HELP! Auburn PNM question!

[epchick]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

Am I kidding? No, I am just stating the facts. It is difficult to make an 18 year old see things the way we older girls do. I know, and you know, it ought to be based on the personalities only, but it is not. Both in the rushing sorority and the rushee. That is one of the things that matters to a girl just out of high school. Believe you me, I have told her it is her decision and to please make it based on how she interacts with these other girls. I also want to give her some idea of what she may face if she turns this down. I don't think the sororities she would like to be in (there are actually 10 of the 16 she in interested in, just had a top pick) offer COB bids and take very many upperclassmen. I also pointed out that the 2 sororities who have offered bids may not look at her next year.

I guess I just needed other girls who understood what I am feeling here. Helpless and seeking to say the right thing to help my daughter make the best decision.

I understand what your saying, and like everyone is saying its your daughter's decision. Honestly, we can tell you all the right things to say to your daughter but to your daughter it might not be what she wants to hear. As much as you think that all she wants is sisterhood, all the "tent talk" really can get to her, and skew her decision of what she ultimately wants (trust me i've been there).

Tell your daughter everything that we've been saying but ultimately let her decide. She's gonna have to live with her decision for the next 4 years. If she decides to not accept the invite and rush again, be supportive but don't do the "grunt work" (i.e. finding out how many sophomores get bids). That is not for you to do, she's in college now--let her do it.

Also realize (and let your daugher know too) that next year, all the new PNMs will have everything going for them, plus something she doesn't----being a first time freshman (which is much more desirable).

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

I doubt this is the issue at all. You seem much more concerned about
her not being in a lower tier sorority that is somehow beneath her. You know, the ones that have to COR now.

I think your "evaluation" is off. I'll admit that i critize a lot of "helicopter moms" but at the moment I don't think AuburnPNMmom is (of course i could be wrong). She's not trying to push her daughter into getting a top tier sorority. It seems as mom wants to see her daughter has a happy sorority member, but daughter's too much into getting into the "right" sorority.

[texas*princess]

I would advise your daughter to decline the bid from the brunette group (or redheads) because I wouldn't want her to feel out of place... and to try re-rushing again for one of the Top Four Blonde Sororities as a sophomore in an ultra-competitive rush.

If your daughter was really in it for the "sisterhood/philanthropy" etc that you speak of, she wouldn't care what color (real or not) her sister's hair might be.

Just sayin'.

[carnation]

You know what? I think that when someone is new to an area, they may not know the right language to put their questions in. This mom, who isn't Greek or from Alabama, is trying to do the right thing.

It's like on adoption boards where some prospective adoptive parent comes on asking how to adopt and phrases an innocent question in the wrong way, like "How do birthmothers give up their babies?" and the experienced adoptive parents rush into the kill with "Arrrghh! You said "give up"! Nobody uses that term, you idiot, they relinquish them!" This goes on for a few posts and you never hear from the poor woman again, who is probably experiencing infertility anyway and the last thing she needs is an attack from strangers.

Unless a new poster truly gets ugly or demanding here, why would we want to attack them?

[UGAalum94]

Carnation, I agree with you. I think generally we should actually try to play nice and give people the benefit of the doubt.

But my goodness, the mom indicated her daughter was using hair color as an indication of comfort level with the group. It's going to be really hard for most folks to tactfully make helpful suggestions.

Is that the same as "give up" verse "relinquish"? Maybe it is.

[AuburnPNMmom]

Thank you EPChick. I feel so much better reading your message. That is how I left it with my daughter. I hope that she will be able to see that herself. It has been so hard listening to her cry and not be able to do anything. Everywhere I have tried to steer her she feels surrounded by girls in a sorority. She also lives on the hill and sees it everyday. I, too, feel that she sould take the opportunity. If this were our state, she would not have had this issue as she and us are well known here. She, however, chose Auburn because of all the schools we visited, she loved it the best. She also wanted to go where she could be known as herself and not by our family name. We never even looked into how hard rush would be. We thought we did all the right things. I say we, because I tried to help us get her recs, clothes,etc for rush. I don't know what a helicopter mom is, I found this forum by doing an internet search for Auburn Sorority Rush Experiences and this forum came up.

[ASUADPi]

Hi! I don't know much about AU rush, except that it is competitive and that getting a bid as a sophomore is tough. With that in mind, I would recommend that you have your daughter sit down and really think about the house that offered her a bid through COR. Have her think back to rush and think about the things she liked about the house and see if she could picture herself being a member of the house. Remember, she didn't get to meet everyone in the house during recruitment. Panhellenic total is 175, our chapter there had 191 in the spring, I say this not to scare you (or your daughter) but to emphasize that she only met, during recruitment, probably 1% of the houses.

I truly hope your daughter thinks and does decide to give the chapter a chance. They saw something that they wanted in your daughter as a sister of their chapter, that say's alot!

Remember, things happen for a reason, and your daughter not bid matching but receiving these bids could be a sign.

[UGAalum94]

Did you wear pink sequined pantyhose to first round, by any chance?

[texas*princess]

Somehow, I can't help but think of the Sweet Valley High twins recruitment thread.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Hi! I don't know much about AU rush, except that it is competitive and that getting a bid as a sophomore is tough. With that in mind, I would recommend that you have your daughter sit down and really think about the house that offered her a bid through COR. Have her think back to rush and think about the things she liked about the house and see if she could picture herself being a member of the house. Remember, she didn't get to meet everyone in the house during recruitment. Panhellenic total is 175, our chapter their had 191 in the spring, I say this not to scare you (or your daughter) but to emphasize that she only met, during recruitment, probably 1% of the houses.

I truly hope your daughter thinks and does decide to give the chapter a chance. They saw something that they wanted in your daughter as a sister of their chapter, that say's alot!

Remember, things happen for a reason, and your daughter not bid matching but receiving these bids could be a sign.

Good post.

Many of the decisions that your daughter made during the process suggest that she wasn't interested in simply joining groups that wanted her as a member. She elected to suicide and turn down one COB. She seems to have very strong ideas about what she wants; perhaps you should just turn it over to her to handle.

The other thing you can do is to review the new member list on the Auburn website and see how many sophomores got bids at the groups she is most interested in.

ETA: sorry, the Auburn list doesn't show class standing. My bad.

[AuburnPNMmom]

Gosh, I am sorry I religated my daughter to just being blonde. It was just a way to describe the individual so you could possibly help discern the advice to give me in helping her. She is a beautiful girl who has never face a lot of disappointment so this was a big blow. Yes, she is trying to accept that where she thought she would fit in best did not happen. Not even having had time to process that, she is dealing with choices that terrify her because it will affect her time at school I want her to be where she will fit best, but I also hate to see her gamble with what appears to be very slim chances next year. *sigh* I hope I did'nt make anyone mad by using this forum. It looked to be a pretty friendly place where I might get some helpful advice. and I have. I am deeply appreciative for those who have genuinely tried to help.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

I hope that she will be able to see that herself. It has been so hard listening to her cry and not be able to do anything. Everywhere I have tried to steer her she feels surrounded by girls in a sorority.

And hopefully she will see that, but also realize she might not.

I've been there, when i was a senior in HS i desperately wanted to be a cheerleader. But I didn't make it, and I couldn't realize why--i mean i had better jumps than some that made it, and i was friends with a lot of the girls etc. My mom had to stop me and realize "why," why did i want to be a cheerleader? For the status, because i love cheerleading?

I dont know if you have, but try and "sit her down" and ask her "why."

-Why does she want to be in a sorority?
-Does she want her Top 4, just for status?

Maybe after actually having that chat with her, will she might realize that she's not giving all the sororities a fair chance.

Rush is artificial. It seems like we might fit in with ABC sorority perfectly and not in XYZ, but after rush we see that ABC really aren't what they appeared and XYZ has a great sisterhood.

I hope everything works out well for both you and your daughter.

[AuburnPNMmom]

LOL - That is great - pink sequined panty hose?? No, none worn....ever.....

[AuburnPNMmom]

epchick.
Yes, I have had quite a few discussions with her. some not too nice but pretty hard trying to get her to have an open view and get over her preconceived notions. I am hoping that she will do as her heart tells her. She likes the girls she has met - she is worried because she has only met a few and not all - and her roommate is dissing this sorority and trying to convince her to wait. This is what I am trying to get her not to listen to

[AuburnPNMmom]

It just occured to me that you may have been serious, AlphaGamUGAalum....and on the first day, she wore a cute dress by Nanette Lepore....

[AUDeltaGam]

It's more difficult- but not impossible- for sophomores to get bids during formal recruitment. If your daughter does decide to rush again next year, I would recommend that she spend this year getting to know members from all the groups on campus.