Question! - Page 3

Rio_Kohitsuji · #31 05-19-2005, 12:39 PM

I agree with everyone else that says this is about something else *nods*

However, paying half isn't unreasonable at all.

Hell, when I started dating my boyfriend 3 years ago he wanted to pay some of it because as he said, "Well, since I'm reaping benefits, I'm might as well help continue the service.."

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #32 05-19-2005, 01:32 PM

I think that's the general consensus -- in a healthy relationship and under normal circumstances, most girls wouldn't think of asking, and most guys wouldn't mind chipping in.

The fact that she's going nuts about what seems to me a pretty small issue, and tying it into so much other stuff (who would dump an otherwise great guy over $13.50 a month?) is just ridiculous.

If he's an asshole and acting like it, then dump him. Don't make it about the birth control. Just say, "This isn't working out. We shouldn't see each other anymore," and call it a day.

Hahahaha -- added bonus: now you have no reason to pay that $25/month.

polarpink · #33 05-19-2005, 01:48 PM

I wouldn't ask. But that is because a birth control pill is for you. It is because you made a choice not to get pregnant at that time. (I think it is silly for guys to make sure a girl takes the pill though too- like getting pregnant doesn't mess up the guy's body & depending on the guy, wouldn't necessarily change their life.)

It does sound like you have other issues, and to be honest, that sucks. Especially since you aren't married, this is the time where he should be really nice to you and treat you really well. I doubt it gets better after you are married.

UlChiOCutie26 · #34 05-19-2005, 02:19 PM

it's deeper then birth control. Found that out today.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #35 05-19-2005, 02:26 PM

Give him the boot; life is too short.

When you're recovered & alone & happy (or with your next boyfriend & happy) you'll wonder why you wasted so much time with this guy.

Really you will.

UlChiOCutie26 · #36 05-19-2005, 02:43 PM

Thanks, HotDamn. I have loved and lost, believe me. Time heals everything.

valkyrie · #37 05-19-2005, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by polarpink
I wouldn't ask. But that is because a birth control pill is for you. It is because you made a choice not to get pregnant at that time. (I think it is silly for guys to make sure a girl takes the pill though too- like getting pregnant doesn't mess up the guy's body & depending on the guy, wouldn't necessarily change their life.)

Not to pick a fight, but ARE YOU SERIOUS? The birth control pill is for her only?! Getting a girl knocked up wouldn't change a guy's life? Um, have you ever seen dudes get thrown in JAIL for not paying CHILD SUPPORT? Oh man.

Would you also say that if a woman decides she wants to get knocked up and stops taking the pill, that's her decision and the guy should have no say in the matter?

UlChiOCutie26 · #38 05-19-2005, 03:32 PM

That's very true, Val. I agree with you there!

starryeyed · #39 05-19-2005, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Not to pick a fight, but ARE YOU SERIOUS? The birth control pill is for her only?! Getting a girl knocked up wouldn't change a guy's life? Um, have you ever seen dudes get thrown in JAIL for not paying CHILD SUPPORT? Oh man.

Would you also say that if a woman decides she wants to get knocked up and stops taking the pill, that's her decision and the guy should have no say in the matter?

COSIGN COSIGN COSIGN!

polarpink · #40 05-20-2005, 03:03 AM

Val-

Haha. No, don't want to pick a fight so I will rephrase, but I am serious.

Say it was me. Ultimately, the birth control pill is for ME. If I got pregnant (by a boyfriend of like 7+ yrs or not, either way), ultimately it would be MY problem. Sure, I would REALLY hope it would be his problem too, but honestly, the pregnancy is mine to deal with.

As jaded as this may sound, there is always a possibility that he will bail- particularly when there is no marriage certificate. Sure there is legal recourse, and although long-term money is important, I am thinking more about the immediate 9 months (the weight gain, doctor visits, insurance coverage, work comp. time). If that is not what I want right now, then you better be darn sure that taking (and paying) for that magic little pill is a top concern for ME.

I have read about guys being put in jail for not paying child support, but realistically, not until they owed tens of thousands of dollars do the courts care around where I live care to throw them in jail. So, great, that is like years of deliquent payments.

Finally, I would hope that a woman would not be so messed up that she would stop taking the pill and trick a guy into getting her pregnant, but I have seen it happen. And, no that is not fair. But, in reality, I think you should think hard and fast about who you are sleeping with. Rarely does psychotic behavior like that come out of nowhere.

What it comes down to is that you need to know and trust who you are sleeping with- HOWEVER, you need to be accountable for the choices you make. So that is why I would say that birth control would be for ME. Who knows if the guy will bail on you- I just wouldn't want to make that gamble.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #41 05-20-2005, 07:41 AM

I agree with Pink - including the part about needing to be accountable for your choices, INCLUDING who you sleep with. Which is why if I was a guy I think I'd wear about six condoms every time I slept with a girl. Ha, especially if it wasn't a relationship, and therefore there wasn't some serious trust already established. (Don't make me tell the story again about the Marine who boinked the waitress on a one night stand. She said she was on birth control, wasn't, and called him 6 months later to ask him if he wanted to be there for the birth. My own little "Wear condoms! Even when you're not having sex!" story.)

Plus, when was the last time you heard of an abortion clinic asking for TWO signatures to perform the procedure? It's the woman's body and the woman's responsibility to take care of her body (including preventing pregnancy, if that's not medically/financially/emotionally a viable option.)

I agree that the father should take responsibility, but sometimes that just doesn't happen. I have girlfriend working in social work in a couple cities, and it sounds like law enforcement usually *doesn't* get involved until tens of thousands of dollars are at stake. At that point, I imagine, you've pretty well gotten adjusted to being a single mom and making it on your own.

Val's right though -- there ARE girls out there who'll just up and decide to go off the pill. But there are also girls out there who'll decide not to tell their sexual partner they're infected with herpes, so I think that falls into the "chose carefully who you have sex with" category. Again, I think if I was a guy, regardless of my age and the stability of my relationship, if I did not want a baby I would wear a condom every time I had sex. That's a lot of responsibility to trust someone else with. Especially considering the Pill isn't 100% effective when taken perfectly... and so few women take it perfectly.

KSig RC · #42 05-20-2005, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Would you also say that if a woman decides she wants to get knocked up and stops taking the pill, that's her decision and the guy should have no say in the matter?

How extensible is this argument?

For instance, let's say the woman becomes pregnant and wants to terminate the pregnancy, but the man does not. What now?

valkyrie · #43 05-20-2005, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KSig RC
How extensible is this argument?

For instance, let's say the woman becomes pregnant and wants to terminate the pregnancy, but the man does not. What now?

In that case, I say she terminates. She should have the final say over what happens to her body.

On the other side, I think it's patently unfair for a woman to try to get pregnant knowing the guy doesn't want a kid ESPECIALLY if she is going to hold him financially responsible.

Yes, overall, the woman is affected by a pregnancy SO MUCH MORE than a man. However, if you're in a relationship, it's certainly reasonable to share the responsibility of birth control.

cashmoney · #44 05-20-2005, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by UlChiOCutie26
If you have been dating a guy for 5 yrs and have been on the pill for that long, do u think it's fair that he pay half of the cost of the packs each month? I have been on the pill since I started seeing him and I think that he should help me pay for my pack each month.

What do ya'll think??

Fuck no, if he pays for dinner when you guys go out or pays for the drinks when you're out at a bar/club/restaraunt or the movies or recreational drugs....why would you expect him to pay for part of the BC?

-Damn chicks, always want the guy to pay for stuff but never wanna dish the ass out on demand.

starryeyed · #45 05-20-2005, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cashmoney
Fuck no, if he pays for dinner when you guys go out or pays for the drinks when you're out at a bar/club/restaraunt or the movies or recreational drugs....why would you expect him to pay for part of the BC?

-Damn chicks, always want the guy to pay for stuff but never wanna dish the ass out on demand.

I don't think that's the point. She is hurt because they have been together for five years, and he knows she is between jobs and is having a hard time paying for it, but he could care less. It's not the money in the scheme of things-it hurts her that he makes it seem like he doesn't freaking care about her.