Will you put your parents in a nursing home?

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by TKE209Sweethrt
Seriously though, my sisters and I are pretty tight w/our parents, with 5 girls they'll get enough help when they need it Anyway, it's really whatever my parents feel what's right for them.

At a certain point, it's not about what parents feel "what's right for them." Dementia, Alzheimers, and other problems associated with old age take the person you knew, loved and admired and turn them into something completely different. In some cases, they longer know what's right for them.

My father has 9 brothers and 4 sisters, all very close with their parents and each other. They all said they would NEVER send their parents to a home. When my grandmother had a series of strokes, it was easy for them to share responsibilities...in the beginning. Each of them took a week off (they all live within 5-6 hours away) to take care of my grandmother, so the strain wouldn't become so much on the ones who were closer. She also had a home-health nurse. By the time those 15 weeks were up, I have seriously never seen my parents so exhausted, as the bulk of the responsibility came down on the few who were close enough and who could afford to take more time off (my father and two aunts). Diabetics with Alzheimers and a host of other age-related illnesses need more care than children and their spouses there once a week and a home-health care nurse.

So, despite everything they had ever thought, they had to send her to an extended care facility. Those things are EXPENSIVE, but she did a lot better.Qualified people were there to take care of her mentally and physically, and they were able to enjoy their mother during the last months of her life. I remember her being probably in the best condition there than during the entire run of her illness (especially towards the end). It takes an unimaginable toll on the entire family--despite how close everyone was, it's one of the most stressful situations I have ever experienced, and I was just a bystander.

So, never say never, folks. I know my parents are financially prepared for the possibility of having to require outside long-term care, and I know they don't want to put us what they went through.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
They moved him to a Hospice yesterday and he appears comotose today. Just became too much to handle at home.

I'll be thinking about you and your family.

[carnation]

Like munchkin said--never say never. Many people say they'll never send a loved one to Assisted Care or a nursing home. My family did...

Well, my grandmother lived in an isolated beach community. We couldn't keep a caregiver as she grew older because no one liked the isolation. Her physical health was okay but she was becoming increasingly confused.

Then one night, a neighbor saw her out wandering through the marshes. She could so easily have drowned. Against her wishes, we had to put her in Assisted Living because the doctor warned us that the wandering would get worse--apparently, some older people just do this and it really would've been dangerous where her children lived.

Until you've dealt with a wandering elderly loved one...never say never.

[Tom Earp]

Yes,
this was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life!!!!!!!

I got Mom our of the Hospital and took her out to eat. I had to tell her that I was going to check her into the Nursing Home.

Dad Was still in the Hospital and there was no way She Could take care of her self.

I was Strong until I had Checked Her in and then Cried like a Baby.

I remeber hating each one over different times of my life as a Kid.

But it is amazing how one finds that they were so right about what to expect in life. They Were So Right!

Love and Cherish Them while you are alive, They will be gone so damn soon

Small Town Nuresing Homes SUCK just as bad as the Big City ones do!

[ThetaPrincess24]

I will put my mother in a nursing home because I am evil........

Nah she's bad off and will probably die before I can send her to one anyway.

[rainbowbrightCS]

I would if I can not take care of them. My parents are too proud to have me take care of them, they would put them self in one.

[DeltAlum]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers.

Middle daughter decided she needed to fly to Ohio to see her Grandfather one last time, so I put her on an airplane this morning.

She walked into his room, and moments later, he passed on.

He was a remarkable man and will certainly be missed by his family and we in-laws, but it is better that this happen now than for him to endure any more pain, humility and suffering.

Rest in peace.

[rainbowbrightCS]

oh DeltAlum, I am so sorry. I least you daughter was able to see him one last time and he did not pass alone.


My prayers for his soul.

[aephi alum]

DeltAlum, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[carnation]

I am so sorry.

[justamom]

I HIGHLY recommend THE NOTEBOOK. It is the most touching story I've EVER read in my life.

Munchkin03-So, never say never, folks. I know my parents are financially prepared for the possibility of having to require outside long-term care, and I know they don't want to put us what they went through.
Absolutely right.
I would rather die than burden my children with something like this.
(BUT, they better say a novena FIRST!)
_______________________________________________
Some forms of mental deterioration take on a violent nature. My Hubby's grandfather reacted this way.

Then, you have those who think they are in the past. I have always wondered if perhaps this isn't a "gift" to them. They have no cares, they are happy in their memories. This was my Grandmother most of the time, she would fade in and out of the present. When she was in one of those lapses, she had such happiness and laughter. She LOOKED younger too. I HONESTLY think she was is a better place mentally even though it was all in her mind.

[Dionysus]

Sorry, DeltAlum.

[Tom Earp]

T E, I can feel your pain as you and I have become somewhat close as we discussed this just so soon ago!

I am so sorry for your lose, but at least He had someone with Him at the end.

The hardest part is not on those who have passed but those who are left!

God Bless You and Your Family.

[ISUKappa]

DeltAlum

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.