would dating a non-virgin bother you?

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I don't know where PB's imaginary 'doesn't respect one's self' line is or isn't, so I'm just being all inclusive.

Ahhhhh.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by agzg

There we go, I knew there'd be some awesome slut shaming in this thread!

Well, at least PB is shaming the male sluts too...as in if he started working the other side of the hot dog stand he wouldn't park his weiner there.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Well, at least PB is shaming the male sluts too...as in if he started working the other side of the hot dog stand he wouldn't park his weiner there.

It's just so ridiculous. Live-in doesn't know my "number" and I don't know his. As long as we're both healthy and happy it doesn't matter one bit.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by agzg

It's just so ridiculous. Live-in doesn't know my "number" and I don't know his. As long as we're both healthy and happy it doesn't matter one bit.

Amen to this. Though I will say I've pushed for an STD screen before with a bf that had slept with triple digits (which I highly suspect was an inflated number, but based on the # of girls at our school alone, it was worth the check).

Then again, I'm careful about that sort of thing, period. I refuse to catch something just because the other person doesn't take their health seriously, cause I'm serious about mine. But as far as I'm concerned, that's the only way in which their prior sex life effects me and the relationship. And the same applies the other way around. My business is my business.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Amen to this. Though I will say I've pushed for an STD screen before with a bf that had slept with triple digits (which I highly suspect was an inflated number, but based on the # of girls at our school alone, it was worth the check).

Then again, I'm careful about that sort of thing, period. I refuse to catch something just because the other person doesn't take their health seriously, cause I'm serious about mine. But as far as I'm concerned, that's the only way in which their prior sex life effects me and the relationship. And the same applies the other way around. My business is my business.

Prior to Live-in and before we moved in together, I was screened regularly. He was, too. Didn't matter the number at all. This reminds me that when I set up my next appointment I should get screened again just in case.

[AlphaFrog]

Husband was a virgin when we started dating. He doesn't know my exact number, but he knows it was more than one. Actually, my number + their prior partners could be easily rivaled by a good number of high school sophomores personal numbers.

[FHwku]

Originally Posted by foonette

Just wondering, if you dated a girl you knew had hooked up with a bunch of guys before would you still date her? i find it really disgusting TBH, but everyone tells me to get over it...sigh

i don't know any virgins. it'd probably be easier to find a unicorn.

and hump it.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FHwku

i don't know any virgins. it'd probably be easier to find a unicorn.

and hump it.

I assume (hope) you mean the back of the unicorn and not the front. Hell of a Freudian slip there, dude.

[cheerfulgreek]

Honestly, I don't ask. I just wait for it to eventually come out. Personally, when it comes to dating, I'm very transparent and I expect the same from the man I am dating. I also don't think anything is wrong with a guy who may have slept with a lot of women, it's just that he wouldn't be the guy for me. I have a standard, and I've never apologized to guys I've dated for keeping a standard, instead, I let it be my guidepost. I just think it's important to separate my options and decide (when dating) if the man standing before me is conducive to how I see my life moving forward. If he's more of a distraction than an asset and is causing me to stray from my course, then I'll end it and move on. A guy with a high number of sexual partners is a distraction and not an asset for me. On the flip side of that, just because he is not the one for me does not make him a bad person, nor does it mean he will not be perfect for someone else. I just think that sex was designed to be a response to love, not a foundation for it. Pretty much the cement and seal of an already established relationship.

It also aggravates me when couples try to compare what they accept in the opposite sex to what other couples accept and do not accept. Be happy with you and yours. Not everyone has the same personal preferences. IMO, I just think that it helps when people have similar backgrounds and share complimentary goals and values. Two becoming one is a lot easier to achieve when both parties are walking in the same direction. So, what might work really well with one couple may not work well with another.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by FHwku

i don't know any virgins. it'd probably be easier to find a unicorn.

and hump it.

lol

[33girl]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

If he's more of a distraction than an asset and is causing me to stray from my course, then I'll end it and move on. A guy with a high number of sexual partners is a distraction and not an asset for me.

I'm probably going to be sorry I'm even getting into this discussion, but...

Say you met a guy and found out he had a serious alcohol problem in his youth. He is now in AA, hasn't touched a drop in years, clean as a whistle. Would you consider that a "distraction" as well?

As far as guys who've had a lot of partners, two guys I knew in college who were both with a LOT of girls are now the most loving, devoted, happiest husbands and fathers you could ever meet. I think pretty much everyone envies their wives and would love to be in their position. The guys who were "nice guys" and had the same girlfriend all through college and didn't screw around a lot in general are the ones having the midlife crises and getting divorced and flirting on Facebook. It's kind of like getting a tan...it might look good now, but you pay for it when you hit 40.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm probably going to be sorry I'm even getting into this discussion, but...

Say you met a guy and found out he had a serious alcohol problem in his youth. He is now in AA, hasn't touched a drop in years, clean as a whistle. Would you consider that a "distraction" as well?

As far as guys who've had a lot of partners, two guys I knew in college who were both with a LOT of girls are now the most loving, devoted, happiest husbands and fathers you could ever meet. I think pretty much everyone envies their wives and would love to be in their position. The guys who were "nice guys" and had the same girlfriend all through college and didn't screw around a lot in general are the ones having the midlife crises and getting divorced and flirting on Facebook. It's kind of like getting a tan...it might look good now, but you pay for it when you hit 40.

To answer your first question, I believe people can turn their lives around. But for me, that just depends on where he is mentally and spiritually. If people are meant to be in our lives, they will return of their own volition.

In response to the second part, I agree with you. I know people like that too. No matter how in love you are, there is no such thing as a perfect trouble-free partnership.

[DrPhil]

Everyone has dealbreakers. This is why women and men should keep their number of sexual partners to themselves and instead focus on being mentally and physically "clean." Wrap it up, get STD checks, make sure you are not having sex because you feel emotionally deficient without sex. Handle all of that and you won't have to wear your sexual partners on your sleeve. How I feel about that doesn't change whether you have 1 sexual partner or 2,000 sexual partners.

That's why I think it's dumb when couples ask about each other's sexual partners. Men are more likely to ask this of women than the other way around.

Once you release personal information like number of sexual partners to others you are giving others the ability to judge and treat you accordingly. Don't want to be judged and treated a certain way? Give people no choice but to mind their own business. The fictional Samantha Jones gets the same response from me whether it's a woman or a man. That response is "shut up about it already, you're beginning to sound insecure rather than sexually liberated. Don't want people to frown, stop telling us about your sex."

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by agzg

Prior to Live-in and before we moved in together, I was screened regularly. He was, too. Didn't matter the number at all. This reminds me that when I set up my next appointment I should get screened again just in case.

Most guys I've dated don't get screened, and don't see the need to until I make it clear that won't fly with me. I don't know why that is. For the record, I've never asked a dude what his number is...in that particular case he was very proud of himself and made sure to tell me.

I do it at least once a year. My policy is trust no one when it comes to my own safety.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm probably going to be sorry I'm even getting into this discussion, but...

Say you met a guy and found out he had a serious alcohol problem in his youth. He is now in AA, hasn't touched a drop in years, clean as a whistle. Would you consider that a "distraction" as well?

As far as guys who've had a lot of partners, two guys I knew in college who were both with a LOT of girls are now the most loving, devoted, happiest husbands and fathers you could ever meet. I think pretty much everyone envies their wives and would love to be in their position. The guys who were "nice guys" and had the same girlfriend all through college and didn't screw around a lot in general are the ones having the midlife crises and getting divorced and flirting on Facebook. It's kind of like getting a tan...it might look good now, but you pay for it when you hit 40.

This is an example of how different peoples' guidelines can be...for me the answer to question one would be yes, and it would be a dealbreaker. I'm betting for most people it wouldn't be, if he were clean and responsible for years. I'm far less likely to care who a guy has sex with (provided he doesn't have anything and is responsible about checking) than a past history of struggles with addiction, and I have my very concrete reasons for that. I've got a several friends that would flip it around and think I'm nuts to have the guidelines I do.

What works for one person doesn't work for everyone, that's for damn sure.

[BluPhire]

Okay since this thread hasn't died I will share.

I had a girl who was feeling me and we were cool, overhear me say something similar to what PB said (I was young then.) She made the confession once that in her youth she participated in a three-some.

So I ask, what would you have done after hearing that information?