I don't want to be a ABC anymore... WTH?

[ChaosDST]

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think your post was worthy of your being banned from the forum. Your post was very general, not that this thread is about what you're speaking of, but there are many reasons for prospectives not being extended membership.

As people we ALWAYS think we are qualified (often over qualified) for membership. That remains to be seen, though. It is important, regardless of your qualifications, to remain humble. We want people who will step up...but we don't want people who can't put their pride aside long enough to be taught and given direction---know-it-alls, etc. Now, going back to THIS topic, you never know what someone will do AFTER they become a member---we're not psychic and people always manage to surprise us. It is often a matter of weighting our options---someone you think can be an asset to the organization can be the one to "bounce" or not do as they should----someone who may be overlooked many times could be the person who's true and will work hard for the lifelong commitment. We're imperfect people, so it goes without saying that the selection process will be imperfect. I assume you're not Greek (I don't assume you WANT to be Greek), but people always have so many criticisms from the outside looking in, and when they become on the inside (if they want to be on the inside), they make the same mistakes they criticized the members for. It's not easy to be on the inside OR the outside---which is why we shouldn't really speak on or judge things that we don't completely comprehend.

Originally posted by REIKI


It is strange that you should say such a thing. I hope you do not take offense by this...and I will probably be banned from the forum..but I hope you get to read this...I find it odd that time and time again I have read about members "bouncing" so to speak over trivial reasons and that it's time to do this and that, time to up the quality of membership, then when one applies, and this probably sounds self-absorbed, but oh well, when one applies, she is looked over because her "strength" is unsettling, or somehow causes those with the power to grant her membership to believe that because she is so outspoken about certain issues, she will indeed be the one to "flake out" so to speak. It is just odd to me. Even though I have read time and again that chapters are different, it just doesn't seem to justify a "quality" prospect that does "step up" by adhering to you public policy being unjustly overlooked then have one that got in "flake out" and walk

[ChaosDST]

All things in moderation. There is a thin line between being a religious person and being a religious fanatic. There is a thin line between loving your organization and not having a life outside of your organization.

Originally posted by DableST_1
When I was in high school, my close friend and I ALWAYS talked about becoming greek. She wanted to be an AKA, and I always wanted to be a Delta. Yeah I guess you could call us in "in the closet greeks, throwing up the signs, doing the call, making up strolls, (and I am pretty sure there were a LOT of you that have done this so don't even front anyway. She tried for AKA THREE times, and FINALLY got chosen the third time. I was SO happy for her b/c I knew how bad she wanted this, and she was happy for me when I finally made it as well. Although we BOTH truly LOVE our organization....she took it to a NEW level. I mean she had AKA plates, spoons, cups (actually it was a set,) She had an AKA bathroom (with the towels, the mat, and I don't even know where she got this from or if she had it made, but she even had an AKA SHOWER CURTAIN Her ENTIRE house was Pink and Green, her closet consisted of Pink and Green, she even had a pink and green cover for her bible. I have NEVER in my life seen so much pink and green. This was about 4 years ago. Well I went to go visit her and all of that stuff is GONE, and I couldn't understand why. she told me that she knew in her heart that the love she had for AKA was wrong. By that she meant, she would devote more time to her sorority then God. She said as much as she hate to admit it "she worshiped AKA" Now she said that she prayed about it, and she felt that she needed to reevaluate the situation and the love she had for her organization. I told her that it's o.k. to love something that you worked hard for (and believe me ya'll she WORKED HARD for AKA) but she told me this is true, but something is wrong when you realize that you are doing more work for AKA, Delta, or any other organization EACH and everyday, but don't do any thing for God or God takes the back burner. I mean just going to church every Sunday ain't gon cut it. She also said that she would pray every night and ask god to allow her to become a member she was involved in a lot of church activities, (president of this, chairperson of that etc), and after he granted that for her, she gave up her positions in the church and isn't involved in church activites like she used to and she doesn't pray no where near as much as she used to when she was asking to be accepted into the oraginzation) and she spent more time with AKA then going to church, spending time with her family, and she even lost a couple of friends because of this ordeal. She wouldn't hang out with them anymore because she wanted to be with her SORORS all the time. and it was putting a strain on her marriage.

Now with this Particular situation, I think she should have stepped away. I mean I love me some Delta, but I am not,
I repeat NOT going to allow it to affect my friends, family, and my relationship with God. I think everyone's situation is different.
That's just my Humble Opinion.

AND I'm OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by REIKI


Perhaps then I should not post here, since it doesn't seem that freethinkers are welcome...

Peace.

Yes, the topic was posted, BUT how many non-members posted to this topic? THAT'S THE POINT. YOU, as a NON-MEMBER really do not have a SAY. What pertinent information can you give regarding why someone disassociates himself from his or her organization?

You may talk about it among your friends, but that's about it.

This is a subject, where I personally feel a NON-MEMBER should only look, listen, and learn SILENTLY.

I don't have a problem if someone posts, but when an issue is for the most part a GREEK topic/issue, then OTHERS should keep their thoughts to him or herself.

I didn't think I needed to post FOR GREEKS ONLY every single, solitary time, but I guess I will have to next time

[FuturePhD]

Then I must apologize for my post, I didn't think that only greeks had an opinion about the topic. I'll go ahead and delete it, sorry.

[REIKI]

Originally posted by ChaosDST
Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think your post was worthy of your being banned from the forum. Your post was very general, not that this thread is about what you're speaking of, but there are many reasons for prospectives not being extended membership.

As people we ALWAYS think we are qualified (often over qualified) for membership. That remains to be seen, though. It is important, regardless of your qualifications, to remain humble. We want people who will step up...but we don't want people who can't put their pride aside long enough to be taught and given direction---know-it-alls, etc. Now, going back to THIS topic, you never know what someone will do AFTER they become a member---we're not psychic and people always manage to surprise us. It is often a matter of weighting our options---someone you think can be an asset to the organization can be the one to "bounce" or not do as they should----someone who may be overlooked many times could be the person who's true and will work hard for the lifelong commitment. We're imperfect people, so it goes without saying that the selection process will be imperfect. I assume you're not Greek (I don't assume you WANT to be Greek), but people always have so many criticisms from the outside looking in, and when they become on the inside (if they want to be on the inside), they make the same mistakes they criticized the members for. It's not easy to be on the inside OR the outside---which is why we shouldn't really speak on or judge things that we don't completely comprehend.

AKA_Monet stated:

So some ippy dippy interest rolls upto us half-baked and makes MIP (today as required by Nationals) then flakes out and turns in her 'nalia 'cuz she wasn't strong enuf relative to our foremothers... Then... What??? Maybe, IMHO, we need to do our own private investigations and research bout flossy assed negroes... 'Cuz I'm tired of the faked funkers! It's time to find those who can step... Hopefully UP!

That is all I responded to...nothing more. The thread did not begin as such, nor had I any intention of making it a thread about membership. I responded to AKA_Monet's comment...specifically the one I have quoted word for word above. I still am not making this a topic about membership. My analysis was, as I stated earlier, that perhaps "ippy dippy interest(s)" are the ones "bouncing". I have yet to introduce any personal situation, and simply offered my analysis of the situation as presented in this thread. AKA2D has made it very clear that as a non-member, my comment was out of place on this board. Cool..got it. The other stuff I don't, so I will not exacerbate an obvious misunderstanding.

Peace.

[REIKI]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91


Yes, the topic was posted, BUT how many non-members posted to this topic? THAT'S THE POINT. YOU, as a NON-MEMBER really do not have a SAY. What pertinent information can you give regarding why someone disassociates himself from his or her organization?

You may talk about it among your friends, but that's about it.

This is a subject, where I personally feel a NON-MEMBER should only look, listen, and learn SILENTLY.

I don't have a problem if someone posts, but when an issue is for the most part a GREEK topic/issue, then OTHERS should keep their thoughts to him or herself.

I didn't think I needed to post FOR GREEKS ONLY every single, solitary time, but I guess I will have to next time

Cool.
Peace.

[ChaosDST]

Just trying to figure out why you quoted me on that one...

Originally posted by REIKI


AKA_Monet stated:

So some ippy dippy interest rolls upto us half-baked and makes MIP (today as required by Nationals) then flakes out and turns in her 'nalia 'cuz she wasn't strong enuf relative to our foremothers... Then... What??? Maybe, IMHO, we need to do our own private investigations and research bout flossy assed negroes... 'Cuz I'm tired of the faked funkers! It's time to find those who can step... Hopefully UP!

That is all I responded to...nothing more. The thread did not begin as such, nor had I any intention of making it a thread about membership. I responded to AKA_Monet's comment...specifically the one I have quoted word for word above. I still am not making this a topic about membership. My analysis was, as I stated earlier, that perhaps "ippy dippy interest(s)" are the ones "bouncing". I have yet to introduce any personal situation, and simply offered my analysis of the situation as presented in this thread. AKA2D has made it very clear that as a non-member, my comment was out of place on this board. Cool..got it. The other stuff I don't, so I will not exacerbate an obvious misunderstanding.

Peace.

[Tenacious1922]

Hello Everyone,

I was in-active my last year as an undergrad, but in no way did I blame SGRho for what made me choose to become inactive. I just knew that once I graduated, I would one day become active again in a grad chapter. I have known of sorors who have disowned SGRho, because of issues that went on and I think that is very unfortunate. Now when I said I went in-active it was the hardest, most stressful time I think in my life. I cried more times then I hate to even remember and two years later, I can still feel the tears well-up when I think about it! As many Greeks know... it is not easy to become a soror. Love it with all your heart, soul, and then try and mesh with those who could care less about it. And now a days it is even worse, because I think that we as African-Americans have really lost the meaning of why SGRho, AKA, DST, and Zeta were founded in the first place. (This thought always kept me going and although I was in-active I still paid national dues and in my own way supported my chapter, just from a distance). I
can not speak for all sororities, but I do hope that we try and bring back those who have fallen by the wayside. I think we sometimes have to be reminded that you can not hold on to what so and so said or did to you etc. You have to look deep inside yourself and as long as you know you are trying to do right, then try and fix the negative. And if you can't...then you may have to ignore it. Because the one lesson I learned was, you should never let anyone take away your love and time from your sorority due to their ignorance. Eventually they will weed themselves out and disappear.

Not to be long-winded, but I did want to comment on the non-greek comment issue. Not to sound mean, but I agree that an outsider looking in...really should not comment on a subject such as this. Because it is not so black and white. I say this because no matter if your mother, bestfriend, aunt, sister has informed you of troubles within their org., they probably are not telling you everything...nor should they.
Trust me when I say..if you think you have a clue of what is really going on in a sororties' chapter..."YOU DON'T"! My husband is a Kappa and my sister is a Zeta and I still would not even dare to try and find out or say what I think would have been going on in his frat or her sorority now or ever. It is just a matter of respect.....

Tenacious1922

[Nubian]

I will state, first and foremost, just for the record, that I am not Greek, so while my comments may be unwelcome, ignored, deleted, etc. I just cannot refrain from making them.

I will state simply and honestly, there is a tone in this thread, and this forum (among others) that is truly disheartening. It seems like the general attitude has become, if you're Greek, your opinion on such and such topic counts, if you're not then shut up. Now I don't necessarily agree with REIKI's posts, but I respect her right as my sister in Christ to make them without disrespecting her. When I look at a person, I don't see Greek or non-Greek, I see a PERSON, but lately when I visit Greekchat, (which is not often these days) I see grown women, who go on and on about the tenets of sisterhood, responding to other women in ways that can only be described as non-sisterly.

Not to be preachy, but wasn't there a time in history when our opinions didn't count because we are Black, when we were ridiculed and labeled for something we could not and cannot control? This is exactly what we do to one another when we decide to respect someone based on their Greek or non-Greek status. New posters like REIKI, who have been nothing but respectful, come to forums like these and get the impression that their thoughts, however articulately expressed, are not welcome in a public forum. And let me add, that while no one has been outrightly rude to her, there has been a significantly negative tone to most of the posts that addressed her. I know my sentiments are unpopular, and are not in keeping with the "stay in line, and agree with us, or get out" tone on Greekchat, but I sincerely hope they are reflected upon and taken in stride.


Nubian

[ChaosDST]

I could almost see your analogy...but you're comparing a message board to how Black people did not count in Amerikkka---this board isn't that deep and the comments made on them are not representative of anything.
I appreciate your honesty and, as your sister in Christ, I agree with some of your statements. However, while we are all people, there are some things that we do not understand or comprehend. Therefore, it is not a good idea to point the finger or critique something simply looking from the outside. That's a LIFE lesson...that's nothing unique to Greekchat. The tone on Greekchat may appear rude at times, but it usually comes out of amazement (and sometimes amusement) that people would offer their opinions to something without grasping the overall concept of the discussion. Everyone is welcome to silent monitor and even add comments here and there (this a public forum). There are some times when even MY comments are not welcome on certain forums. For instance, if I am on another sorority's forum and I respond to something that was addressed to members of that sorority or that most closely pertained to members of that sorority. Sure, I could add my $19.13, but my comments may be taken out of context or I could be waaaaaaay off base and not even know what I'm talking about.
There are more similarities b/w the sororities than there are differences, BUT there are key differences that a non-member often does not have the privilege to see. Similarly, the Greek world is more similar to the outside world than many think, but the differences are often not seen to non-Greeks and non-Greeks do not have access to such information. Therefore, non-Greeks can not offer insight as to why a Greek would disown their letters or why a prospective for membership would NOT be chosen. They can GUESS or even say what they THINK happened to a friend of theirs (people rarely recount the story as it really happened, though...it's hearse). So, in these cases, an opinion's like an ass####, everyone's got one and some opinions are best thought but not typed.

That concludes your LIFE lesson folks, hope ya took good notes

Originally posted by Nubian
I will state, first and foremost, just for the record, that I am not Greek, so while my comments may be unwelcome, ignored, deleted, etc. I just cannot refrain from making them.

I will state simply and honestly, there is a tone in this thread, and this forum (among others) that is truly disheartening. It seems like the general attitude has become, if you're Greek, your opinion on such and such topic counts, if you're not then shut up. Now I don't necessarily agree with REIKI's posts, but I respect her right as my sister in Christ to make them without disrespecting her. When I look at a person, I don't see Greek or non-Greek, I see a PERSON, but lately when I visit Greekchat, (which is not often these days) I see grown women, who go on and on about the tenets of sisterhood, responding to other women in ways that can only be described as non-sisterly.

Not to be preachy, but wasn't there a time in history when our opinions didn't count because we are Black, when we were ridiculed and labeled for something we could not and cannot control? This is exactly what we do to one another when we decide to respect someone based on their Greek or non-Greek status. New posters like REIKI, who have been nothing but respectful, come to forums like these and get the impression that their thoughts, however articulately expressed, are not welcome in a public forum. And let me add, that while no one has been outrightly rude to her, there has been a significantly negative tone to most of the posts that addressed her. I know my sentiments are unpopular, and are not in keeping with the "stay in line, and agree with us, or get out" tone on Greekchat, but I sincerely hope they are reflected upon and taken in stride.


Nubian

[Nubian]

I did take good notes Chaos, thanks.

Like I said, I don't necessarily agree with REIKI's post, I honestly try not to speak on things I don't know much about; so I do agree with you in that aspect. Sometimes, (in my opinion most of the time) it is best to sit back and observe and learn, as opposed to commenting on things that we don't know anything about.

I know the analogy about Blacks in Amerikkka was a little deep, but its just my nature to be that way when I feel something is unfair or unjust. I REALLY appreciate your response, it was well delivered, and well taken.

Nubian

[AKA_Monet]

Nubian,

My issue is that I refuse anger against a comment on my statements when it is valid and I know I said them. In Miss Reiki's case, she slandered me by posting her message in which I made some comment when in fact someone else made that comment. That is defamation of my character and I have yet to appreciate that.

Another issue of mine is when a non member assumes that ALL BGLO's do this, that or whatever. Maybe in their reality, that may be true, but in the hard work that all of our organizations do, I have yet to make the time to be endearing to one that when they speak, they have extemely little knowledge and is trying to perpatrate knowing something that they are unable to fathom...

Also, I refuse to allow any attacks on my Sorors. That is how I operate. I made a solemn pledge to refrain from all ill-will against a soror long ago and uphold that aspect of my character, forever. I may disagree with my Sorors on some of their statements, but I use my discretion when I speak to them. That is the respect that I give all my Sorors and that is something that an outsider would be incapable of realizing... Beyond that, there are things that are too confidential to be said on this type of forum and it is best left up to be private and discreet.

I hope you have the understanding and compassion to make sense of what I have stated. For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. So is it wise to say much right now given you are a non member?

[Nubian]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Nubian,


I hope you have the understanding and compassion to make sense of what I have stated. For every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. So is it wise to say much right now given you are a non member?

No it is not, which is why I have yet to offer an opinion on the topic. I don't proclaim to know the inner workings of any BGLO, so I would be speaking in ignorance if I proclaimed to know why any Greek would renounce membership in their organization. Your statements make perfect sense, I understand and respect them.

However, just to clarify, you mentioned the word "anger" at the beginning of your post. I have never felt any anger toward any member of this or any other board. My purpose for posting my initial post was to express my hopes that in the future, we can all be mutually respectful of each other's thoughts and opinions.

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by ChaosDST
However, while we are all people, there are some things that we do not understand or comprehend. Therefore, it is not a good idea to point the finger or critique something simply looking from the outside.

There are more similarities b/w the sororities than there are differences, BUT there are key differences that a non-member often does not have the privilege to see. Similarly, the Greek world is more similar to the outside world than many think, but the differences are often not seen to non-Greeks and non-Greeks do not have access to such information. Therefore, non-Greeks can not offer insight as to why a Greek would disown their letters or why a prospective for membership would NOT be chosen. They can GUESS or even say what they THINK happened to a friend of theirs (people rarely recount the story as it really happened, though...it's hearse). So, in these cases, an opinion's like an ass####, everyone's got one and some opinions are best thought but not typed.

That concludes your LIFE lesson folks, hope ya took good notes

Did I take good notes? AND HOW!!!

ChaosDST, the same points writtten above you made about Greeks vs. non-Greeks can be equally applied to active Greeks and "denounced" Greeks. Active Greeks really cannot fathom the reasons why their frat/sorors permanently separated from the organization.

*speaking now to all other posters of this thread*

Therefore, IMHO it is extremely unfair and hypocritical for Greeks to chastise non-Greeks for alledgedly posting on topics that they do not know anything about when the very nature of this thread required just that: Greeks posting opinions on why they think their fellow greeks denounced their GLOs. Since you are not in their shoes, in all fairness, you are no more qualified to speak than any of the non-Greeks. If anybody was best qualified to speak regarding denouncing their org on this thread, it would be me. Ironically enough, only one person replied to me via PM (thank you ClassyLady, and yes I did send a PM response). The rest of the thread turned into a rather elitist Greek vs. non-Greek crossfire debate of "Do as I say, not as I do".

Nubian was right about the spirit of this forum. All too often, I have sensed that it does not welcome viewpoints that either is not PC or does not feed the egos of Greeks. That is sad and I have "seen" too many non-Greeks "leave" the forum bitter and angry because an innocent question or comment they had result in them needlessly getting their heads bit off in rather arrogant tones. As a result, it further perpetuates the very stereotypes about BGLOs that you are trying to dissuade.

To Reiki and Nubian, on behalf of all GLO initiates, I apologize if you feel that we have belittled you and hope you have no hard feelings for Greeks. I extend an olive branch of peace and fellowship.

Sorry if I stepped on anyones toes, but this HAD to be said.

See you later

RM

[Nubian]

Point well taken Rain Man.

Luckily, I have never personally felt belittled or humiliated by any member of this or any other forum, and my commitment in pursuing my organization of choice is as strong as it ever was.

Thanks,

Nubian