In-law venting thread - Page 3

SydneyK · #31 08-19-2009, 01:55 PM

My sister-in-law is a complete whack job; I could go on for days about her. It's hard to blame her, though, since her mom raised her to be a selfish man-hater. I feel sorry for my brother daily, and I'm grateful that I see her only on holidays. (It's a shame my holidays have to suffer the consequences, though.)

APhi Sailorgirl · #32 08-21-2009, 10:25 AM

Oh lordy, where do I begin with the joys of my in-laws.

Here's the short version:
-DH and I began dating 2 weeks before BIL and now SIL. It was pretty much a competition to them from then on. I guess they didn't realize that at the age of 25 (then) I wasn't in a rush to be married to a guy I had know for all of a month. B/c BIL in the end "wins" by getting married first, MIL just loves new DIL.

-BIL/SIL ruin our engagement announcement to MIL and her husband and FIL.

-MIL/SIL treat me like shit through the entire wedding process including-ignoring me at the shower they hosted for me-not getting us a gift or card for the wedding-and ignoring everyone at the wedding, INCLUDING my parents who footed the whole bill.

-Due to said wedding actions, we only tell my parents we are looking to get a dog. After 2 unsuccessful tries to adopt, we get our puppy. We only call IL's after we're on the way home with her.

-At last christmas find out MIL bought BIL/SIL a $400 camera as an anniversary present. Well isn't that nice since you couldn't even get us a flucking wedding card.

-After christmas DH confronts MIL asking what the deal is. MIL says that BIL/SIL told her I said mean things to them and they don't like me and she believes them. DH tells her BIL should come to him if he has issues and MIL shouldn't treat his new wife like that.

-DH and I have strained first 6 months of marriage b/c of IL's.

-FIL likes to randomly show up at our house b/c we live like 15 mins from him. DH asks him to call, repeatedly, still just shows up. We've been in our house for over a year. MIL and her husband will call, b/c they're at BIL's house seeing his kids and figure we're already out, might as well see the other son. THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN US JUST TO VISIT US, we are always before or after DH's brother.

-We've taken to either avoiding family events or being there as short a time as possible. I normally have some sort of alcholic beverage while around IL's.

-My parents treat DH like the son he never had and are always helping, supporting us etc. My parents drove down for the weekend to help us build our deck. None of the IL's helped. Did I mention DH helped BIL build 2 decks, at his old house and his new one?

-I'm trying to figure out a way to not tell any IL's if/when we get pregnant. I'm thinking that won't be possible seeing as how close by they are, but I would prefer for them to find out via facebook perhaps?

-Did I mention I haven't even been married a year yet? Poor DH, he knows they suck, but they are his family.

Quala67 · #33 08-21-2009, 10:52 AM

My first MIL never seemed to be able to cut the apron strings. I remember clearly that she called the house at 7am to remind my husband of his dentist appointment. 1) he wasn't home, I was still in bed asleep and not due to get up for another 1/2 hour 2) why did she even KNOW when his appointment was? 3) we'd been married for *TEN YEARS*. Why did she haveta do this???

After the divorce, I was happier to not be 'related' to them anymore.

Now, my new MIL is the best. Even before I was married, I knew my hubby and his family - and didn't even know my future MIL's real name until we were married - it was always "Mama S," even 15 years ago! I'll call her to just to chat, and she is truly a blessing. She considers me the daughter she never had.

I told my current hubby that not only did I get him, but getting his parents was a bonus! I feel for all of y'all that have crappy IL's.

AnchorAlumna · #34 08-21-2009, 11:05 AM

Unmarried ladies, a warning: You really DO marry the family as well as the man.

No, you don't believe it, but it's true!

Munchkin03 · #35 08-21-2009, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Unmarried ladies, a warning: You really DO marry the family as well as the man.

No, you don't believe it, but it's true!

Oh, I'm not married yet but I believe it and know it!

My almost in-laws were kind of weird. Ex's father liked to lecture Ex-FH and I on money. This was all well and good except that he a). lacked health insurance because he "didn't need it,", b). had fouled up ex's credit inadvertently because they had the exact same name, and c). had no plans or ability to retire. I knew that if I continued with the marriage plans, that a good chunk of my future earnings would be going to help them out.

Now, I'm not even helping my parents out--they're not wealthy or anything, but they planned for retirement and paid all of their bills--why should I help someone else who wanted to lecture ME on how I spent MY money? Better yet, my parents never lectured me on money.

Guess what? Three years after breaking off the plans, Ex-FH lives in the same Midwestern town as the parents, and he's taking care of them. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY LIFE, PEOPLE!

AOII_LB93 · #36 08-21-2009, 12:00 PM

APhi Sailorgirl it sounds like your in-laws are pieces of work. Good luck to you. It makes my situation seem a little less dire right now.

APhi Sailorgirl · #37 08-21-2009, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

APhi Sailorgirl it sounds like your in-laws are pieces of work. Good luck to you. It makes my situation seem a little less dire right now.

Yeah, DH and I will have been married a year in October and seriously none of this stuff happened until we got engaged and we dated a year before that happened.

This is awful, but I'm so ready for my parents to retire and move down by us, which is their plan. It will be so nice to show all of DH's family that is what a nice, loving, caring family looks like. Although MIL does like her other DIL, so it could just be me.

WCsweet<3 · #38 08-21-2009, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhi Sailorgirl

This is awful, but I'm so ready for my parents to retire and move down by us, which is their plan. It will be so nice to show all of DH's family that is what a nice, loving, caring family looks like. Although MIL does like her other DIL, so it could just be me.

The Boyfriend's parents might come out this December and I'm thinking that it will be interesting to see them meet my parents. They are polar opposites and have nothing in common except that both sets of parents love the boyfriend. The jury is still out on whether or not the ILs like me. I would say they don't, but the boyfriend says they do.

Let's see both sets of parents are near each other in age, except, mine had retirement plans and are retired. His are still paying off their house 23 years later with no plans of retirement even though they are going into their 60s and having to ask their son to help them with payments. My parents have a clean, fairly uncluttered house even though they have 2.5 other people living there (brother is currently moving out) and a dog. In-laws have three people other than themselves living there, but i can almost assure you it has been years since that carpet was vacuumed (not even going into all the other cleaning things... when I leave the house I practically bleach myself). My parents are open to every type of belief (religious and political not like oh its okay to kill people belief) while the in laws are very vocal and judgmental. I can assure you they will not be happy with the wedding if the boyfriend and I get married since it won't be as religious as they want it. My parents want us to wait to get married and to have me get my education before we do anything. His parents don't understand why I'm going to school, why I want to work, why we aren't married and why we are hesitant on having kids (ever).
I know my family isn't perfect and I have complained about them countless times, however, his family terrifies me.

Somewhere in my mind, I know that when you get married you marry the family as well, but I keep hoping it isn't true... Maybe if we live in Russia, they won't follow us.

AOII_LB93 · #39 08-21-2009, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhi Sailorgirl

Yeah, DH and I will have been married a year in October and seriously none of this stuff happened until we got engaged and we dated a year before that happened.

This is awful, but I'm so ready for my parents to retire and move down by us, which is their plan. It will be so nice to show all of DH's family that is what a nice, loving, caring family looks like. Although MIL does like her other DIL, so it could just be me.

It might be you...don't you know, you're not good enough for her baby boy? Here's an article to help you be a better DIL http://psychology.suite101.com/artic...ghterinlaw_101

There's one for mother in laws too. I was >this< close to sending it to mine, but then I figured it would start a sh*t storm in which I would be in the center. Apparently most mother in laws have not heard the saying, "A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter for the rest of your life." Heck if we want to go biblical, it says something about cleaving from your family too...

Ahh here it is: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

That's funny...my MIL was bitchier before I was the fiancee, but then got nice, and then turned bitchy again right before the wedding, and it's been crap for the last 4 years.

And WC, remember...you marry the in-laws too, it's totally true. Doesn't matter where you live, they can still be a pain in the ass.

ETA: About the quote about sons and daughters, not saying that all girls care about their families, I'm saying a son's priority towards his parents changes when he gets married, or at least I think it should.

KSUViolet06 · #40 08-21-2009, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Unmarried ladies, a warning: You really DO marry the family as well as the man.

No, you don't believe it, but it's true!

This. Some people say, "It doesn't matter what his parents are like because I'm not marrying them." Oh in some ways, you are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Guess what? Three years after breaking off the plans, Ex-FH lives in the same Midwestern town as the parents, and he's taking care of them. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN MY LIFE, PEOPLE!

That's a pretty scary thought. I bet you're glad that didn't end up happening.

PS. This thread makes me a little scared to get married, lol.

AOII_LB93 · #41 08-25-2009, 02:41 PM

So my SIL is getting rid of her dog because the new fiance hates dogs...I'm sorry, why would you date someone who hates animals if you have one?

Apparently fiance is a real winner: ex-addict, did time, OCD, ADHD, etc....

And she wonders why we think this guy is bad? Seriously?

MysticCat · #42 08-25-2009, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

So my SIL is getting rid of her dog because the new fiance hates dogs...I'm sorry, why would you date someone who hates animals if you have one?

Apparently fiance is a real winner: ex-addict, did time, OCD, ADHD, etc....

And she wonders why we think this guy is bad? Seriously?

Careful there please. Do you really need to lump people with OCD and ADHD in with ex-addicts and ex-cons? I know some people with ADHD and even OCD who really are winners -- I'm kin to some of them. One of them's wife would tell you she's the winner.

ellebud · #43 08-25-2009, 04:35 PM

Why don't I just say that I learned how NOT to be a mother in law from my MIL?

RaggedyAnn · #44 08-26-2009, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

So my SIL is getting rid of her dog because the new fiance hates dogs...I'm sorry, why would you date someone who hates animals if you have one?

Apparently fiance is a real winner: ex-addict, did time, OCD, ADHD, etc....

And she wonders why we think this guy is bad? Seriously?

I actually would run a cat test on potential boyfriends. If the guys didn't like them, they were out. I love cats and want to have them for the rest of my life-no joke, it was part of the marital agreement. My cats are also a very good judge of character. They know if people really like them-if not, they disappear.

AOII_LB93 · #45 08-26-2009, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Careful there please. Do you really need to lump people with OCD and ADHD in with ex-addicts and ex-cons? I know some people with ADHD and even OCD who really are winners -- I'm kin to some of them. One of them's wife would tell you she's the winner.

MC, No, no, not lumping them in...it's just more to add to the host of issues the guy already has, that my SIL doesn't want to deal with yet complains about constantly. If you had a daughter (which I don't remember if you do, but I remember you mentioning a son? Maybe I'm crazy) would you question her choice of marrying a guy who has no career prospects(he currently makes minimum wage), that was an ex-addict, was emotionally abusive to her, whose family has a history of mental illness, ex-con/addict, etc...? And she wants to make kids with said guy and thinks she's going to be a stay at home mom?

I know it's her choice, but she continually complains about how unhappy she is...duh, tell him to get out of your house and not come back or suck it up and deal with the choice you made. I guess I just don't get it.