Pregnant and in a sorority

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Just out of curiousity, what kind of problems could arise from an active sister's pregnancy (aside from rumors/image problems)? I'm just trying to gain a better understanding on why this is such a big deal.

It's not so much problems for the sorority itself as it is problems for the member.

Most sorority members are traditional college students (18-23ish). She might feel alienated because she isn't like most of the girls in the chapter. She might feel badly because she can't participate in some of the activities (i.e. I doubt a pregnant woman would want to come to a CEOs & Secretaries date party).

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

It's not so much problems for the sorority itself as it is problems for the member.

Most sorority members are traditional college students (18-23ish). She might feel alienated because she isn't like most of the girls in the chapter. She might feel badly because she can't participate in some of the activities (i.e. I doubt a pregnant woman would want to come to a CEOs & Secretaries date party).

Thanks for that. What about with non-social activities (service, programming, etc)?

[Scandia]

eta -Wait - Christians don't get pregnant??? Even a "Christian" sorority would, I hope, "hate the sin but love the sinner". I would shudder to think that kicking a member out would be their "Christian" response. WWJD, indeed.

Amen to that! Part of the Christian morals include extending a helping hand- NOT pushing others down.

Plus prohibitions against premarital sex are part of the tenets of many religions, not just Christianity.

Best wishes on your pregnancy.

[SWTXBelle]

My beef with those who would get upset about a pregnancy is that unless they are pure as the driven snow they would be the world's greatest hypocrites to criticize a sister who became pregnant. Unless you are going to punish ALL the members who EVER have sex, it should not be a moral issue.
It sounds like the op is in a committed relationship, as opposed to someone sleeping with everything in fraternity letters. I am opposed to the idea that a sister who snuck off to an abortionist would get off scot free, while a responsible sister who is trying to deal with a difficult situation in a mature and loving way might be punished.

- end of rant. I'm sorry - the older I get, the more I think that we need to be more loving, more understanding and more compassionate when dealing with each other.

[ztaberry28]

Thanks to all of you for your helpful advice, My boyfriend and I are keeping the baby and getting married in December after he graduates and I intend to probably take a semester off in the fall. My biggest concern is how I can tell my sisters and them not get upset and make it into a drama fest when this is something that is really important to me. Alot of the seniors in our chapter are very judgemental towards us younger girls and feel that we are "too wild" and I am afraid this will just be an excuse for them to lash out. I know that sounds messed up because were supposed to be sisters, but not everyone is perfect and I love the sisters that Im close to and my pledge class very much. Luckily my grand big is the president and her and I are very close so Im thinking of telling my family first and letting them help me decide... Its rough but Im happy and healthy and in the end thats all that matters

ZLAM

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Im happy and healthy and in the end thats all that matters

Very true. Good luck with everything.

[barnard1897]

It's the whole "sorority public image" thing. We can't get around the hypocrisy. Like when most of us drank in college but god forbid--when the photo op came at a party and we were in letters or had some identifying jewelry on--beer cups flew out of sight ASAP.

My Theta roommate had stories about a "standards chair" from her chapter who would follow sisters around at parties, and if someone was dancing provocatively or had too short of a skirt on, she'd hiss "TNT" (That's Not Theta) at them and make them go home. That same girl was the one who'd go home and sleep with random guys and she'd also smoke down in the library cafeteria while wearing her letters (back in the days when smoking in public areas wasn't totally banned everywhere).

[carnation]

One of my daughters' sisters got pregnant her first year at a big Southern university. This very large group was excited for her and threw her a shower!

[SoCalGirl]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I thought that the differences were mostly with rush/recruitment. I had no idea it extended into active membership as well. Oh well, you learn something new every day.

Just out of curiousity, what kind of problems could arise from an active sister's pregnancy (aside from rumors/image problems)? I'm just trying to gain a better understanding on why this is such a big deal.

Worst case scenario?

Suzy Sister announces to ABC that she's pregnant. Various reactions from Yeah! to OMG You Slut! Word gets out to other chapters, the fraternities and the general school population. Again, various reactions. Next formal recruitment impresionable freshman hear about the Pregnant ABC. "OMG really? They must all be tramps!" "Yeah, I'ver heard you have to do all sorts of things that even a coked out Lindsay Lohan wouldn't do!" "Wow, they seemed so nice but I would never pledge them." ABC doesn't meet quota and strugle with COB due to rumors. The next year not only are they Slutty ABC but they're not "top tier" and they're "fat". Because pregnant girls are "fat" right? They continue to struggle with numbers for several years and their HQ does everything they can and even tries a recolonization but it's no good. All because some gossip mongers couldn't keep their mouth shut!

My chapter had a girl who got pregnant the summer after I graduated. She stayed in school until she gave birth and then moved in with her parents and transfered schools. Since I already graduated I don't know the full extent of how the chapter was effected but I know that the above mentioned worst case scenario did not occur. I will tell you that some of the more powerful advisors had some very conservative views about the whole thing though.

My advice to the OP is to get an idea of what you want to do before telling the chapter. Like whether or not you'll be attending the same school after the baby is born. Whether or not you'll want to even be an active sister. If I was in the same situation I'd want to take alum status if it was an option but to each their own.

Most of the time if a chapter has a negative reaction to this type of news it's because they're very concerned with their campus rep. Either they want to maintain a good one or are trying to build up a good rep.

[knight_shadow]

^^^ Thank you. I've been in my fraternity for 5 years, so of course I've dealt with the "public image" thing, but I've never experienced it happening with a pregnancy. But then again, we don't have to deal with formal recruitment, so I'm sure that's why I've been in the dark with this.

Anyway, I hope the OP does fine, whatever route she decides to take.

[Just interested]

I think KSU Violet gave you the absolute best advice. I doubt they will "pull your pin" as we use to say but emergency alum status is a possibility. You MUST check with your advisor who knows how your sorority works. Trust me you are not the first nor will you be the last. I am happy that you are feeling positive about your news and I know it will work out with your sisters.

[SthrnZeta]

Congrats Sister! If you and your Zeta family decide it's best to go ahead and tell everyone - which at some point you'll have to - why not make it known that you are happy about this and hope that your sisters will support you by having a candlelight instead of acting like it's some big secret? If they all know how happy you are, they will be too. Set the tone yourself and they'll follow suit. Good luck, ZLAM!

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

Thanks to all of you for your helpful advice, My boyfriend and I are keeping the baby and getting married in December after he graduates and I intend to probably take a semester off in the fall. My biggest concern is how I can tell my sisters and them not get upset and make it into a drama fest when this is something that is really important to me. Alot of the seniors in our chapter are very judgemental towards us younger girls and feel that we are "too wild" and I am afraid this will just be an excuse for them to lash out. I know that sounds messed up because were supposed to be sisters, but not everyone is perfect and I love the sisters that Im close to and my pledge class very much. Luckily my grand big is the president and her and I are very close so Im thinking of telling my family first and letting them help me decide... Its rough but Im happy and healthy and in the end thats all that matters

ZLAM

Well I haven't seen any responses from Zeta's here yet (that I can tell) so maybe you've heard from them by PM, the rest of us can only tell you what we hope or guess would be the case. We don't know your seniors or campus, but my guess is you're fearing the absolute worst case scenario and it won't be that bad. Talking to your "family" first sounds like a great plan, particularly if your big is the President. And if you or she are close with any of your alumnae or advisors, perhaps you tell them first too before telling the chapter to get as much advice, perspective and support as you can.

I understand the "oh no!" scenarios people are saying could happen with the "reputation" concerns, etc., but I think you have a much different situation than someone, say, who just had a one-night stand and got pregnant. This is your boyfriend, you're getting married, your families assumably know, presented with all of that context, you may just get lots of girls jumping up and screaming and excited about throwing you a shower and being an "aunt". Maybe consider having a candlelighting, blow it out for "engagement", let everyone lose their minds with excitement, and throw out at the end "and we're pregnant!" That way, the pregnancy "follows" the news about your being engaged. Then, if you've already decided with the President and alumnae/advisors that you're going alum, let everyone know and stop wearing your letters as you start to show out of consideration for the "name" of the group. I don't think people will be as concerned about it as you fear, depending on how you present the information, then present yourself afterward.

If you and your fiance are excited and ready for this, then good for you, and I'm betting your chapter will support you (for the most part, there are always "those sisters" in every chapter, but ignore them). Congratulations and good luck!


ETA: Strike my comment about there not being feedback from ZTA's yet, Sthrn just popped in while I was typing!

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

why not make it known that you are happy about this and hope that your sisters will support you by having a candlelight instead of acting like it's some big secret? If they all know how happy you are, they will be too. Set the tone yourself and they'll follow suit.

I was wondering if anyone was going to suggest a candlelight. I'm completely with SthrnZeta on this. Celebrate it! Does the chapter know you're getting married in December?

It's not the 1950's anymore. Sure, it might not be ideal timing, but you're getting married and having a baby! This is happy news. Don't worry about reputations. You're not doing anything wrong.

Congratulations and best wishes!

[AnatraAmore]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

Congrats Sister! If you and your Zeta family decide it's best to go ahead and tell everyone - which at some point you'll have to - why not make it known that you are happy about this and hope that your sisters will support you by having a candlelight instead of acting like it's some big secret? If they all know how happy you are, they will be too. Set the tone yourself and they'll follow suit. Good luck, ZLAM!

First, congrats on the little one! Second, we have done candle passes for alumnae sisters who were expecting... it's a magical and wonderful moment! I hope you'll be able to have an amazing experience when you tell the chapter and that they'll be supportive. (I love Carnation's example of the sorority throwing a shower - what an experience that must have been from such a large group of women!) Best of luck!!!