Cheating Men

[TLAW]

Hey Stoplook, I hope you are ready to weather the storm you are about to unleash. As for me, I am going to play punk and dissociate mysellf from your comments!!! LOL!

[stillwater15]

Originally posted by TLAW
Hey Stoplook, I hope you are ready to weather the storm you are about to unleash. LOL!

you and i are thinking the exact same thing.

[Urbane]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I know cheating is bad, but it's not as devistating as women make it out to be. Women read to much into it. Usually, when a man cheats, it's just to have an orgasm...a pleasure thing. It's no threat to our girl/wife. Its sounds ignorant, but the statement is true when we say "It didn't mean anything...I LOVE you...I was just F)#king her". You should only be hurt if the man is loosing feelings for you and cheating regularly. But if it was a little slip, due to getting seduced...then cut him some slack. It is really easy to get a mans penis on hard and the blood rushes from our brains and it's very difficult to think. It is not as easy and quick to get females aroused. You have to kiss and rub on them forever to get them wet. If a woman was put in the arousal state men are so easily put into, then maybe they would understand why it's so easy for us to fall victim to suduction!

It doesn't sound completely ignorant per se... more like the blood rushed from your brain right before you made this post. You can't be serious... please say you just got off a porn site! LOL!!!

[snuggles12]

Not only does cheating result in distrust, anger, hurt but has anyone thought about the diseases that a cheater brings home to the marital bed. Condoms are not fullproof against herpes and other diseases.

If a person cheats so early on in the marriage or even before marriage, then I think the couple need to have some serious counseling because if you are cheating when things are good, what is the person going to do when things are bad and things do get bad (i.e., the stress of finances, kids, etc.)

#7
Snuggles
DST RVA 12/93

[DST Love]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I know cheating is bad, but it's not as devistating as women make it out to be. Women read to much into it. Usually, when a man cheats, it's just to have an orgasm...a pleasure thing. It's no threat to our girl/wife. Its sounds ignorant, but the statement is true when we say "It didn't mean anything...I LOVE you...I was just F)#king her". You should only be hurt if the man is loosing feelings for you and cheating regularly. But if it was a little slip, due to getting seduced...then cut him some slack. It is really easy to get a mans penis on hard and the blood rushes from our brains and it's very difficult to think. It is not as easy and quick to get females aroused. You have to kiss and rub on them forever to get them wet. If a woman was put in the arousal state men are so easily put into, then maybe they would understand why it's so easy for us to fall victim to suduction!

If a committed or married person is as WEAK as you stated, then they should never put themselves in a position to be alone with someone of the opposite sex. How can one cheat if one doesn't allow or have the opportunity.

I don't care what you're talking about. It doesn't go from zero to 100. As soon as one starts to feel more attraction than they should to someone else, be it emotionally, physically, etc., then remove yourself from the situation ASAP. Don't be like an animal (we are human beings, you know) and act like you can't have more control over your actions.

Again, plain and simple, people will always justify why it's okay for them to be SELFISH regardless of how it hurts others. That's the state of our world right now. COMPLETE SELFISHNESS. And why in the hell would you want to intentionally hurt someone? Is that the type of person you want to be?

I swear, people!! You have to grow up sometime and learn how to be a better, more responsible person. AND YES SOMETIMES THAT MEANS NOT BEING ABLE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT OR FEEL LIKE DOING. YOU MAY ACTUALLY HAVE TO THINK OF SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF . Try it sometime. It's not as hard as you think to be unselfish .

[stoplook_listen]

I admitted that cheating is bad. I never said it wasn't. I just think women blow it out of proportion. Couples do plenty of things wrong to each other: argue, neglect, take for granted, etc. These things are bad, but they sometimes happen unintentionally. After they are discussed, usually you come to the conclusion that the other person didn't mean to make you feel bad by inadvertently doing that stuff. With cheating, women make it out like you are saying they are worthless or like you don't give a damn about them. Why blow it up and read more into it than what it is. When a man cheats, he doesn't think "I can't stand my girl, she aint nothin, I want to lower her self-esteem, and hurt her." Thats what alot of women paint the scenario as. It is just an act of lust...that's it...plain and simple. Can't you understand the difference between love & lust? YOu have a right to be upset...but don't read so much into it and blow it out of proportion. Again, I agree it's wrong and one should have more self control, but nobody is perfect and you have to realize that a mans threshold of being at "the point of no control" is significantly higher than a womans. If I'm just chillin and a woman all of the sudden strips and pounces me...I can try and muff her or throw her down, but that would be too violent on a woman. Most of the time you try and reasonwith her but she don't care. she bent on seducing you...and you got that woody. Unless you been their you can't judge. We are all animals and have a state of being in "heat" that is a biological imperitive. I'm just using science to back up my point (not to excuse it)

[Professor]

what would you do - i'm tossing around "if i tell this" then she will respond by saying. if i don't tell then ... . HELP!

And yea, I know - things are going really well with me and future wife. This is just something that happened. I don't know what else to say.

Originally posted by TLAW
What DST said is rough, but nevertheless true. We cannot make excuses for cheating. As a fellow man, I must ask: what are you gonna do about your significant other? Gonna 'fess up?
One thing I have to say is that myth of men being bigger or worse at infidelities than women is quickly being eroded.

[sunnydays96]

I wonder if the situation was reversed would the man accept the theory that his girl was "seduced" by a man. I can tell you right now, HELL NO he wouldn't. He'd be calling her all types of names- hoe, trick, chickenhead- and there wouldn't be any way he would make a "hoe into a housewife".

[DST Love]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I admitted that cheating is bad. I never said it wasn't. I just think women blow it out of proportion. Couples do plenty of things wrong to each other: argue, neglect, take for granted, etc. These things are bad, but they sometimes happen unintentionally. After they are discussed, usually you come to the conclusion that the other person didn't mean to make you feel bad by inadvertently doing that stuff. With cheating, women make it out like you are saying they are worthless or like you don't give a damn about them. Why blow it up and read more into it than what it is. When a man cheats, he doesn't think "I can't stand my girl, she aint nothin, I want to lower her self-esteem, and hurt her." Thats what alot of women paint the scenario as. It is just an act of lust...that's it...plain and simple. Can't you understand the difference between love & lust? YOu have a right to be upset...but don't read so much into it and blow it out of proportion. Again, I agree it's wrong and one should have more self control, but nobody is perfect and you have to realize that a mans threshold of being at "the point of no control" is significantly higher than a womans. If I'm just chillin and a woman all of the sudden strips and pounces me...I can try and muff her or throw her down, but that would be too violent on a woman. Most of the time you try and reasonwith her but she don't care. she bent on seducing you...and you got that woody. Unless you been their you can't judge. We are all animals and have a state of being in "heat" that is a biological imperitive. I'm just using science to back up my point (not to excuse it)

Again, a married person (or person in a committed relationship) has no business being alone with someone that they could end up cheating with. If you are always around a group or somewhere with your significant other or spouse, then you would be less likely to have the opportunity to cheat. This is what I'm talking about. People want to still be doing the same things they did when they were single. A man wouldn't have to worry as much about not being able to stop another woman from "seducing" him if he wasn't alone with her. When the woman starts to try and "seduce" a man first by words (which I'm sure is the case because I doubt the woman goes from Hello to taking his pants down), then that man should remove himself from the situation if he knows he wouldn't be able to stop himself if she continues to flirt.

And to your example, if you're in a committed relationship or married, WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU ARE CHILLIN WITH ANOTHER WOMAN THAT WOULD BE ABLE TO POUNCE YOU, as you say? Now see, that's what's wrong in the first place. Don't have no business being there.

I don't even want to keep having these discussions, because a person will constantly try to justify what they WANT to do regardless of the consequences, when they should be trying to ensure that they do what they SHOULD be doing.

"Excuses are tools of the incompetent that build..." Let me stop. Thought I was on line again !!

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I admitted that cheating is bad. I never said it wasn't. I just think women blow it out of proportion. Couples do plenty of things wrong to each other: argue, neglect, take for granted, etc. These things are bad, but they sometimes happen unintentionally. After they are discussed, usually you come to the conclusion that the other person didn't mean to make you feel bad by inadvertently doing that stuff. With cheating, women make it out like you are saying they are worthless or like you don't give a damn about them. Why blow it up and read more into it than what it is. When a man cheats, he doesn't think "I can't stand my girl, she aint nothin, I want to lower her self-esteem, and hurt her." Thats what alot of women paint the scenario as. It is just an act of lust...that's it...plain and simple. Can't you understand the difference between love & lust? YOu have a right to be upset...but don't read so much into it and blow it out of proportion. Again, I agree it's wrong and one should have more self control, but nobody is perfect and you have to realize that a mans threshold of being at "the point of no control" is significantly higher than a womans. If I'm just chillin and a woman all of the sudden strips and pounces me...I can try and muff her or throw her down, but that would be too violent on a woman. Most of the time you try and reasonwith her but she don't care. she bent on seducing you...and you got that woody. Unless you been their you can't judge. We are all animals and have a state of being in "heat" that is a biological imperitive. I'm just using science to back up my point (not to excuse it)

Being in a relationship is about trust. If I am involved with you I trust you emotionally and physically. If you cheat then you show you are not worthy of my trust. Period.

I don't care if it was just lust, it is a violation of someone's trust in you and you can NEVER get that back. If you can't control yourself then you need not be in a relationship. I don't care if she stripped down and jumped on you- when you take her up on her offer you know that you are breaking someone's trust. It is a conscious decision to let your penis control you.

I do not know why men seem to think women don't catch sexual feelings for other men. For a lot of women sex is mental and seduction doesn't even NEED for there to be nudity. It can be just as hard for us to say no as it is for you. If we cheat it is a violation of trust. If you cheat it is the same thing.

Note: I have never cheated on anyone, nor have I been cheated on. I just know that for me trust is something rarely given and precious. To even imagine someone breaking it is unthinkable, because that just shows that they really don't care enough about you to be an adult and control their own urges and desires. We can not always have what we want in this life! Anyone who thinks we can is a child.

[DST Love]

Originally posted by sunnydays96
I wonder if the situation was reversed would the man accept the theory that his girl was "seduced" by a man. I can tell you right now, HELL NO he wouldn't. He'd be calling her all types of names- hoe, trick, chickenhead- and there wouldn't be any way he would make a "hoe into a housewife".

Exactly!!

[DST Love]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84


Being in a relationship is about trust. If I am involved with you I trust you emotionally and physically. If you cheat then you show you are not worthy of my trust. Period.

I don't care if it was just lust, it is a violation of someone's trust in you and you can NEVER get that back. If you can't control yourself then you need not be in a relationship. I don't care if she stripped down and jumped on you- when you take her up on her offer you know that you are breaking someone's trust. It is a conscious decision to let your penis control you.

I do not know why men seem to think women don't catch sexual feelings for other men. For a lot of women sex is mental and seduction doesn't even NEED for there to be nudity. It can be just as hard for us to say no as it is for you. If we cheat it is a violation of trust. If you cheat it is the same thing.

Note: I have never cheated on anyone, nor have I been cheated on. I just know that for me trust is something rarely given and precious. To even imagine someone breaking it is unthinkable, because that just shows that they really don't care enough about you to be an adult and control their own urges and desires. We can not always have what we want in this life! Anyone who thinks we can is a child.

Well said.

That is what I am saying. In life you can't have every and any thing you want.

As my fiance says, "if something is worth having, then it is worth working hard for".

And so true about women. We (or at least I am ) are more prone to become attracted to someone because of their personality more than just for looks. It could be just as hard or even harder to turn away someone that you start to have feelings for. But as soon as you know you are starting to feel that way, then that is when you don't need to be around that person anymore.

On another note, a caller to Dr. Laura (love her) said that her husband had to go on a three hour business trip by car with a woman. Dr. Laura said that her husband should rent his own car or drive his own car but should not ride in the car with this other woman. Now most people in this warped day and age would say it's not the serious because it's for work but once Dr. Laura broke it down, I definitely agreed. She said that once the husband and other woman would be in the car, the conversation would probably naturally shift from work to personal things (which is understandable). She then said that as the husband and woman may start to relax, laugh, talk about life, their lives, etc., then there is the possibility that they will start to view each other in a different manner other than work related (which is all they should be viewing each other as). Her point was maybe that wouldn't happen but maybe it would. Why take the chance if it could risk your marriage? And I couldn't agree more.

See this is why I keep saying don't put yourself in potential inappropriate situations.

[DST Love]

Another thing, before anyone starts that lame argument about "we all do wrong, blah, blah, blah", let me bust that up right now. Yes, we all do wrong and will always do wrong. We are humans. However, why not try eliminate as many wrong things as possible as often as possible. Since we all do wrong, then I should just stop working, become a hooker, drug addict, alcoholic, child abuser, thief, etc. because since we all do wrong, it doesn't matter what I do, right? Wrong. If I was doing all those things, then shouldn't I try to stop doing at least one of them? You have to start somewhere, you know. The only way I can start to become a better person is if I try to eliminate as many bad things as possible. Sure I will keep falling along the way (I am human) but should I stop trying to become better because we all do wrong. When people say "we all do wrong", how does everyone else doing wrong justify me doing wrong? I never understood this argument .

It's like the song "We fall down, but we get up" except people want to fall down and then justify why it's okay not to try and get back up !!

Kind of a tangent, I know. But I just wanted to put that out before that even got started !!

[optimizm17]

I think it has been made plainly clear by DSTlove and other that cheating is wrong...and yes there are a lot of factors that play into why a person may cheat.

I agree whole-heartedly with DSTlove PREVENTION IS KEY!!!! The deed has been done. So now what? Should Professor keep it to himself (they say what you don't know can't hurt you) or should he fess up? This is a sticky situation what do you all suggest.

[librasoul22]

Originally posted by optimizm17
I think it has been made plainly clear by DSTlove and other that cheating is wrong...and yes there are a lot of factors that play into why a person may cheat.

I agree whole-heartedly with DSTlove PREVENTION IS KEY!!!! The deed has been done. So now what? Should Professor keep it to himself (they say what you don't know can't hurt you) or should he fess up? This is a sticky situation what do you all suggest.

STRICTLY from viewing these posts, Professor seems to have a conscience that is gonna force him to tell. Professor, if you don't tell, is it gonna fester inside and agitate you so much that you will be visibly stressed? If so, you might as well tell and save yourself (and your wife) the trauma: you of having so much internal strife, and your wife of playing the guessing game and wondering if SHE is doing something wrong.

If, however, your conscience is a little less developed and you can get past this indescretion, I would say do NOT tell. I know I may be alone on this one, but I would really weigh the options. You said that as of now, your marriage is going pretty well. I personally would recommend getting past your EXTREMELY poor judgment call, and working on building your relationship with your wife even further. In addition, you need to use your situation as a learning tool. DST LOVE, what can I say, all of your posts have been on point. Professor, understand that if you are so weak as to fall prey to a female's seduction, then you should avoid any and all similar situations from now on. Do not try to shift blame away from yourself. Take this "L" and move on. I seriously doubt that the young woman you cheated with held the proverbial gun to your head. Realize that, as a man, your SELF control is lacking. Use your newfound knowledge of this to improve yourself in the future.