Want to be married by the age of 30?

[AnotherKD]

Just trying to be honest. I've known her for years and I love her for who she is, looking past the psoriasis on her face and what she has acknowledged to be her extra 75 pounds. I'd love to help her, but she won't go out with anyone I set her up with and just complains about not being able to find anyone. I think she just doesn't try. She's hilarious and a lot of fun to be around.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

Just trying to be honest. I've known her for years and I love her for who she is, looking past the psoriasis on her face and what she has acknowledged to be her extra 75 pounds. I'd love to help her, but she won't go out with anyone I set her up with and just complains about not being able to find anyone. I think she just doesn't try. She's hilarious and a lot of fun to be around.

Or else she's been so hurt in the past that it's easier to shoot them down before they do it to her. Her "hilariousness" is just covering that up.

Try helping her with the things that CAN be fixed - like finding a good dermatologist and going to the gym or on a diet with her - instead of just throwing weiners at the problem. She has to love herself before she can love anyone else. Any boyfriend she'd get at this point in her life would probably be a mental abuser who preyed on her self-doubt.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Any boyfriend she'd get at this point in her life would probably be a mental abuser who preyed on her self-doubt.

Which is why so many of my 29 year old friends divorced!

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

You know, one of my best friends is going through this. She'll turn 30 in just over a year and would like to be married when she's "30-ish". That being said, she has her expectations set a bit high. I love her and she was the maid of honor at my wedding, but she says she hasn't had a boyfriend in 6 years (we're including anyone she's been out with more than once- in 6 YEARS!) because she can't find what she's looking for.

She's overweight and average-looking, but I think she is a fantastic person to be around. She refuses to go online for a date and she just complains that she can't meet anyone that fulfills her qualifications of being "tall, built, a gorgeous face, and smart with a good job". I mean, she will summarily dismiss someone she sees, saying things like "No, I don't want to go and say hi, his nose looks a little crooked" or "He's drinking dark beer, ew!" I'm trying to figure out a way to tactfully say that she should lower her expectations a bit.....

My friend who was like that finally came out of the closet after over a decade of finding some picayune thing wrong with every man who was interested in her.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Or else she's been so hurt in the past that it's easier to shoot them down before they do it to her. Her "hilariousness" is just covering that up.

Try helping her with the things that CAN be fixed - like finding a good dermatologist and going to the gym or on a diet with her - instead of just throwing weiners at the problem. She has to love herself before she can love anyone else. Any boyfriend she'd get at this point in her life would probably be a mental abuser who preyed on her self-doubt.

Agree with this too.

[Munchkin03]

Or else she really isn't ready to settle down with someone and is subconsciously coming up with "dealbreakers."

[Drolefille]

I will now giggle about throwing weiners at the problem.

[DrPhil]

There's no universal beauty, but I think SHE is beautiful.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

There's no universal beauty, but I think SHE is beautiful.

Right, we all have different tastes, but C'MON!

[VandalSquirrel]

Hell no! it would ruin my current look of spinster with two cats who also knits and is considering a professional graduate degree in librarianship.

That reminds me, time to get an eye exam for some new cat eye glasses and I need a haircut because my bun is just getting unruly.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

Hell no! it would ruin my current look of spinster with two cats who also knits and is considering a professional graduate degree in librarianship.

That reminds me, time to get an eye exam for some new cat eye glasses and I need a haircut because my bun is just getting unruly.

YES. I make cat, spinster, future Ph. D. student jokes all the time. Although I don't know if an Ed. S. to Ph. D. program in a mental health field is "spinster" enough. Think I need to keep looking.

I would tend to agree with you, there are A WHOLE LOT of really great things that woldn't have happened if I were married in undergrad.

It sounds so silly, but I think about married girls who are trying to go through recruitment and they come here for rush advice. They're headed to some of the most traditional Greek Life schools in the country and thinking they'll be able to join. Even at my kind of crazy school, chapters were not very interested in married girls. Sure they were open to some non-traditionals (maybe 23, 24, a transfer) but we were still a very traditional school with Greek housing, and chapters knew that married girls were not going to live-in.

Sure, sorority is not LIFE. But that's a part of college I for sure wouldn't have been able to experience as a married student. Married folk have to worry about what hubby is going to eat, and from 18-21 it was all T-Bell and microwaved stuff. lol.

[KSUViolet06]

I was involved with a women's religious service org on campus in undergrad. I came back for an alumnae event and was meeting some of the newest girls. They were introducing themselves and sharing a "fun fact" about themselves. Ex: "Hi, I'm Suzie and I went to Germany this past summer."

One freshman girl introduced herself and said "Hi I'm Becky and I got married this weekend."

Later in the evening, we were talking and another undergrad asked where she went for her honeymoon.

Her answer: "Oh we didn't get one because he had a Sociology 10001 final on Monday." She also mentioned that she and hubby were suitemates in one of the co-ed dorms.

If you know my school, married students are def not the norm (even for the students who are involved in religious activities). So that was a pretty interesting scenario.

In contrast, there's a private school less than an hour away where very many of the girls are married at some point through school.

I rather enjoy the fact that I didn't have a hubby-roomie in school. Hubby-roomie wouldn't have enjoyed the fact that I couldn't cook for beans and came home late on Thursdays. lol.

[Xidelt]

Um, why didn't Becky and her husband get an on-campus apt for married students? Or any apartment for that matter? Most schools have housing for students in her situation and it doesn't involve sharing a microwave with other freshmen.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

Um, why didn't Becky and her husband get an on-campus apt for married students? Or any apartment for that matter? Most schools have housing for students in her situation and it doesn't involve sharing a microwave with other freshmen.

I have no idea. We DO have that here. Maybe she wanted the college experience? lol.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

She's overweight and average-looking, but I think she is a fantastic person to be around. She refuses to go online for a date and she just complains that she can't meet anyone that fulfills her qualifications of being "tall, built, a gorgeous face, and smart with a good job".

Tell her she's not her type's type.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Or else she's been so hurt in the past that it's easier to shoot them down before they do it to her. Her "hilariousness" is just covering that up.

Srsly, this. *cough*Chilli*cough*

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I came back for an alumnae event and was meeting some of the newest girls. They were introducing themselves and sharing a "fun fact" about themselves. Ex: "Hi, I'm Suzie and I went to Germany this past summer."

On the first day of class (after a summer break) in grad school, we did that. One by one, girls stood up and said, "I'm so-and-so and I got married last week/I'm getting married next month/I'm getting married in 7 weeks/etc." After 6 or 7 girls making that announcement, I stood up and said, "Hi! I'm CG and I'm not getting married." I was very non-snarky about it. Everyone laughed and, from me on, all the single girls introduced themselves the same way.