affairs

[aephi alum]

Maybe this is because I'm a woman and I don't understand the "guy code" but...

If a close friend/sister of mine were doing the cheating, I would have a talk with the cheater. Not a thou-shalt-not-or-I-will-tell type of lecture - more like "this will really hurt your S.O. when it comes out".

If a close friend/sister were the cheatee, I would try to find a way to tell her without telling her outright... something to raise her suspicions.

If the people involved weren't particularly close to me I'd keep my mouth shut. I'd also keep my mouth shut if I didn't have any hard evidence. Sometimes you don't know the whole story.

And, no, I have never cheated on an S.O., and to the best of my knowledge, none of my S.O.'s have cheated on me. In my husband's case, it's just not in his character.

[Optimist Prime]

I've never cheated on anyone. But I have been cheated on. That's okay though, I'm building my karma.

[winnieb]

Originally posted by James
I don't understand. Where is the "morality" here for the guy that "knows" whats going on?

He has no committment to anyone. He isn't doing anything wrong.
Also, being a gentleman has adifferent definitions for men and women.

Anyway, well some woman please explain to little old me the moral dilemna here lol?

Well James, I am agreeing with you again on this one.... granted, my friends tell me I have more of a guys attitude on alot of things--not a typical girl attitude--- but anyway...
The way I see it---there is no morality issue here--not on the part of the guy who "knows". Morality would fall to the person who is actually cheating. And honestly, morality is subjective. For all we know the couple has an open relationship and it is fine with him for her to be with someone else. If that is the case, no morality issues.
And another way to look at this-- typically it is moral to keep sex in the confines of the bedroom--- therefore it would be immoral for someone to go discussing someone else's sex life. So in telling the guy that his girl is a cheat-- could inturns be a violation of morality!!!

So James, there is your "chic" perspective on the issue of morality!!!

-wendi

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by valkyrie
If I were in this situation, I would've told her. If nothing else, she deserves to know to protect herself from diseases and such, although I think she deserves to know, period. I don't think she's blissfully ignorant so much as living a lie. I can't even imagine how shitty I would feel if my friend knew my guy was cheating and didn't tell me, because I think that friends owe that to each other. If I ever found out that a friend knew and didn't tell me, I'd never speak to her again.

Anyway, if the family breaks up, it's not because someone told her he was cheating -- it's because he *was* cheating. He *did* throw a grenade into his marriage -- there's no "almost" about it, and she's just walking around unaware of it and I think that one day it will explode. I'd guess that he's probably going to do it again, too. Why shouldn't he? He got away with it the first time (if that even was the first time).

The thing is my loyalty is torn between the wife and the "other" woman.
Both women are my friends. I was really concerned about the other woman
because having an affair with a married man is so self-destructive and a clear sign of deep rooted problems. I discussed it with the other woman when I found out,
and the affair is over. Now she is in therapy.

It was shitty of them to do, but it's finished. I truly don't believe that there is
anything to be gained from telling. A hypothetical situation is very different from
a real situation. Before this I thought that I would tell a friend if I knew that her husband was having an affair, but when I found myself in that situation, I had to weigh all sides and acted differently. Maybe I am wrong. I have seen two other friends go through terrible divorces and child custody fights, and I just didn't want her to experience that. There really was a no win situation here.

I agree with you that he could cheat again with another woman. I hope not. I hope that he learned a lesson that he shouldn't cheat. I hope that their marriage doesn't explode. I hope that she doesn't find out. I think that many marriages survive affairs, but many don't. I don't want that for my friend or her children. It was an impossible situation, and I made a decision not to tell. Maybe I was wrong, but I did what I felt was right at the time with the information that I had. Only time will tell.

Originally posted by Cream
I truly don't believe that there is
anything to be gained from telling. A hypothetical situation is very different from
a real situation.

That hits the nail on the head. It is one thing to say "well, the right thing to do is this" and then another to realize that there is much more gravity to it, in other words "to appreciate the delicacy of the situation".

XOMichele, do you think it is only men who cheat? The situation here is a girl cheating on her man. We've all talked with him on an individual basis, and some people think it's perfectly instinctual for humans to cheat, some people think it's an outrage.


But now the silence broke, a particular loudmouth brother keeps telling everybody, and how it would be funny if the guy came by the house lookin' for a fight. It's an unstable element in a soap-opera scenario. What do you think is the best course of action now? for the house, and the cheating parties?

[KappaTarzan]

Originally posted by Ali Pasha

L8r
ps, as with regard to Re5pect, KappaTarzan let me give you a hint "Boyakasha"
Re5pect

that is a hint? i don't get it.... are you a 14 year old female? cUz ThAt wOuLd Be ToTaLlY KeWl, Sk8r BoI! tYpInG lIkE tHiS iS lIkE wIcKeD fUn AnD lIkE sO rAd! C u L8r, BfF! w/B!

[KappaTarzan]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!



if anyone wants to laugh hysterically click here

i did a google search for "boyakasha" and found it.. SO HILARIOUS.. my personal favorites:





and


the dog in that one looks like he is thinking the same thing I am...

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" lol lol lol...

[librasoul22]

Wha?

I's lost.

[KappaTarzan]

Originally posted by librasoul22


Wha?

I's lost.

i posted quoting ali's use of the number 5 instead of the letter S and he responded with "let me give you a hint "Boyakasha" so i looked that up, and that was his website. hilarious.. still laughing

[Ali Pasha]

And onions make me cry!
there's nothing wrong with a bit of fun, cos u can go 2 jail for keepin it real:-)

Ok
looks like this thread went to $}{1+

it was informative while it lasted

thanks guys/gals

an' yeh... that boyakasha thing does look pretty damn funny

[XOMichelle]

I was reacting to Cream's post/ responses about men.. forgive me for mixing them up!

But it doesn't matter who is doing the cheating. If you know them, or know the people they are hurting, you need to confront them. Kinda like Cream did, by talking to her friend. I would even go so far as to have a chat with the other party even if I didn't know them all that well (this is assuming I have good evidence that all of this is happening). Destroying trust in a realtionship is a big thing, and sometimes people don't see the other side when they get themselves into these situations.

-M