Married student wants to Rush this fall.... - Page 2

aephi alum · #16 08-19-2002, 10:02 AM

I'd say, go for it.

Don't make a big deal about being married, but do wear your wedding ring... if a particular sorority has a rule against married women going through the "normal" new member process, they will notice your ring and cut you... BUT, after going through rush and meeting women in each chapter, if you do not receive a bid through formal rush, you may find that one or more chapters is willing to sponsor you as an alum initiate, and you'll have a better idea which one org to pursue for alum initiation. As an alum initiate who's still a student, you'll be able to do a lot of the things an active would do, such as participating in philanthropy events, participating in ritual, and going to formals.

I also disagree with the practice of not allowing married/pregnant women to join or to remain active. Sometimes I think the Divine Nine have it right...

James · #17 08-19-2002, 11:04 AM

Alum initiation still doesn't do what she seems to want it to, which is to provide her with the same social/friendship opportunities that an undergrad has a right to expect. Its half a loaf.

This is not a college graduate that wants to belatedly fill an unrequited desire to join a sorority. This is a 19 year old sophomore.

Obviously she may be able to work around the different status but it still has to be worked around.

As an active sister this would all be a given and put her on equal footing with the other girls in her age group.

I still believe that a lot of you are getting hung up on the word marriage without thinking about the actual behavior pattern that is going to mean to a 19 year old.

AGDZO Susan · #18 08-19-2002, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by UMgirl
I believe that we, Alpha Gamma Delta, have this rule. I believe that any woman collegian who becomes married while still an active in school, has to take on alumnae status.

Alpha Gamma Delta does not have this rule. However the member has the option of going alum. I'm sure most orgs are similar in this.

I have known married women to go through and pledge. It's very important to be clear when going through recruitment where your priorities are and how joining a sorority fits into those.

FuzzieAlum · #19 08-19-2002, 11:22 AM

I do think it is VERY important to find out if you will be required to live in the house. Obviously, that wouldn't work for you!

But while many chapters "require" it, some make exceptions (for commuters, RAs, etc.), and if they make exceptions for anyone I should think they would for you.

I do believe AXDs are allowed to remain active if married.

DWAlphaGam · #20 08-19-2002, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Alum initiation still doesn't do what she seems to want it to, which is to provide her with the same social/friendship opportunities that an undergrad has a right to expect. Its half a loaf.

This is not a college graduate that wants to belatedly fill an unrequited desire to join a sorority. This is a 19 year old sophomore.

Obviously she may be able to work around the different status but it still has to be worked around.

As an active sister this would all be a given and put her on equal footing with the other girls in her age group.

I still believe that a lot of you are getting hung up on the word marriage without thinking about the actual behavior pattern that is going to mean to a 19 year old.

James---Bottom line is that she's going to have to tell them (maybe not in the first round, but at least by the second or third) that she is married because some sororities have rules in place that bar regular collegiate initiation to married women. I think you're getting hung up on the term "alumna" in "alumna initiation." If she is dropped by every house during recruitment because she is married (which may happen because of the rules in place), at least she can get to know them and possibly pursue joining in a COB-type situation and then take alumna status upon initiation, if anyone is willing to do that. (I'm not sure if that makes sense because I've never encountered this situation and I have no idea how things work at this particular school, and I'm not an expert in NPC rules.) Even if she is an alumna initiate, so to speak, she is still at the campus and will be able to interact with the chapter on a regular basis. It will be the same as taking alumna status as an undergrad. She probably will not be able to hold an office in the chapter and she will definitely not live in the house if they have one, but she can go to all of the events and meetings and have basically the same experience.

Anyway, scprettygirl, I say go for it after doing some research about the organizations on campus and finding out their rules for members who are married. If you're worried about rules that say new members have to live at the house, I wouldn't worry about it because of your situation; I mean, they probably wouldn't make someone who is a commuter student live in the house, so I would imagine that you would fall under the same rules.

DWAlphaGam · #21 08-19-2002, 11:33 AM

Oops, FuzzieAlum, I didn't see your post...guess we were thinking along the same lines about the commuter student thing.

Susan-Thanks for clearing up Alpha Gam's rule...I couldn't remember if alumnae status is required for married members, although I knew it was an option. Glad to see that it isn't.

33girl · #22 08-19-2002, 11:46 AM

I kind of agree with James on the alum initiation part - she would be able to go to meetings, but not vote. She could help prepare rush parties and attend them, but not vote on the new sisters. IMO that would pretty much blow. Part of joining a sorority is feeling you are having a part in building your chapter - and I think not having a voice to vote would take some of that away. It's one thing to go alum after 3 years of being active in the chapter, but to have to do it right away?

Also, some groups that do alum initiation, do not allow college-age women (I mean the standard 18-22) to alum initiate. The thinking of course, being that she is still at the age where she can rush and pursue membership in the "conventional" fashion.

italianaxo · #23 08-19-2002, 12:17 PM

a girl in my sorority got married this spring and she is definitely still an active sister. i don't think she feels like she fits in less, and she always a someone to bring to date parties.

aephi alum · #24 08-19-2002, 12:38 PM

DWAlphaGam - that's pretty much the point I was trying to make. OK, she can't vote, but she can still go to social and sisterhood events, and do a lot of the things a collegiate member can do. It's probably more like 3/4 of a loaf.

33girl - that's a good point about age, but if she's ineligible to join a particular sorority through the "conventional" collegiate process because she's married, her age alone shouldn't keep her out of the alum initiation process. However, something just occurred to me - some orgs that do alum initiation require that you have a college degree.

scprettygirl - good luck

#25 08-19-2002, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDZO Susan

Alpha Gamma Delta does not have this rule. However the member has the option of going alum. I'm sure most orgs are similar in this.

I have known married women to go through and pledge. It's very important to be clear when going through recruitment where your priorities are and how joining a sorority fits into those.

Thank you for correcting. I thought it was still in place b/c of something one of my sisters said

GPhiBLtColonel · #26 08-19-2002, 05:08 PM

The military's policy vis-a-vis gays may work well in this situation and I agree with James -- I do not even think you should make the effort to find out which sororities prohibit collegiate initiation of married students...I think that you should just NOT volunteer up front that you are married. And then you should carefully consider volunteering that fact in subsequent rounds. If in the unlikely case that you are asked, then of course don't lie. By the time pref party day rolls around, you should feel comforatble at certain houses to perhaps drop tidbits in your conversation like "well when my hubby and I went to that restaurant...blah blah blah"
My personal experience with a similar situation is why I agree with James & the don't ask, don't tell policy: I was in ROTC at a university in very-liberal southern california in the early 70's; when I rushed, I did not volunteer the info that I was in ROTC upfront and no one asked....however, in one house, a girl rushing me asked a question that could have only been answered by admitting I was in ROTC, so I did...of course I was dropped the next day...
I think eventually, Panhel // Greek affairs offices will have a space on their rush application forms that ask about marital status...

bruinaphi · #27 08-20-2002, 03:05 AM

i hardly think you can call USC in the 70s a very liberal Southern California School. It's pretty much as conservative as we get down here now and was then too (by my parent's accounts).

I think that keeping your marital status a secret is an injustice to you and the orgs. If you pledge a group that cannot initiate you then you will have to wait a year before rushing or pledging again and you've taken away a quota opportunity from that org. I also think lying is a bad way to start off a lifelong sisterhood experience.

Just my two cents.

Laura

GPhiBLtColonel · #28 08-20-2002, 04:01 AM

....compared to other California colleges, perhaps USC was not so liberal back in the 70's -- I don't know how it is now as I have not lived in Southern Californoa for many decades.

But you know, I sure felt like USC was liberal when I was there! As an ROTC cadet who was being personally subjected to jeers merely for wearing my ROTC uniform on campus, and witnessing up close and personal antiwar protests on campus, being dropped like a hot potato at a dance when my so-called date found out I was in ROTC...well to me who experienced it first-hand, it sure seemed pretty liberal!
I am not sure what perspective your parents are coming from to say USC was not very liberal but I would respectfully have to disagree with them.

Anyways, I do not advocate lying, nor did my earlier post advocate lying, but what I did advocate is NOT volunteering the info right from the git-go...just as one would not volunteer other "sensitive" info right at the start, e.g. Rushee: "Hi, I'm Mary and I'm gay..." or "Hi, I'm Mary and my father is in prison..." etc

I do/did advise that at some point before pref party day (to avoid precisely the problem lauradav points out -- e.g. wasting a quota opportunity) scprettygirl will hopefully feel comfortable enough to put the fact of her marriage out in the open in some way...

PurplAngel · #29 03-11-2003, 11:35 PM

I know that Kappa Delta will not bid married PNM's, although a sister who gets married while still a collegian has the choice to remian active or go alum. Check with your Greek Life Office; I'm sure they know the individual groups policies. It's better to be up front with the sororities; you want them to bid you for you and if they can't accept the fact that you are married, then you more than likely don't belong there anyway. I wish you the best of luck with recruitment!

kddani · #30 03-12-2003, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PurplAngel
I know that Kappa Delta will not bid married PNM's, although a sister who gets married while still a collegian has the choice to remian active or go alum. Check with your Greek Life Office; I'm sure they know the individual groups policies. It's better to be up front with the sororities; you want them to bid you for you and if they can't accept the fact that you are married, then you more than likely don't belong there anyway. I wish you the best of luck with recruitment!

Ummm... this is not true.
An individual chapter may have that as an "attitude" or unofficial policy, but this is not a national KD policy.