AS THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TURNS -- A CHUCK NORRIS SPINOFF

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Oh Honeychile! I think you must be related to Chuck...

I should be so honored!

[barbino]

This would not be a thread about Chuck Norris if you did not have to wait for it to come to you. As Honeychile stated,

TIME WAITS FOR NO MAN EXCEPT FOR CHUCK NORRIS!!!!

[gee_ess]

Hey, we will gladly wait. I am pretty sure Chuck is busy using his brute strength to literally pull Russia closer to Alaska so Sarah Palin can do more than just "see it from her house."

[barbino]

Chuck, having been elected Rush Chairman for his Tridelt chapter, returns to the house a few days before everybody else, along with the Exec Board.

Chuck has spent all summer preparing for this. He even went furniture shopping during the special Delta Force Convention (which was held in North Carolina) so that he could personally decorate the houseparent suite for his friends - the new houseparents, Mike Huckabee and his wife. After losing the Republican nomination to McCain, Huckabee was not sure just what to do. Chuck wanted his buddy by him (Besides, Huckabee is really used to Chuck being right by him by now) so the Tridelts just moved their old housemother to another chapter. Here is the scene:

Chuck: "Here's the suite--I supervised the decorating myself."
The Huckabees: No response ---they are speechless.
Mrs. Huckabee: "But -- it's almost entirely black!"
Chuck: "Well, the linens are white."
Mike Huckabee: "Uh, Chuck -- All that black it just seems - evil. I just don't know if we can stay here with all that black in the room." Mrs. Huckabee raises her eyes to heaven and starts praying.
Chuck: "I tried to interject some color --Look at the fish aquarium. Live Beta fish. But I have an idea. Since I'm good at everything, I thought I'd be good at decorating, too. Maybe NOT."

Chuck gets on his phone-- "Uh, Nate. It's Chuck. I have a problem."
Faster than you can say "Move that Bus!" Nate is there, assessing the situation. "Black & White Toile from Scalamandre-I can see it now-- throw rugs over that black carpeting--a different paint color--awesome chandeliers, white eyelet and yellow accents." Suddenly Nate is off scampering around the entire house, making plans. "Redoing an entire sorority house! Chuck! I haven't had this much fun since grad school. And we'll film it for Oprah & she'll pick up the entire tab. OMG! I can see it now. How much time do we have? I have to call Lowes." Chuck smiles his knowing smile. This ought to help them have a great rush. The other houses will be so jealous. It's great to be famous and have friends in high places. His sisters will be so surprized to see their rooms. Black & white everywhere -- and Nate even chose a different paint color and a different pattern for the bedspreads, curtains and pillow shams for every room. It all coordinates --

Chuck decides that his work is done for the day so he skips Exec Board (all they are talking about now is the redecorating project, anyhow) and practices his roundhouse kicks in the back yard, while watching Nate's workers perform their miracles in the midst of chaos. Just a few more days and he gets to see his Big again. She'll be next door. No roomate for Chuck, he gets his own single. The alums on the Risk Management Board insisted on this. And we'll have to see how the communal shower thing is going to work out in Chuck's case. Didn't someone say that he'd be getting his own shower, too once he moved into the house?

NEXT: The Tridelts come back for Membership Preview "Chuck-Style."

[honeychile]

I love it! No "Recruitment" for Chuck - he calls it like it is!

[true_blue]

Way to go Chuck! Spice-up that house! Make it Chucktastic!

[barbino]

I decided to change things around a little because before Membership Preview Chuck is going to pick up his Big. The rest of the chapter has to be back tomorrow, but most of them are coming back tonight to watch the season premiers of Ugly Betty (Chuck's new favorite show because she is such a little fighter) and Grey's Anatomy.

REMEMBER: In Chuck Norris's world, anything is possible.

Chuck drives his old 1970 Chevy pick-up to the airport to pick up his Big. Since Chuck's chapter started as a colony, he & his sisters were given SS's (Secret Sisters, alumnae from other schools) as Bigs. Chuck remembers meeting his. His whole colonization class went to an alumn's big old Texas mansion for dinner, and the "Big Reveal." In each new pledge's hand was a slip of paper with the name of their Big on it. After dinner (catered- steak and double baked potatoes, of course), they were each blindfolded and when the blindolds were removed, their Bigs were there. Before that, Chuck knew nothing but her name, Mariah Campbell, RN. Chuck remembers wondering why he had a registered nurse for a Big.

But when his blindfold came off, he found himself looking down at a cute brunette with long curly hair tied back in a ponytail. "Chuck, I'm your new Big Sister and Chapter Advisor, Mariah. Want to spar?" Chuck looked at her in shock. No one had ever challenged him since he even began to think about going through rush. So Chuck got up and lead with a deadly roundhouse kick, designed to crash her to the floor. She caught it easily with hers, and Chuck was momentarily off balance. This chick was definitely no pushover. Round & round the kicks flew, higher and faster while the rest of the Tridelts backed away and huddled into a corner. Chuck stepped out of range, and executed a deadly death stare. Chuck could not believe it--no response. Then Mariah tried a butterfly chop and Chuck felt ---PAIN. He dropped to the floor at her feet, in awe.

"Welcome to Delta Force, dear. You didn't think that you'd be getting just any normal Big now, did you???" Chuck found out why the Tridelt's had matched them. Mariah had been trained in martial arts by the Dalai Lama himself. She was one of the captains of the Delta Force (Tridelt Interior Security, only to be used in case of a terrorist attack). She was from Wisconsin, and Chuck's mom was from Wisconsin. Her entire side of the family still lived there. Chuck loves Wisconsin. He used to fight with all the little farm kids on visits there when he was growing up. But most importantly, she was an RN, newly graduated from the University of Wisconsin chapter. With Chuck as a new member, the Tridelts were sure that the chapter might just need some extra medical attention.

Throughout the past year Chuck grew to love her loads. They liked to practice martial arts together in the backyard. Chuck taught his Big some of his special moves, like his X-ray grip and the firefly wallop. If a foreign country ever landed in Texas, at least the Tridelts would be well-protected.

So Chuck gave his Big, Mariah a Chuck-style bear hug and a loud WHOOOOP!!!! as she stepped off of the plane. She handed him a special gift, a cerulean blue tulle-wrapped 10-pound piece of real Wisconsin cheddar cheese. They spent the entire trip back to the house talking non-stop about everything and anything, especially about Nate's "redo" of the Tridelt house. Tomorrow was Membership Preview, but tonight everybody that was back already was going out for Thai food before watching Ugly Betty & Grey's Anatomy. Chuck has a crush on Betty. Grey's Anatomy shows so much blood-- and Chuck loves the sight of blood. Chuck sighed. His sorority was really the right one for him, and he knew that by following his heart, he had "chosen right."

[Jimmy Choo]

You weren't supposed to out our special security force!!! Now the terrorists know!!!!

[fantASTic]

I feel like, in this story, Chuck is not the best at everything. Therefore, I question this story.

[barbino]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

I feel like, in this story, Chuck is not the best at everything. Therefore, I question this story.

The real Chuck Norris may return again, just like he said. This is still Chuck Norris, though. In Chuck's world, anything is possible.

[barbino]

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

You weren't supposed to out our special security force!!! Now the terrorists know!!!!

Jimmy Choo-
In the summer of 1992, the Washington Post revealed the existence of an underground bunker designed to accomodate the US Government and allow it to function in the case of a nuclear war, disaster, etc. Located at the Greenbrier Hotel (White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia), "The Bunker" was kept a secret from the American public for over 30 years.

And the Delta Force has existed even longer -- I think the FBI is coming to take me away now.
Wait---they said that I could stay because Chuck Norris said so.

[barbino]

Chuck & his Tridelt sisters all meet for breakfast the next day. Their houseparents, the Huckabees, say prayers before the chapter has a big Southern breakfast. Chuck tells the chapter, "I tried to get Greekchef while I was in North Carolina (for the Delta Force convention) this summer. But he's so good that the chapter there kept giving him a raise so that he'd stay. I even put their housemother in the hospital with a concussion, I wanted him so bad." But Chuck also knows that he can call Emeril if he has to.

Chuck has one of his favorite sisters, IT Liz (she never goes anywhere without her laptop) pull pictures up on the screen. They run thru Chucks top picks for the chapter first, discussing each girl and using Chuck's criteria of "How well can she fight? I'll have to see." These 100 girls take them 4 hours, and they break for lunch. Reviewing the rest of the pnms (all 700 of them) takes 2 more hours after lunch. Chuck says that it is poetic justice, only the best fighters get to be in Chuck's chapter. They take a break only when Mrs. Huckabee runs in to tell Chuck that the Beta fish in her aquarium are killing each other. Chuck responds: "That's why I love Beta fish. They fight to the death." Everybody follows Chuck to watch the Beta fish attacking one another, with IT Liz taking pitures on her cell phone because Chuck wants to frame them and display them in his room.

Chuck calls Wardrobe Check for right before dinner - sloppy Joes, "Man-wich style." Chuck insists on one thing: no flats. He wants stilletos only because "They can be used as weapons. You just don't know when you'll need a weapon." Since they are way far ahead of schedule, Chuck suggests that they watch a movie, producing an illegal copy of Batman: Dark Knight. It's all about what Chuck likes (fighting, good vs. evil, justice, and black clothes). Sunday is quiet and Chuck has to make an appearance at Kent State University in Ohio. Monday is skit practice and Chuck will be there until late afternoon. Then he is flying out to Spartanburg, South Carolina for a presentation about his new book, "Black Belt Patriotism", followed by a discussion and martial-arts demonstration. Chuck knows that the rush schedule and his classes will wait for him. But he is anxious to get home to get his sisters ready in time for recruitment.
Chuck is all about fighting, and now the fight for the best girls is about to start.

[barbino]

Since this University's rush starts only when Chuck wants it to, Chuck decides to take Mike Huckabee with him and go to Washington and kick some political ---. Of course, this will delay rush, but the state of the country's finances needs Chuck Norris - now.

Chuck never shirks from a fight, and he is tired of waiting around while Washington can't decide what to do about this financial bailout. So tomorrow morning, the House and the Senate will either decide or face the wrath of Chuck. Mike Huckabee is fervently praying that all ends well.

"What --you Republicans can't decide?" Chuck has plans to make them all vote his way, or end up in the hospital. If he reduces the number of Republicans that can vote, then maybe a conclusion will be reached. More tomorrow on

AS THE ROUNDHOUSE KICK TURNS