Pre Mid Life Crisis?

[Kristin AGD]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
Oh, Kristin (my divorced daughter's name, BTW), I think you're either looking for much too easy of an answer -- or are looking for something wrong in these two men because their wives are your friends. You may be only getting their side of the story. Understandable.

You are probably right. I just thought what a weird coincidence. And you are correct, as much as we women gossip, you never know what is really going on.

I just really feel for my friend. I am a single mom. And it has not been easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way because my daughter is wonderful. I think her husband and his family will still be a support to her, but with three children she definitely faces challenges that her husband won't have. It will be much easier for him to move on, while she is still recovering from her c-section. I get really angry for her. (of course I don't say too much, you never know, they might work it out).

[KappaKittyCat]

Originally posted by sigmagrrl
People give up on marriage too, TOO easily these days.... You have to work for your marriage, I mean REALLY work for it. You have to sacrifice, compromise, challenge, and tire. You have to listen, talk, be willing to be wrong, and share the blame.

One more thing: you NEED to talk about your marriage expectations BEFORE walking down the aisle. People get so wrapped up in "the big day," they forget about the fact they have to live with that person for the next 60 years!

Girl, you typed the words right out from under my fingers.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Nothing. I just hate it when that bon mot is thrown around carelessly.

Hey Munchkin,

You take my statistics post WAY to seriously. I was actually pretty surprized to discover that my random playing around really came out to 50%. Actually, it almost made me laugh out loud.

You know what they say, "Figures lie and liars figure."

As I said, there was nothing at all scientific about it. Just having a little fun (mostly at my own expense).

[Rudey]

You should all get arranged marriages and not touch members of the opposite sex prior to marriage.

-Rudey
--That's why your marriages are doomed to fail.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by Rudey
You should all get arranged marriages and not touch members of the opposite sex prior to marriage.

-Rudey
--That's why your marriages are doomed to fail.

Great idea, Rudey. You can be our test case.

Sigmagrrl, some very wise thoughts.

Kristin, sounds like your daughter has a pretty good mom.

[valkyrie]

Damn, this thread could have been written about me. I've experienced it.

I haven't talked about it at all here, but what the hell. I am someone who left a marriage. For all I know, we looked like a happy couple to anyone on the outside, but I was slowly growing more and more unhappy every day.

We were together for about 3 years when we got engaged and were engaged for almost 2 years. After being married for about 2 1/2 years, I basically left, but he was the one who moved out at my request. I think he was actually shocked.

Maybe some of you think I'm a terrible person and that people give up too easily. Maybe either or both of those are true, but until you've been there you really can't say. I think that I just slowly fell out of love over the course of our relationship. I think he's a great guy and I think that he deserves to find someone who will be happy with him and not just barely tolerating the relationship. I also think that if you fall out of love with someone, and it can happen without you even knowing why, it's impossible to get it back, ever. I stood there on my wedding day thinking that I was doing the right thing and I would be with him the rest of my life.

Knowing that this can happen scares the holy hell out of me. Because it happened to me, I know damn well that it could happen to someone else, and for all I know the guy I'm with now could fall out of love with me someday. It's scary, but it's just a risk you take being in love.

I don't mean to sound like I'm all down on love or relationships or anything, but I just thought I'd provide the other perspective.

[Kristin AGD]

Thanks DeltAlum!

And thanks to Val for sharing the other side. Affairs of the heart are truly scary ventures.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by valkyrie
Damn, this thread could have been written about me. I've experienced it.

I don't mean to sound like I'm all down on love or relationships or anything, but I just thought I'd provide the other perspective.

Thanks.

[shultzz]

The day I turn 35 I am going to divorce my future ex wife. After that I am going to buy red Corvett and find a 18 year old girlfriend.

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by shultzz
The day I turn 35 I am going to divorce my future ex wife. After that I am going to buy red Corvett and find a 18 year old girlfriend.

Then, two years later, yet another 20 year old former girlfriend will own a red Corvette...

[LXAAlum]

OK.

Relax. Not all marriages end up that way - some do, but....

I'm 36 - right in the middle of the mid-life crisis age.

I'm very happily married, and have been so for almost 12 years. Three kids. All three not planned. All three fantastic, however.

Two years ago, four of the five couples we used to hang out with all announced they were divorcing within a three month timespan. We were afraid to call the fifth for a long time (they are doing fine, btw).

Two were the man leaving, the other the woman. All were aldultery related divorces.

Since the day my wife and I married, I've been committed to the rest of our lives together. We've had our moments, as all couples do, but, we have made it so far, and are stronger and more intimate than ever.

Sometimes people just let life overtake them, for whatever reason, and they decide to make rash changes - that is the "mid life crisis" - thankfully, I haven't had one, nor plan on it. I'm right where I wanted and believed I would be before I was married - educated, employed, making decent money, a father, and a homeowner. I think a lot of people get unreasonable expectations - and the reality of the real world of marriage bursts a bubble (i.e. I lived on credit cards and barely-above minimum wage for one year after getting my Master's - NOT what I was expecting from advanced education, but that was the reality of the economy at the time).

We realized that in order for each one of us to be successful in life, it meant it would take BOTH of us working together to make us successful individually.

[justamom]

I'm not an expert, but since my father passed away, my mother has told me so much about their marriage that has blown my mind, and taught me a lot. You have to work for your marriage, I mean REALLY work for it. You have to sacrifice, compromise, challenge, and tire. You have to listen, talk, be willing to be wrong, and share the blame.

Delt Alum-Sigmagrrl- LXAAlum-Valkyrie
ALL terrific posts! Now another addition...

I DO think there is a mid life "crisis" of sorts. Maybe it's more like
apoint in time where you make a decision that what you have IS worth it. There are so many opassages in one's life. The FIRST is when you see your friends getting married. Then come the babies, next divorce. What's next? Your parents either dying or needing assisted living. This is a part of life. Of course sometimes life is cruel and these things happen far too soon, before we , as an individual, have the strength to withstand the pain. We are always growing through our experiences.

Love is an ever changing emotion. Think of the gambit your feelings have run with those closest to you in your life.

There was an old movie with Bruce Dern called Middle Aged Crazies (I THINK) and it was pretty darn accurate of what a man might feel. I'm not ignoring the feelings of women, just applying it to the initial post. The thing is, we all reach a point when we think is this what I WANT? It's connected to aging and our fear of losing our youth...I HONESTLY believe this, though I couldn't prove it. I wouldn't write them off as a couple but I don't know them. Maybe he needs a moment to BREATHE. I have ALWAYS believed men are under a considerable amount of stress. Regardless of the wife working or not, there are social as well as financial pressures that women are only beginning to experience.

Valkyrie...I remember a moment too. I think if we are really honest, most of us have that one moment in time... We just made different choices, but I understand.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
Hey Munchkin,

You take my statistics post WAY to seriously.

Actually, I didn't. I did the same thing you did--I just had a higher success rate. Oh well. Maybe I should have put a smilie or two on the post to show that I didn't--there's always next time. I just can't stand that "statistic" being thrown around.

Back to the topic at hand...everyone has said really great things that have made me think. Sometimes you see people hop on a soapbox about how marriage should be forever, and anyone who gets out of one is weak and selfish. But, it really isn't that simple.

[deltaphi94]

The way I see it, there are three sides to every story. With divorce somes he said/ she said... the truth lies in the middle.

You will never know you friend's true situation -- it's not your life. I'm very sorry to hear that she has to go through this.

I have been divorced. Most people we knew thought we were a happy couple who just had the problems that come along with married life. Very few actually saw how our life together unfolded, and those who did were not aware of everything wrong between us. In the end, it was my decision to move on, and I am a much stronger person because I chose to end the marriage.

Divorce is never an easy thing, but in many cases can be in the best interest of both parties -- and children involved. What is most important when there are children is that the adults realize they have to be civil. They don't have to like each other, but they do need to work at getting along so the children don't become pawns in some sick game.

[shultzz]

Originally posted by valkyrie
Damn, this thread could have been written about me. I've experienced it.

I haven't talked about it at all here, but what the hell. I am someone who left a marriage. For all I know, we looked like a happy couple to anyone on the outside, but I was slowly growing more and more unhappy every day.

We were together for about 3 years when we got engaged and were engaged for almost 2 years. After being married for about 2 1/2 years, I basically left, but he was the one who moved out at my request. I think he was actually shocked.

Maybe some of you think I'm a terrible person and that people give up too easily. Maybe either or both of those are true, but until you've been there you really can't say. I think that I just slowly fell out of love over the course of our relationship. I think he's a great guy and I think that he deserves to find someone who will be happy with him and not just barely tolerating the relationship. I also think that if you fall out of love with someone, and it can happen without you even knowing why, it's impossible to get it back, ever. I stood there on my wedding day thinking that I was doing the right thing and I would be with him the rest of my life.

Knowing that this can happen scares the holy hell out of me. Because it happened to me, I know damn well that it could happen to someone else, and for all I know the guy I'm with now could fall out of love with me someday. It's scary, but it's just a risk you take being in love.

I don't mean to sound like I'm all down on love or relationships or anything, but I just thought I'd provide the other perspective.

Do any of the divorced women of GC live in a house with 40 cats?