Elope?

[VAgirl18]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I think nittanyalum said it best: This is YOUR day. Your mom got her day (I'm assuming here), why can't she let you have yours? If she didn't get to plan her own wedding because her mom kept taking over, then she should know how you feel. If she got to plan her own, then she should understand your desire to plan your own as well.

This sounds so sad. It's impossible, of course, for any of us to give you real advice, but it never hurts to keep your options open. Do what's best for you and your fiance.

Apparently my dad planned most of the day and she just dealt with getting her dress, hair, and make up. My paternal grandmother and godmother were also involved. Yes, I do think she's partially living vicariously through me. I just feel like I need to make this decision fairly quickly because I don't want the heft deposit going to waste.

To top it all off, we're having to pay for some of his relatives to fly out because of their financial situation since my parents didn't want to have it where we did (which was neutral territory for all.)

[KSUViolet06]

Wedding planning should not make you stressed to the point of waking up sweating and sick. If you feel this way now, the more you go with you mom's plans, the worse you'll feel. You won't be excited about the day because it won't be something you wanted.

Also, if she's doing this now, think of AFTER you're married. She'll want to tell you how to raise your kids, how to clean your house, etc.

I say put the ball back in your court and elope.

[VAgirl18]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Wedding planning should not make you stressed to the point of waking up sweating and sick. If you feel this way now, the more you go with you mom's plans, the worse you'll feel. You won't be excited about the day because it won't be something you wanted.

Also, if she's doing this now, think of AFTER you're married. She'll want to tell you how to raise your kids, how to clean your house, etc.

I say put the ball back in your court and elope.

She's just going to try and run my whole life forever, isn't she? Everyone still teases me because I pay my own bills and live 3,000 miles away, and my parents still try and control everything.

Maybe a weddingmoon is a good idea.

[angelove]

Many times, the reason that brides and grooms do whatever their parents want for the wedding is because the parents are paying for the whole thing. Your mom is trying to have her white-four-tiers-fondant-covered-garnished-with-rose-petals cake and eat it too. If she's not going to shell out for the wedding she wants, then she's not going to get the wedding she wants. Don't let her have it both ways. If you have to pay, then have it your way.

[SydneyK]

How about saying (to both sets of parents):
"We're getting married in this chapel (or courthouse, beach, lumber yard, whatever) on this day at this time. We'll pay for plane tickets for all parents to come celebrate with us."

All parents are equally involved at no cost to them. If your parents choose not to come, then while sad, that's their choice (that they'll probably live to regret).

[Benzgirl]

let us know what happens. You have a lot of support coming from our direction

[VAgirl18]

So, I talked to the fiance and he basically told me to do what I want. Called my mom to ask if the money she allocated for the wedding budget could be given to us for a down payment instead. Then my mom began asking me why all of a sudden I wanted to elope and what brought it on, etc. Proceeded to tell her the same things that I had told her prior and how what she allocated was not enough to throw a DC wedding. Sent her a spreadsheet with what we would need financially. Finally after more arguing and discussions on how every girl should have their one day, she caved. She agreed to back off, trim the guest list, and raise the budget. I just have one stipulation..I can't tell my dad.

In the end I'm still not sure its worth it nor do I think that she'll fully back off. I think that my mom would rather spend a frivolous amount on one day than giving me money for a down payment.

We'll see how this turns out.

Originally Posted by VAgirl18

So, I talked to the fiance and he basically told me to do what I want. Called my mom to ask if the money she allocated for the wedding budget could be given to us for a down payment instead. Then my mom began asking me why all of a sudden I wanted to elope and what brought it on, etc. Proceeded to tell her the same things that I had told her prior and how what she allocated was not enough to throw a DC wedding. Sent her a spreadsheet with what we would need financially. Finally after more arguing and discussions on how every girl should have their one day, she caved. She agreed to back off, trim the guest list, and raise the budget. I just have one stipulation..I can't tell my dad.

In the end I'm still not sure its worth it nor do I think that she'll fully back off. I think that my mom would rather spend a frivolous amount on one day than giving me money for a down payment.

We'll see how this turns out.

(((VAgirl18)))

[VAgirl18]

Originally Posted by OTW

(((VAgirl18)))

thanks

[Senusret I]

Little did you know I was in the room with her with my baseball bat, so that helped too.

[VAgirl18]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Little did you know I was in the room with her with my baseball bat, so that helped too.

Sweet.

I'll be back in town in August! We need a get together...cause I'm gonna need a few drinks after all of this.

[DSTCHAOS]

I say tell your mom to sit her butt down somewhere and you do the wedding the way YOU want to do it. I guess my family is different because we tell each other to back off regarding such things because we're all unapologetically grown.

Why deny you and your future hubby the wedding experience (if you two want one) because of your family?

But if you two won't resent not having a wedding, then elope and do the snazzy reception thing whenever you choose to have your reception. Just don't let the momzilla take over the reception or take over the rest of your life, for that matter. You'll have to tell her to sit down sometime so she'll know that she needs to sit down.

[AKA_Monet]

My husband and I eloped at the Justice of the Peace... We just had our 5th Anniversary.

Well, his mother was hella hella pissed. Wouldn't even speak to me.

My folks were bothered, not so much hurt, but they felt bad because they thought I alienated them from my future when they were proud of me and my husband.

My husband's father was like "YAAY I have a daughter now!!!" He has 2 sons and has always wanted a daughter.

[Thetagirl218]

I am all for elopements! One of my cousins was engaged a few years ago. That side of the family is very much into the social calender, and everything had to be planned just so.... The stress of it all ended up breaking up the relationship.....

Now, I know this doesn't happen to everyone who plans a wedding! I actually want my wedding to be huge! But it allowed me to see how crazy things can get!

The silver lining to all this: Its three years later now, and my cousin just got married to an amazing man! They eloped and then threw a huge party about a month later! It was great!

I wish you guys the best!

[nittanyalum]

Good for you for talking to your Mom (again), VAgirl, and getting her to see more of the light. I hope things continue down the better path, remember, you can always drop and dash if things get too hectic, forget the down payments and whatnot, your mental health and a good start to your marriage are more important. You can always hop a flight to the Caribbean and get married on the beach somewhere or Vegas is open 24/7. Make the memory you want to carry for the rest of your days together. Good luck and please continue to update!!!!