How should I have handled this situation?
 

this is going to be long (like most of my post are)... here it goes...

So I've had a crush on this guy, we'll call him "Caleb" since about October. I've seen him around my church but we have never been introduced, however I had done some investigating to find out his name, age, and other things. Friday night we had a Christmas party for the college aged students at our church. We ended up both being there, but before I got there somone who knew I like him, went up and told him that the only reason I came to the college student stuff was b/c I thought he would be there. Of course he wanted to know who I was. My friend "amanda" introduced us when I got there and I ended up sitting by him during dinner and the activites that followed. He made a comment to me about how quiet I was being (i'm always quiet around guys I like). Before he left he told Amanda that i had "Potential" I just needed to talk more.
Amanda and I had plans to go out after the party so we had asked Caleb what he was doing. He had another party to attend then he was going to one of the bars. Amanda and I ended up going to a different bar first then she had to go home. So I called another girl I met recently but I don't really know all that well. she goes to my church too and said she was planning on going out that night too and we could go wherever I wanted to so of course I wanted to go where caleb was going to be.
When we got there it was kind of dead, but I went ahead and had a drink. Before caleb got there I had a margarita, long island iced tea, and a sex on the beach. Both the Tea and S.O.T.B. were STRONG! Needless to say I was pretty sloshed at that point. As I'm coming out of the bathroom I run into Caleb. He was on his way to the bar to get a drink. We spoke for a min. (can't remember what I said), then he went off to get a drink. I returned to my table. Before he could leave the bar some girl more drunk than I was practically attacked him, and he danced with her the rest of the night. I saw him try to walk away several times, but she just kept grabbing his arm.
Well in my drunken state I was so over dramatic about the whole situation! The girl I went to the bar with started talking with some guy. His roommate started talking to me. For some reason I got it into my mind that I was going to have a random hookup that night. So I told my friend I was going home with the guy (we'll call him "Rob" since I don't really remember his name")... I'm not sure what his intial reaction was when I told him that I was going home with him, but most guys don't refuse!
Anyway, I ended up back at his apartment, we had our fun, then when I woke up in the morning he drove me to where my car was. Thank god he was still cute when I woke up the next morning! This was my first (and probably last) random hookup and I don't even remember his first name. He could remember where I used to go to school, b/c he asked me when I was going back there as I got out of his car. I said "i'm not" (cause I'm transfering to the college here in my hometown) "bye" and shut the car door.

There are two big issues with this whole thing...

#1... Caleb is a virgin. I'm sure all of the "potential" I had is now gone IF he saw me leave to go and hookup with that guy. The bar we were at wasn't very big, we were all there until the bar shut its doors, and I wasn't exactly being quiet about the whole ordeal.

#2.... I can't get random guy out of my head. It wasn't necessarily great sex. I've had better, plus he was on the VERY small side. BUT I felt some kind of connection with him when I was talking to him. He was so sweet when I woke up the next morning. Clearly he didn't regret it since he wanted to go at it again, i was majorly hung over so I declined. I don't know if I'll ever see him again though considering I don't the even know his name... hmm, maybe I shoulda asked him before I drove away.

So should I just let random guy stay forever random, or should I try to find him?

I don't know what to tell you about your situation, but I have to say that I find it kind of funny/ironic/something that a church event led to a one night stand? :eek: :eek: :eek:

I'm totally lost as to what you are asking?

You wanted the Caleb dude, but you didn't say much at church when you had your chance...

Then you found your way to a bar, got pissy drunk...

Then you hooked up with "no name" dude while "Caleb" dude was watching...

So what are you asking?

That, you should feel bad about a one night stand with "no name" dude because Caleb is a "virgin"?

You've got some issues gwirlfriend...

Never try to find Random Guy. Random hookups are just that and are best appreciated as such. If you're really interested in Caleb, you might as well see if there's any potential with him. Don't eliminate the possibility because you're afraid he might not approve of your behavior -- he might not, but who knows.

Dani, I do find the church thing funny as hell too. ;)

I'm confused.

You are/were interested in a guy who you "know" to be a virgin, yet you figured out that the way to his heart was by having a random hook-up with a stranger? Then you ask people on a message board how you should have handled the situation?

You really don't want people to be honest with you, do you?

1) Caleb doesn't really know that you hooked up with that guy for the night. He only knows you left together. He also doesn't know if that guy is your cousin, your best friend, your best friend's brother, whatever. You also don't know who the drunk girl was that he was dancing with. You also don't really know whether or not he's a virgin. Only he and every woman he's ever dated know that. If Caleb wants to date you, he will ask you out. If he doesn't, he won't. Period. Nothing to lament over.

2) If random hook up guy wanted to see you again he would have asked you how he could contact you. I've never known a man to regret to getting laid, unless the woman he hooked up with ends up being a psycho stalker who put more meaning into the random hookup than he did and she then expects a relationship.

Chalk it all up to a learning experience and move on.

I agree moving on and learning from it is the best thing in this situation. I would also evaluate your drinking behaviors and your needs to be with a guy, ways you approach guys, etc. Just an observation from your post. Good luck!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D :D :D :D

You already know how you should have handled the situation.

If you like Boy A, you approach communication with him when sober. You don't go out and get sloppy drunk thinking it will lead to honest admission of feelings and a relationship. Nor do you make a display of hanging all over Boy B, thinking it will get Boy A's attention.

All you have done in this situation is to disrespect yourself.

And I, like others, find it ironic you would attend a church party and then go out, get wasted and have a one-night stand.

Chalk it up to a learning experience, and don't do it again. Boys don't fall in love with you for sharing your body with them over a drunk hookup. Any guy who is worth it will pursue you ... and pass the sobriety test-- that is, he shows interest in you when he's not drunk.

My best guess is that Boy A, the one you like, did not even notice you leaving with Boy B. Act responsibly in the future and move on. If you like Boy A, get to know him.

I agree with honeychile, I don't think you want us to be honest.


The thing is, if Caleb is a strict Christian who believes that staying a virgin until marriage is the way to go, than I'm not so sure you SHOULD be with him. I mean, if you're a girl who only goes to church events to meet guys, then goes out and gets drunk and has random hookups, than a strict Christian probably is not the way to go. Maybe you should find one of the guys (and there are some, trust me) that aren't so much into the church things for the actualy churching, but for meeting girls.

If there's one thing I've learned from my 99% single life, it's that don't waste your time on the guys that you have nothing in common with and cannot find anything to talk about. Those inevitably lead to miserable break-ups. Go for the guys that you find amazing things to talk about (when you're sober!!!)

I agree with AGDee...
The thing is, (okay two things) 1) maybe Caleb was so drunk that doesn't really remember either and 2) he was hanging all over some random too, so he's probably embarrassed. I also don't think he would assume you had sex with random boy, he most likely has no idea you seriously hooked it up so don't even worry about it. He probably feels like a jackass too. Next time you see him say something about that being a drunken night and he'll probably agree. If he's a jerk to you then he's too much of a judgmental ass for you to waste time worrying about it. As for random boy...don't bother with that. It wasn't your proudest moment and remember that this is all he knows about you...leave it be. :)

First off that story was so long winded and had more information than necessary that you probably lost most people after paragraph 2. All of that could have been summed up with "like a guy at church, met up with him later that night at bar, got sloppy drunk went home with someone else and now I dontknow what to do."

I cant even believe we're having this discussion...theres nothing to discuss, leave "caleb" alone forget about random guy and grow up.

damn...a little harsh, don't you think?

I haven't even noticed this person until now. One more GCer has jumped on the bitch train!

were you talking about me or her? :)