advice for an oos at an SEC school - Page 2

FSUZeta · #16 11-13-2013, 10:40 AM

You might suggest that daughter look for the Auburn Panhellenic page on Facebook. They posted lots of photos during this past recruitment, so she would see how the PNMs were dressed.

greekdee · #17 11-13-2013, 11:39 AM

https://www.facebook.com/auburnpanhellenic

Hearttoheart · #18 11-13-2013, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Unlike some ladies here, I think it's OK for mom to help with finding alums for recs. The student needs to not just hand it all off to mom, but it's a big job and the kids are usually pretty clueless. So a little help from mom is fine, I think.

My youngest daughter went through Ole Miss recruitment last month. She was very successful with a near perfect rush. We were also from out of state. The Ole Miss sororities all do a great job of keeping the girls grounded and do a pretty good job of keeping them occupied and out of trouble. She has LOVED getting to know her sisters!

I was a helicopter mom the entire time! We found alummae support through the local Panhellenic Association. Some of the ladies we found locally were Ole Miss alumnae who really took an interest in my daughter and helped introduce her to actives already in the sororities. You will be surprised at where you can find these ladies. Ask teachers, church ladies, business associates.... She asked teachers and mothers of her friends, I asked my friends and business associates. It was a joint effort!

As far as wardrobe, be are from a big city where couture is popular and what she usually wears. We spent a FORTUNE on her wardrobe! Unfortunately when she got up there and saw all the other girls wearing Lilly, that was all she wanted. She ended up actually ditching one dress and borrowing a Lilly dress from one of her friends.

What I'm trying to say is not to stress out over her rush wardrobe, but maybe have a backup just in case!

I don't know about Auburn, but if it is anything like Ole Miss, it's not who you are, but rather who you know that gets you into the top houses. Keep working that spreadsheet!

iamamom · #19 11-13-2013, 04:16 PM

Do you think it matters at all who the rec is from? Say the wife of a senator or wife of a celebrity. Would that have any more influence vs some of my friends who are just normal, reasonably successful, but more everyday women?

I personally have no issue having a list of sororities and just asking women who are MY friends what sororities they were in so when d starts asking, she knows who to ask and to keep it organized. I talk with them more and see them more than my d would. D can ask her teachers and coaches herself.

She is still waiting for other acceptances, so Auburn isn't a given yet. I just figured having time it couldn't hurt since this rec seems the most difficult piece of this.

Hearttoheart · #20 11-13-2013, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamamom

Do you think it matters at all who the rec is from? Say the wife of a senator or wife of a celebrity. Would that have any more influence vs some of my friends who are just normal, reasonably successful, but more everyday women?

No, the girls are not likely to recognize celebrity wives! LOL What I meant, when I said that who you know is important, was that a rec letter from an Auburn alumnae will hold more water at Auburn than a rec letter from an alumnae who attended a different school. This is especially true if that Alumnae still has contacts within the house or is willing to make some phone calls and help circulate your daughters name.

Again, I'm not sure about Auburn, but at Ole Miss and Alabama there are always Alumnae hanging around the house during recruitment. The active girls are taught to always respect the opinion of the alumnae. If an alumnae is hanging around and asks them to take a hard look at a PNM, you bet they will! Alumnae with ties in the house can also help introduce your daughter to current actives! At Ole Miss, we were told to find rec writers who had attended Ole Miss. Of the three houses that my daughter preffed, we had recs from "in-house" alumnae in two of the three. (So, its helpful, but not not always necessary) My daughter did have friends in all three houses the preffed thanks to introductions made by these "in-house" alumnae.

DubaiSis · #21 11-13-2013, 04:53 PM

In general, no, the rec writer doesn't have a lot of pull per se, but if you do have someone (Congresswoman, celebrity or more importantly VIP within the sorority) that would probably pull more weight. In general and without getting into too many specifics, I think it's pretty common for the sororities to just use the rec to check a box (we all vote differently, but you can think of it as adding an extra point to her relative value). Personal recs are vastly more valuable than impersonal ones (a local panhellenic rec), but any rec will at least check off the box.

If you were able to find that many recs in that amount of time, I'm confident you'll be able to get all or close to all of them you need. Just keep at it and make sure she participates in that process. One of the best benefits of this process (which in general I'm not a fan of) is your daughter can have quality one on one time with these sorority alumnae and work on her conversation skills. I would really press her to meet with each of the women individually if the alumna has the time and inclination. She'll hear stories about "the old days," get good advice on the rush process (although it has changed a lot in the last 20+ years) and learn what types of questions will get asked. Also, these women can explain what it's like in general, which can be really overwhelming. The first time the sororities throw open those doors and the roar of ALL THOSE WOMEN comes out it can actually frighten the rushees. Startle them at minimum.

Finally, let me define for you what competitive means. It means there are a lot of girls who are stressing out about getting into particular chapters. It does NOT mean the girls will likely get cut completely from the process. Even with over 1000 girls rushing VERY few get cut completely. Think 20, not 200. Most girls who do not get placed dropped out, regardless of what they tell their mother or friends. All of the chapters at Auburn are huge and varied and none of them are at risk of closure. So she's going to have a 1st choice and a 17th choice after the first round, but when she gets that new list she needs to disregard that original preference and find her new #1 and new #10, or however many invitations she receives back. And do that again after each round, forgetting about the ones who cut her. It's REALLY hard to not take it personally but in a lot of cases it really isn't personal. They have to rank 1000 girls from 1 to 1000 and can only take back X (it varies by chapter, won't get into that here) and your daughter could fall 1 below their cutoff. They'd like to take her, they just can't.

iamamom · #22 02-17-2014, 01:38 PM

Back to post an update. She made the final decision for school, it just took a trip up to the ne in frigid temps for her to snap herself into reality of what she really likes - the south! She went back and forth on whether she wanted to try a sorority, unfortunately the people she knows around here have been negative about sororities. She came to the determination she would do recruitment, having no clue about rankings of houses, and see what she thinks when she gets there. Of course she is all about shopping for the clothes - lol. If she ever actually gets back to school - we have had TONS of snow days, she's going to ask everyone at school for recs. She was worried because so many of her teachers were males, but I told her most of them are also married - time to just put feelers out everywhere. When should these recs be mailed in?

Also, sounds odd, but she can't wear high heels - she had extensive foot surgery last summer. She walks fine, and wears normal, regular shoes, but high heels are really a no go for her - she has screws in her feet and is still rehabbing. Will she be looked down on if she instead wears cute flats and sandals?

She'll hunt down those recs, and she's very open to wanting all the right outfits, and that's as far as I will go with her. She's a friendly, sweet girl - she'll either fit in as she is or she won't.

irishpipes · #23 02-17-2014, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamamom

Back to post an update. She made the final decision for school, it just took a trip up to the ne in frigid temps for her to snap herself into reality of what she really likes - the south! She went back and forth on whether she wanted to try a sorority, unfortunately the people she knows around here have been negative about sororities. She came to the determination she would do recruitment, having no clue about rankings of houses, and see what she thinks when she gets there. Of course she is all about shopping for the clothes - lol. If she ever actually gets back to school - we have had TONS of snow days, she's going to ask everyone at school for recs. She was worried because so many of her teachers were males, but I told her most of them are also married - time to just put feelers out everywhere. When should these recs be mailed in?

Also, sounds odd, but she can't wear high heels - she had extensive foot surgery last summer. She walks fine, and wears normal, regular shoes, but high heels are really a no go for her - she has screws in her feet and is still rehabbing. Will she be looked down on if she instead wears cute flats and sandals?

She'll hunt down those recs, and she's very open to wanting all the right outfits, and that's as far as I will go with her. She's a friendly, sweet girl - she'll either fit in as she is or she won't.

Your daughter doesn't mail the recs - the alumnae who write them do. But most large recruitments like those recs sooner rather than later, so this is a perfect time to be working on them.

Don't worry about the shoes. If it would make her feel better, she can explain why she has to wear flats to the rushers. It would make her memorable. But really, you can't change that so don't worry about it. I would just consider the footwear options when selecting her wardrobe so that flats don't look odd.

DubaiSis · #24 02-17-2014, 02:52 PM

A lot of 18 year olds haven't conquered walking in heels and shouldn't choose rush to change that. Cute, comfortable shoes, poised and not hobbling or falling on your arse should always win the day.

pinksequins · #25 02-17-2014, 03:02 PM

Suggestion that flats NOT be raised as a topic of conversation. First, it draws attention to something that might not even have been noticed or be an issue. Second, with the sheer number of PNMs, a PNM will want to be remembered for fun and engaging conversations, not as PNM #787 with foot issues. Focus on conversational skills -- nice clothes and accessories will speak for themselves. Good luck!

OPhiAGinger · #26 02-17-2014, 03:21 PM

You've mentioned several times that your daughter is surrounded by people who are feeding her a negative image of sorority life. I love that you are working together to find recs, but your other task needs to be exposing her to people who can paint the other side of the sorority picture. As you discover sorority alumnae where you didn't expect them, create an opportunity for them to share their beneficial sorority memories with your daughter directly. This is especially true for alumnae that she has something in common with and can relate to! The more she hears about the lifelong friendships, the support from her sisters during a rocky patch, the fun and goofiness that break the stress of finals week… the more she'll develop a more balanced picture of why this might be something she really wants to pursue.

Good luck!

celebcj · #27 02-17-2014, 03:29 PM

If she ended up choosing Auburn, I'd be happy to help with any of your questions your daughter may still have. I'm an out of state student as well, from out west and didn't know a soul coming to school. I would describe myself as very similar to your daughter, both personality and style wise. (I had no clue what Lilly even was during recruitment and was met with wide eyed states haha). I've loved everything about my scholastic and sorority experience and would be honored to help ease some anxiety about moving so far away! Just PM me

AnchorAlumna · #28 02-17-2014, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinksequins

Suggestion that flats NOT be raised as a topic of conversation. First, it draws attention to something that might not even have been noticed or be an issue. Second, with the sheer number of PNMs, a PNM will want to be remembered for fun and engaging conversations, not as PNM #787 with foot issues. Focus on conversational skills -- nice clothes and accessories will speak for themselves. Good luck!

I agree. Plus Auburn's campus is so hilly that flats are the norm.

pinksequins · #29 02-17-2014, 05:01 PM

In fact, per all the magazine fashion advice, a pretty necklace or earrings will draw attention away from the feet. : )

I was at the store the other day, and the saleswoman was wearing the most gorgeous cabochon earrings (a present wouldn't you know, when I asked about them.). I don't even remember the rest of her outfit.

iamamom · #30 02-17-2014, 07:23 PM

Thanks for reassuring me about the shoes - I didn't want it to be a "bless her heart" moment behind her back.

One of my good friends was in a sorority and has known her since K. It's a great idea to have them talk about it.

So is it time now to mail these recs now? She obviously doesn't have her final transcript yet - do I give everyone a copy to mail in through this first semester or do we wait until she registers in June?

One of her friends mom's also told her she'd write her a rec, and she has family down in that area. Would it be obnoxious if my d asked her if she knew people from that area who could help?

Finally - can current students in sororities in other schools write recs?