would dating a non-virgin bother you?

[cheerfulgreek]

Honestly, I don't ask. I just wait for it to eventually come out. Personally, when it comes to dating, I'm very transparent and I expect the same from the man I am dating. I also don't think anything is wrong with a guy who may have slept with a lot of women, it's just that he wouldn't be the guy for me. I have a standard, and I've never apologized to guys I've dated for keeping a standard, instead, I let it be my guidepost. I just think it's important to separate my options and decide (when dating) if the man standing before me is conducive to how I see my life moving forward. If he's more of a distraction than an asset and is causing me to stray from my course, then I'll end it and move on. A guy with a high number of sexual partners is a distraction and not an asset for me. On the flip side of that, just because he is not the one for me does not make him a bad person, nor does it mean he will not be perfect for someone else. I just think that sex was designed to be a response to love, not a foundation for it. Pretty much the cement and seal of an already established relationship.

It also aggravates me when couples try to compare what they accept in the opposite sex to what other couples accept and do not accept. Be happy with you and yours. Not everyone has the same personal preferences. IMO, I just think that it helps when people have similar backgrounds and share complimentary goals and values. Two becoming one is a lot easier to achieve when both parties are walking in the same direction. So, what might work really well with one couple may not work well with another.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

If he's more of a distraction than an asset and is causing me to stray from my course, then I'll end it and move on. A guy with a high number of sexual partners is a distraction and not an asset for me.

I'm probably going to be sorry I'm even getting into this discussion, but...

Say you met a guy and found out he had a serious alcohol problem in his youth. He is now in AA, hasn't touched a drop in years, clean as a whistle. Would you consider that a "distraction" as well?

As far as guys who've had a lot of partners, two guys I knew in college who were both with a LOT of girls are now the most loving, devoted, happiest husbands and fathers you could ever meet. I think pretty much everyone envies their wives and would love to be in their position. The guys who were "nice guys" and had the same girlfriend all through college and didn't screw around a lot in general are the ones having the midlife crises and getting divorced and flirting on Facebook. It's kind of like getting a tan...it might look good now, but you pay for it when you hit 40.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I'm probably going to be sorry I'm even getting into this discussion, but...

Say you met a guy and found out he had a serious alcohol problem in his youth. He is now in AA, hasn't touched a drop in years, clean as a whistle. Would you consider that a "distraction" as well?

As far as guys who've had a lot of partners, two guys I knew in college who were both with a LOT of girls are now the most loving, devoted, happiest husbands and fathers you could ever meet. I think pretty much everyone envies their wives and would love to be in their position. The guys who were "nice guys" and had the same girlfriend all through college and didn't screw around a lot in general are the ones having the midlife crises and getting divorced and flirting on Facebook. It's kind of like getting a tan...it might look good now, but you pay for it when you hit 40.

To answer your first question, I believe people can turn their lives around. But for me, that just depends on where he is mentally and spiritually. If people are meant to be in our lives, they will return of their own volition.

In response to the second part, I agree with you. I know people like that too. No matter how in love you are, there is no such thing as a perfect trouble-free partnership.