Being in a sorority while being gay

[ChioLu]

I had Sisters who were gay when I was in college.
Chapter size in the 60's. Smallest Division 1 school in the counrtry. In the 1980's.

The fact that my Sisters were gay or straight didn't matter. I loved them as human beings. I loved them as my Sisters.

The woman that preffed me -- I knew she was gay before Pref (though she didn't come out until after college). I knew I wanted to be her Sister because of HER (her personality, her caring, how she showed me what Chi Omega meant to her), not her sexual preference.
That didn't even factor into it.

[angels&angles]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I am sure that you didn't really mean to say this... right?

Yikes! There should be a "not" in there! It's NOT about hiding who you are!!!! Rewrote the damn sentence twice and still managed to f it up... Sigh.

[Sophiestication]

Thank y'all so much. I don't really have much to reply but your kind words have made me feel better.

[jenidallas]

My little is gay and I knew that in college, even thought she was not out and tried hard to hide it (it was west Texas in the early 90s) but we always accepted her for exactly who she was.

In my organization, I have known collegians in other chapters who were out (bi and gay) who have held leadership roles (even chapter president) and were completely accepted . I think the key is that these women shone for their personalities and their interests and the strengths they brought to the chapter, not for their sexual orientation.

So be proud, but don't be loud... that would be my take away. Who you date or are interested in dating should not be a topic of conversation for recruitment anyhow, gay or straight.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by jenidallas

Who you date or are interested in dating should not be a topic of conversation for recruitment anyhow, gay or straight.

Amen, amen, amen! One's sex life is not an appropriate topic of conversation in any environment other than one where one needs to declare a desire. Please, what is all this about whether you are gay having anything to do with recruitment? If you only want to be around gay people, that's one thing. But if their sexual orientation is not your concern, why should yours be theirs?

[DubaiSis]

I think it's very realistic to worry about being shunned based on her sexual orientation. Gay people are still ostracized, bullied and physically abused based on that one single factor every day in America. I think in real life she would be welcomed (all other issues being equal) by just about any sorority. But to pretend that sexual orientation doesn't matter and has no place in concern about how/if she will fit into a chapter culture is not realistic. The trick is to find answers to her questions without making anyone uncomfortable. I do like the idea of something obvious but low-key on your social media. That way they will know in advance and it doesn't have to be brought up.

[Titchou]

True, Sis, but it's so irrelevant to me. I don't give a flip who you are sleeping with (unless it's my SO), so why should anyone else care????

[DubaiSis]

Well, there we fall into unicorns pooping rainbows territory and I'll let Dr. Phil handle that.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Titchou

True, Sis, but it's so irrelevant to me. I don't give a flip who you are sleeping with (unless it's my SO), so why should anyone else care????

This isn't about sex.

[DrPhil]

I don't wanna be in charge of the rainbow pissing ponies.

Truth of the matter is that people still care and it is only a relatively small percentage of people who do not care. Even some of the people who claim not to care have limits on how much they actually want to SEE it. Meaning, some things work in theory but not in practice and people are often not as open and accepting as they've convinced themselves. Inequalities would not be pervasive despite social changes if the world was as peaceful and accepting as the ponies are telling us.

For the record, even supporting rights and pride means we (those of us who are outspoken in support of freedoms) care. Not caring either way is apathy and that means people have the ability to ignore it either way. So, it does matter to us with whom people are attracted (with or without sexual encounters). We also know that a lesbian sorority member doesn't necessarily want US. I don't want every man in the world and every man doesn't want me. The same applies to women in sororities.

For another record, there is technically an aspect of single-sex GLOs that is also often manifested in single-sex schools. Some people begin to "date" within the group or become curious and exploratory within the group. If that becomes an issue, talk it out and make it clear that this chapter/GLO is not a hump haven.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

For the record, even supporting rights and pride means we (those of us who are outspoken in support of freedoms) care. Not caring either way is apathy and that means people have the ability to ignore it either way. So, it does matter to us with whom people are attracted (with or without sexual encounters). We also know that a lesbian sorority member doesn't necessarily want US. I don't want every man in the world and every man doesn't want me. The same applies to women in sororities.

This, a lot of times, is what I've seen as an "issue." A straight fraternity man (for example) thinks that if a member is gay, that the gay member is going to hit on or make a move on him. This freaks him out, so he doesn't want to allow an openly gay member into the group.

The irony is that with the percentage of people in this world who are gay, if there are even 10-15 members in a chapter, chances are, at least one of them is gay, whether the chapter knows it or not.

It's like the Boy Scouts now accepting gay members.. as if there were none before...

[DubaiSis]

Your example above speaks, to me, more about douchy guys who think EVERYONE is hitting on them. That same guy will think you must be a lesbian because you turned him down. I don't know that the same concern would be as common in women.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Your example above speaks, to me, more about douchy guys who think EVERYONE is hitting on them. That same guy will think you must be a lesbian because you turned him down. I don't know that the same concern would be as common in women.

It is. Women are not immune from various manifestations of heterosexism and false assumptions. Men have male privilege and heteromasculinity but none of these things would persist if women did not buy into it.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Find a school to attend that suits your ACADEMIC needs first and foremost and then worry about extracurricular activities.

It's not wrong, or an indication that the OP's priorities are out of whack, that she's asking that question. I knew, for example, that I wanted to go to a school with progressive politics. It was a foregone conclusion that I'd go to a college with great academics so I could focus on the campus atmosphere.

Even in 2013, it's totally reasonable that an LGBT student would focus on schools where he or she would be comfortable. That's a huge part of the "college search experience" and finding a good fit. It's just not, and has never been, academics first.

[Titchou]

While I agree with all of you about rights and freedom et al, I still maintain that who one is attracted to or sleeps with or whatever is just not any of my business nor anyone else's. And why one would feel the need to talk about it during recruitment is totally beyond my comprehension. If you think that someone needs talk about being a lesbian, why should someone not say "hey, I'm attracted to guys?" That makes absolutely no sense to me.