiantly is an actual word. and that scentence makes complete sence with that word in there. when i spelled definitely wrong the first time and spell checked i didn't pay close attention to what i was replacing the misspelled word with. and the first person that replied to me mentioned spelling errors.

this idea was inspired by one girl who publically make a very big deal about not getting a bid. there are many girls in my sorority that have classes with here or will in the future, see her almost daily on our quarter mile campus with 5 buildings, or would like to buy coffee from her at our one coffee bar with out awkward ness. but i also want it to be general enough so that other girls who only came to one event and was nice and well liked but simply did not get to know everyone to encourage to come out again. perhaps it's better to go by a person to person basis. this idea was mainly to give to the girls in my sorority incase they are approched by her they would either know what to say or have information for her to read about it if they didn't feel comfortable talking about it.

was the reason people became so offensive about the rest of my post was because i gave too much information? everyone seemed to focus on something that wasn't the actual question. i should have just simply said "what do i tell someone who doesn't get a bid"

[UGAalum94]

Well, even "what do I tell someone who didn't get a bid?" had some potentially different answers depending on whom you are talking about.

Generally, if it's someone who rushed your group whose membership decision you participated in, you'd just say, "I really can't talk about membership selection. I'm sorry it didn't work out."

But in other cases, like GreekChat, since there's absolutely no chance that I would know secret membership selection information about why a chapter of a different GLO cut someone, for example, you might feel a little more free to speculate and say more based on what the PNM has said.

In general you just try to be sympathetic and encouraging if it seems appropriate.

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

this idea was inspired by one girl who publically make a very big deal about not getting a bid.

If you know she's going to make a big deal about it, be thankful you guys didn't offer her a bid, and when she demands to know why she didn't get a bid, an "I'm sorry you didn't get a bid, but membership selection is private, and we wish you luck in the future" is sufficient. She doesn't need to be comforted, especially if you already know she's going to give you a hard time.

perhaps it's better to go by a person to person basis.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

was the reason people became so offensive about the rest of my post was because i gave too much information? everyone seemed to focus on something that wasn't the actual question. i should have just simply said "what do i tell someone who doesn't get a bid"

I can't speak for the others, but I get the impression that not too many people knew about Greek culture at your school, so they weren't as informed about your campus like PM_Mama is. We didn't know that you didn't know what a Rho Chi was. We didn't know until you got snippy at the end that some dude named Al's the one who runs your Greek Life office. If anything, you probably didn't provide ENOUGH info.

I just got the feeling that the answers the majority of us gave just weren't good enough.