How long should you be "talking?"

[James]

How did he lead you on? I thought the whole problem was that he said that he liked you but told you he didn't want anything serious with you?

I mean ladies, if a guy tells you that flat out, what are you thinking?

[WVU alpha phi]

Originally posted by James
How did he lead you on? I thought the whole problem was that he said that he liked you but told you he didn't want anything serious with you?

I mean ladies, if a guy tells you that flat out, what are you thinking?

I took it as him leading me on because he says something like that, and then follows up with, "I'm not saying we'll NEVER date.." so it kinda leaves me with the little piece of hope. I just wish he'd flat out say no, that's it, never, or say he can see it going somewhere.

[texas*princess]

Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
I took it as him leading me on because he says something like that, and then follows up with, "I'm not saying we'll NEVER date.." so it kinda leaves me with the little piece of hope.

that's what always gets girls in trouble.. that little piece of hope. if it's really that little, why hang on to it? That's just what guys say to keep you around as long as you will hang around.

[RUgreek]

Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
<snip some crap>
He was even like, "F*ck you" and I was like, "Who the hell says that to a girl?" and he's like, "I do."
<snipped again to important stuff>
So last night he came over before their chapter drink and we fooled around for a little and he kept asking if we could have sex.
<snip snip, snipparoo>
HE IS SO CONFUSING! So it pretty much ended with him telling me to find another date for my date party this weekend and me saying that if we weren't going to be together, that was it. Then he left for his chapter drink, where they had hired strippers from Pittsburgh so I can onl iagine the stuff he got into there.

Ok, i'm going to be the brutal one again, because this is crazy. He comes over, tells you to go fuck youself, the following night you STILL fool around with him, and you call him confusing, finally actually fanatasizing about him screwing around with other women.

You need to get a fresh dose of self-esteem because I don't see one g-d damn reason why you should shed one tear over this guy. However, I am not you and don't know the circumstances of this relationship besides what you post. My problem is why ladies subject themselves to torture after they say they are through?

This is not over, I am predicting a cooling off period followed by some makeup sex. He'll seduce you with the magic words that you want to believe and the cycle of mental anguish will continue.

Look, being alone doesn't have to be you and a bag of chips on the couch. So you broke up with a guy, get off your ass and keep yourself busy. The fact that you excuse his behavior so quickly (regardless of his drunkeness) is a sign that you are not really following your heart yet.

Damn, some of you girls are way too needy...

[JohnsDGsweethrt]

Originally posted by APhi Diva
Get rid of him. If someone isn't willing to give you what you want and deserve, don't waste your time hoping that they will "come around." If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. PERIOD. And if they don't, they won't! I know it's easier said than done, but looking back at my pre-marriage relationships I realize I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache if I'd just stopped making excuses for boys!

This is EXCELLENT advice. I think self respect is a big issue. I always told myself I try and be a good person and a good christian. I may not always succeed but I always TRY. So I figured I deserved better than being "strung along" Most anyone does. If he didn't want to commit, it was just his loss

[astroAPhi]

Well, as your sister, I was going to say something like RUgreek but obviously in a much nicer way.

Don't go near this guy again. All he wants is sex. ALL HE WANTS IS SEX. And if you don't want to have sex with a guy who isn't your boyfriend, then don't compromise for this guy who isn't going to make you happy.

I'm sure he's lots of fun. One of my friends back in junior high/high school was lots of fun, but she treated me and another girl like dirt and was always talking shit about us behind our backs, and finally tried to steal both of our boyfriends at once. I cut off all contact with her, because I realized that being fun to be around wasn't worth all the other crap I had to deal with. THIS GUY ISN'T WORTH IT. Fun /= Happy.

And P.S. Don't listen to anything that James tells you regarding relationships.

[cash78mere]

Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
I'm still just hurt though because I feel like he led me on for a month and then flat out told me we'd never be anything more.

honey, be glad it's ONLY a month! it could have been years. chalk it up to a learning experience and move on!

if you want an exclusive boyfriend, and the guy you like doesn't want a girlfriend, there is NOTHING you can do about it!

and any guy who curses at a woman, drunk or not, needs to be shown the door. NO WOMAN deserves a guy like that.

[James]

What about girls that curse at guys? Or yell at them? Or raise their voice?

Originally posted by cash78mere


and any guy who curses at a woman, drunk or not, needs to be shown the door. NO WOMAN deserves a guy like that.

[cash78mere]

Originally posted by James
What about girls that curse at guys? Or yell at them? Or raise their voice?

yelling and raising your voice are one thing. cursing and verbal abuse shouldn't be tolerated by anyone--guy or girl. it definitely should go both ways. i won't tolerate that crap from my boyfriend, and he certainly doesn't accept it from me.

(how you doing by the way--long time no speak!)

[James]

I am doing well, what about you? Still frequenting Irish Pubs?

As far as cursing and what not, I label raising your voice andyelling as forms of verbal abuse and not to be tolerated . . . I thought everyone else did as well?

Do you mean a lot of you think its ok to yell, get loud and/or scream when you are angry at someone?

Originally posted by cash78mere
yelling and raising your voice are one thing. cursing and verbal abuse shouldn't be tolerated by anyone--guy or girl. it definitely should go both ways. i won't tolerate that crap from my boyfriend, and he certainly doesn't accept it from me.

(how you doing by the way--long time no speak!)

[WVU alpha phi]

Originally posted by RUgreek
Ok, i'm going to be the brutal one again, because this is crazy. He comes over, tells you to go fuck youself, the following night you STILL fool around with him, and you call him confusing, finally actually fanatasizing about him screwing around with other women.

You need to get a fresh dose of self-esteem because I don't see one g-d damn reason why you should shed one tear over this guy. However, I am not you and don't know the circumstances of this relationship besides what you post. My problem is why ladies subject themselves to torture after they say they are through?

This is not over, I am predicting a cooling off period followed by some makeup sex. He'll seduce you with the magic words that you want to believe and the cycle of mental anguish will continue.

Look, being alone doesn't have to be you and a bag of chips on the couch. So you broke up with a guy, get off your ass and keep yourself busy. The fact that you excuse his behavior so quickly (regardless of his drunkeness) is a sign that you are not really following your heart yet.

Damn, some of you girls are way too needy...

I'm sorry, by saying "I can only imagine what happened with those strippers.." I didn't mean I was fantasizing, more like saying I didn't want to know. But one of my sisters is their sweetheart and was there that night and told me John didn't even really pay attention to them.

I think you're right though that I am quick to make excuses for his behavior. I'm going to try my hardest to seperate myself from him because I'm getting pretty sick of questioning his moves left and right.

[WVU alpha phi]

Originally posted by astroAPhi
Well, as your sister, I was going to say something like RUgreek but obviously in a much nicer way.

Don't go near this guy again. All he wants is sex. ALL HE WANTS IS SEX. And if you don't want to have sex with a guy who isn't your boyfriend, then don't compromise for this guy who isn't going to make you happy.

I'm sure he's lots of fun. One of my friends back in junior high/high school was lots of fun, but she treated me and another girl like dirt and was always talking shit about us behind our backs, and finally tried to steal both of our boyfriends at once. I cut off all contact with her, because I realized that being fun to be around wasn't worth all the other crap I had to deal with. THIS GUY ISN'T WORTH IT. Fun /= Happy.

And P.S. Don't listen to anything that James tells you regarding relationships.

Thanks for putting it in a nice way. I am starting to think that he does just want sex, which is totally uncool with me. I'm definitely fed up with the way he's been handling the situation.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by James
Don't give advice like this. It makes dating cost us a lot more money and forces to invest a lot more time and effort into it . . .

We like it easy . . ..

James, I usually agree with you, but not on this one. It's one of the only ways to get men to realize you are looking for more than just sex. And once they know that, they more often than not step up to the plate (and if they don't then you know where you stand before you get involved!). Besides, I don't necessarily advocate that he pay for the date-- I like to switch off. The point is to make it a little more formal and slightly difficult to see you. I mean, everyone wants what they can't have!

[dphies00]

If you need a guy to be formal and spend money to make him realize that you need more than just sex, you are a communicator that needs to better focus on clear meaning. And I realize that you're using 'real' dates that cost money as an example, not rules that you live and die by, XO. If you're setting limits, and not standards, its not fair to either party. And limits and rules are the bulding blocks of emotional games, not actual relationships. It should be easy to connect emotionally- on both sides of the coin. If its not, then he's not the guy for you.

And I feel like this somehow applies...
then he's just not that into you

[WVU alpha phi]

Learned my lesson today. Thank god tha situation is over before it really had a chance to take off.
I think I had the shortest relationship ever known to man. 72 hours. I felt like I was in middle school again.