How should I have handled this situation?

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by OtterXO
were you talking about me or her?

Her.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by Dionysus
I haven't even noticed this person until now. One more GCer has jumped on the bitch train!

Bahahaha!

My advice: forget random guy. Talk to "Caleb" if you still want him.

On the church thing, you would be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) at the amount of hook ups that accompany church events. It's pretty funny to me. You go to church to praise God, and you end the night screaming "OH GOD!" with a stranger you picked up there.

[valkyrie]

I didn't know we had so many people who fell off the judgmental train. Geez y'all, lighten up a little.

Originally posted by valkyrie
I didn't know we had so many people who fell off the judgmental train. Geez y'all, lighten up a little.

Thank you!

[James]

Lets see. You are crushing on a guy and your friend tells him you are crushing on him.

He sits next to you all night and tries to make conversation which you rebuff because you personal skills don't overcome yuor stress levels in romantic situations.

You arrange to meet him out at the bar and get drunk before he gets there.

After he gets there you play it so cool that he doesn't really get a chance to talk to you.

While he is there he ends up dancing with someone you don't think he wants to be with but you get jealous and mad so decide to sleep with a random strange.

Now with this random stranger that you don't like, you have absolutely no problem talking to him and asking him to take you home for boning, even though you are unable to speak clearly to Caleb, the man you are crushing on.

Which by the way, is right out of socio-biological theory that the promiscious girl has no problem sleeping with people she doesn't feel attached to, but feels the need to withhold herself from a longterm prospect.

Ok, you did nothing wrong by sleeping with random stranger except in the context of you wanting Caleb.

In fact this is so the antithesis og trying to geta guy to like you I have to ask, Are you from the South?

Contrary to opinion, you going home and banging someone else from the bar doesn't impress us guys. Are we supposed to be jealous i guess? You girls do think in the strangest ways.

Those of you giving her grief . . why? Its her choice if she wants a one night stand, there is nothing immoral about it. And your judgements about boys not falling in love after drunk sex. . . well thats just stupid and shows a complete lack of knowledge about men.

My advice to you. If you want Caleb, don't bring up the bar at all. Pursue him clearly, and pretend you don't like him . . act like you don't. Remove the pressure.

We know you can seduce guys you don't like, just apply that to caleb, the maybe virgin.

[CarolinaDG]

For the record, I'm not judging, I just think she's barking up the wrong tree(s). I think it's so hard for us to keep our heads on straight in issues of "love" enough to step back for a second and be like, "Hmm... Do I REALLY have enough in common with this boy?" My point is, if the guy doesn't like you for who you are (granted, sleeping with another guy while you were interested in him is probably gonna be a dealbreaker for anyone... so don't TELL!) than you need to find someone else. If you're just really convinced that this guy is right, go for it... but jump feet first.

As far as the southern reference by James... I don't quite get that.

[AGDee]

Originally posted by James
Those of you giving her grief . . why? Its her choice if she wants a one night stand, there is nothing immoral about it. And your judgements about boys not falling in love after drunk sex. . . well thats just stupid and shows a complete lack of knowledge about men.

I didn't give her grief, just gave her my opinion of things. I am not judging her in any way. I also didn't say that boys don't ever fall in love after drunk sex, but I would think he'd have gotten her phone number if he was interested in seeing her again.

[HBADPi]

My post may have been harshly worded but I hate when I see women bring their own self value down in an attempt to win a guy over. Changing your beliefs or actions for a guy (ie going home with someone when you wouldnt have normally, dating a virgin when you know you might have problems with it, etc) never works in the long run.

I wasn't judging her going home with random guy, I'm by no means someone who can or will judge someone about their sex life do what you want but call it what it was - a one night stand. Like AGDee said if he wanted to see you again he would have expressed that in some shape or form. Just be smart about your actions, you live you learn and move on. Thats all I was trying to relay.

[XOMichelle]

I have a story for you!

My friend and I hosted a party once upon a time. A friend of mine (Sandy) liked a boy at the party (Nate). Nate was a friend of my co-worker Jack and Jack had brought Nate and another friend to the party. Sandy started flirting with Nate and didn't seem to get much of a response. So, she moved onto the second friend. They got drunk and went home together. At the end of the night, she still preferred Nate, and tried to get him to call her. Of course, he was never going to do that because she went home with his friend.

[dphies00]

There are two big issues with this whole thing...

These don't sound like issues, just endings that you're not happy with. You're asking us, should you let these sleeping dogs lie or change their outcomes so that Caleb falls in love with you and/or you find the random guy to live happily every after? Sounds a little bit like the Lady or the Tiger...

Why don't you use these two issues/endings to examine your own impulses? Obviously, you're not happy with the sex from random, so it would probably take a good, deep emotional connection to make the sex !awesome! Or a lot of communication. Do you feel like pursuing an emotional connection with a guy where you already know what the sex is like, you were not impressed, and it would take a lot of moxie and charm to own up to the fact that you don't remember his name?

Two, sex is obviously important to you. You enjoy it and have definately opinions about how it should go down (see: comments of size, etc.) Are you sure a virgin is a great match with you at this point in your life? There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex, whether you want to get down in a relationship or a one night stand. Caleb is definately going to feel very differently about sex and all the latter bases that come before a home run. He might know nothing about what happened with you that night, but you and him might not match up when it comes to your own beliefs about sex before marriage - and these opinions are a huge part of relationship and differing opinions can be a huge stress on a relationship.

Last, if you're nervous about talking to guys that you like, and you find comfort in getting drunk, I recommend finding a balance to your two selves and letting Caleb and random be.

[CUGreekgirl]

In fact this is so the antithesis og trying to geta guy to like you I have to ask, Are you from the South?

Yes, In fact I am from the south. Just curious though, whats that got to do with anything.

I also didn't say that boys don't ever fall in love after drunk sex, but I would think he'd have gotten her phone number if he was interested in seeing her again.

He asked me when I was returning to my college (Clemson). I'm not, I'm transferring back home next semester. He asked me that as I got out of his car and I said "I'm not" and slammed the door. I think he was about to ask for my number, but oh well....

Two, sex is obviously important to you. You enjoy it and have definately opinions about how it should go down (see: comments of size, etc.) Are you sure a virgin is a great match with you at this point in your life?

I do enjoy sex, however I would like to have a relationship where it wasn't the most important thing. Caleb isn't a strict christian. He isn't a virgin until marriage or anything like that. He just hasn't found the right girl yet. I'm not 100% sure he is even still a virgin, I know he was last year (before I knew him) when he was seeing my friend.


Now the big update, Caleb gave my friend his number so we could call him if we were going out anytime soon before he leaves town on break, also for her to give it to me. Now the big question is to call or not to call... and what to say if I do call....

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
yo yo yo. the don back up in this biz-natch.

first off, no one better say that my homegirl HBADPI came from the bitch train. I'll beat you up. Trust me. i am the internet bouncer.

second of all. CUGreekGirl, You are the Shizznizzles! You can party with me anytime yo!

You make me wanna go to church parties and church bars.

my advice is this. don't try to act innocent. if you are gonna go play around, then play around. remember what R Kelly said? Playays gonna play, ballers gonna ball? Rollers gonna roll....

oh and who gives a shit about Caleb and random boy. Random boy obviously sucked. why do you want to be with someone who sucks. and Caleb is a virgin. meaning he is going to SUCK ass. even more so than Random boy. so my last advice is come out to Huntington Beach Cali, party it up at Freds and go home with the first dude you see wearing a backwards San Diego Padres hat that has tanned skin and dark hair...oh and he will probably say he hates Cal Poly too.

capish? Capish.

Bobby-- you ain't right for that!!! But I agree with you... Either one of these boys don't know where IT'S at...


CUGreekgirl--hey I ain't mad at you with the 1 nighter... Get you freak on if you've got a scratch that needs to be itch... I guess am skurred for you because you could have put yourself in danger with "random boy" and could have gotten hurt--that's playing with fire... Risky... Very risky...

But, you got home safely. And that was certainly nice of random guy to do that. But now you all about Caleb... And gwirlfriend, I don't know what to tell you 'bout dude... I don't care if he "rocks it like dat"--I have no beneficial words to say...

What do you want to see happen?

[CUGreekgirl]

What do you want to see happen?

I really don't know. I really like Caleb, but I've always let guys treat me like crap in the past. Caleb treats girls really well, and its almost like I don't think I deserve him. I do have his number though, and have decided to wait until he gets back in town after Christmas break and give him a call. If I happen to run into random guy out somewhere, I will definitely chat with him, give him a chance to actually ask for my number instead of slamming the door in the middle of him speaking with me.

[KSig RC]

Originally posted by CUGreekgirl
I really don't know. I really like Caleb, but I've always let guys treat me like crap in the past. Caleb treats girls really well, and its almost like I don't think I deserve him. I do have his number though, and have decided to wait until he gets back in town after Christmas break and give him a call. If I happen to run into random guy out somewhere, I will definitely chat with him, give him a chance to actually ask for my number instead of slamming the door in the middle of him speaking with me.

two words:










bukakke party!

[CarolinaDG]

Originally posted by dphies00
These don't sound like issues, just endings that you're not happy with. You're asking us, should you let these sleeping dogs lie or change their outcomes so that Caleb falls in love with you and/or you find the random guy to live happily every after? Sounds a little bit like the Lady or the Tiger...

Two, sex is obviously important to you. You enjoy it and have definately opinions about how it should go down (see: comments of size, etc.) Are you sure a virgin is a great match with you at this point in your life? There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex, whether you want to get down in a relationship or a one night stand. Caleb is definately going to feel very differently about sex and all the latter bases that come before a home run. He might know nothing about what happened with you that night, but you and him might not match up when it comes to your own beliefs about sex before marriage - and these opinions are a huge part of relationship and differing opinions can be a huge stress on a relationship.

I completely agree! Don't waste your time with someone who isn't going to love you for the WHOLE you. I understand that Caleb's probably a great guy, but there's a difference between great guy and great guy for YOU.