Cheating Men

[DST Love]

And to add to my above post, if I keep junk in my house and start eating it everyday and then gain weight, it's not the foods fault that I gained the weight. The junk food didn't seduce me or lead me to eat it. I CHOSE to eat it. I should know my own weaknesses. And if I know that if I would probably eat junk everyday if I was around it every day, then maybe I should make sure I'm not around it when I shouldn't be.

[observant1]

I don't understand how you went from this:

Originally posted by Professor
Constance and her family attended my church on Sunday. My pastor said that we had special guest and asked if I would do the welcome. I talked about how this was a special time of year. A time to celebrate the birth of the living savior. A time to renew old friendships and a time for family. I went on to say that God has been good and that I felt like singing my favorite "To God Be the Glory." I hit every note. Monique, I can sing but I don't really go all out unless it is at a funeral. I had the church on fire. Folk were standing and shouting and I even thought my dad was going to cry. I looked over at my mom and she was dabbing her eye. I felt God's love for me and the love that only parents can give. At this point I was nervous and thought this was going to be the time I have waited for all my life. I thought the Holy Ghost was going to send me running around the church - - - you know how some folk do in church. Well, I've always wanted to know that feeling that is so strong that you pass out as you praise the name of Jesus. Unfortunately, it was not my time. Although now neverous, I testified to my parents and church family that God had blessed me. I went on to talk of times at a low and how his love and forgiveness lifted me. I finally said that there is only one thing that could complete my life - a helpmate ( I got the term from Church Folk). I walked over to Constance and said how she enriched my life and helped me to understand the love that my parents share. I took her by the hand and said that individually each of the three diamonds in my hand is representative of friendship, love and happiness and as my wife I promise a lifetime of all three. I finally said "Will you complete my life and become Mrs. Constance .... Monique she cried and cried and cried. I thought she was going to say no for a minute because she could not stop crying. What really got me is when she placed her hands around my face and kissed me lightly on the lips and said yes. I was HAPPY AND EMBARASSASED at the same time. After all we were in church and I wanted to . . . well you know what I mean. Everyone in church stood and clapped. My parents and her aunts and uncle hugged us. My bad seed Brother was even crying and gave us a hug. I could not have wised for a better way of popping the question. Not bad for a brother that is not considered to be a romantic.

To this:

Originally posted by Professor
For me, I had no intention to start my marriage with this hanging over my head. The fact of the matter is that is was not emotional - - just timing and a physical thing. I'm not in love nor do I have any feelings for the young lady. She seduced me and at some point I just was not strong enough to resist. I'm sorry it happened.

in a matter of 4 months? I just don't understand. And you can't understand why some women are bitter and say some of the things they say about men.

This is why women have so much distrust for men. You give your all-heart, body and soul- and it's abused. After one has gone through the cycle enough times, we just give up and lose all faith in finding that special one. There is no more love or trust to give and we can't take the next guy seriously. All those blows to the heart make it hard. So in turn, we become bitter letting our hardened heart control our minds and thoughts. Professor you state, "women are always talking about men and cheating". Well you just added two more women to the pool who can attest to this fact.

[TLAW]

Well, dang... you guys went deep into the past, didn't ya?

[stoplook_listen]

I know cheating is bad, but it's not as devistating as women make it out to be. Women read to much into it. Usually, when a man cheats, it's just to have an orgasm...a pleasure thing. It's no threat to our girl/wife. Its sounds ignorant, but the statement is true when we say "It didn't mean anything...I LOVE you...I was just F)#king her". You should only be hurt if the man is loosing feelings for you and cheating regularly. But if it was a little slip, due to getting seduced...then cut him some slack. It is really easy to get a mans penis on hard and the blood rushes from our brains and it's very difficult to think. It is not as easy and quick to get females aroused. You have to kiss and rub on them forever to get them wet. If a woman was put in the arousal state men are so easily put into, then maybe they would understand why it's so easy for us to fall victim to suduction!

[TLAW]

Hey Stoplook, I hope you are ready to weather the storm you are about to unleash. As for me, I am going to play punk and dissociate mysellf from your comments!!! LOL!

[stillwater15]

Originally posted by TLAW
Hey Stoplook, I hope you are ready to weather the storm you are about to unleash. LOL!

you and i are thinking the exact same thing.

[Urbane]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I know cheating is bad, but it's not as devistating as women make it out to be. Women read to much into it. Usually, when a man cheats, it's just to have an orgasm...a pleasure thing. It's no threat to our girl/wife. Its sounds ignorant, but the statement is true when we say "It didn't mean anything...I LOVE you...I was just F)#king her". You should only be hurt if the man is loosing feelings for you and cheating regularly. But if it was a little slip, due to getting seduced...then cut him some slack. It is really easy to get a mans penis on hard and the blood rushes from our brains and it's very difficult to think. It is not as easy and quick to get females aroused. You have to kiss and rub on them forever to get them wet. If a woman was put in the arousal state men are so easily put into, then maybe they would understand why it's so easy for us to fall victim to suduction!

It doesn't sound completely ignorant per se... more like the blood rushed from your brain right before you made this post. You can't be serious... please say you just got off a porn site! LOL!!!

[snuggles12]

Not only does cheating result in distrust, anger, hurt but has anyone thought about the diseases that a cheater brings home to the marital bed. Condoms are not fullproof against herpes and other diseases.

If a person cheats so early on in the marriage or even before marriage, then I think the couple need to have some serious counseling because if you are cheating when things are good, what is the person going to do when things are bad and things do get bad (i.e., the stress of finances, kids, etc.)

#7
Snuggles
DST RVA 12/93

[DST Love]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I know cheating is bad, but it's not as devistating as women make it out to be. Women read to much into it. Usually, when a man cheats, it's just to have an orgasm...a pleasure thing. It's no threat to our girl/wife. Its sounds ignorant, but the statement is true when we say "It didn't mean anything...I LOVE you...I was just F)#king her". You should only be hurt if the man is loosing feelings for you and cheating regularly. But if it was a little slip, due to getting seduced...then cut him some slack. It is really easy to get a mans penis on hard and the blood rushes from our brains and it's very difficult to think. It is not as easy and quick to get females aroused. You have to kiss and rub on them forever to get them wet. If a woman was put in the arousal state men are so easily put into, then maybe they would understand why it's so easy for us to fall victim to suduction!

If a committed or married person is as WEAK as you stated, then they should never put themselves in a position to be alone with someone of the opposite sex. How can one cheat if one doesn't allow or have the opportunity.

I don't care what you're talking about. It doesn't go from zero to 100. As soon as one starts to feel more attraction than they should to someone else, be it emotionally, physically, etc., then remove yourself from the situation ASAP. Don't be like an animal (we are human beings, you know) and act like you can't have more control over your actions.

Again, plain and simple, people will always justify why it's okay for them to be SELFISH regardless of how it hurts others. That's the state of our world right now. COMPLETE SELFISHNESS. And why in the hell would you want to intentionally hurt someone? Is that the type of person you want to be?

I swear, people!! You have to grow up sometime and learn how to be a better, more responsible person. AND YES SOMETIMES THAT MEANS NOT BEING ABLE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT OR FEEL LIKE DOING. YOU MAY ACTUALLY HAVE TO THINK OF SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF . Try it sometime. It's not as hard as you think to be unselfish .

[stoplook_listen]

I admitted that cheating is bad. I never said it wasn't. I just think women blow it out of proportion. Couples do plenty of things wrong to each other: argue, neglect, take for granted, etc. These things are bad, but they sometimes happen unintentionally. After they are discussed, usually you come to the conclusion that the other person didn't mean to make you feel bad by inadvertently doing that stuff. With cheating, women make it out like you are saying they are worthless or like you don't give a damn about them. Why blow it up and read more into it than what it is. When a man cheats, he doesn't think "I can't stand my girl, she aint nothin, I want to lower her self-esteem, and hurt her." Thats what alot of women paint the scenario as. It is just an act of lust...that's it...plain and simple. Can't you understand the difference between love & lust? YOu have a right to be upset...but don't read so much into it and blow it out of proportion. Again, I agree it's wrong and one should have more self control, but nobody is perfect and you have to realize that a mans threshold of being at "the point of no control" is significantly higher than a womans. If I'm just chillin and a woman all of the sudden strips and pounces me...I can try and muff her or throw her down, but that would be too violent on a woman. Most of the time you try and reasonwith her but she don't care. she bent on seducing you...and you got that woody. Unless you been their you can't judge. We are all animals and have a state of being in "heat" that is a biological imperitive. I'm just using science to back up my point (not to excuse it)

[Professor]

what would you do - i'm tossing around "if i tell this" then she will respond by saying. if i don't tell then ... . HELP!

And yea, I know - things are going really well with me and future wife. This is just something that happened. I don't know what else to say.

Originally posted by TLAW
What DST said is rough, but nevertheless true. We cannot make excuses for cheating. As a fellow man, I must ask: what are you gonna do about your significant other? Gonna 'fess up?
One thing I have to say is that myth of men being bigger or worse at infidelities than women is quickly being eroded.

[sunnydays96]

I wonder if the situation was reversed would the man accept the theory that his girl was "seduced" by a man. I can tell you right now, HELL NO he wouldn't. He'd be calling her all types of names- hoe, trick, chickenhead- and there wouldn't be any way he would make a "hoe into a housewife".

[DST Love]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I admitted that cheating is bad. I never said it wasn't. I just think women blow it out of proportion. Couples do plenty of things wrong to each other: argue, neglect, take for granted, etc. These things are bad, but they sometimes happen unintentionally. After they are discussed, usually you come to the conclusion that the other person didn't mean to make you feel bad by inadvertently doing that stuff. With cheating, women make it out like you are saying they are worthless or like you don't give a damn about them. Why blow it up and read more into it than what it is. When a man cheats, he doesn't think "I can't stand my girl, she aint nothin, I want to lower her self-esteem, and hurt her." Thats what alot of women paint the scenario as. It is just an act of lust...that's it...plain and simple. Can't you understand the difference between love & lust? YOu have a right to be upset...but don't read so much into it and blow it out of proportion. Again, I agree it's wrong and one should have more self control, but nobody is perfect and you have to realize that a mans threshold of being at "the point of no control" is significantly higher than a womans. If I'm just chillin and a woman all of the sudden strips and pounces me...I can try and muff her or throw her down, but that would be too violent on a woman. Most of the time you try and reasonwith her but she don't care. she bent on seducing you...and you got that woody. Unless you been their you can't judge. We are all animals and have a state of being in "heat" that is a biological imperitive. I'm just using science to back up my point (not to excuse it)

Again, a married person (or person in a committed relationship) has no business being alone with someone that they could end up cheating with. If you are always around a group or somewhere with your significant other or spouse, then you would be less likely to have the opportunity to cheat. This is what I'm talking about. People want to still be doing the same things they did when they were single. A man wouldn't have to worry as much about not being able to stop another woman from "seducing" him if he wasn't alone with her. When the woman starts to try and "seduce" a man first by words (which I'm sure is the case because I doubt the woman goes from Hello to taking his pants down), then that man should remove himself from the situation if he knows he wouldn't be able to stop himself if she continues to flirt.

And to your example, if you're in a committed relationship or married, WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU ARE CHILLIN WITH ANOTHER WOMAN THAT WOULD BE ABLE TO POUNCE YOU, as you say? Now see, that's what's wrong in the first place. Don't have no business being there.

I don't even want to keep having these discussions, because a person will constantly try to justify what they WANT to do regardless of the consequences, when they should be trying to ensure that they do what they SHOULD be doing.

"Excuses are tools of the incompetent that build..." Let me stop. Thought I was on line again !!

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I admitted that cheating is bad. I never said it wasn't. I just think women blow it out of proportion. Couples do plenty of things wrong to each other: argue, neglect, take for granted, etc. These things are bad, but they sometimes happen unintentionally. After they are discussed, usually you come to the conclusion that the other person didn't mean to make you feel bad by inadvertently doing that stuff. With cheating, women make it out like you are saying they are worthless or like you don't give a damn about them. Why blow it up and read more into it than what it is. When a man cheats, he doesn't think "I can't stand my girl, she aint nothin, I want to lower her self-esteem, and hurt her." Thats what alot of women paint the scenario as. It is just an act of lust...that's it...plain and simple. Can't you understand the difference between love & lust? YOu have a right to be upset...but don't read so much into it and blow it out of proportion. Again, I agree it's wrong and one should have more self control, but nobody is perfect and you have to realize that a mans threshold of being at "the point of no control" is significantly higher than a womans. If I'm just chillin and a woman all of the sudden strips and pounces me...I can try and muff her or throw her down, but that would be too violent on a woman. Most of the time you try and reasonwith her but she don't care. she bent on seducing you...and you got that woody. Unless you been their you can't judge. We are all animals and have a state of being in "heat" that is a biological imperitive. I'm just using science to back up my point (not to excuse it)

Being in a relationship is about trust. If I am involved with you I trust you emotionally and physically. If you cheat then you show you are not worthy of my trust. Period.

I don't care if it was just lust, it is a violation of someone's trust in you and you can NEVER get that back. If you can't control yourself then you need not be in a relationship. I don't care if she stripped down and jumped on you- when you take her up on her offer you know that you are breaking someone's trust. It is a conscious decision to let your penis control you.

I do not know why men seem to think women don't catch sexual feelings for other men. For a lot of women sex is mental and seduction doesn't even NEED for there to be nudity. It can be just as hard for us to say no as it is for you. If we cheat it is a violation of trust. If you cheat it is the same thing.

Note: I have never cheated on anyone, nor have I been cheated on. I just know that for me trust is something rarely given and precious. To even imagine someone breaking it is unthinkable, because that just shows that they really don't care enough about you to be an adult and control their own urges and desires. We can not always have what we want in this life! Anyone who thinks we can is a child.

[DST Love]

Originally posted by sunnydays96
I wonder if the situation was reversed would the man accept the theory that his girl was "seduced" by a man. I can tell you right now, HELL NO he wouldn't. He'd be calling her all types of names- hoe, trick, chickenhead- and there wouldn't be any way he would make a "hoe into a housewife".

Exactly!!