Ok to adopt a little sister? - Page 2

texas*princess · #1 02-16-2006, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by honeychile
...and people wonder why we don't allow big & little sisters anymore!

Well technically they aren't "big" and "little" sisters... but "diamond" sisters instead.

Even though it has a different name, i would imagine most if not all the chapters out there use it as the same thing.

Personally, my relationship with my "big diamond" wasn't really what I hoped it would be. It wasn't her fault and it wasn't mine, but sometimes people just don't have a lot in common. I still called her my diamond and stayed in the same family. I called one of my best sorority friends my "cubic zirconia" (not a *real* diamond.. haha!)

Erik P Conard · #2 02-16-2006, 11:31 PM

no

33girl · #3 02-17-2006, 09:54 AM

It's one thing to be close with someone else and have them be your "unofficial" big when your big is gone. It's quite another to, in effect, "divorce" your big and completely remove yourself from that family line.

It would be OK if you had terminated your membership. It would maybe even be OK if you transferred or something and couldn't be involved anymore. But your little gets another big because you've GRADUATED??? That's kinda like me saying "well, my mom's dead, so I'm going to start calling our next door neighbor mom and when people ask me who my mom is I'll point to her." Graduation is a natural part of life and it shouldn't be an excuse for people to change bigs.

The fact that your chapter is allowing this to occur is absolutely inexcusable. And it has nothing to do with "moving on" as an alumna - unless this chapter wants the alums to move so far on that it doesn't see anything wrong with alienating them.

33girl · #4 02-17-2006, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sageofages
Ok...You most probably will not like my response...

You are graduated. You have not an active collegiate member anymore...you are an alumna member. You can still have a relationship with your Little but remember the nature of the relationship's daily activities will change. You are an alumna now. If you little is still an active collegiate chapter member, her focus is chapter based. Your focus should be outward looking toward your alumna chapter.

Thank about it that way.

What does her little's "focus being chapter based" have to do with the big-little relationship? My district director had her big and little come to convention to see her get installed on council. Does this mean she isn't "outward looking" because her big and little are still important in her life?

Optimist Prime · #5 02-17-2006, 10:10 AM

That sucks diseased mule butt hair for you

I went through a similiar situation where basically I was adopted with another brother so we could get littles and now there is one big family tree. Is that what is happening? Or are they just getting rid of yours? If you, you have a right to pissed.

adpiucf · #6 02-17-2006, 10:35 AM

I'm sorry you're hurt, but as another person mentioned, it is time to move on to bigger and better things. It is possible your little felt lonely without the presence of a big sis. This isn't your fault, and by "replacing" you in position, I'd be miffed, too.

But you have friends who love you and a big, bad world out there waiting to be conquered. This is a good time to wean yourself out of collegiate Greek life and throw yourself into the next phase of your life.

Good luck!!!

Sister Havana · #7 02-17-2006, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Senusret I

I am not judging anyone else's traditions.....just assumed up until now that trees and lineage were locked in stone as they are for us.

I thought the same thing!

In my chapter, it wasn't uncommon for someone to unofficially "adopt" a second big or little. But the official family trees don't change just because someone graduated or went inactive.

AXiDTrish · #8 02-17-2006, 10:47 AM

My Chapter had adopted big's and lil's all the time....when someone graduated or suspended, etc....it was not a big deal at all because our REAL family tree was still intact and was the tree that was passed to any new little sisters. We looked at adopted big/lil's as an additional support system for that sister....no hard feelings and a lot of times if the lil wanted to adopt when the big graduated, the big was a part of the process....one large happy family!!

My adopted little sister is actually my SAI chapter sister....we have twice the sisterhood!! Heeheehee!!!!

DZTUBAGIRL · #9 02-17-2006, 11:27 AM

This is a really crappy situation for you. I was never real "big" on the whole big/lil program. Some people take it WAY to seriously. My chapter takes it too seriously in my opinion. Everyone and their mother adopts each other. They get pissed at their big and just get a new one. It's hard to keep track of everyone's family tree because it changes every day. I understand why you are upset and I would feel the same way. I think you are being stabbed in the back but it sounds like there is nothing you can do about it.

ZTABullwinkle · #10 02-20-2006, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dzturtlelambsig
Hey all! I just wanted to pose this question for all of the greek family out there..........

I graduated and moved about 300 miles away from my chapter for my job. I'm still in the same state and really only about 2.5 hours away. Well it's about a year later and someone who is supposed to be my BEST friend is in the process of adopting the one "little sister" that I had left to carry on my family tree. Am I right to be hurt about this? I tried to move back to the area of my university/chapter, but I couldn't find a job. I had some extinuating circumstances that disallowed me to get back to my chapter for big sis reveal and initiation. I don't know if other sororities do this. I don't think I'm a terrible big sister........ I just want to get input from people who are not in my chapter. Unfortunately, sisters are taking sides.... and I don't want that.

This situation is ruining my friendship, my family tree, and alienating me from the chapter that I LOVE! Is this right?

Thanks!

I can totqally understand why you are feeling this way. When I had to leave school for medical reasons, most of my family found new "big sisters", and I was forgotten about.

Remember, big and lil sisters are not the only thing in Delta Zeta. That is what keeps me going. I LOVE what we stand for, and use pieces of it EVERY DAY of my life.

If you want PM me, and we can talk. I hope things are getting better for you!

BrandyDeltaGamm · #11 02-20-2006, 10:05 PM

I've been in your shoes. But, I look at it this way. After some issues, I was unofficially adopted by a good friend/older member. So, since my chapter is into family trees, mine was just a bit bigger than most. I claim both Bigs as mine and both their lineages. One of my pledge sisters and also in my original line had something similar happen and she was also adopted but by her original Big's Big sister. When I got a Lil, I made a beautiful family tree and tried to include all of these intertwinned lines. It shows how we are all connected and had room for changes and additions to be made. When I transfered from my initiating school, my adoptive Big and family looked after my Lil and she was also formally adopted by a chapter member who had never had a sister. So, rather than muddying the waters, all these adoptions just make our family tree more interesting and larger--what's better than more "aunts", "twins", "cousins", etc?

KDLady23 · #12 03-05-2006, 10:17 PM

Wow, I think that is actually horrible. When somebody graduates you don't just get a new big. That is the point of having a family tree, and becoming a big yourself. I would be exremely hurt if my little did that to me. Tell her that part of being in a sorority is growing, and that also means growing into a new position...not the baby anymore. How old is she? If she is only a sophomore, maybe I see why she would want a big still. But if she is a junior, then it is time for her to grow up and take care of her own little.

DeltaBetaBaby · #13 03-05-2006, 11:25 PM

What exactly does it mean to 'adopt' your little? I mean, you have already done all the ritual stuff, guided her through her pledge period, etc. If a new girl calls herself her 'big', how is that different from any other member hanging out with her?

Seriously, I think you need to look at them all as sisters, and not worry so much about the families. This is why every national group is trying to get away from bigs/little.

I assume you are a recent grad. Two or three years from now, you are going to be SHOCKED by which of your sisters you are still in touch with.

KDLady23 · #14 03-06-2006, 05:01 AM

What national organizations are you talking about? Big/lils are a great way to get closer to people in your sorority. It would not be the same experience at all without them. I would be sad to one day hear that my sorority no longer had big and lil sis's.

33girl · #15 03-06-2006, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KDLady23
What national organizations are you talking about? Big/lils are a great way to get closer to people in your sorority. It would not be the same experience at all without them. I would be sad to one day hear that my sorority no longer had big and lil sis's.

I agree. No matter how much we try to turn our sisterhoods into businesses, thank God there are still people out there who want to have "sisters" instead of "members."

I know that there have been sororities who got rid of big/little and brought it back. The sororities who "don't have" big/little...welll, they have something that seems a heck of a lot LIKE big/little.

To say that these relationships aren't important is kind of like saying "well, why don't you just pick a sorority based on which philanthropy is your favorite and not worry about the people in it."

And for everyone saying "oh, it isn't so bad, etc" - there's a difference between an informal adoption, where you just kind of hang out with someone's family, and a formal adoption, where you essentially disown your previous big. Some people seem to be not getting that.