A brother in the fraternity I'm pledging is dating my ex

[sialater]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Troll?

He was complaining about not getting a bid, then less than 24 hours later, he received one, never even announced it, and has already had a discussion with a brother about his girlfriend and not wanting her to come around the house? Not really buying it.



Agreed.

Rush events lasted for a week. On Friday/Saturday/Sunday whenever I made those posts I was rushing 2 different frats where I didn't know anyone. On Monday 2 close friends in a different frat invited me to their invite only events. I attended and made friends with the rush chair who gave me a bid the next day.

I honestly thought this would be a safe place to voice some concerns about Greek Life considering the fact that I'm new to Greek life. I made those posts with the idea that I could understand how I could improve myself as a person. I see now that whatever posts I make, I'm going to be regarded as a troll. I sincerely apologize I voiced discomfort about a situation that I know will be awkward, and for trying to get different perspectives on the bid process so I can know how to improve myself (must b teh fact im nt a "functioning adult" lls and probz only 12 years old for having bad feelsies about not being able to talk to my ex amirite?)

I was mislead, and I sincerely apologize for destroying the sanctity of this site.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by sialater

Since when is feeling discomfort about someone close to you dating someone you used to have a relationship with a puerile reaction? I understanding you probably mean it in a good way, but I highly disagree that feeling discomfort over the fact that we are not allowed to speak to each other even though I will probably see more of her now is immature and warrants therapy.

You used "puerile" to describe your reaction, I did not. Neither did I say anything about immaturity. I find your word choices very telling. Looks like I hit a nerve by accident.

Let me elucidate: you, by your own admission, overthink everything. That's just for starters. What you've shared here strongly suggests insecurities. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin is a good place to start, instead of defining yourself by outside events.

I wish you the best of luck.

[sialater]

Originally Posted by Sen's Revenge

XDDDDDDDD so true bruh I have so much free time on my hands I concocted this hilaaaaarious idea to post on a forum about a situation that many people would feel uncomfortable about so I can get a better idea about what the best way to proceed way to be. hahahahahaha so funny amirite?

[33girl]

Why are you "not allowed" to talk to your ex? Does she have a restraining order on you?

[Sciencewoman]

It sounds like she's comfortable attending events with you there, per what your new brother is telling you, so it seems like you should give them the same courtesy. Sorority and fraternity members date sisters' and brothers' exes...awkward, but not unusual

[elicampbell]

Originally Posted by sialater

Rush events lasted for a week. On Friday/Saturday/Sunday whenever I made those posts I was rushing 2 different frats where I didn't know anyone. On Monday 2 close friends in a different frat invited me to their invite only events. I attended and made friends with the rush chair who gave me a bid the next day.

I honestly thought this would be a safe place to voice some concerns about Greek Life considering the fact that I'm new to Greek life. I made those posts with the idea that I could understand how I could improve myself as a person. I see now that whatever posts I make, I'm going to be regarded as a troll. I sincerely apologize I voiced discomfort about a situation that I know will be awkward, and for trying to get different perspectives on the bid process so I can know how to improve myself (must b teh fact im nt a "functioning adult" lls and probz only 12 years old for having bad feelsies about not being able to talk to my ex amirite?)

I was mislead, and I sincerely apologize for destroying the sanctity of this site.

Congratulations on having a bid extended to you. One of the first things I learned when I started in my membership was that I was new and had no room to make demands on the membership. Another thing I learned was that I was in a FRATERNITY not a FRAT. I was not ever to call my organization a frat.

My advice to you is, take a breath, calm down, learn the history and everything you can about your organization. Stop worrying about who is dating whom.

[FSUZeta]

Will she be at all events? Is it mandatory that you attend the events that she might attend?

I too am curious as to whether there is some legal reason the OP and his ex cannot be in the same room. Is there OP?

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by elicampbell

Another thing I learned was that I was in a FRATERNITY not a FRAT. I was not ever to call my organization a frat.

As noted many times on GC, this is something that can vary from GLO to GLO and campus to campus. He should take his lead from those in his chapter whether "frat" is appropriate or not. He should also be aware when talking to others not on his campus (including on GC) that even if it's okay for his org and campus, many elsewhere may find "frat" inappropriate or disrespectful.

[Titchou]

I think we should ban that word here. I cringe every time I see it.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Titchou

I think we should ban that word here. I cringe every time I see it.

Eh. Banning words is never a good idea.

I think the over-reaction to it is at least as annoying as the word itself. I rarely use it, but it doesn't bother me, and I think that the idea that it is somehow less than respectful is fairly ludicrous. References to "the dear old frat" or the like were common in many fraternities not that long ago. Avoidance of the word by many groups has nothing to do with the idea that "frat" is somehow disrespectful and everything to with fairly recent desires to distance fraternities from a "frat boy," "frat house" image. It's the same motivation that led to "recruitment" instead of "rush" and "new member" instead of "pledge." There's nothing wrong with a determination that "fraternity" is preferable "frat," but there's no point in treating "frat" like some kind of dirty word.

[Titchou]

Well, I've been Greek since 1963 and it's never been acceptable in my circles. But then again, I'm from the deep South and we offend much more easily than others...and this term offends me. Just my never-to-be-humble, Southern Belle point of view...

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Well, I've been Greek since 1963 and it's never been acceptable in my circles. But then again, I'm from the deep South and we offend much more easily than others...and this term offends me. Just my never-to-be-humble, Southern Belle point of view...

Ha! Fair enough.

I'm from the South, too—though not Deep South—and rarely saw any one flinch when the word was used. I don't recall ever seeing anyone make an issue of not using it until the last few decades.

But serious question, because I'd like to understand: Why does the word offend you? I mean, what makes it offensive as opposed to, say, simply inappropriate or to be discouraged?

[Titchou]

I'd say because when I heard it used it was always in the context of a "poser." So someone trying to pass for Greek or thinking it's cool to say so that they will be "in" - if you get my drift. One of those "bless his heart" sort of things....

[DubaiSis]

I always associate it with the most negative stereotypes. "Frat guy" behavior...

[33girl]

And it's also given birth to the hideous "srat." How do you even pronounce that?