Rejected by My Sorority

[Titchou]

Keep in mind that some groups may have limits on how soon an alum can be an adviser. We have a 3 year waiting period after leaving school. So that may not be an option.

[DubaiSis]

Mine doesn't have that rule, but I like it. I think you need a "cooling off period" to really get that you are no longer an active.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Keep in mind that some groups may have limits on how soon an alum can be an adviser. We have a 3 year waiting period after leaving school. So that may not be an option.

We do, too, except in extreme conditions.

She could still be a member of the alumnae association, though.

[PeppyGPhiB]

OP was only a member for a semester (if that) before she transferred. So an advisory role wouldn't be appropriate, IMO.

OP, is it possible the members of the chapter at your new campus felt that you might have been trying to game the system, joining the sorority at another (non competitive) campus and then transferring to a competitive campus? I have no idea of the schools involved, and I'm not suggesting this is what you did, I just know from this board that in some regions (especially south) this happens, and chapters will sometimes not accept affiliates as a result. I like the suggestion from one of the posters to try to get to know the women in the chapter; perhaps they would be willing to reconsider your affiliation in the future. It would be a shame for you to resign your membership, though; it seems to me that there would be nothing for you to gain from that, but you could lose so many future opportunities at friendship, networking, volunteering, etc.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by honeychile

We do, too, except in extreme conditions.

She could still be a member of the alumnae association, though.

And there could be non-advisory volunteer opportunities, too.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

And there could be non-advisory volunteer opportunities, too.

Yes. CAB always knows when and where stuff is going on and when they'll need more hands for it.

Sorry I wasn't very clear.

[amIblue?]

I wouldn't suggest that the OP try to volunteer in an alumna role to assist the chapter that rejected her request to affiliate. I don't think that will go over well on either side.

As fulfilling as alumna membership has been to most of us posting on this board, it is not anything nearly close to what most 19 year olds are seeking out of sorority membership. My suggestion to the OP is that she does reach out to the local alumna chapter with the understanding that there will be some activities that she is interested in and other that she is not. I would also encourage her to seek out other on campus organizations that will not replace active sorority membership may help to fill that social void that I'm sure she's feeling right now.

I would also encourage the OP to continue to seek out friendships in an organic way with active members of her sorority via other campus organizations. Perhaps she might have another chance to affiliate in time or be invited to some events. I know rules vary from sorority to sorority.

[thetalady]

I know you didn't ask, but you should give serious thought as to whether or not you wear your letters on campus. If you don't care about affiliating later in your college career, then I guess go fot it. You earned the letters and you ARE still a sister with the right to wear them.

Just understand that wearing the letters has the possibility to really piss off the active members. If you are going to try to affiliate later, I would suggest toning down wearing your sorority gear. Wearing a simple necklace, bracelet or ring probably won't get you the stink eye. Wearing a shirt with big, stitched petters will probably destroy any chance of making friends with the actives. Just my 2 cents worth...

[Hartofsec]

I understand why there needs to be a check in the system to curb the potential for girls to pledge a chapter on one campus with the intent of transferring to another (especially in my area of the country).

But the practice of preventing an initiated member (in good standing) from affiliating with her sisterhood on another campus has always seemed, to me, somewhat contradictory to the creed of the sisterhood. It certainly lends a hollow ring to the notion that one has joined a “lifelong sisterhood.” Lifelong -- except not during your life on this campus?

I think it might be fair to speculate that affiliation is more difficult when transferring from a less recruitment-competitive campus to more recruitment-competitive campus. This chapter “classism” exists – a sister from a strong chapter on a competitive campus may be regarded differently than a sister from a weaker-recruiting chapter in a less competitive system. This may “feel” as if an ABC on one campus is less than an ABC on another campus.

Disheartening for the sister who wants to affiliate, and easy to understand why it feels like rejection – even betrayal. While I agree with much of the advice on this thread because it reflects the reality of the situation, and (as others have) also encourage the OP to maintain her membership, I feel bad for the young woman who must take care not to offend others in her own sisterhood by wearing her letters.

[amIblue?]

Got to say that I agree with you, Hart. The OP's story makes me really sad.

[33girl]

It's also possible that if the transfer was between 2 vastly different schools - say, Yale to LSU or vice versa - she might not have felt comfortable or been accepted in ANY sorority, not just her own.

As I said, as much as it stings, I think I'd rather have a chapter lay their cards on the table and say "NOKD" rather than be accepted on paper only and not in practice.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I wouldn't suggest that the OP try to volunteer in an alumna role to assist the chapter that rejected her request to affiliate. I don't think that will go over well on either side.

As fulfilling as alumna membership has been to most of us posting on this board, it is not anything nearly close to what most 19 year olds are seeking out of sorority membership. My suggestion to the OP is that she does reach out to the local alumna chapter with the understanding that there will be some activities that she is interested in and other that she is not. I would also encourage her to seek out other on campus organizations that will not replace active sorority membership may help to fill that social void that I'm sure she's feeling right now.

I would also encourage the OP to continue to seek out friendships in an organic way with active members of her sorority via other campus organizations. Perhaps she might have another chance to affiliate in time or be invited to some events. I know rules vary from sorority to sorority.

I get what you are saying, but I think that relationships are built by suiting up and showing up and being friendly and helpful.

So maybe ask if you can help? And then back off if they say "No."

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

It's also possible that if the transfer was between 2 vastly different schools - say, Yale to LSU or vice versa - she might not have felt comfortable or been accepted in ANY sorority, not just her own.

That's possible, though it does seem as if having already been selected to join a sisterhood in a process where selection favors the GLO, that the weight of this decision should fall more so to the transferring member.

Originally Posted by 33girl

As I said, as much as it stings, I think I'd rather have a chapter lay their cards on the table and say "NOKD" rather than be accepted on paper only and not in practice.

True enough -- it may even be that affiliating (in practice) on a campus where you have no previous contacts is a little awkward in general.

Originally Posted by KDCat

I get what you are saying, but I think that relationships are built by suiting up and showing up and being friendly and helpful.

So maybe ask if you can help? And then back off if they say "No."

I think this might be awkward for a college sophomore who feels the chapter has already said "no." And it may not be viewed favorably by the actives if perceived as an attempt to subvert their decision.

[ComradesTrue]

^^^^ Delete your identifying information. You will be very easy to identify and given what you have already posted you want to remain as anonymous as possible.

[Titchou]

Someone please correct me if I am wrong but I thought all NPC groups considered initiated members at schools where there is no chapter to be alumnae.