Wanted: Your Funniest Roommate Stories

[bucutie02]

i went to baylor university my freshman year which is in waco, texas and im from houston. That is why i lived on campus in the dorms. Now i transferred to a school in houston and live at home

------------------
"He is not perfect, you are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other"

My sophomore year I was fortunate to get a campus apartment. Usually the apartments go to juniors and seniors but that year I lucked out.

My roommate that year was a cross between Ruthie on the Real World Hawaii and Phoebe Buffay on Friends. She'd get piss drunk on occasion, but she was also a good friend who you could rely on when you needed her.

One night during spring finals week she wanted to do something stupid. It was 3 in the morning and I'm like "don't bother me I'll be in the living room studying". So she takes our TV and VCR from the living room and brings it into our room. She then hooks them up to her stereo speakers and faces them toward the window. She puts in a video--it's PORN. Then she presses the "AUX" button on her stereo, and at 3 in the morning the entire apartment complex was awakened by the PORN movie.

Everyone's screaming and yelling just like in Eddie Murphy's Coming to America (I know you know what scene I'm talking about) and she almost got in trouble. Our RA wanted to punish her but even he had to admit that it was funny and he only issued her a warning. That and she had to let him borrow the video.

I also forgot to mention--
One summer I lived with another group of 3 girls. I knew that one of them was a lesbian, and I respected as long as she didn't make any advances toward me. One day I was searching through her video library (I was bored and I needed something to watch) so I found a dubbed copy of "The Lion King", only it wasn't the Lion King. It was a girl-girl porn movie. I don't know what it is about me and roommates and porn.

Two weeks later I caught that girl and our OTHER roommate in the same bed under the covers. I have nothing against lesbians, but I can't handle it in my own house, IN MY OWN ROOM! I marched right to the RA and requested that I be moved immediately.

Sometimes I miss living in the dorms, and then I think about that one summer, and I'm glad that I live at home now.

------------------
*I'm an Alpha Gam...Yes I am, Yes I am!*

[This message has been edited by OohTeenyWahine (edited January 08, 2001).]

[KatieQ]

I'll make my story short. I ended up with a goth for a roommate. I walked into my room one day to find her and her boyfriend completely naked. They were lying on top of each other with a sword in between them. I moved out the next day.

[lifesaver]

Today's installment: Bloody Palms

I was living with a brother named Lee. Great guy, prone to the occasional fainting spell (a whole nother Montel). Anyway he was really messy yada yada yada. Well We all went out to grab a bite at this burger joint everyone eats at across from campus. well, he hooks up with this girl about half of the chapter had had "run-ins" with. anyway, they do their business and after some drinking, everyone leaves the apartment, and I head off to bed. I am the first one up the next morning, and as I am fixing (that texan thing) some cereal, I saw something on the floor, upon closer inspection, it was blood. it was on the couch, carpet, fridge, and the best part.. Bloody handprints all over the walls. Everywhere. I thought someone had been stabbed or something, until my roomate explained that Rochelle was on the rag. I don't have a lot of experience with the feminine plumbing system, but I would have assumed that someone would have lost conciousness after loosing that much blood. We almost lost our deposit because we were still finding blood 6 months later at move-out.

Tomorrow...the naked roomate with the bow and arrow.

[mccoyred]

GGGRRRROOOOSSSSSS!!!!!! :EEK:

Originally posted by lifesaver:
Today's installment: Bloody Palms

I was living with a brother named Lee. Great guy, prone to the occasional fainting spell (a whole nother Montel). Anyway he was really messy yada yada yada. Well We all went out to grab a bite at this burger joint everyone eats at across from campus. well, he hooks up with this girl about half of the chapter had had "run-ins" with. anyway, they do their business and after some drinking, everyone leaves the apartment, and I head off to bed. I am the first one up the next morning, and as I am fixing (that texan thing) some cereal, I saw something on the floor, upon closer inspection, it was blood. it was on the couch, carpet, fridge, and the best part.. Bloody handprints all over the walls. Everywhere. I thought someone had been stabbed or something, until my roomate explained that Rochelle was on the rag. I don't have a lot of experience with the feminine plumbing system, but I would have assumed that someone would have lost conciousness after loosing that much blood. We almost lost our deposit because we were still finding blood 6 months later at move-out.

Tomorrow...the naked roomate with the bow and arrow.

[Allie_XO]

I live with the roommate from hell now. It started soooo innocently.... She and I went to high school together adn decided to room together when we realized that we were going to the same university. Well, the first week was OK. Then everything went downhill. She didn't EVER go to class, she never cleaned, she made tons of noise at odd hours, etc. The very very very worst part is her dedication to her boyfriend. Now, it is GREAT to love your sig. other, but staying up until 2:00 am (and keeping you roommate up) to tell him how much you love him over and over and over and over just gets ANNOYING! I started complaining to her and in retaliation she started spreading rumors about me. For instance, I (supposedly) shower once a week. EEWWWW! 1. Why would she be keeping track of when I shower? & 2. That has just got to be the dumbest lie ever! Anyone would reek after not showering. But, she started that crap, and told her parents that I was staying on the phone 'til all hours and never going to class and that was why her grades were so bad. Her parents would call and ask to talk to me, and then lecture me on how I need to be considerate of Beth!!! I flipped, but was nice enough to only tell them to go to Heck, and just wait until their beloved daughter's phone bill comes in the mail. They left me alone after that. Her grades were atrocious (1.44 GPA). She has no friends here, and she's been kicked out of her sorority. She's scheduled all her classes this semester on Tues. and Thurs. so that she can spend Thurs. through Monday with her boyfriend who lives FOUR hours away and is at least a decade older than she is. It's great for me, because she's hardly ever here. I kinda feel sorry for here. But I can't figure why on earth she's in college here and not back home. She really drives me crazy. And she's still saying crazy stuff about me, but no one pays any attention to her.

My roommate is no where near as bad as some of you guys, but I feel better just whining about it!

Allie

[AXO Alum]

Originally posted by lifesaver:
it was on the couch, carpet, fridge, and the best part.. Bloody handprints all over the walls. Everywhere. I thought someone had been stabbed or something, until my roomate explained that Rochelle was on the rag. I don't have a lot of experience with the feminine plumbing system, but I would have assumed that someone would have lost conciousness after loosing that much blood.

Oh good lord in heaven! What in the world were they doing to leave such....well....an impression?! I'm here to tell you about the feminine plumbing system -- put the "closed" sign out to observe the monthly penance.

I hope the bow & arrow story is not as gross -- but these are hilarious!

[lifesaver]

OK, back by popular demand, the bow and arrow story. After I moved out of the chapter house I got my first apartment (all of you who can remember what it was like to finally have your own apartment, off campus insert feel good feeling here - till the first light bill arrives) anyway, James (pretty much the character Cliff, from Dead Man on Campus) and I were brothers in the house but got tired of the crazyness and moved out. Well James had been about the wildest brother we had, but had tamed down considerably, due to the influence of a lovely young woman, Victoria. Anyway, I needed to move out and decide to take my chances with James. Well, we move in together and all seems cool, till I discover some unique traits James has. First, he loves to be naked. I could tell when he was home because there would be a line of clothes from the front door to his bedroom in this order, shoe, shoe, sock, belt, sock, shirt, pants, skivies. And there James would be, nekid (remember, this is the south) as sin, playing on the computer. Not too, too bad, since he was in his room. But it gets worse, Victoria was naked all the time too, and the slept with the door open, I got up before them, so each day I was greated with a new body part. I never saw so much sack and crack in my whole life. I don't think I know MY body that well. Not the first thing you want to see in the AM as you are trying to choke down out of date OJ.

Anyway, James' fav'o hobby was watching TV on the couch...naked. (We actually refered to him as Naked Boy) But get this he LOVED to play with his balls. No matter who was over. Sittin' on the couch strummin' his nuts. My bedroom door faced the couch, so everytime I'd come out of my room, I got the lovely nut shot.

He gets a snake, knowing I have this huge fear of them (I grew up here in texas. there are no GOOD snakes) and would emerge from his room occasionally with "the look", "uh oh, I cant find the snake." Whence I would evacuate the premises till said snake was found. (I later discovered this was a cruel rouse for him and Victoria to doink on my $350 Ralph Lauren comforter.

One week for initiation and pre-rit he decided to torture all of us (because of the close company the actives spend with each other that week) and not Shower for the ENTIRE WEEK. Let me tell you, this kid was one smelly bast*rd anyway. I can actually remember the last night of pre-rit him sitting on the couch at the house putting his hands in his pants, thumbing his nuts, and then marveling at how bad his balls smelled. he almost got his ass kicked after that stunt when he started putting his hands in other's faces. Anyway, the bow and arrow story.

After much drinking one night by James he decides to walk to the chapter house with his potato gun in hand (if you don't know what one is, it's a piece of PVC pipe with a flint in the end, you jam a potato in one end, open the flint end, spray some aqua net hair spray for propellent, seal it up and twist the flint, launching the potato about 200 yards) Anyway, some dudes we didn't know show up at the house and after they are asked to leave, start some crap. James emerges NAKED on the chapter roof with his potato gun and bow and arrow (a real hunting one) and trys to "defend" the house. Except he was shooting at everyone. (Read- Risk Managment Disaster waiting to happen here) I felt like I was in 1963 at UT when the bell tower guy went nuts. UPD shows up, along with about 25 other law enforcement agencies. James refused to come off the roof. After he had exhausted his supply (limited, thank god)of arows, he pulls out the bag o' potatoes. And procedes to fire them at the officers. They werent about to shoot him, it would have looked too bad in the papers, assualt by starch. So they wait till he uses up all the potatoes, and tackel him on the roof. (not a job I would have volunteered for). it should be pretty obvious james spent several days in jail for that stunt. The only reason he didn't go to the mental hospital is that his mom is a psycologist. After living with him for 9 months I felt like I needed a psychologist.

Oddly enough, the SOB is making like $250,000 a year in Seattle doing programming for Microsoft. Good luck Mr. Gates. You'll need it.

[Billy Optimist]

LOL!!!! That is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life.

------------------
Once in every lifetime, you'll know what life is. Oh I need you, you need me, oh my darling, don't you see? The Young Ones. Darling we're The Young Ones. The Young Ones. Shouldn't be afraid! To live. To love. There's a song to be sung. 'Cause we may not be The Young Ones for very long!!!

[kittie]

Okay...my story doesn't even come close to any of lifesaver's but i need to rant a little bit.

The roommate I was supposed to share my apartment with decided not to come back to school and told me this 4 days before the lease began so I had to (*ugh*) place an ad in the newspaper and put flyers on campus. I would not recommend this to anyone unless there are a lot of people looking for a place to live. I got a couple calls a day but for the first few days they were all foreign grad students. Then my current roommate came by and I was so excited to have someone who wasn't foreign and didn't mind that I was messy and had a cat that I didn't really care about much else. So everything's good at first except that she started putting all this hideous hello kitty stuff and cheesy stickers all over the place. Then I notice that she's constantly eating my food and not buying anything to replace it. And I absolutely cannot stand techno music due to the fact that she plays it very loudly, all the time (even when I'm sick or asleep). She's incredibly rude to my friends on the phone and rarely gives me my messages but expects me to write down every detail of the 20 or so messages she gets each day. She has her friends over and they smoke weed downstairs (I don't touch the stuff) and she hasn't asked me once if I minded. Oh! She also wants to start growing shrooms in her closet. We went 4 days without toilet paper (I was on a ski trip these days) because it was her turn and she was too cheap to buy any. And last night I left the living room light on when I went to bed because I didn't want her coming home in the dark and she left me a note bitching about me wasting electricity! Also, one time I was about to use the toilet when I noticed there were massive amounts of pubic hair floating around. And she wears so much makeup that the buttons on my phone have turned beige (she has her own phone). Okay, so basically I can't stand the girl but I guess it could worse.

Anna

[mccoyred]

I AM DYIN' UP'N HEAH'!!

The only reason he didn't go to the mental hospital is that his mom is a psycologist. After living with him for 9 months I felt like I needed a psychologist.

Oddly enough, the SOB is making like $250,000 a year in Seattle doing programming for Microsoft. Good luck Mr. Gates. You'll need it.[/b]

------------------
MCCOYRED

Dynamic
Salient
Temperate

Mu Psi '86
BaltCo Alumnae

[This message has been edited by mccoyred (edited January 31, 2001).]

[AXO Alum]

Originally posted by lifesaver:
No matter who was over. Sittin' on the couch strummin' his nuts.

Dear Lifesaver,
Perhaps a warning sign should accompany your post - "Warning - May Cause Serious Laughter That Makes Everyone In Your Office Come Down To See What You Are Laughing So Hard About That You Can't Breathe or See Straight, Much Less Answer The Phone!"

That was the absolute funniest thing I've ever heard. I cannot believe that there are people out there who are totally insane like that. I am sending a copy of this post to my co-workers so that they will understand my total hysteria.

[prospectiverushee]

This is more emgrassing then funny.

I live in the on campus apartments with three other girls. I unfortunately have the room that faces the front door. That means I can heard when people go up and door the stairs and I am usually the one who hears when people are knocking at the door.

So last night, I had just gone to bed and I hear a knock on the door. I look out my window to see who it was. Got to the door and the guy goes "Is Darrell here?" Since I didn't know any Darrell, I assumed the guy had the wrong apartment and told there was no person named Darrell there.

So about 10 minutes later, there was another knock on the door. I threw off the covers and stomp to the front door to see who it is that keeps knocking at the door. I open the door all p*ssed off and it's another guy asking for this person named Darrell. What I am hot and kind of go off on the guy saying that there is no Darrell there and I don't appericate him knocking on my door asking for somebody who doesn't live there. Dude just looked at me like I was crazy and left.

So thinking that it's a joke or something, I call the front desk b*tching and moaning how there are like strange guys knocking on my door asking for this invisible person named Darrell. So about 15 mintues later, I hear somebody in the living room. It was my new roomate that just moved in last week. She was sitting on the couch watching tv with her friend. And guess who that friend was? You guessed it.....Darrell

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by lifesaver:
OK, back by popular demand, the bow and arrow story. After I moved out of the chapter house I got my first apartment (all of you who can remember what it was like to finally have your own apartment, off campus insert feel good feeling here - till the first light bill arrives) anyway, James (pretty much the character Cliff, from Dead Man on Campus) and I were brothers in the house but got tired of the crazyness and moved out. Well James had been about the wildest brother we had, but had tamed down considerably, due to the influence of a lovely young woman, Victoria. Anyway, I needed to move out and decide to take my chances with James. Well, we move in together and all seems cool, till I discover some unique traits James has. First, he loves to be naked. I could tell when he was home because there would be a line of clothes from the front door to his bedroom in this order, shoe, shoe, sock, belt, sock, shirt, pants, skivies. And there James would be, nekid (remember, this is the south) as sin, playing on the computer. Not too, too bad, since he was in his room. But it gets worse, Victoria was naked all the time too, and the slept with the door open, I got up before them, so each day I was greated with a new body part. I never saw so much sack and crack in my whole life. I don't think I know MY body that well. Not the first thing you want to see in the AM as you are trying to choke down out of date OJ.

Anyway, James' fav'o hobby was watching TV on the couch...naked. (We actually refered to him as Naked Boy) But get this he LOVED to play with his balls. No matter who was over. Sittin' on the couch strummin' his nuts. My bedroom door faced the couch, so everytime I'd come out of my room, I got the lovely nut shot.

He gets a snake, knowing I have this huge fear of them (I grew up here in texas. there are no GOOD snakes) and would emerge from his room occasionally with "the look", "uh oh, I cant find the snake." Whence I would evacuate the premises till said snake was found. (I later discovered this was a cruel rouse for him and Victoria to doink on my $350 Ralph Lauren comforter.

One week for initiation and pre-rit he decided to torture all of us (because of the close company the actives spend with each other that week) and not Shower for the ENTIRE WEEK. Let me tell you, this kid was one smelly bast*rd anyway. I can actually remember the last night of pre-rit him sitting on the couch at the house putting his hands in his pants, thumbing his nuts, and then marveling at how bad his balls smelled. he almost got his ass kicked after that stunt when he started putting his hands in other's faces. Anyway, the bow and arrow story.

After much drinking one night by James he decides to walk to the chapter house with his potato gun in hand (if you don't know what one is, it's a piece of PVC pipe with a flint in the end, you jam a potato in one end, open the flint end, spray some aqua net hair spray for propellent, seal it up and twist the flint, launching the potato about 200 yards) Anyway, some dudes we didn't know show up at the house and after they are asked to leave, start some crap. James emerges NAKED on the chapter roof with his potato gun and bow and arrow (a real hunting one) and trys to "defend" the house. Except he was shooting at everyone. (Read- Risk Managment Disaster waiting to happen here) I felt like I was in 1963 at UT when the bell tower guy went nuts. UPD shows up, along with about 25 other law enforcement agencies. James refused to come off the roof. After he had exhausted his supply (limited, thank god)of arows, he pulls out the bag o' potatoes. And procedes to fire them at the officers. They werent about to shoot him, it would have looked too bad in the papers, assualt by starch. So they wait till he uses up all the potatoes, and tackel him on the roof. (not a job I would have volunteered for). it should be pretty obvious james spent several days in jail for that stunt. The only reason he didn't go to the mental hospital is that his mom is a psycologist. After living with him for 9 months I felt like I needed a psychologist.

Oddly enough, the SOB is making like $250,000 a year in Seattle doing programming for Microsoft. Good luck Mr. Gates. You'll need it.

I laughed at all of your stories but MY GOD this was THE FUNNIEST THING I EVER READ!!!

What did you do to your comforter?

I am still ROFLMAO @ this story.

[AlphaSigLana]

My first semester of college my roommate was so weird. She wouldn't give me my messages, she didn't know how to vacuum, our vent was dripping, but instead of taking action she didn't do anything so I did. The worst happened when she crapped her pants. She tried saying it was the sap from the tress- i had told her there was a stain on her pants, Then she changed and said oh it's not sap..nevermind you don't want to know she said. Gross- the worst part was the stain never came out. Whenever I saw her wear those stained overalls i got grossed out so one day she pissed me off so I threw them away. She never knew. 2nd semester my roommate was always having sex- she never left a note so I always ended up walking in on them- she would get p.o. like I was to blame. You would've never known that she was like this by looking at her- studious and plain. No offense meant by the last comment.