Minorities and Suicide

[AKA_Monet]

Soror Abaici, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is unfortunate that we are unable to detect "tell tale" signs when we think we ought to. Maybe several organizations ought to have programmatic and educational outreach events to offer to various venues when folks are having these kinds of issues...

That means some of US must come forward and confess our illness and not be afraid to say what the deal-y-o is...

I have Hypomania... Bipolar Disorder II. Most days I am even. Other days I go up a little bit . Many more day than I would like, especially when I my meds stop working, I drop. I have inconsolable feats of crying, because the "sun is shining" or other craziness my brain farts seem to manifest themselves as... Like, "nobody likes me" or "I'm stupid" or "yada, yada, yada". Sometimes, these thoughts turn in to, "it would be better than I am not here because I am useless to anyone..." Those are what I call the "negativity tapes" that roll around in my head...

When those bad tapes start "tracking" in my head, that is when I immediately start to call all the professionals I know that I can talk to. To get back on track with my meds, get new one if possible, and to get the appropriate cognitive therapy I need.

It was because of my religion that I sought help, actively... Romans 8:31-39... If I did not "hear" what God what trying to tell me at that point--I would not be looking forward to join His kingdom... If God did not put professional, high quality folks in my life and if He did not have some kind of important stuff that He wanted me to fulfill and if He did not give someone the MIND to discover some kind a treatment option, then, then...

So all of that crap some folks feed to the poor individual that is suffering in silence by using His WORD to not get somebody in this day and age help, what does Romans SAY???

Aside from many people of color being sexually abused, if it is truly a biochemical issue like it is for me, then I can tell you about the mounds of treatments paths and directions I pursued and what has and has not worked for me...

What are the "tell tale signs" of a person considering suicide?

Mine were when I completely shutdown and got really quiet after too much crying, anger, lashing out. When I was young, I did some unscionable thangs... If those things did not suppress my hurt, then I was actively arranging or having an action plan in place on how I was going to kill myself... It was never, step 1, 2, and 3... It was more like, "would I die if I jumped off this bridge?" Usually, I was way up--MANIC--like I could do anything, folks thought I was "good to go" and "crazy". Then I would fail some test (in high school and college) and my mood would drop, like the rug taken out from under me. Then, my thoughts would progressively get worse and worse in my mind... Until my ill conceived thought of suicide rambled thru my head.

As I get older, I have learned ways to supplant my moods and stopgap them before they get the best of me. Actively getting help and maintaining help has worked for me. Calling out my pain, giving it a voice to be released has worked for me... Also exercise helps me tremendously... The minute I feel a "breakdown" coming on where I feel I might shutdown--even if it is an inkling, I will cry to get it out and immediately call for help... The professionals will talk be thru some level of "sustainable sanity" so I can function at some level--like "taking a shower" and going to work and facing folks I don't like without losing it...

Comparing and contrasting folks problems do not work for me... So, I hope no one tells me, I wish I could have that problem... It minimizes what is going thru my head at the time...

That is just me and how I have had to struggle over the last 20 years with this illness...

I dare anyone with my similar background to "air their dirty laundry" just like I did...

If that stops some Black girl from considering suicide, then ASHE, AKEERAH!!!

I could go ON and ON... But for now, I will stop there...

I am only human and I will live my life for the best as God has intended it to be...

[aopirose]

AKA_Monet, THANK YOU so much for sharing your story. My SIL is Bipolar and I am sure that she has gone through similar experiences.

[AKA_Monet]

Our brain is an organ too? Don't you all think it can sick, also???

And I hate to say it, but many folks have wacky hormones and it takes $2500 worth of tests to determine which ones are outta wack...

I have ideas as to how to find decent therapists... Hayle, I've been through enuf of them to know... PM me if anyone is interested...

[NinjaPoodle]

Sister-Soror AKA_Monet,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I appreciate it. Although my situation is not to the extent of yours, I do live with depression. I've sought help as an adult and I’ve learned (without medication so far) ways to deal with it. I’ve learned to not be so hard on myself and appreciate everyday and the people in my life. That old cliché, Things happen for a reason, I believe it. It’s {the depression} made me make a decision to either let it take me and destroy me or become a stronger person and deal with things head on (or realize when to let not so important things go).

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
.....I dare anyone with my similar background to "air their dirty laundry" just like I did...

If that stops some Black girl from considering suicide, then ASHE, AKEERAH!!!

I could go ON and ON... But for now, I will stop there...

I am only human and I will live my life for the best as God has intended it to be...

[Still BLUTANG]

i am worried sick about one of my girls.

last night she called and told me she wasn't sure if she was going to make it too much longer. she's started planning her OWN funeral, and she's just "not in the mood to deal with too much more." - - her words.

i know i can't "make" her talk to a professional, but are there any suggestions as to convincing a loved one to seek help / therapy?

[Honeykiss1974]

I'm not sure of the age or the situation for one of your "girls", but if she is young, I would tell her parents, boyfriend, parents, whomever ASAP. Look up the number for your town's 24 hour suicide crisis hotline and call it. Or go to this website for steps to take when a friend is thinking about committing suicide.

http://www.stopasuicide.org/actdecision.aspx

Let her get mad at you for spread her business. At least she'll be alive to fuss at you.

[Still BLUTANG]

thanks for the link, i'll check it out.

she is an adult.

her mom recently passed and i know this isn't just something you "get over"... but but as a non-professional on the outside looking in, it seems like her mourning process is getting ?worse? (i don't know how to describe it any better) as the days go by. she's an only child and still lives in the home she shared with her mother.

i'm getting phone calls and emails from mutual friends / her coworkers that are concerned about her... i feel like we're letting her slip away if we don't do something. is an intervention-type thing appropriate?

[Munchkin03]

My best friend from college (biracial) committed suicide two years ago.

We (my boyfriend and I) saw her about 36 hours before it happened...we had never seen her like that before. She didn't mention killing herself AT ALL, but she was very disoriented...almost as if she had taken some bad drugs. She was talking about quitting school and looked very disheveled. She was going to meet another good friend, who took her to her place and watched over her for a day until taking her home, otherwise we would have taken her with us. She had people with her who could have stopped her, and did try to make her feel better, right up until the very end.

It's said that the person who commits suicide only dies one death, but his or her survivors die a thousand more.

[f8nacn]

AKA_Monet...

...after reading your post it brought to the surface the secrets of my own life that I've had hidden in the closet, that I was ashamed of, that I was afraid that those closest to me now wouldn't be able to accept. However, after reading your post and several other posts on this board, I see that I'm not alone in the illnesses of our mind. If there is any area that the enemy would love to take control over is my mind. One day I'm up and fine, one moment I'm up and I'm fine...however, within minutes the world around starts to turn gray, starts to become a sight of failure, disappointment, insecurities...I went through counseling in high school because I was suicidal and suffered from an eating disorder. I tried (with no success) to kill myself because I couldn't handle the pressure of being a "thin", "outgoing", "intelligent" and "beautiful" teenage girl that was popular at my school. I struggled with issues from my past (being sexually abused) and having a strained relationship with my family. At that point I didn't know what to do...to this day, it's a mind battle. A battle to keep my thoughts pure, clean, honesty, positive....to see the best in everything...no matter who dark/bleak it may be.

But you know you touched on something and I have to agree 100% because that's what I have to do to keep going.

if He did not have some kind of important stuff that He wanted me to fulfill

then I don't know where I would be.

Thanks for your realness/honesty.

[ZetaStorm]

My mother (who is now deceased) was a therapist and I learned a lot about mental disorders from her. Some of the topics that were mentioned was the reason why she went into that field. Even as we speak it is still not really supported in the black community to seek help. There's a backlash for airing your dirty laundry so to speak.

I do believe that there is an increase in suicides among blacks. Especially young blacks. Our youth is under tremendous pressure to 'fit in.' I hear and see so many young ladies that are obsessed with trying to look like the women in music videos etc. I think the young men struggle to find their place as well. (Especially the ones with no fathers or distant fathers)

There is so much going on in our society and unfortunately sometimes the adults and parents just don't have a clue what's really going on with their children. My friend who is an educator sent me a link to a forum where there were young Indian girls trying to find ways to lighten their skin. I read it with dismay. They were actually discussing which products or methods worked best. Some of these young ladies were also suicidal because they felt that they were ugly because of their dark skin. These behaviors and thoughts are passed down from generation to generation. If momma or daddy is sick and doesn't get help what happens to their children? The cycle just continues.

Depression is very real and it can happen to anyone at anytime. When I was in high school my best friend was suicidal. She had tried to kill herself several times. The last day before Christmas break she went into the girl's restroom cracked her compact mirror and slit both of her wrists. Right in the middle of this she realized that she could really die and changed her mind and tried to seek help. She collapsed right outside of the bathroom door into the hallway. Our Vice Principal came and got her, called 911 and talked and encouraged her during the ride to the hospital. What happened next was truly unbelievable. The Vice Principal left the hospital and went into some woods and killed himself. He shot himself in the head. His wife said that he had been depressed for months.

My friend did get professional help and it saved her life. I think that as our society gets more and more materialistic we will continue to see a steady increase in suicides among all races. I've heard so many people say that life is just so hard.

It is so important for us to be attentive of our children, loved ones and friends. The signs are always there. Sometimes we get so busy that we miss the signs. Still Blutang, please seek help for your friend immediately. This may sound drastic but you may actually have to physically take her to a professional. There are groups for people who have lost a loved one. Call them and tell them your situation you may be able to get someone to come to her or you may have to take her to a meeting. I had to do this with a guy who was struggling with alcohol addiction. It had gotten way out of control. I called AA just to make sure that I was right that he had a problem. I found out when their next meeting was. I made sure that we were there. I didn't even tell him because he wouldn't have gone. I told him that I wanted him to go to a meeting with me. He was mad when he realized what it was. But he couldn't BS them. He had to admit he had a problem. It saved his life because he would have died from alcohol. It was that serious. I'm happy to say he's clean and still alive.

AKA Monet I believe that by you being honest and sharing your experience that it will save someone's life. There are many people who read these posts who aren't greek and never register but they're reading and watching none the less. Sometimes people feel that they are the only one going through. If you had the courage to share your story it may give someone else the courage to seek help.

[nikki1920]

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I'm praying for all of you (and myself as well!!). I struggled with depression, as did my mother, and I have an uncle who is schizophrenic.

At the end of last year, I had a really close friend of mine go thru a terrible break up with his longtime girlfriend. He didnt take it well at all. Although he did not discuss suicide, he was clearly NOT himself. I tried to talk to him as much as I could, but when I was out of my league, I told him to go seek counseling. He hesitated, but I finally threatened him (I'd call his mother if he didnt, lol) and he went. He went for about a month, and ended up on Zoloft for a brief period and is much better now, but I wonder about people who don't make their cries so easily heard, and how it affects those of us who try to help.

Some of the reasons ya'll've expressed are the reasons I am going into mental health. WE (AA) tend to internalize everything until we combust and that is NOT healthy for us. Thank you, AKA_Monet for sharing that verse and your story. Thanks too to f8nacn, jill1228 and everyone else who shared (and hasn't yet shared) their stories.

BLUTANG: what happened with your friend? Please keep us posted.

[Still BLUTANG]

thanks everyone for your advice and concern. this is one of the most important threads i've read on GC and i thank God that we can come together, even as strangers to support one another.

my friend made it through another day, so i am thankful. i called / IMed her yesterday all day until she finally responded. then we stayed on the phone a long time - through the night. she seemed to be in a plesant enough mood.

we've made plans to spend the day together saturday, so today (friday) i'll do the same call/email/IM until she responds just to make sure she's o.k. until tomorrow. i'm going to try to see if she wants to just stay at my house for a while. I offered before but she declined, maybe i'll be more forceful in my "suggestion" that she not stay alone.

Nikki1920, i am also going to follow your advice and take her to a support group meeting. i've also checked the websites and hotlines as HoneyKiss1974 suggested. i appreciate everyone's assistance and i hope this thread is helpful to someone else going through.

[SummerChild]

Soror AKA Monet, I am so sorry to hear of your illness. Soror Abaici, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Soror AKA Monet, my Mother also suffers from Bipolar Disorder (I am not sure of the type) and she also went through a number of doctors before she was properly diagnosed. She has been on a number of different medications over time and I did not know that meds could stop working as you mentioned.

We really have to let people know in our community that we do suffer from the same illnesses and that professional assistance can help. We are often so afraid of someone knowing our business that we won't even go to doctors to receive help. Also, it is true that in the past, many of the docs were Caucasian and may not have related well or we may have felt that we could not relate well or truly open up. My Mother has an AA woman doc who is apparently great so there are more opps now to find someone that an AA (or any minority group) might feel more comfortable with and to whom the doc may be able to relate more closely. Just want to add that I'm sure that there are many docs that are not minorities who would take a genuine interest in any minority patient for those who can't find an AA (or other minority doc). My Mother had to change docs a few times so keep searching if the match is not right at first. Good luck to everyone and I'm praying for you,

SC

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Soror Abaici, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is unfortunate that we are unable to detect "tell tale" signs when we think we ought to. Maybe several organizations ought to have programmatic and educational outreach events to offer to various venues when folks are having these kinds of issues...

That means some of US must come forward and confess our illness and not be afraid to say what the deal-y-o is...

I have Hypomania... Bipolar Disorder II. Most days I am even. Other days I go up a little bit . Many more day than I would like, especially when I my meds stop working, I drop. I have inconsolable feats of crying, because the "sun is shining" or other craziness my brain farts seem to manifest themselves as... Like, "nobody likes me" or "I'm stupid" or "yada, yada, yada". Sometimes, these thoughts turn in to, "it would be better than I am not here because I am useless to anyone..." Those are what I call the "negativity tapes" that roll around in my head...

When those bad tapes start "tracking" in my head, that is when I immediately start to call all the professionals I know that I can talk to. To get back on track with my meds, get new one if possible, and to get the appropriate cognitive therapy I need.

It was because of my religion that I sought help, actively... Romans 8:31-39... If I did not "hear" what God what trying to tell me at that point--I would not be looking forward to join His kingdom... If God did not put professional, high quality folks in my life and if He did not have some kind of important stuff that He wanted me to fulfill and if He did not give someone the MIND to discover some kind a treatment option, then, then...

So all of that crap some folks feed to the poor individual that is suffering in silence by using His WORD to not get somebody in this day and age help, what does Romans SAY???

Aside from many people of color being sexually abused, if it is truly a biochemical issue like it is for me, then I can tell you about the mounds of treatments paths and directions I pursued and what has and has not worked for me...

What are the "tell tale signs" of a person considering suicide?

Mine were when I completely shutdown and got really quiet after too much crying, anger, lashing out. When I was young, I did some unscionable thangs... If those things did not suppress my hurt, then I was actively arranging or having an action plan in place on how I was going to kill myself... It was never, step 1, 2, and 3... It was more like, "would I die if I jumped off this bridge?" Usually, I was way up--MANIC--like I could do anything, folks thought I was "good to go" and "crazy". Then I would fail some test (in high school and college) and my mood would drop, like the rug taken out from under me. Then, my thoughts would progressively get worse and worse in my mind... Until my ill conceived thought of suicide rambled thru my head.

As I get older, I have learned ways to supplant my moods and stopgap them before they get the best of me. Actively getting help and maintaining help has worked for me. Calling out my pain, giving it a voice to be released has worked for me... Also exercise helps me tremendously... The minute I feel a "breakdown" coming on where I feel I might shutdown--even if it is an inkling, I will cry to get it out and immediately call for help... The professionals will talk be thru some level of "sustainable sanity" so I can function at some level--like "taking a shower" and going to work and facing folks I don't like without losing it...

Comparing and contrasting folks problems do not work for me... So, I hope no one tells me, I wish I could have that problem... It minimizes what is going thru my head at the time...

That is just me and how I have had to struggle over the last 20 years with this illness...

I dare anyone with my similar background to "air their dirty laundry" just like I did...

If that stops some Black girl from considering suicide, then ASHE, AKEERAH!!!

I could go ON and ON... But for now, I will stop there...

I am only human and I will live my life for the best as God has intended it to be...

[SummerChild]

Blutang, my bfriend just lost his mother in June and I am trying to support him through the mourning process so I have an idea of what you may be going through. First, I think that the support group is a good idea and getting her out of the house and bringing her to your house for a while is also a very good idea. You have got to get her out of that house that she shared with her mother. She may be drowning in memories - everywhere that she turns in that house, she is reminded that her mother is no longer with her. Also, does she have family in town? Can she stay with them when she is not able to stay with you? I read that it is helpful to stay with others that are going through the same mourning experience with you, as well as those who are not - the former can relate and the latter can *distract* you so to speak and discuss *other* things with you. My bfriend went and stayed for the first few weeks with his dad and sister after things happened. For him, it soothed him to go to the house where his mom lived - b/c there were others there that were suffering with him and he could share his most intimate concerns, sorrow and fears with them b/c they all shared the same memories. However, it sounds like she may be all alone in that house and it is probably just too overwhelming. For example, my bfriend had to take down the pics of his mom in his house b/c it was too overwhelming. Getting her out of that house will definitely help.

Sometimes the person, if he/she is very independent, will not easily take your help and they will *DEFINITELY* not ask for it easily, so just be gentle but instead of asking, just let the person know what you will do. If she is that type, for example, instead of saying "do you want me to drop by after work" say "i'm going to drop by after work, ok, and maybe we can go out and get something for you to eat." Or instead of saying "do you want to come and stay with me for awhile" say "i'd love it if you came and stayed with me for awhile."

It's hard to support the person too b/c you need to respect that they will need to be alone sometime to mourn in the way that maybe only she can mourn when she is all alone but if she is talking about her own funeral, I would be adverse to leaving her alone. Perhaps you can let her know that she would still have her privacy at your home so then she will not feel like she needs to always be talking to you or doing something with you if she comes to stay with you for awhile.

It is so important to help her think of other things in life too in my opinion. I didn't tell my bfriend to stop thinking about it, I just casually brought up other things sometimes. Like I would ask if he wanted to go get something to eat or go work on the lawn and I'd help, soemthing to give his mind a break from it all and give him a glimmer of distraction in this sad time. He doesn't talk a whole bunch about it (just every now and then), however, since your girl is a woman, and we tend to share more (his sister has shared with me a great deal), she probably would welcome sharing her feelings about it. I posted a link in the Delta Sigma Theta thread "Talking to Kids About Death" that gives tips about the things not to say and how to support a friend through it.

Good luck and PM me if you want to discuss more. I really do feel you.

SC

Originally Posted by Still BLUTANG

thanks for the link, i'll check it out.

she is an adult.

her mom recently passed and i know this isn't just something you "get over"... but but as a non-professional on the outside looking in, it seems like her mourning process is getting ?worse? (i don't know how to describe it any better) as the days go by. she's an only child and still lives in the home she shared with her mother.

i'm getting phone calls and emails from mutual friends / her coworkers that are concerned about her... i feel like we're letting her slip away if we don't do something. is an intervention-type thing appropriate?

[darling1]

i think many of you long time posters may recall this but i shared my story of mental illness. i also have bipolar disorder and was clinically depressed for many years. i have taken meds, been in therapy and when i had my children dealt with postpartum depression. with my daughter i did some preventative things to help prepare for the possibility.

the fact is we dont talk about it because its dirty and an ugly thing. from my experience many people that have dealt with mental illness also have a history of abuse which is part of the ugliness.

i feel the more we talk about it and share our stories, the empowered we are and the more other people will be willing to share their stories.


when you have a death in the family the grieving process is difficult. the best thing you can do in that situation is to be available to your loved one. grief takes time to handle. @bluetang, you are doing the best thing by supporting your friend. give her space and definitely encourage her to seek a support group. maybe you can go so far as to go with her during that first meeting. also, prayer changes things, so pray on her behalf that she can get thru this roughpatch.