Wedding Reception Issues!! - Page 2

valkyrie · #16 06-28-2004, 02:40 PM

This isn't exactly the same situation, but I have friends who secretly got married in Vegas and then had a big reception a couple years later. It was fun and I don't think anyone had a problem with it.

I would also advise against having a cash bar as mentioned above.

adpialumcsuc · #17 06-28-2004, 03:20 PM

My brother did. He and his wife lived about 8 hours from where they got married. It was the middle of winter and the snowy passes would make it difficult for everyone to make it, so they decided to just throw a reception up there at a later date. It worked out really well. I would definate recommend it.

Also, make sure you do what you and your husband want to do. This is your day. I have a very religious extended family and my parents were concerned about them being there and being offended. (they always made remarks to my parents about me going to a party school and drinking under age) It isn't that I didn't want my family to be there, but it was my wedding and if I wanted to have adult beverages available to everyone that is what I was going to do. The majority of the people that were very close with had the same "partying" styles as us and we wanted to have a good time. Fortunately the extended family all left before it got crazy, but it worked out perfectly.

angelove · #18 06-28-2004, 03:35 PM

NO CASH BAR. NO NO NO NO.

People should not be invited to a party (including a wedding and reception) and then asked to pay for what they consume. Heck, why limit it to the bar - why not have them pay for the meal too? There are a few less-offensive ways to limit costs and alcohol intake, including:

(1) having the reception at a place where you can bring your own bartender and making sure the bartender doesn't open unnecessary bottles and pick up half-finished drinks so that the guest has to get another drink that you later have to pay for

(2) limiting it to beer (no kegs, please) and wine, or simply having champagne (and sparkling cider for the nondrinkers) for toasting

(3) having the reception at a time of day when alcohol consumption isn't going to be as high, for instance at brunch time or "tea time" (which I think would be after lunch around 3 or 4ish)

(4) offering two punches - one with alcohol and one without

(5) eloping (or having a small family-only ceremony), then letting each set of parents throw a party for you of their choice

I agree with everyone who has told you to remember that it's your wedding and your day, and that you should have the ceremony and reception the way you want it. Of course, this may mean that you have to pay for it yourself.

ADPiShannan · #19 06-28-2004, 03:38 PM

I know you want to make both families feel good, but trust me, doing what they want, will only make you miserable. I know. I got married a little over a year ago. So many people putting their 2 cents in and telling me what they want to see. At first I wanted to make everyone happy, then I got real mad at myself and said this isnt about them, they arent going to be in the marriage, this is about me and my hubby. I was tired of people bossing me around and making me feel bad if I didnt do what they wanted.

This is YOUR day, not their, they are guests. I know its hard too if they pay, I know mine paid, but my dad butted in and said to my mom shell do what she wants not what you want or the other family wants and well support whatever it is. So I got married at the beach. Couldnt have asked for a better thing.

Be honest to yourself. Do what you want and what will make you happy. This is your marriage and your special day. Parents are already married they had their day.

33girl · #20 06-28-2004, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by angelove
(2) limiting it to beer (no kegs, please)

What on earth is wrong with a keg?? That's what draft beer comes from, and then you don't have to worry about glass bottles or cans. Plus women can drink all ladylike

. I mean, it's not like the keg is going to be in a yard with people pumping their own.

And if you think people aren't going to drink at 3 in the afternoon...you are hanging out with the wrong people.

angelove · #21 06-28-2004, 04:57 PM

Yeah, let me clarify - a keg behind a bar is fine as in draft beers - but I have heard about (never attended, thank goodness) weddings at which there is a keg near the dance floor and everyone helps themselves. (StumpsGirl's family would really have a fit if that happened ...)

Even though I'm getting older and more uptight by the minute, I know people will drink at 3 in the afternoon, but I said that alcohol consumption will not be as high as if the reception was at night. That's sort of a standard recommendation for cutting back on wedding costs.

Unfortunately, some of the most exciting parties I've been to lately are here on GC. Still reminiscing about the mu_sadness weekend-long party ...

Jill1228 · #22 06-28-2004, 07:53 PM

For starters, unless the parents "show you da money" always assume that you are paying for it yourselves. Then live by the motto:

OUR wedding OUR way...if you want, then YOU pay!

What do you and the man want? You can have a big party and still make concessions for the cake and punch crowd.

But then again you can do what I did...have a destination wedding! We got married in Las Vegas!

honeychile · #23 06-28-2004, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by StumpsGirl
One thing we had already decided was to have a reception at a later date (possibly a 2 or 3 month anniversary) at his hometown. We live 850 miles apart so a lot of his family won't even be at the wedding unless they are in it. I guess that could be a good way to do it. Make sure the "home reception" is tame and then have an all out party later. (His parents will be paying for the later one.) Has anyone ever heard of that before? Having a reception about a month or two later for family that couldn't make it to the "real" one. Considering our distance....

It seems pretty possible to me.

THanks for everyone's ideas and yes, we do have a while before we have to make any major decisions. This is just something I have been wondering.

This is probably what mr. honeychile & I will do. My family (with the exception of about 3-4 people) doesn't drink, so we're thinking of a reception at the church (my church is really beautiful!), then have an Irish blow out in his home town about a month later!

And I want to add my voice to those who say "No Cash Bar"!!! It's just too tacky for words. Have a reception at a hotel and let the drinkers buy alcohol at the hotel bar, but never, ever invite someone to an event and charge them for it!!

James · #24 06-28-2004, 08:08 PM

How about you just pocket the money you would have spent on the reception and wedding and elope?

Thats one expensive party folks. What 20 grand or more?

labeachgrl · #25 06-28-2004, 08:18 PM

You should ask a close friend to be your "wedding coordinator" for the day, even giving her a couple hundred would be worth being stress free. This is what my friends have done, the wedding party is usually worthless as far as help because they have their own worries/issues with bridal clothes/family. Just sit down with her and make an itinerary and at least she'll know what's what and when.

LeslieAGD · #26 06-28-2004, 08:38 PM

I didn't want to start a new thread since this is a similar topic. My boyfriend and I aren't engaged (yet) but we have talked about getting married in the future.

Anyway, our families are VERY culturally different. Has anyone else had a recception issues about food, music, or traditions? What kind of compromises did you make?

Munchkin03 · #27 06-28-2004, 09:26 PM

I seriously wouldn't stress about this, especially if you're not even engaged.

By the time you actually start planning--IF you actually start planning, your tastes and desires could be different.

And NO NO NO HAYLE NO to the cash bar. If you're going to do that, why don't you just have "Dueling Banjos" as your first dance?

ADPiShannan · #28 06-28-2004, 10:06 PM

Quote : Has anyone ever heard of that before? Having a reception about a month or two later for family that couldn't make it to the "real" one

I got married at the beach in South Carolina and we invited 30 friends and family to drive or fly from Ohio to come down with us and either spend the week before the wedding there relaxing or come for the weekend of the wedding. I wanted to be married at my fave place, the ocean so we went for it. Now not everyone could attend so 2 months later we held a huge reception back home in Ohio for everyone. It was a great time at the wedding and at the reception. We had a small reception at a nice hotel after the wedding in SC but a large one back home so I have done that and it has turned out very well. It was great.

cuaphi · #29 06-28-2004, 10:22 PM

A cousin of mine ran off and got married in Vegas over last fall break. The official reception is taking place in August. I think it's sort of romantic to just elope and have the party later.

James · #30 06-28-2004, 10:24 PM

BYOB

Quote:

Originally posted by Munchkin03
I seriously wouldn't stress about this, especially if you're not even engaged.

By the time you actually start planning--IF you actually start planning, your tastes and desires could be different.

And NO NO NO HAYLE NO to the cash bar. If you're going to do that, why don't you just have "Dueling Banjos" as your first dance?