Pregnant Prospective Members?

[Lady Pi Phi]

I would have to agree it depends on the situation. If the woman has a strong support group (like a husband, family, friends) who will help take care of the child when she has to go to say, chapter meetings/madndatory events, where maybe bringing a child isn't appropriate/possibly then she can balance it all.
Some events she might even be able to bring her child along...maybe a philanthropy event.

If she's all alone trying to raise a child, balance school, balance sorority, then she's definitly going to find it difficult and maybe being a member of a sorority is not the best decsion for her.

I would think if it's still something she wanted to do then when the child is older she should persue AI or a grad chapter in the case of the NPHC.

[_Lisa_]

The semester I pledged a girl in my pledge class was pregnant with her second child! She was a surrogate mother for another couple in our area that couldn't have children. Unfortunately she lost the child in the middle of her pregnancy and I'm glad that we were all there for her in her time of need.

Because of what we went through w/ her while she was pregnant I would say that it wouldn't be smart to extend a bid to a pregnant woman because of all the special considerations that had to be made. But because of the same reason I think it made my pledge class so much closer that I wouldn't trade the experience for the world!

[greencat]

A woman with kids has no business being active in a collegiate chapter. She needs to be focused on raising her kids and getting through school. I would really question the maturity of a young mom or mom-to-be who joins. Even if she's married. No matter which way you splice it, sororities are a large time committment, and there's a certain stereotype and tongues are going to wag about "the chapter with the pregnant girl." I can't believe there would be a single person on here who isn't concerned with the rumor mill. She'd be much better off getting involved with the campus activities board, an honor society or an organization that has less of a time committment. Her kids will be better off in the long run.

[33girl]

Originally posted by greencat
A woman with kids has no business being active in a collegiate chapter. She needs to be focused on raising her kids and getting through school. I would really question the maturity of a young mom or mom-to-be who joins. Even if she's married. No matter which way you splice it, sororities are a large time committment, and there's a certain stereotype and tongues are going to wag about "the chapter with the pregnant girl." I can't believe there would be a single person on here who isn't concerned with the rumor mill. She'd be much better off getting involved with the campus activities board, an honor society or an organization that has less of a time committment. Her kids will be better off in the long run.

Fortunately "the rumor mill" does not run everyone's life or campus. I'm sorry that it seems to run yours.

If we want to have chapters at commuter schools and have non-traditional students join our orgs - which we do, since that group continues to increase - people need to open their tiny, narrow, closed minds.

[ADPiShannan]

i agree. noone cares about the rumors here. i know there are rumors about everything.

on my campus we have 2000 live on campus and 20k to 25k who go to school here so it is a LARGE commuter school. we have to open to allowing people of diff situations in or we will never be sucessful on our campus. granted we only had one girl who had a child while i was in my sorority but she was a wonderful mother and a great sorority sister. she even took a very small office and was involved. im sure she wasnt as involved as she would have liked and she missed out on things, but she got to be a great mom and still maintain a social life and be a great sorority sister too. i am very proud she is my sorority sister and we came in together......

[Bama_Alumna]

If a sorority here had a pregnant pledge or active, it would be the talk of the campus. I knew a couple of people who got pregnant when they were in college, but they dropped out of their sororities when they found out.

A woman who is pregnant or has children has greater priorities to focus on, and I don't think the collegiate sorority experience would be an appropriate activity.

I agree!

[jharb]

Butler is a fairly small university and one of the chapters on campus did have two pregnant members this past year. It was widely discussed at first, but after a few weeks no one really cared. The girls in question didn't wear letters but I know one girl is extremely active in her chapter after having the baby and has gone back to wearing letters.

I'm not sure if this reaction is because we're a Midwestern university that isn't like most of the other greek systems on the board. We have six chapters with a 7th colonizing. Five out of six chapters regularly make quota during recruitment and the sixth chapter comes close through COR. The girls in question were upperclassmen so that could have possibly affected the situation.

[gphiangel624]

Personally, I'm a little torn on the issue myself. I think that if a mother or mom-to-be is pregnant and does not have the support of a husband, boyfriend, or close family/friends, it would be too hard to raise a child and pledge a chapter. On the other hand, my freshman year, one of our seniors was a 28 year old married mom with 2 kids and was very active in the chapter. How she did it, I don't really know. One of my sisters got married my sophomore year, as an active, and had a baby the end of my junior year. She remained fairly active with the chapter, though not as much as before she got married. The baby was her first priority and we all knew to accept that. She did not want to take alumna status until her class graduated.

[angelove]

Maybe I'm just old, but I'm amazed that there aren't more negative responses to this. It's unimaginable for many reasons. First, I can't imagine a mom wanting to go through recruitment and take on the burdens of Greek life when she has a child to care for. It's completely unrealistic to have a child as a teenager, then expect your life to go on as normal. And are you really setting a good example for your child by leaving her with a babysitter while you go to a social? Despite what the magazines said in the '80s, you can't have it all - especially if you want to make good grades so you can get a good job to support your child. Second, I can't imagine my collegiate chapter giving her a bid or even letting her come back after the first round. I agree with those posters who expressed concern for the group's reputation - do you really want to be known as the sorority with day care? We looked for PNMs who would be willing to give us a lot of their time - not possible for young mothers (at least if they are doing a good job of mothering). As far as married members, I always thought that there was a national rule against active members (as opposed to alumnae) being married. I'm sure there will be lots of replies to this, but I feel very strongly that a woman should choose motherhood or Greek life - but she can't have both.

[Measi]

While it would be difficult to juggle the time, I think it's perfectly okay for a mother to pursue membership in a Greek organization, as long as she understands the chapter's specific requirements of participation.

Yes, the primary focus of any mother should be raising her child. However, becoming a parent doesn't eliminate one's personal need for growth, development, and connection with others. Didn't any of you have parents who belonged to social/service organizations as you grew up? What's the difference between an organization in college and the commitment that many require in post-collegiate organizations? My grandfather was a Mason. The work they do for the community is phenominal. If anything, his connection and devotion to his membership was an educational tool for his kids- and grandkids-- about what loyalty, sacrifice, and commitment means.

As for setting a "bad example" by leaving a child with a sitter to attend a social event-- didn't any of you guys have sitters when your parents had a function to attend? I know I did. It wasn't bad parenting-- it was parents knowing appropriate times to take a child to an event. *shrug*

~ Mel.

[WCUgirl]

I guess this would be something to think about with a married woman as well...but, would she be exempted from having to live on the hall or in the house?

[33girl]

I'm guessing that as a rule, the chapters that take married women are going to be in less traditional systems that don't have huge houses to fill.

[Measi]

Originally posted by 33girl
I'm guessing that as a rule, the chapters that take married women are going to be in less traditional systems that don't have huge houses to fill.

Quite possibly-- our chapter didn't have a house (to my knowledge, there are still no official houses for any GLO affiliated with Boston University).

Having a house (and any live-in requirements) can change things dramatically, I imagine.

~ Mel.

[XOMichelle]

I'm always surprised when people think your life is over when you have children. There is this child phenomena that goes around saying that you have to give up everything you want to do in your life to raise good children. Personally, I think that's a bunch of bull. My children will get everything they need to be good people, but I'm not giving up my personal social and career goals so I can be someone's idea of the "perfect mother", only to end up with no friends, no hobbies, and a sinking career when they go off to college. It happened to my Mom, and it won't happen to me!

You all are way too stiff. Not an appropriate activity?? Who are you, royality from the 18th century? I don't think that's you decision, but the decision of the girl who wants to pursue membership.

My boyfriend has a three yer old girl and is a VERY active member of his fraternity, AND he lives in the house. If you didn't read the Article he wrote, you can read it here http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=49380&highlight=Stanfor d .

His daughter does not sleep there (except on the occasional Friday night), but she is there all the time, as he takes care of her every other day when she is not at preschool. She likes being in the house, and knows the names of all the boys in the fraternity. He's a good father, a good member, a good student and a good boyfriend and it works out for everyone. Granted, he doesn't sleep as much as he would sometime want to, but he's doing things he wants to do in his life.

[valkyrie]

I find it kind of odd that so many who have posted here seem to think that it's appropriate to tell women with children how to behave and where their priorities should be. It's not your job to tell a woman how to run her life, period. If she wants to pursue membership in a sorority that's her right, and if you don't want her in your group that's your right -- but it's not your right to tell anyone else how to live her life. Maybe y'all should go hang out with Stepford Wife.

When I said it might be a problem in an NPC group I meant that it would be a problem if a woman gets special treatment from the organization -- like if she doesn't have to live in the house when everybody else does. That could lead to resentment, but maybe it wouldn't. From a purely selfish standpoint, I don't like little children and wouldn't want someone bringing them to sorority events or the house, but that's just my preference.