what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say? - Page 3

lilsnakeyk · #1 11-22-2002, 04:19 PM

Too many good quotes........to name at once, but here are the top few

From my friend Hadji "Andria, tonight is a very drunk weekend"

My best friend and I after the Kings/Lakers series this past may "We want a hotdog" (which in a sportsbar full of drunken Lakers fans was taken entirely out of context )

From me "I am not stumbling drunk" which was ironic because 30 seconds later I fell down a flight of stairs and had to have 18 stitches on my arm

ilovemyglo · #2 11-22-2002, 05:22 PM

My brother's 21st my boyfriend of the time had to drag him into my house with my older brother and his friend helping. They put him in my bed and he threw up everywhere.... so we are in the next room cause it reeked and all you hear is
"HELP ME......... HELP ME............." and then ten seconds later "F&$K YOU" we all died laughing... the next day he said he remember his thoughts.
He was thinking "oh god, I am dying help me... wait a minute you are the ones that did this to me so F*&K you!" HAHA!!!!!

valkyrie · #3 11-22-2002, 09:30 PM

This isn't nearly as funny as some of the others, but it's all I can think of right now...

When I was in college, I got REALLY drunk one night playing that stupid game where you drink one shot of beer every minute. I started the game realizing that I probably wouldn't be able to keep up with everyone, but later on in the evening I was drunk and I was obsessed with kicking everyone's butt. So I ended up coming in second, having something like 130 shots of beer in 130 minutes. Everyone who reached 121 got sick. I was in the bathroom, and I can't remember if I was throwing up or what exactly what was happening, but I know I felt AWFUL. My boyfriend at the time came in and I yelled:

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KILL ME, GET AWAY FROM ME!!!

ChiOJenn78 · #4 11-23-2002, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
This isn't nearly as funny as some of the others, but it's all I can think of right now...

When I was in college, I got REALLY drunk one night playing that stupid game where you drink one shot of beer every minute. I started the game realizing that I probably wouldn't be able to keep up with everyone, but later on in the evening I was drunk and I was obsessed with kicking everyone's butt. So I ended up coming in second, having something like 130 shots of beer in 130 minutes. Everyone who reached 121 got sick. I was in the bathroom, and I can't remember if I was throwing up or what exactly what was happening, but I know I felt AWFUL. My boyfriend at the time came in and I yelled:

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO KILL ME, GET AWAY FROM ME!!!

I've played that game before-it's called Century Club, but we only did it with 100 shots-1 shot a minute for 100 minutes...ya, I got in, but I was hurting badly....

Anyhoo-last night the Mr and I are playing drunk Trivial pursuit, and he asks me some question about Which alpine country did women get the right to vote in 1977? My answer: Appalachia!! He looks at me, and repeats the question, emphasizing the words ALPINE COUNTRY. I say, "Wait a minute-is this in another country-like Europe or something?". His look of horror deepens, so I start yelling off names of countries I think have pine trees in them-Croatia, Serbia...you get the idea-I'm thinking pine trees, not Alps. So finally he reads the question a 3rd time and I'm like" Oh I know!! Switzerland! Sweden! France! Am I right??". He puts the card down, looks at me, and says "Woman-you need to see a map.".

agger_rob · #5 11-23-2002, 03:28 PM

Last night, two of my friends were riding each other's cases and one said "Just because you live with your mom, you think you're soooo cool."

And then, I walked past two other guys, and I swear I heard, "You give a girl a banana nut muffin and she's yours for the taking."

FHwku · #6 11-24-2002, 02:12 AM

Me: "I are too drunk drive!"

Best Friend: "Me am too."

KEPike · #7 11-24-2002, 03:38 AM

One of my brothers, Jason Moran, graced the world with these words:

"I broke a Pike at the window house"

after a particularly wild and crazy initiation party one semester.

This won our "quote of the year" that year. As a gift, we got him a miniature window as a reminder.

swissmiss04 · #8 11-24-2002, 11:55 AM

One night at a bar this guy (who was TERRIBLY shitfaced) was walking around talking to people and of course guess who he ended up talking to the most? Yeah you guessed it. So anyways my friend Adam sorta turned so that he didn't have to actually look at the guy, leaving me to be the polite one. He was discussing the next week's football game (we had just lost one) and dude said "Thas alrigh, we win nex' week. Ya know if I played fo da crimson ti' this is what I do. I'd put on da shoulder pads, walk up to Ole Miss and BITE THEIR BALLS OFF!!!" And he was NOT quiet. And he kept repeating "Bite their balls off" over and over again, complete w/ a drunken dramatization. Adam fell off his stool laughing so hard and I tried so hard to keep a straight face. Later on (yeah it gets better) the guy is talking to someone else and said "Las' Sunnay at da Boof (the Booth) I took a shit in that corner." And he pointed to the corner...and apparently he really had. So now I don't go there anymore...

SigkapAlumWSU · #9 11-24-2002, 03:27 PM

This was overheard at my Lil B's house and it's just hilarious because of the guy who said it (he's a huge player)

"Everyone needs some ass, and I'm a nice piece of ass."

KappaKittyCat · #10 11-24-2002, 03:31 PM

My fave:

"There's a competition going on for who gets to come home with me tonight, and you've just moved into first place."

Add that also to the cheesey pickup lines list.

crystalline · #11 11-25-2002, 08:43 AM

"Damn, look at her rack! I wish I had a rack like that! Someone go beat her up and take her rack for me!" ~my friend Jennifer

AOX81 · #12 11-25-2002, 09:00 AM

Patrick to Dave: "Dave, I'm not a fag or anything, but dude if you worked out you could have a really buff body."

My husband to Dan: "Dan, will you have my baby? Twice?"

Dan (almost passed out after drinking): "We have to wait for the receipt to print out."

Justin (to all the girls after the guys got him wasted): "I love you guys! But I hate all of your boyfriends and fiances."

Patrick after waking up with hangover from hell: "I feel like Ozzy Osbourne right now."

AOX81 · #13 11-25-2002, 10:57 AM

Patrick, to my husband, in an elevator after putting on some of that new Axe deoderant spray/deoderant. "So Sugarsmacks, how do I smell?" (Think of television commercial)

"Hey Patrick, on a scale of 1-10 how drunk are you?" "I'd have to say about an 8.25."

Skchickie · #14 11-25-2002, 07:28 PM

this past weekend at a party, a sister got a little drunky-drunky.
She had a little crush on my date, and she handed me her camera and said:

"Erin, will you take a picture of Dave in me?"

She had not understood what she had just said, and stared at us as well all started laughing at her. Good times.

AOX81 · #15 11-26-2002, 09:37 AM

"That'll kill morning wood."