Open Letter IV

[tld221]

to mcdonalds: i am sick of your new "im lovin it" ad campaign. get over urselves. sure ur a multibillion $ company, but little known scret that youve been bankrupt for a few years. and learn to fill up my french vanilla coffee cup to the top, not some measley 2/3 the way. its not what i paid $1.49 for!

to northern weather, more specifically in nyc: whats goin on! i am tired of walking through slush, snow, and nearly slipping on ice. and decent, 35 degrees one day, and then 15 the next is not cool.

[mulattogyrl]

To tld221: I'm with you on the weather!

To Mother Nature: You have to stop with the 5 degree weather in the northeast (New Jersey). It's getting to be a little much. It's not cute anymore. While you're at it, no more snow either.

To CT4: Hee-Haw Hell and a pic of a donkey. THAT is classic. You are Officially Hilarious.

To my friend: I love you girl. I wish you'd leave that drug dealer alone. He's no good I tell you, no good! You're a college-educated woman and I know the pickins are slim, but you can do better!

To me: Would you just finish your paper from last semester and stop procrastinating!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!

[aurora_borealis]

To the store in the mall I patronized with my friend: I know it isn't a choice the workers made, or even a selection by the main office, and that there is a company that produces and selects the music played in your store. However there is no way EVER that Billie Holiday's rendition of "Strange Fruit" should be set to an upbeat jazzy tune, and played while people are shopping for clothes. That is an extremely important and telling song, and is not to be taken lightly. It is akin to having "The Color Purple" performed by clowns.

SHAME ON YOU TWICE FOR PLAYING IT ON Dr. King's birthday as well!!!

Don't think I am not writing a letter either, because it is just wrong wrong wrong.

[Steeltrap]

To "Azucar" Shaq:

This injury is getting tiresome. Get back on the court so that the Lakers can contend for home-court advantage throughout the playoffs. There is no way that the Suckas****o Queens should be ahead of you in the standings.

[CrimsonTide4]

To BET, Tracey Edmonds, and the AZZ CLOWNS who are being spotlighted on College Hill: I have never really been embarrassed before by Black folk. But today 1.28.04, I am EMBARRASSEDEDEDEDEDEDEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tld221]

rotflmao!

i didnt even watch it (i missed it, b/c of club meetings) but i knoew we would once again be embarassed.

anyway...

to ray j: word is youre replacing omarion in b2k...arent you like mid 20's? whats goin on? i mean, no matter what, when ppl hear "ray j" they will always say, "isnt that brandy's brother?"

to mother nature: what's really good? 6 more inches from last nite? youre workin my nerves. and then more snow on tuesday?

to mayor bloomburg: a week of tax free shopping is not enough! how about we make it permanent again? i was feelin that.

to amazon.com: why havent my books come in yet? i ordered them the 17th. thats almost 2 weeks now. my professore will be mad if i dont read the material...

to j: you know u fine. why wont u be mine? 02.14.04--bring ur beautiful self, ill bring everything else

to s: are we still cool? u acting real shady to me. you stormed off today, didnt take the bus with me, and walked home, in the snow, at 11pm. did u really want to get away from me?

to nyu: why in the he!! are you fusing all the ethnic studies departments into one department? so now, ill have a "cultural studies" major, instead of an africana studies degree. yall are foul. and wheres my refund check????

[tnxbutterfly]

To my former place of employement: Where the heck is my W-2? You're holding up the party! You have 2 more days. If my W-2 is not in my mailbox when I get home from work on Saturday, you best believe I will be in your lobby on Monday. I will be making a scene and you will probably have to escort me off the property.

Don't think I'm playing either. Do the right thing. Please don't make me haffa go up there

[OthelloStreet]

To tnxbutterfly: You can report them to the IRS if all else fails.

To All Past, Current & Future Tax Payers (this could be you)...


Most of ya'll are cool peeps... and we, the tax preparers, are trying our best to give you the highest return LEGALLY possible. However, it is a few of you who need to know these important rules before you come into my office (for those of you who remember me, this is my “other” day job). And please don’t take this personal, even if I am a bit sarcastic.



1. Please have all paperwork, identification cards, social security cards for you and your DEPENDENTS with you when you come to my desk. Your time with me will be less than 35 minutes if everything is together and on point. This is especially true if you plan to itemize your deductions.

2. We must do your FEDERAL return first, then we will do your STATE(S) return.

3. If you made less money this past year than you have previously, then most likely you will be receiving a smaller return than you have before. Even with all your credits.

4. If you are a DEPENDENT and you paid at least $1 in taxes, then most of you will be eligible to fill out the 1040EZ form yourself and save on tax preparing expenses (which start at $60). Your parents CANNOT file your taxes for you, that is illegal. The 1040EZ is very easy and won’t take no more than 30 minutes of your time. Please remember to get the instruction book in case you need some help. Also, most tax preparing places will work with you over the phone free of charge to walk you through your return. You may also find volunteers at your library or local colleges and universities. If your return is $49 or less, mail in the return… if your return is at least $50 then it is worth it for you to electronically file your return. Some of you may qualify to electronically file your returns for free. And it is okay for the IRS to directly deposit the money into your account (which is better and faster)… that is all they can do. Follow the same instructions for your STATE(S) EZ or equivalent tax form.

5. If you are MARRIED, please do not come in asking me to file you as HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD because you are mad at your spouse for the moment (or permanently). The HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD classification was designed for single parents, widow(er)s, and other adults who support children and the elderly on an every day basis. You CANNOT claim your spouse as a DEPENDENT, regardless whether or not they’ve worked. Your options are MARRIED FILING JOINTLY (the best filing status ever) or MARRIED FILING SEPARATELY (the worst worst filing status ever).

6. Unless you live in a STATE that recognizes “common law marriages” you are SINGLE… file accordingly.

7. If you, your mama, your grandmamma and your daughter all live in the same house, only one of you can file as HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD. Chances are one of you “may” qualify, two of you are SINGLE and one or perhaps the rest of you are DEPENDENTS. Please settle these filling status issues before all four of your come to my desk.

8. Speaking of, please don’t ask me to change your filing status if you don’t like the amount of your refund. If you start claiming and “adding” stuff, I will delete your return and ask you to go somewhere else (most tax preparers will do the same).

9. If you lied to another tax prepared and they told you to go someplace else, DO NOT COME TO ME WITH THE SAME LIES! I, too will refuse to do your return with the option of turning you in to the IRS or another administrative agency.

10. Please DO NOT ATTEMPT to claim your cousins, your play/god children, your neighbors children or your baby’s father’s other baby’s mamma(s)’ children (especially if they aren’t his) as your DEPENDENTS unless they lived with YOU and YOU provided all of their support for ALL 12 MONTHS of the year as if they were YOUR OWN CHILDREN. These 12 months must include weekends, Christmas and other major and religious holidays and it must be every day of the tax year. The only exceptions to this rule are those children who have been placed with you by the courts and those whom are your LEGALLY adopted or foster children.

11. Once you or your child have been claimed by someone else as a dependent, that same child cannot be claimed by anyone else, including yourself. If this child has been claimed in error, please call the IRS to straighten this matter out. I will not be able to fix it on my end, even if you are telling me the truth (which I assume you are).

12. Please do not “lie” to me to get EARNED INCOME CREDIT… the IRS will be paying more attention to all EIC filers this year and will performs audits if necessary (see #1-11 for details). You will pay a fine or possibly go to jail for this.

13. YOU CANNOT GET CREDIT FOR PAYING CHILD SUPPORT!!! That is what you are SUPPOSED to do! However in some cases, you can get it for alimony payments.

14. If you pay a person to baby sit your children… the only way you can claim the child care credit is if you have the provider’s social security number or their tax id number. This person must report your payments as income in order to receive the credit.

15. If you are a care provider not recognized in your state as such, please give all of your clients your social security number, your legal name, your address, the address where these services were performed and how much they paid you (not what they owe you) for the services you provided. This is the only way they can claim the credit and you can claim items purchased for said children as business expenses. This includes taking them to McDonalds for a Happy Meal so save your receipts. And you must report the payments as INCOME to your and/or your business.

16. If you are a Drug Dealer/Trafficker, Amateur or Professional Thief, Gambler, Hired Hit Man, a Prostitute/Male Escort/Gigolo (outside of the State of Nevada), do a little sumptin’, sumptin’ on the side or if you have earned at least 1 cent of ILLEGAL INCOME guess what? YOU MUST REPORT IT ON YOUR TAXES!!! You are most likely able to eliminate, reduce or negotiate your sentence for your crime but your sentence for TAX EVASION is mandatory. If you don’t believe me ask Al Capone.

17. Unemployment checks and some select Social Security checks/benefits are income. If you don’t file these government issued checks, that is considered fraud and you can (or will) go to jail.

18. If you owe the FEDERAL or the STATE(S) governments back taxes, student loans or other miscellaneous fines or penalties, please tell me before I file your return. This will give me the opportunity to explain to you how the governments will confiscate all or part of your refund to settle debts to them and you will not be surprised if your check is a little late.

19. Most banks who provide loan services for your refund require a street address… this is true even if your address is a PO Box.

20. And last but definitely not least… please, Please, PLEASE do not wait until April 15th 2004 to try to file your taxes. For many of us, this is the last day of our employment and we go back to looking for jobs the next day or to our next seasonal job. This means that if something goes wrong, you will have to make an appointment for someone to help you and this usually costs more $$$.

I am not venting… I just feel the need to share some of my tax tidbits/information/concerns with the rest of you.

Have a Good Day America,

Your Neighborhood Tax Preparers.

[OthelloStreet]

To all the people who fit the description in #16 (and this includes Pimps, Hustlers, Child Pornographers, Racist Groups/Hate Organizations Leaders and Staffed Followers, those involved in the illegal selling and/or smuggling of human beings and everyone else I forgot to mention because it is 11:30pm EST: I WASN'T PLAYING! IF YOUR CRIME WAS COMMITED IN THE UNITED STATES OR IF YOU ARE A UNITED STATES CITIZEN, YOU MUST FILE YOUR TAXES!!!


One...

[De6]

To ALL GC Members: I got accepted to Alabma A&M University

[1browngirl]

Originally posted by De6
To ALL GC Members: I got accepted to Alabma A&M University

To De6: Congratulations!!!!

[9dstpm]

To My NEW Car: Welcome to our family. We are really happy that you are here. We will take good care of you. You are comfortable, run very nicely, and I really love the heat and radio that you provide. I didn't mind getting you 2 new tires at Wally World yesterday because the nice man who sold you to me and Hubby told us that you would need those. You are just the car that we needed. Not like that other car that seems to hang around......

To The Hand-Me-Down-Cadillac: You are VERY lucky that Hubby and I can't afford to let you go right now. You still guzzle gas like it's chicken wing night at the Bigger Jigger and you are having your little shut down episodes a little too often for our taste. Keep it up and Hubby and I will learn how to get by on one car again while we sell you to the SCRAP HEAP!!

To My Son: Momma is so sorry that she was late picking you up from school yesterday!! Daddy and I told you that we had a surprise for you. Do you like it?

[UpPinkies]

To OthelloStreet: Wow, I learned something new. Thank You

To you know who you are: Now I made my appointment and you tell me that I need to call you when I am not going to keep it, but if I don't keep it then I will be homeless. So doesn't that mean I should keep the appointment so I don't become homeless? Then you get an attitude with me because it is early in the morning when I gave you other times when I am able to make the appointment and also you don't want to come down two floors by elevator because your next appointment is at 1:00pm. But you love to key into my appartment at 8:00 in the morning to drop off my packages, but you cannot make an 8:30am appointment.

To God: Due to recent events I understand now why I am getting an education.

To I: I hope you find a man quick because that is what you want. But just like I have been told and millions of others, you get what you pray for. I hope you find your happiness and please let our paths never cross again.

To S: You got on my last nerve this week. Let it not happen again.

To L: You hit a nerve too, but soon you will learn.

To M: I understand that you did not want to do any work, but honey that attitude will not work in the real world. Oh and I know your game, I was not born yesterday.

[GRITS]

To my sister: Thank you soooo much for my new Vera Bradley tote! It made my week! I promise i'll be nice to you!

To my "supposed" best friend: it's been 2 weeks and we still haven't talked. We don't even make eye contact in the cafe', and u even talked to me on AIM last nite, but you didn't know it was me. I don't want to fight anymore, I miss you!

To J: You are a sick pathological liar, and I pray for your soul. Don't try to play me, or we will air ALL your dirty laundry out there! It sickens me to even look at you!!!

To H: You are an amazing man, someone who i look up to and respect, if only you weren't 21!

To D and D: Thank you both for being my support system this semester. God truly does work in mysterious ways, but i'm grateful to have you!

[tnxbutterfly]

To M: Why did you get a major 'tude with me on Tuesday? All I suggested that the schedule be change to reflect the fact that now we have 4 people in the office on Tuesday's and Friday's. Mentioning it the Friday prior is not the same as telling people the schedule is in effect. We can't read your mind and honestly all it would have taken was 2 seconds to change the stupid schedule.


To GOD: I know you know what you're doing, so I'm just going to keep on being chill and let you do your job.

TO B: You seem a little rough around the edges. I know we just meet and all. At least you were honest about your intentions, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt