Are you close to your Big/Lil?

[sugar and spice]

My big and I aren't really close -- but I'm hoping it's just because we both had really busy semesters where we both had to concentrate on academics more than on sorority things. She spoiled me rotten for initiation . . . I'm hoping to get to know her a lot better this semester than I did last semester, 'cause she's a really sweet girl.

[AlphaXiLuckyMe]

My big sister was a complete surprise to me. She was my first choice but I didn't think she wanted me at all. I was shocked and totally excited when I discovered that it was her! Her and I are very close...we have the same major and I have held every major office in the house that she has, only a year later (including President). She is one of the best things about my house and is truly a role model. The heartsell that I'm giving for Recruitment this year is mostly about her since she is graduating in May.

In the area of littles, I haven't had so much luck. My chapter is small, so I picked up a little the semester after I pledged. The matching got all screwed up and it turned out that she didn't want me at all and resented me from then on. She ended up suspending at the end of her first active semester.

My second little was fantastic, her and I had a lot in common and we would have made great friends. She de-pledged two days before initiation. I was crushed. I was convinced that I was cursed and doomed not to have any littles.

However, since I am one of the only members in the house to not have a little currently, I near the top of the list for this Recruitment Hopefully, this one will work out!

[mozlvr]

I have had kinda bad experiences with my big and my lil. My big is extremely flaky and although I think that we would get along really well and have a lot in common, she has hardly made any effort to hang out. As for my lil, we were extremely close until she royaly stabbed me in the back and now I cant stand the sight of her! I have a new lil though and I hope that I will have the oppurtunity to get to know her and become close.

[oceanphi01]

I love my big sister to death! She's amazing and although she's graduated, we still keep in touch. She's going to grad school here at Florida Tech, so I see her occasionally. I just got a little sister this last semester, so our relationship will definitely develop over time, but she's the coolest person ever!

[AlphaXiAsh]

I am so glad that I got the big sister that I did. She is AMAZING. Its really odd because she wasn't my first choice, and I really didn't know her that well when I put her on my list, but when we were getting around to picking bigs, an alumni told us that the people we should put down are people that we respect, and we look up to and so forth. So I put her down. Even though I didn't know her very well at first, I could not have asked for a better big sister. She's supportive, and fun, and just an incredible person. We hang out in Alpha Xi, parties, where ever (we're going to an o-town concert this weekend!) And on top of that, I'm a part of the most incredible family as well! I totally lucked out!

I don't have a little yet, but I will hopefully be getting one this fall! My big sister is really crafty so I have a lot to live up to as far as gifts are concerned. But the big/lil relationship I think is really important...I don't think I would love Alpha Xi as much as I do if she wasn't my big sister. She's really been a lot of fun and so supportive over the last semester!

[sweetsister]

I too was blessed with a wonderful big sister (sapphire sister). She was actually the same person who convinced me to rush (it was rush back then) Phi Sig, and as far as I'm concerned, she saved my college experience from being dull and boring. Next spring she will be a bridesmaid in my wedding, and if I didn't have a real (blood-related) sister, she would definitely be my maid of honor. Sometimes I wish she could be anyway, that's how much I love her. Maybe I can have two maids of honor??

[gphiangel624]

This thread couldn't have come along at a better time...

I've been upset lately because my little (4th, actually), has been very difficult to get in contact with and when I finally contacted her (tonight, after over a week of trying), she told me that she's not sure if she's ready to initiate tomorrow night. She's had a busy fall quarter what with her new job, her family, and school, and now she's working more and is afraid she's going to let the chapter down if she initiates tomorrow night and then doesn't show up much. I don't think that will be the case because a) she's a shy person, but she comes around if others show how much they want her involved), b) she had a rough fall quarter because she got a job right after Bid Day that demanded a lot of her time and it became difficult to attend chapter and new member functions, but she still made an honest effort, and c) there's much less to do in the chapter as an active member than as a new member. This girl is awesome although I admit I don't know her too well (she's a sophomore and her shyness showed when she only put two actives on her big sis list and neither of them put her on their little sis list- thus, she became my little because I've had good littles in the past and I've treated them well, they're involved, and successful with the chapter and I really wanted a last little), I want to make the best of my last year as an active with her! She's decided to think it over tonight about wanting to initiate tomorrow (only thing she'd have to do is pay for her badge and show up), and she's calling me in the morning to tell me her decision.

Anyone have any suggestions as to do with the above situation? I would love it if she decides to initiate, and although I will understand why if she doesn't, I want her to at least experience life as an initiated member and decide then if it's for her. Anyone have any words of wisdom that I can tell her when she calls me tomorrow, to convince her that she'd be making a good decision to initiate now rather than de-pledging or waiting until some of the girls in her class initiate in Spring (some of them have issues with grades and can't be initiated tomorrow)? Please email or post here if you have any suggestions!

Other than my issues right now, I have a great family! I love my big, Maria, although she graduated when I was a freshman and we aren't as close as we used to be. I don't know my grandsis or anyone above that because all of them are from Colgate University in NY and I'm at Riverside (my grandsis transferred). I just know names. My first little is the greatest- Vanessa is a dream come true! We weren't that close at first, but we've become progressively closer and I love her enough to say that she'd be a bridesmaid in my wedding (not many people I can say that for), if I ever get married. My second little, Beeta, dropped out of school and is back, but isn't actually involved with the chapter. We were close at first, but she's a wild party girl and I'm not so much anymore, so we don't hang out or talk much. My third little is adopted- Krystle's big sis transferred without ever telling her and she needed a family, so there I was! Krystle and I aren't that close, but I love her dearly and I'm glad to have her in the family line as a very classy, intelligent, and trustworthy sister! Finally... my newest little that may not be in my chapter for long ... Marlaina. Like I said before, I haven't been too close to her yet, but I plan to and I know that when I graduate, Vanessa, Krystle, Beeta, and my first grand-little sis, Jasleen, will take care of her! Jasleen is the greatest! She has so much spirit and I love her so much! For those of you who know Shark in Skirt, they're best friends and pledge sisters! Annie and Jasleen are wonderful and they will always be friends that I hold dear!

Ok, enough rambling on... I just got carried away...

[JMUduke]

my big was a senior when i was s sophomore and she spent a lot of time driving 2 hours away to see her boyfriend. she was really sweet but was never at our meetings, and the only times i got to hang out with her where at formals and other functions. once we were supposed to go to a big party together, but she never called me to pick me up (it was about 20 mins away), and so i assumed she forgot about me. she told me the next day she got so drunk and in a fight with her boyf she had to go to bed at 8 or something. anyway...i think my family has a curse on it or something, b/c my little is cool but we never hang out either. i try to have dinner with her occasionally, and ive tried to get her to go out with me, but she always has people visiting or something, and she hasnt even gone to many of our sorority functions so we never get to see one another. its very frustrating, but i can't force it. we get along fine, we just don't seem to click. at homecoming, i tried to get her to come find me at this party and meet my big (her grandbig), and it took her like 2 hours and 10 phone calls to finally come over, and even then she said the place sucked and left 5 mins. later. she barely spoke to my big, and i was kinda offended...so maybe she is not as cool as i thought, but sometimes she can be really sweet and nice. i dunno...its frustrating, thats all.

[JMUduke]

my big was a senior when i was s sophomore and she spent a lot of time driving 2 hours away to see her boyfriend. she was really sweet but was never at our meetings, and the only times i got to hang out with her where at formals and other functions. once we were supposed to go to a big party together, but she never called me to pick me up (it was about 20 mins away), and so i assumed she forgot about me. she told me the next day she got so drunk and in a fight with her boyf she had to go to bed at 8 or something. anyway...i think my family has a curse on it or something, b/c my little is cool but we never hang out either. i try to have dinner with her occasionally, and ive tried to get her to go out with me, but she always has people visiting or something, and she hasnt even gone to many of our sorority functions so we never get to see one another. its very frustrating, but i can't force it. we get along fine, we just don't seem to click. at homecoming, i tried to get her to come find me at this party and meet my big (her grandbig), and it took her like 2 hours and 10 phone calls to finally come over, and even then she said the place sucked and left 5 mins. later. she barely spoke to my big, and i was kinda offended...so maybe she is not as cool as i thought, but sometimes she can be really sweet and nice. i dunno...its frustrating, thats all.

[PhiMuJulia]

Me and my big, we aren't the closest, like we get along but we don't really hang and she's this really tough girl from brooklyn with this accent and she's always like no one better fuck with my lil...my lil no the othrrhand, i get along with soooooooo well, she's the awesomest, love her to peices...we might get an an apartment together next year.

[OPAGal]

Ok I know this is going to sound like something out of movie,but it really is the truth. My first active semester I got my lil sis. We weren't allowed to pick them though they did. The girl I got was really nice. I spent the whole week before revealing showering her with gifts and being ultra nice to her. I really wanted us to be close. We spent that whole semester hanging out and having fun. Then I started to notice somethings weird about her. Like the fact that she already knew me before she joined,but I didn't have a clue how she found out the private things she did. Then she started to copy me. Everything about me(hair color, clothes) she even tried to steal my boyfriend! She's what I'd call obessed. She snuck into my things and read private emails. Then she spread rumors all over the chapter about me. The only thing that me and my big could figure out was that this girls truely wanted my life. She hangs out with my old friends (they believed that I told her some of their secrets which she read in emails so they no longer speak to me), is still trying to date my boyfriend(who now hates her), and even now if I come in in a new outfit she buys the same one the next day and wears it to class. I'm really kinda scared of her. I don't think I really want another lil sis after this experience.

[alphaiota]

i was my big's rush crush. she wanted me as a little from the time i accepted my bid. unfortunately she was a graduating senior so i didn't get to know her all that well. we are very different. i like to party and be wild. she's the opposite. i love my grand big and my little and grand little, but me and my big aren't all that close.
after she graduated she did stay around for grad school. she was the grad assistant for the chapter. so it went from big to advisor type role. didn't care for that. she and i both tried very hard, but we just don't click that well.
actually she's getting married in the fall of 03 and i don't think i'm even going to be invited. not sure. when she sent out her email announcing that she had gotten engaged, i responded and asked her to keep me updated on everything. i got no response. don't know what to think, but whatever.

shelley j
sigma k

[phisigduchesscv]

Originally posted by sweetsister
I too was blessed with a wonderful big sister (sapphire sister). She was actually the same person who convinced me to rush (it was rush back then) Phi Sig, and as far as I'm concerned, she saved my college experience from being dull and boring. Next spring she will be a bridesmaid in my wedding, and if I didn't have a real (blood-related) sister, she would definitely be my maid of honor. Sometimes I wish she could be anyway, that's how much I love her. Maybe I can have two maids of honor??

HI Sweetsister,

Who says you can't have two maid of honors? Talk to you bloodsister and let her know that you feel your Sapphire Sister is as close to you as she is and that you're going to ask her to be a second maid of honor. That way they can even share the duties of maid of honor an not be so stressed and will be able to keep you calm. Or is either one of them married? Then one can be your maid of honor and the other can be your matron of honor. I love Wedding Story on TLC and I seem to remember one wedding where the bride had 4 maids of honor and they all walked down the aisle together before the bride.

As for Sapphire Sisters, I'm part of a triplet of founding sisters. I am really close to one of them and was even her maid of honor at her wedding. The other sister I wasn't close to for a long time just for various reasons. But in the past year we have both changed a lot and even though she is now Alum we have gotten closer. My first little and I aren't as close as I think Sapphire Sisters should be but we do try to make a point of going out together every so often. Her little is one of my best friends so I actually spend more time with my grand little then I do my little. I was supposed to have a second little this past semester but she decided not to initiate at the last minute. I hope that I'll be able to get a little in the Spring recruitment.

Carolyn

[OUlioness01]

Originally posted by pinkyphimu

now, my little, on the other hand.....my chapter was small at the time and sisters did not choose their littles...only littles chose bigs.
i liked the person that i was given. she and i had the same major, had a few other interests in common, but she was also really quiet. i tried soooooo hard to get that girl to talk to me. we would meet for dinner and she would just sit there quietly.

I know the feeling. the phi/new member who should have been my little is not, and althought my little is a wonderful woman, we jus don't click at much as a woman in her phi class who also put me as her #2 pick . fortunately i am still one of her best friends, and I believe i know about her more that her big, or more than i know about my little.

However, I do love my little and spoiled her rotten. I am happy with my little although I feel that it sholuld not have been based on politics like it so obivously (unfortuantely) had been

**edited to say that I love my little to death, and although i sometimes wish that i had recieved my first choice, I would never give up the little i already have.***

[annice22]

I had a good big sis'. Since she's graduated and moved away I don't really see her. The only thing I regret is I did not get a chance to attend her wedding. I did not have my driver's license yet nor did I know anyone near me to get a ride. Also, I regret that she was not at my initiation, but but her fiance was who is in the army was being shipped out of state. I understood I just wish we were able to celebrate together. You only get initiated once. But I did get a chance to see her over last year's spring break and had a good time. My big was the best we would talk all the time, go out and party and study. She was really great with teaching me my information about the sorority.

To be quite honest I haven't had the best luck with lil's. My first lil' was a legacy member, but she did not have a handle on her studies (she flunked out), she could not handle her drinking with starting a scene at mixers when it was time to leave, lying to people, making out with too many boys. Our relationship did not really get a chance to grow because she was kind of boy crazy and guys were a little more important to her. But now that she has moved to a different state, our relationship has grown even more. We e-mail each other and IM each other a lot. I think that she has grown up a little bit and now realizes her actions. She might try and visit me this year.

My second lil' I can't not stand her. She is so crazy. A couple days before she was initiated she declared in a meeting that she hated the sorority and did not want to be here. But she claimed that she only said that because she was stressed out and did not know why she was being sent to j-board. Hey we were all stressed. In my opinion she should not have been initiated but our president gave her a second chance. Oh a week before she gave the out burst in our meeting. Her and another girl who was a new member decided that they could tell an active (me) to leave a fraternity house by coming into there house un-invited. They were yelling at me. So, I sent both of them to j-board for desrecting an active member. They basically cost me my date to our date party and having his brother harass me. The sad thing is no one like either of the two girls.

She doesn't want to do anything sorority related or non sorority related. She acts like she's 16 years old but she's over 21 and behaves like a child.

I hope it doesn't make me sound bad but I haven't had a chance to voice my opinion about my lil's. If it was up to me I would choose not to have anymore lil's unless they have a psy evaluations.