Dealing with boyfriends and their female friends

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

Eeesh. I don't know..... kinda sounds like you can do better. I'm not a fan of this guy. If we were girlfriends I'd scrunch up my nose every time you talked about him.

[sugar and spice]

Coming from somebody whose best friend is one of her ex-boyfriends . . . I think some people fail to understand how relationships can change and be so much more platonic than they were at one point in time. I would not date anybody who couldn't accept my relationship with my best friend -- so I can see where you're coming from when you say you don't want to be the girl who says "Don't be friends with those girls" because girls who do that ARE obnoxious.

BUT -- if he is going to have close girl friends, he has to accept that you are going to have guy friends and go to fraternity formals. The standards of behavior he holds you to can't be any more strict than the ones he holds himself to and that sounds like it's NOT what's going on. And if you bring up the fact that things like him sleeping in this girl's bed bother you and he doesn't bother to care about your feelings, that's a problem.

It definitely sounds like the problem doesn't lie with these two girls, but with your boyfriend's attitude towards them and towards you.

[James]

I am not sure I agree with you that going to a guy's fraternity formal is a good thing.

A formal is a date function or else everyone would go stag. I would be wondering why my girlfriend would see the need to go to somene else's date function when she is supposd to be with me.

And yes, people will take their friends if they can't get a real date but unless you are socially hadicapped you can pick a date that doesn't have a significant other.

And for those of you that say sometimes people take friends to avoid drama . . . well there is no drama stag and you know everyone there.

In a relationship its not just important to be faithful and respectful, its vital to be SEEN to be faithful and respectful. Perception is everything. So why complicate your relationship by doing qestionable things?

As far as this boy from this thread. I am beginning to like him. He is managing to still hang out with two girls he has had sex with, sleep in their beds, and be pampered by them.

And to top it all off he is going to dinner with three couples and will be the only guy there that has bumped uglies with ALL THREE females at the table . . you know he has to have a shit eating grin on the inside.

Props to the boy, give him my regards

Originally posted by sugar and spice


BUT -- if he is going to have close girl friends, he has to accept that you are going to have guy friends and go to fraternity formals. The standards of behavior he holds you to can't be any more strict than the ones he holds himself to and that sounds like it's NOT what's going on. And if you bring up the fact that things like him sleeping in this girl's bed bother you and he doesn't bother to care about your feelings, that's a problem.

[justamom]

James, YOU'RE TERRIBLE! Funny, but TERRIBLE!

[polarpi]

Originally posted by sugar and spice
Coming from somebody whose best friend is one of her ex-boyfriends . . . I think some people fail to understand how relationships can change and be so much more platonic than they were at one point in time. I would not date anybody who couldn't accept my relationship with my best friend -- so I can see where you're coming from when you say you don't want to be the girl who says "Don't be friends with those girls" because girls who do that ARE obnoxious.

BUT -- if he is going to have close girl friends, he has to accept that you are going to have guy friends and go to fraternity formals. The standards of behavior he holds you to can't be any more strict than the ones he holds himself to and that sounds like it's NOT what's going on. And if you bring up the fact that things like him sleeping in this girl's bed bother you and he doesn't bother to care about your feelings, that's a problem.

It definitely sounds like the problem doesn't lie with these two girls, but with your boyfriend's attitude towards them and towards you.

I completely agree with everything said here....my best friend is a guy that I was interested in (long story that doesn't need to be told), and even five years later, we're still the best of friends, and he's happily engaged to a woman who's absolutely perfect for him. When it comes down to the guy I'm involved with, I need to be involved with someone who understands the importance of my friendship with this guy, just as I'll understand (and accept) any friendships that he has with females (whether he has dated them or not)....maybe this makes me very naive, but there you have it