Ok your new love interest has a ready made family . . . now what?

[AOcutiePi4ever]

1. goodbye
2. goodbye

i want a lifestyle that DOES NOT include kids, not even any of my own probably, let alone someone elses! if i were to have a kid, it better be mine, and it also better be his first!

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

I love kids and I love boys but I'm not ready, not now.

[cash78mere]

i'd have to say i'm 99% sure i'd never date anyone with kids. i'm only 25 and definitely want my own kids someday...but i don't really want anyone else's. at least not now. but i don't want to say i'm 100% sure because you just never know...

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by _Opi_
Can't be presumptious since I have never been in that situation before. I would think though that the kids have a mother, so therefore, it is not my responsibility to help raise his child/ren..so if he seems like the perfect package..a kid wouldn't hurt. Its not the child part that would concern me, its the babymama really. You know there are some obsessive babymamas out there..and I don't want no drama.

See, that's the problem. Why would you presume that the mother is going to raise the children? I think it's fairly common for parents to have joint custody when they're not together. Say you date a guy with kids, things go really well, and you eventually end up getting married. At that point, it is going to be your responsibility, at least to some extent, to help raise his kids. If they're spending weekends with you, or every other week, or the summer, you are going to have a huge role in raising them, and you're probably going to have a lot of "You're not my mother!" drama because they don't want to listen to you. When they are staying with you, for all intents and purposes, it would be as if they were your own children. It would be a HUGE amount of work, and I think it would be very difficult, because the kids had been raised without you until that point -- so they may have behavior problems and issues that really bother you.

[Jill1228]

Exactly! If you asked me at 25 or even 28 I woulda said HELL NO! Don't need no BMD (Baby Mama Drama)

This is Ms. "No way in hell I am gonna date or get involved with a guy with kids"

A few years later (a month from my 31st birthday). I met a wonderful guy who had a kid...

I ate my words....4 years later, I married him

Not much Baby Mama Drama...my husband and I have custody. In the divorce, she traded her kid for the house ("You give me the house, I give you the kid)

Originally posted by Taualumna
Right now, I'd say no to both situations. However, if this situation came up when I'm, say, 35 or over, then I may think otherwise.

[Cluey]

Call me selfish, but at this point in my life, I wouldn't date someone who already had a kid. I don't like the vast majority of kids and I wouldn't want to deal with the mom always being around.

Maybe if I was like 37, still never married, the mom kept the kid most of the time and I was in danger of becoming the cat lady. Even then, though, I think I would have to really think about it

[_Opi_]

Originally posted by valkyrie
See, that's the problem. Why would you presume that the mother is going to raise the children? I think it's fairly common for parents to have joint custody when they're not together. Say you date a guy with kids, things go really well, and you eventually end up getting married. At that point, it is going to be your responsibility, at least to some extent, to help raise his kids. If they're spending weekends with you, or every other week, or the summer, you are going to have a huge role in raising them, and you're probably going to have a lot of "You're not my mother!" drama because they don't want to listen to you. When they are staying with you, for all intents and purposes, it would be as if they were your own children. It would be a HUGE amount of work, and I think it would be very difficult, because the kids had been raised without you until that point -- so they may have behavior problems and issues that really bother you.

When you get married, then of course, you have to make space for the child in your life..but as far as dating, I'm not going to be babysitting his kids, thats the job of the biological parents. I'm not going to blow off a nice guy that I'm compatible with because of a cute little kid. When it comes to marriage, its a whole different story though, you're right...you are going to have all sorts of drama...but you work it out.

[astroAPhi]

Originally posted by OohTeenyWahine
But still, the hardest part was trying to explain to the kids how come Auntie Sandy won't be coming by as much anymore. It's easy to cut ties with a S.O., but it's not so easy trying to cut ties with his kids. Oh well.

I agree that is awful. An ex a few years back had 2 much younger sisters (half sisters, technically). They LOVED me. My boyfriend loved his little sisters too. But when we broke up, I stopped by his house to give back a few things like his class ring, and they wanted to know why I hadn't been around. His mom told me that she'd tried to explain it to them, but that they just weren't getting it. His family was honestly the worst part about breaking up: they were like my own family.

Two years later his parents asked me to help coach the older one's soccer team, so it was great to get re-involved, but it just wasn't like it was before.

This is pretty sad. Iam thinking because a majority of you are all still in college but some of us who have kids and are divorced make us feel like were nothing good if we have kids...Like were out looking for a father or a mother for them......pretty sad

[Rudey]

Originally posted by cutiepatootie
This is pretty sad. Iam thinking because a majority of you are all still in college but some of us who have kids and are divorced make us feel like were nothing good if we have kids...Like were out looking for a father or a mother for them......pretty sad

If you're hot, I won't care about the kids. Wanna set something up?

-Rudey
--The real question is can you still breast feed?

[Greekgrrl]

I never thought I would be ok with it, but I love kids and I want to have them fairly young (pre-30, I'm 24 now) so the fact that my boyfriend has a 7 year old son isn't all that bad. He doesn't have custody (although sometimes i think he should, babymama is a manipulative immature flake), so it's not too much of a strain on our dating.

We've been together on and off for three years now, and I didn't even meet his son until the end of year one (although he never tried to hide it). Basically, I think that a person who can acknowledge and take responsibility for their mistakes is a person worth having around.

However, as I said, I love kids and plan to have them in the not-to-distant future, so it's not exactly a dealbreaker.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

Cutie, keep in mind that most of those comments are from the 18-22 year old range. Which is probably the way you felt in college, too. Besides -- not like you want to date an 18 yr old, right?

[cashmoney]

Originally posted by James
Ok so what is your approach to dating someone with a kid(s)?

Let me give you two scenarios:

1. You see someone you are interested in that is also interested in you and pursuing . . . you find out they have a kid . . . what are you thinking? Do you give them a shot or eliminate them early?


2. You got to know someone and really like them . . they really like you . . . and then you find out baout the kid thing . . but you already really like them . . what do you do?

James-

Bro, I don't know if you're going through this or if its a friend of yours...but I can help.

Initially when you meet someone whom you find hot/sexy/attractive, whatever you want to call it, you don't really picture a kid in their life. Fact is dude, we're getting older. That said, there's gonna be chicks our age who have kids. By age 25 the chicks that are really hot and who are single have either been married at least once, had a kid, or they're a b!tch. Its one of the three man. Hot chicks that dont have kids, have never been married and are not b!tches....they don't stay single long. A lot of men say to hell with the kid and go find a younger chick, mainly little 20,21,22 yr olds.

About 5 months ago I met this chick, this was before I started dating my current GF. Her name is Amanda. She is really hot, I'm talking about 112lbs, light blonde hair that is straight as a board that went down to the middle of her back and has pretty blue eyes. I met her out with some of my friends, she was with 3 other girls. After talking to all her friends, to make her jealous, I went over to her and threw some game out at her. I figured she was in college since all her friends went to my school. It turns out shes a lawyer and works for a well known firm in my city. She was a little short for my likings, about 5'2, but I still gave her a chance. We got to talking and I found out that she was 27 yrs old, that turned me on even more since I have a thing for chicks older than me. Next thing I know we're taking Jaegar Bombs like they're sex on the beach shots, got totally phucked up. At the end of the night I had her take my number down and told her to call me and let me know she got home ok. I didnt want to screw schit up with her by hanging around and talking to her. I can't count the times I mess some pu$$y up by talking to a girl for more than a couple of minutes, just keep it short and sweet. She called me when she got home and I told her to go to bed and I would call her the next afternoon.

The following day I called Amanda, we talked and talked and talked. I don't think I've spent an hour on the phone with a chick since middle school days. It was wierd. I admit, I wanted to go out on a date with her after talking to her for a long time. She was an awesome chick. That night we went out on a date to this fondue place that way we'd have a couple of hours to chill, drink wine and eat. While at dinner, after a huge bottle of wine, we start talking about all sorts of things. Suddenly she busts out with, " Oh, I wanted to let you know I have a daughter and she's 16 months old." I grabbed the bottle of wine and started pouring myself a glass while asking her "Are you serious?" As I'm pouring the bottle of wine she also throws in "And she's bi-racial" I dropped the bottle of wine on the table and made this huge mess on the table. The waiter comes over, I'm apologizing, peopel are looking at us like like we're a bunch of idiots, she's asking me if I'm ok and all I could say was "the bottle was slippery". The rest of the night went ok, I stayed away from asking any questions about the kid but the whole time I was talking to her for the rest of the night all I could think about was how I could never explain something like that to my family. After dinner I took her home and we had sex. It was damn good. I mean I lit her up, tore her a$$ slap out of the frame. The next morning she had to go pick her daughter up from the daddy's house. I gave her a kiss and said goodbye. I never called her again and avoided all her calls.

The fact that she had a kid didnt really phase me that much, it was the fact that she had a bi-racial kid that freaked me out. That was just too much for me to handle. My take on it all was, the kid situation mattered...but her being as hot as she was and her occupation made it easier for me to handle. Its just I started thinking about it all and I had this aweful picture of me being with her while she was fixing the kids dred locks. After having that thought I made sure I cut her off immediately. There's no hot chick in the world that could make me want to date her seriously enough with her having a bi-racial kid. As for your situation, I think you have to look at everything as a whole and think of later on down the road and the responsibilities that will come with dating a chick with a kid. I've had friends that dated chicks with kids...none of them ever worked out. My advice, go find a younger chick who you can run that doesnt have so much baggage. A little while later I found lady cashmoney and things couldn't be better.

Good Luck!

Cash

[Rudey]

Originally posted by cashmoney
it was the fact that she had a bi-racial kid that freaked me out. That was just too much for me to handle.

Hitler youth training at best.

-Rudey

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

yeowch, Cash. I'd maybe edit that one if I were you.