Would you mourn a baby that was never born?

[Rudey]

Originally posted by carnation
I don't think anyone could know how they'd react to this unless it happened to them. I never gave miscarriages a thought until it happened to me during my 4th pregnancy. My sister-in-law miscarried the same month and we had both seen our babies alive on ultrasound and then a week later.....

If it hasn't happened to you, you have no right to criticize the mourning of someone who's miscarried. Everyone's mourning is different. I have no right to say, for instance, that a widow is overdoing it with her reactions or that someone who lost a relative on 9-11 really ought to get over it.

So a person you've known for so long is akin to a baby you might have had but didn't come to fruition past a couple months?

If forced to choose between their husbands and a miscarriage, most women would choose the latter I would think, no?

-Rudey

[carnation]

Nobody said a thing about choosing. Why would anyone have to choose?

But unless someone has died inside you, you could never know how intense the emotional pain is.

[smiley21]

I know a woman who had 18 miscarriages (yeah you read that right) and now has 3 kids. She does not continue to dwell on what she lost. She is more than thankful for the children that she has now.

[ISUKappa]

I also think it depends on the person and the situation.

I've been pregnant three times, but only have had one live birth. I don't think of my miscarriages as "angel babies" or "children lost" (the angel babies thing kind of freaks me out, personally). I am cognizant of the fact I have had two miscarriages (I had to list them on medical paperwork, my son's birth certificate paperwork, etc...) and I will worry about it the next time I get pregnant, but it's not in the forefront of my mind anymore. There are so many emotions involved with pregnancy and childbirth, it's never just a black and white thing.

[teena]

I think that how much a woman mourns may have to do with if they actually had to deliver a baby and their milk came in. I think that would be horrific to have to deliver a dead baby.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by carnation
I don't think anyone could know how they'd react to this unless it happened to them.

If it hasn't happened to you, you have no right to criticize the mourning of someone who's miscarried. Everyone's mourning is different. I have no right to say, for instance, that a widow is overdoing it with her reactions or that someone who lost a relative on 9-11 really ought to get over it.

Ditto. I know people that have mourn their miscarriages (regardless of the length of pregnancy) and some that do not for reasons similiar to what smiley21 posted. Its all ok.

[Rudey]

Originally posted by carnation
Nobody said a thing about choosing. Why would anyone have to choose?

But unless someone has died inside you, you could never know how intense the emotional pain is.

I am just saying that for most, a husband you've known for some time is quite different from the result of a miscarriage.

That's all

-Rudey

[mulattogyrl]

Originally posted by Rudey
I am just saying that for most, a husband you've known for some time is quite different from the result of a miscarriage.

That's all

-Rudey

I see what you're saying Rudey, but it's difficult because while you may love your husband, a miscarriage means you had something living and dying inside you. That's a different type of thing.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally posted by carnation
Nobody said a thing about choosing. Why would anyone have to choose?

But unless someone has died inside you, you could never know how intense the emotional pain is.

You're right. You really don't know how intense that can be until it actually happens to you.

[DeltAlum]

We had two miscarriages and then three live births.

The miscarriages were tough at the time -- and I would say we did mourn -- but we don't dwell on it, although I think both of us do think about it sometimes.

We're just thankful now for the three wonderful kids.

[Tom Earp]

Losing a small part of being is not easy.

I think DeltAlum said it best, be thankful for what You have.

[ZTAMich]

After each birth (i'm one of 3 daughters), my parents suffered a miscarriage. The last, mom's 6th pregnancy, was carried well into her second trimester & had a lot of complications. She was on bed-rest and admitted to the hospital a few times. She ended up delivering the baby and he did not survive. My parents decided to have him buried on our family plot & had a small service with just my 2 sisters & I and the pastor.

I think this was the most emotional for my parents because of the complications...and that fact that if he had lived he would have not only been the only brother in our family but the only boy in my dad's family to carry on the last name. We use to come home from school ( i was in 8th grade and my sisters were in 1st grade and Pre-K) and sit on the bed with mom doing our homework. Sometimes we'd bring her dinner on the good plates to cheer her up. We bonded as mother & daughters and felt attached to the baby as well.

At the same time, we know life has to go on and I'm blessed with 2 healthy sisters. I think the grief process is on-going, depending on the circumstance & accepting what happened is different for everyone.

[AOIIBrandi]

I have a friend who miscarried 2 weeks before her due date. She had to deliver the dead baby (imagine going through the pain of childbirth knowing that after the horrific experience there isn't going to be the joy of the live child). They did name the baby, although I'm not sure if they had to for a death certificate, and they had her cremated. My friend has since gone on to a have a live birth, a beautiful baby boy, but it was definitely a tragic experience for all involved. I don't think she dwells on it, but I do know they both think about her.

[PM_Mama00]

Come to think of it... I do think about my mom's miscarriages. She had 3 between my brother and I (we're 10 years apart.. I was a surprise). I think that it'd be pretty cool to have 3 other siblings, maybe even a sister. But then I think well I wouldn't have been born cuz I'm sure she would have stopped some time before age 30. I'm sure I'll think about it if I get married one day and start thinking about kids.

[lilbay77]

I had a co-worker who had to deliver her stillborn baby on mothers day last year