Problems with my chapter

[APhiAnna]

I think you are way over-reacting. I think those are problems that can be addressed on a chapter level. Honestly your post comes across a little spiteful...maybe I'm reading it wrong but it seems kind of like, "you guys made choices I don't agree with and now you are going to pay." Bring it up on a smaller stage first.

Oh and the underage drinking? You joined a sorority honey. I hate to say it but I would be shocked to find a chapter where at least some of the members didn't drink underage. It's college in general. That being said they can be a little more careful from a risk management position (as you pointed out) but being upset that they are drinking just seems a little nitpicky and naive.

[LaRues_Lady]

I think I didn't make myself clear on a few things. First of all, as I have already said, we're getting together at the next meeting to discuss this. That's the first step before going to nationals, but I'm afraid they may be coming to us. Our exec board is running the chapter into the ground right now...it's very unorganized and to say the least we're on the verge of financial probation because of the treasurer and the other exec members aren’t doing their jobs as they should be. The advisor is aware of this but doesn’t care.

Speaking of the advisor, AOII Angel, she is part of the problem. She had the final say in the end over who to give bids to, and without meeting the girl I speak of voted not to give her a bid, but it was HER idea to give a bid to the girls who showed no interest in us.

33girl, I don’t want to “bust them on the drinking just to get back at them,” I’m doing it for their own safety (some of them drink a little too much and have found themselves in compromising situations, but again, the advisor doesn’t seem to care), and it is affecting the way the chapter is run (partying comes before the needs of the chapter with some of them). If they want to drink underage that’s their business, but when it begins directly affecting me, I take it personally and want the situation rectified because I don’t want it looking bad on me. That may seem a little selfish to some, but ultimately, I need to look out for myself in this particular situation. Since the advisor isn’t taking action, perhaps nationals needs to.

SigKapSweetie, the chapter consultant was here last week. She said basically the same things I’ve been saying but the young girls didn't listened to her. Literally. They scoffed when she was talking, rolled their eyes, and let it go in one ear and out the other.

And again about the underage drinking, I just want to stress (and I know I didn’t the first time so there’s no way anyone could have known this), but it’s affecting these girls’ reputations and the chapter. Chapter work isn’t getting done (the treasurer still hasn’t sent out a bill for national obligations, which were due September 10 and only a handful of girls [the older ones and the treasurer] knew they were due, so they haven’t been paid, it is now the 5th week of school and even though the list was compiled over two months ago we still don’t know what committees we’re on, and we’ve had a secretary quit the chapter). These girls are not doing their jobs, but they’re at the bar every weekend and at the frat houses every time a party is going on. Like I said to someone else, I don’t care what these girls do in their free time until it starts directly affecting me. And at this point, their actions are starting to run the chapter in the ground and 2 of the 3 advisors see it but don’t care. One (the only really “legal” advisor we have) keeps saying she’s ready to quit, in which case we’d be shut down because there’s no one else eligible to run the chapter who would want to (we have NO alumnae support what-so-ever unless it comes to drinking with the actives, which is illegal in our GLO). The only reason I would take this to nationals is to cover my own butt if and when it comes to them wondering why we’re more interested in partying than running our chapter the way it should be.

[LaRues_Lady]

APhiAnna,
Yes, I joined a sorority, "honey." I joined for the friends and to get involved on my campus, which is the reason anyone should join a sorority. And I never drank underage, as well as at least two of my sisters. Why? Because I didn't want to. I know that there are people who do want to and that's their own business until it starts affecting me (drinking and driving, ruining my reputation because they're becoming legends...). Some of my best friends have been drinking since we came onto campus and that's their own business. It's just that when they're jeopardizing my reputation and my status as a member that I have a problem and think something needs to be done. I’m taking it to my advisors, but they just don’t care anymore. If action isn’t taken and they keep their behavior up, nationals may have to be notified. Sorry if this sounds “spiteful” to you, but if you can’t count on your leaders (advisors and executive board) to look out for the best interest of the chapter, who can you count on? Oh that’s right, only yourself.

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by LaRues_Lady

APhiAnna,
Yes, I joined a sorority, "honey." I joined for the friends and to get involved on my campus, which is the reason anyone should join a sorority. And I never drank underage, as well as at least two of my sisters. Why? Because I didn't want to. I know that there are people who do want to and that's their own business until it starts affecting me (drinking and driving, ruining my reputation because they're becoming legends...). Some of my best friends have been drinking since we came onto campus and that's their own business. It's just that when they're jeopardizing my reputation and my status as a member that I have a problem and think something needs to be done. I’m taking it to my advisors, but they just don’t care anymore. If action isn’t taken and they keep their behavior up, nationals may have to be notified. Sorry if this sounds “spiteful” to you, but if you can’t count on your leaders (advisors and executive board) to look out for the best interest of the chapter, who can you count on? Oh that’s right, only yourself.

I'm not going to start an internet fight but I will respond to this once and only once. If a woman is joining a sorority because she wants to drink she is an idiot. I joined for the same reasons you did. And yes, there are plenty of women in my chapter that don't drink. However, in your original post before you explained further the drinking problems it sounded like you were upset that members were drinking underage at all. IMHO that sounded a little naive that you were shocked that sisters were drinking underage and a little petty that you were so upset about it. You have elaborated and I agree, it does sound like a problem, but you can't expect people to know that type of information if you don't post it. I would be hard pressed to find one group of any sort that doesn't have members who drink underage (which ironically includes the majority of religious groups on our campus, GAMMA, etc). It is true, however, that none of those groups have people who are drinking without fulfilling their obligations but you did not post those concerns in the original post.

And I'm out.

[AOII Angel]

It sounds like you first need to petition your headquarters for a new adviser. If the one you have isn't doing her job to make sure the chapter is run properly, then she should be replaced. Be very specific when you tell HQ what all she has done. Advisers have very detailed rules to follow as do collegians. It sounds like yours has crossed the line!

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

It sounds like you first need to petition your headquarters for a new adviser. If the one you have isn't doing her job to make sure the chapter is run properly, then she should be replaced. Be very specific when you tell HQ what all she has done. Advisers have very detailed rules to follow as do collegians. It sounds like yours has crossed the line!

Excellent advice!

[LaRues_Lady]

Believe me AOII, I'd like to. Don't get me wrong, I like the advisor as a person and she is a new advisor (starting her second full year), but she knows the rules and is very easily swayed. She has two other "advisors" to help her this year, one from my pledge class who went alum last semester and one from a little bit before me who went alum last semester. Whatever they say they think is a good idea goes. She just doesn't have a backbone as an advisor; at least not yet.

The problem is, there's no body willing to take the chapter over. No alums in the area who are willing to take this over. We'd have to just about have nationals come in and find someone or something, which I don't think would go over well.

It's one of the things that is going to be discussed in private with members of our standards committee and the main advisor, so I'm just hoping she's receptive to thier suggestions about how to change her approach on how she runs the chapter. If not, I'm just trying to stick it out until I can go alum but preparing for the worst if it comes to it.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by LaRues_Lady

APhiAnna,
Yes, I joined a sorority, "honey." I joined for the friends and to get involved on my campus, which is the reason anyone should join a sorority. And I never drank underage, as well as at least two of my sisters. Why? Because I didn't want to. I know that there are people who do want to and that's their own business until it starts affecting me (drinking and driving, ruining my reputation because they're becoming legends...). Some of my best friends have been drinking since we came onto campus and that's their own business. It's just that when they're jeopardizing my reputation and my status as a member that I have a problem and think something needs to be done. I’m taking it to my advisors, but they just don’t care anymore. If action isn’t taken and they keep their behavior up, nationals may have to be notified. Sorry if this sounds “spiteful” to you, but if you can’t count on your leaders (advisors and executive board) to look out for the best interest of the chapter, who can you count on? Oh that’s right, only yourself.

The bolded and underlined statements make you seem jealous. Who cares about your reputation? How are they ruining your reputation?

The chapter I joined is TONS different now. And I've heard that there have been comments made about looks and appearance. Shallowness is going to happen in any selective organization. You can't change those people's opinions. Would I become a part of my chapter had I rushed now? Hell no. But they're my sisters and I have to accept that times and things change. If you're an older member, maybe it's time to let go and let the new girls take charge. Sometimes that's what happens when we get older.

[Just interested]

If your National organization sent in a chapter consultant a week ago, I have a feeling they are aware of the situation at your chapter. From what little I know, at least as far as my sorority is concerned, they are already on the case.

[PANTHERTEKE]

To the OP, why are you so against your newer chapter members trying to improve the quality of the chapter?

If they want to make the sorority better then why stop them? You're an older sister so you're on your way out anyway.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by LaRues_Lady

Believe me AOII, I'd like to. Don't get me wrong, I like the advisor as a person and she is a new advisor (starting her second full year), but she knows the rules and is very easily swayed. She has two other "advisors" to help her this year, one from my pledge class who went alum last semester and one from a little bit before me who went alum last semester. Whatever they say they think is a good idea goes. She just doesn't have a backbone as an advisor; at least not yet.

One of your problems is that your advisors, whether "official" or not, are recent graduates. I am the recruitment advisor for my chapter and I just graduated 2 years ago, but everyone in my chapter was initiated after I left school. Therefore, I don't really have ties with them that might compromise my ability to set myself apart from them and advise them in an effective way.

If those girls would like to help out the chapter, that is fine. But to put them into an advisor position (whether it's official or not) immediately after graduation, when they still have friends in the chapter, is going to create problems, and they're going to take sides. And the reason they think they're always right, is because they just graduated. They were so used to having a say about everything, that they're not removed enough to understand that ANYTHING that they say can be ignored and "overruled", so to speak. Trust me, I've watched my chapter vote on things that are ridiculous, and I've had them ignore good advice that I've given to them, but it's my job to sit back, let them learn from experience, and only step in if the chapter is in real trouble.

And if your chapter advisor is easily swayed, take the other two girls out of their advisor positions, and "sway" the chapter advisor to listen to you. And I can't emphasize this enough... TALK TO YOUR ADVISOR. Have a heart-to-heart with her. You say you like her as a person, so she can't be THAT scary. Tell her your concerns, both about the way she is advising, and about the chapter in general. I guarantee that if you go over her head and go to nationals first, she'll be more pissed at you than if you talked to her directly. And if she does get mad about you voicing your concerns to her, then she probably isn't fit for that position.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Just interested

If your National organization sent in a chapter consultant a week ago, I have a feeling they are aware of the situation at your chapter. From what little I know, at least as far as my sorority is concerned, they are already on the case.

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up. I would say it's a done deal that your chapter will be gone by the end of the semester, and no need for you to martyr yourself by being the person who turns them in. Sorry if that sounds cynical, but considering you have numbers problems, participation problems, advisor problems, risk mgmt problems, and money problems...that pretty much spells "toast."

If that happens...there is something you can do for your sorority as a whole. Your advisor SUCKS. She's bowing to the wishes of 2 recent grads of the chapter (who should NOT be advisors even on paper) and from what I gather, completely disobeying the rules of membership selection in your GLO. Write a long letter to your HQ explaining what she did that she shouldn't have and why she should NOT be a primary chapter advisor again, at least until she has some time to get her act together. (Side note, I don't understand why your chapter would be shut down if your advisor quits - HQ should be working to find you a new one.)

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Zeta13Girl

I just thought I would stop by and drop in my two cents on this topic. I know that not everyone will agree with me, but here it goes.

First off I am shocked the you let these "newer" sisters use being fat as a reason that a girl should not obtain a bid to your sorority. In my chapter if a girl even thought about raising her hand and mentioning that she would've been ripped from head to toe by the other sisters. It seems to me that you need to re-educate your sister on the values your sorority was founded on. The last time I checked I have never seen a creed, purpose symphony, or anything else detailing the size measurements a sister must fit into to be in the sorority (please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). Your newer sisters need to be educated on the appropriate criteria to judge PNMs on. This should obviously come from the older sisters who have been in the sorority for the longest or the most educated on the topic.

Also, you didn't mention it in your post, but I'm sure there are some larger members of your organization who have been insulted or hurt by these negative comments. You should definitely be addressing this at your next meeting. To me saying that someone is too fat to join the sorority is like telling all of the "larger" members that they don't deserve to be a part of this sorority.

My chapter never had an adviser, but if you don't think she is handling the membership area of your chapter correctly would it not be best to move her to another advisement position and have someone else takeover membership???

I can't help you with your drinking thing though because that would be kind of hypocritical of me.


P.S. ... Some of you may think its silly to lose half a chapter over a new member, but if the girls are going to quit over one girl, who is "fat" that may say something about their motivations for joining the chapter and maybe, just maybe, they really aren't sisters worth keeping around. *just a thought*

*snaps* to that.

Change what you can while you’re still active. Once you’re gone, there’s really nothing you can do. You can yell at them until you’re blue in the face, but they’ll be able to vote on whoever they like. And the more I read this thread, the more I realize that you obviously have some major problems in how you select members, and with what you’re teaching your new members. As I always say, while values-based recruitment might be a good idea in the future, once the chapter is back on track… right now, maybe some values-based new member education practices are in order.

You NEED to have a discussion among all of the sisters. And not in a meeting. Ask the sisters if you could have a short time for discussion after the meeting to talk about the state of the chapter. I would suggest not having the new members included in the discussion, as they should not yet be involved in these problems of the chapter if these problems can be solved before they realize there is anything wrong.

Have the sisters (and advisors!) sit in a circle (if the chapter is small enough to do so). Bring with you an item to pass around the group. Anything. It could be a pencil if you really wanted, and the only person who can talk is the person who has that item in their hand. First, write three questions so that all of the sisters can see them (on a blackboard, or something large). Go around the room and have everyone briefly answer the questions - Why did you go through recruitment? Why do you like being a sister/what does it mean to you? What one thing would you change about the chapter? Each of these responses is to be uninterrupted and not responded to until everyone has answered. After everyone has responded, the item goes back to you and you start by voicing any of your concerns. Mention one problem at a time. When you’re done talking, someone can reach across to you or raise their hand, and then that person will be handed the item, and they can respond how they wish. When they’re done talking, someone else can raise their hand, etc. Maybe some sisters don’t know what you’re concerned about. Maybe some sisters are misunderstood. Maybe some sisters don’t know the problems that they are causing. Point them out and let them respond. You might be surprised at how much you learn about each other and about your situation.

In the end though, do what you feel is necessary. If this discussion gets you nowhere, talk to your advisor one on one. If nothing is solved, go to the person a step above her, and so on, and so on. And document everything! Who you talked to and when. Even if you send someone an email just to summarize your situation and then to say “please call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx when you get a chance to discuss this further.” Because if you want any kind of disciplinary action/major changes, you’re going to need to back up your story and have a paper trail. (Trust me, my chapter recently found that out the hard way).

And as has been mentioned, get a group to rally behind you. But DON’T make it seem like an attack on the other members. If it’s upperclassmen v. freshmen, it’s going to get you nowhere. If there is no respect paid one way or the other, it can split up chapters. It’s happened before.

Just make sure to be systematic and thorough in the way that you choose to go about everything. And whatever you do, don’t:
1.) Yell
2.) Place blame on one person
3.) Ignore your advisor
4.) Skip the necessary steps for change
5.) Only talk about this with people on Greekchat

Ok, I’m sorry. I’ve rambled long enough.