Too Much Baggage?! - Page 3

TonyB06 · #31 10-14-2003, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by delph998
He is your bruh!! I didn't want to say it though!

Ok, so drop ya nit-picking!!

No, seriously, while I got luv for my bruhs, everybody's not going to fit for everybody.....but you make reaaaaaal sure you read him right cause usually that A-Phi-A is Top Shelf material.

Eclipse · #32 10-14-2003, 06:35 PM

Questions for you:

How long has he been divorced from first wife? Why did she just up and move to Chicago 3 months into the marriage? That sounds a little strange to me. Does he recognize his role in the breakup of his marriages?

If he is blaming his exs for what THEY did and not looking at his role in it, I would wonder. After all, as I say to my girlfriends who are constantly having man drama: What is the ONE constant in all of your relationships: YOU. If he is willing to take responsibility for his role in the relationships I would say he has potential, dispite his "baggage."

Now as far as the other guy, it's all about CHARACTER and I'm sorry Tony, but he needs a little more development in that area!

delph998 · #33 10-14-2003, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Eclipse
Questions for you:

How long has he been divorced from first wife? Why did she just up and move to Chicago 3 months into the marriage? That sounds a little strange to me. Does he recognize his role in the breakup of his marriages?

If he is blaming his exs for what THEY did and not looking at his role in it, I would wonder. After all, as I say to my girlfriends who are constantly having man drama: What is the ONE constant in all of your relationships: YOU. If he is willing to take responsibility for his role in the relationships I would say he has potential, dispite his "baggage."

Now as far as the other guy, it's all about CHARACTER and I'm sorry Tony, but he needs a little more development in that area!

You made some good points. He's been divorced from his first wife for about six years. He's been divorced from his second wife for two years. He and his second wife came to the church together, but not as husband and wife. They were going together at the time. He said that his second wife left because she just didn't want to be married any more. That's strange to me too. But I know that since, he has hardly ever mentioned her name. He has told me that they really weren't on the same level and both parties tried to make it work, but it just didn't work.

With this first wife, he did say that they both grew apart once she started making more money than him. According to him, she wasn't at home as much, he was taking care of the family more, she started dictating what he could do, etc.

UNDERSTAND, I do know that there are two sides to every story, so I'm sure he was wrong at a lot of things. One, if he knew that the second wife wasn't on his level, why marry her? But like I said, he wasn't where he is spiritually nor mentally then. He's grown a lot since all of that stuff went down.

You're a mess TonyB06!

James · #34 10-14-2003, 10:10 PM

If the man has more problems/issues than the woman . . stay away.

Good generic advice.

Quote:

Originally posted by delph998
Okay ladies, help me out! There is this guy that has been trying to get with me for TWO YEARS! We talk on the phone and that's it. He goes to my church (that my father pastors), so I don't want to get involved with someone and then the relationship shatters. But here's the situation. He's 31 years old (I'm 23, but age isn't the problem), and he's been married twice! He has two children by two different women; one his wife and the other when he was 16 years old. The first wife was when he was straight out of high school. She was much older than him and they were married for six years. The marriage didn't work out (according to him) because she started making more money than him and started trying run the house. She doesn't live in MN. His second wife left him after three months, if that and moved to Chicago. So I don't know if we should call that one a marriage or not. Here are the qualities: we have wonderful conversations, he's nice looking, God-fearing, positive, etc. I think that he regrets what's happened in the past, but has definitely regeared his life do what's right.

Like I said, he's been pursuing me for the past two years, and at first, I wasn't even trying to hear him. But now, I've seen the change in him and I feel like maybe he would be a nice person to kick it with.

DOES HE HAVE TOO MUCH BAGGAGE? SHOULD I NOT CONSIDER DATING HIM? HELP ME!!! Help your SAWRAH out!

delph998 · #35 10-15-2003, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
If the man has more problems/issues than the woman . . stay away.

Good generic advice.

Well in that case, I need to flee from the scene! I don't have issues like that going on my world.

ladygreek · #36 10-15-2003, 06:58 PM

Del,
Hmmmmm. No wonder I haven't seen you in moons--you have been BUSY!!!!

Do I know either of these gentleman? But to add my motherly $19.13, I say give the first one a little more time and just continue to monitor the situation.

@CT4,
Del can saaaaannnnng!!!!!!

@Tony,
Yeah she got game. The chile is beautiful.

delph998 · #37 10-16-2003, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ladygreek
Del,
Hmmmmm. No wonder I haven't seen you in moons--you have been BUSY!!!! Do I know either of these gentleman? But to add my motherly $19.13, I say give the first one a little more time and just continue to monitor the situation.

@CT4,
Del can saaaaannnnng!!!!!!

@Tony,
Yeah she got game. The chile is beautiful.

Ladygreek,

YOU'RE SO SWEET! You always know how to make a sista's day! But to respond to your funny comments, NO, I have not done anything with the first guy that was mentioned. By the way, I don't think you know any of these guys. I'm going to give it a shot, but will take things VERY SLOW! With the second guy, that's a definite NO! We're not compatible at all. You will see me soon though.

Gyrl7 · #38 10-16-2003, 02:23 PM

You know it's unfortunate that some of the choices that we make in the past turn out to be horrible future mistakes. Although, children are blessings, quite a few are not planned and there are not that many 16 year olds who plan to have children (other than the rejects on Ricki and Maury).

I am quite sure if brotha man # 1 knew that he would one day be on the mind of a beautiful sister and was trying everything he could to attract her to be his queen 4ever, he would have made sure his plate was clear of drama, wives and children. However, you did say he is maturing mentally and spiritually, so he should be thinking about taking care of his past and future responsibilities. And he HAS TO be able to master the art of priortizing.

I say go for it!!! I mean if nothing else it can be a lesson on what you will and will not accept the next time around should this not work out.

As for Brotha Man numma 2, chal I would rather deal with the physical "baggage" of contestant numma 1, than all of this other guys mess. Because his emotional rollercoaster acting behind has far too many inner issues to be trying to hook up with a woman right about now. He needs to clean his house up first!

Hope things work out for you!!!

delph998 · #39 10-16-2003, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gyrl7
You know it's unfortunate that some of the choices that we make in the past turn out to be horrible future mistakes. Although, children are blessings, quite a few are not planned and there are not that many 16 year olds who plan to have children (other than the rejects on Ricki and Maury).

I am quite sure if brotha man # 1 knew that he would one day be on the mind of a beautiful sister and was trying everything he could to attract her to be his queen 4ever, he would have made sure his plate was clear of drama, wives and children. However, you did say he is maturing mentally and spiritually, so he should be thinking about taking care of his past and future responsibilities. And he HAS TO be able to master the art of priortizing.

I say go for it!!! I mean if nothing else it can be a lesson on what you will and will not accept the next time around should this not work out.

As for Brotha Man numma 2, chal I would rather deal with the physical "baggage" of contestant numma 1, than all of this other guys mess. Because his emotional rollercoaster acting behind has far too many inner issues to be trying to hook up with a woman right about now. He needs to clean his house up first!

Hope things work out for you!!!

That was soooooo sweet! You get a big fat THANK YOU! I 'preciate it!

miseducated · #40 10-17-2003, 03:38 AM

Like everyone on here, I'd say go for it, but with hesitation because you need to go fo it with "2 eyes wide open and some more". I say this because its easy to become oblivious to some things easily, especially when the heart is involved, and not try to be rational. For now, u only know about his interactions and his past based on what he has told you, but by hanging out around him, you can actually see this, and come to jufgement on your own. You mention him having a child at 16, so his oldest should be 15 now. Realize that this is significant, and if the thought of this makes u cringe, then why bother getting serious with him.

On the other hand, life is all about risks, motivational speaker Leo Buscaglia said

"The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing. To Laugh is to risk being a fool. To weep is to appear sentimental. To reach out to others is to risk getting involved. To love is to risk not being loved in return. The person who risks nothing may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot know, feel, change, grow, live, or Love."

Tread carefully, and go for it

TonyB06 · #41 10-17-2003, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by delph998
I'm going to give it a shot, but will take things VERY SLOW! With the second guy, that's a definite NO! We're not compatible at all. You will see me soon though.

Ok, D998,

We dun waited a whole day-and-a-half now; what's da hold up? All of GC is waiting for the latest news on our latest soap-opera "How D998 Handled Biz."

have you and baggage man set a date yet?

Honeykiss1974 · #42 10-17-2003, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by TonyB06
Ok, D998,

We dun waited a whole day-and-a-half now; what's da hold up? All of GC is waiting for the latest news on our latest soap-opera "How D998 Handled Biz."

For real though....

delph998 · #43 10-17-2003, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TonyB06
Ok, D998,

We dun waited a whole day-and-a-half now; what's da hold up? All of GC is waiting for the latest news on our latest soap-opera "How D998 Handled Biz."

have you and baggage man set a date yet?

Ummm, yeah...we actually went out! Let me tell you all about it:

The setting was nice. He called me and said that he couldn't go to sleep. I had just gotten home and had a lot on my mind as well, so I said that we could go riding to vent. That's when he told me the following:

His grandfather had just passed and he didn't want anybody to know about it. He has a problem letting our his emotions. He said that he couldn't keep it in another day, so he told me. He also said that there's a lot of drama going on back at his hometown. Let me give you a little bit of background on him. In the past three months, he's lost his father, uncle, cousin, high school classmate, now his grandfather. His entire family is going through because of this and they look to him for strength. He's having a hard time with it now. So he told me all of the stuff that's going on in his world right now.

Currently, he pays $1100/month to his first child. He didn't tell me how much he pays for this second child. He pays his mother's mortgage, utilities, cell phone bill, etc. He also pays one of his uncle's bills, and then he has to pay his own bills (rent, car payment, insurance, etc.) I am not going to lie, that was bit overwhelming to me. He has a lot on his plate, and I don't know if I'm mentally ready for all of that.

Moving on with the date, I told him what was on my mind, which was nothing compared to his drama. And we just gave strength to each other and took me back home.

NOW...what are your thoughts...

TonyB06, I'm waiting on your comments!

Excuse grammatical errors, I didn't feel like correcting them.

CrimsonTide4 · #44 10-17-2003, 08:49 PM

WOW!! He is going through a lot!!

Obviously, in you, he has found someone who can and will listen. Girl the fact that he is still standing and able to get up and go to work every day. . . shoot you tell him I said he is a good man. TRUST ME on that!! $1100 a MONTH for child support.

Pray for him. Pray him through his days and his nights. Be his friend. He might have baggage, but he is being a man about it.

I am worried about him and I don't even know him. He has a LOT on his shoulders. Tell him don't internalize it. Let it out. Too many folks walking around with ulcers and other serious health concerns because they kept it bottled in.

delph998 · #45 10-17-2003, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
WOW!! He is going through a lot!!

Obviously, in you, he has found someone who can and will listen. Girl the fact that he is still standing and able to get up and go to work every day. . . shoot you tell him I said he is a good man. TRUST ME on that!! $1100 a MONTH for child support.

Pray for him. Pray him through his days and his nights. Be his friend. He might have baggage, but he is being a man about it.

I am worried about him and I don't even know him. He has a LOT on his shoulders. Tell him don't internalize it. Let it out. Too many folks walking around with ulcers and other serious health concerns because they kept it bottled in.

You're so right about that! And I stressed to him that it's not safe to internalize stuff like that. He didn't even want the church to know about his loss. That's something we ALL need to pray for, you know. I did tell him, if anything, I want to be his strength so there's nothing that he can't tell me. I'm flattered that he feels comfortable to open up to me like that. Like I said, I'm just evaluating the situation. I'll keepyou all posted!