I'll Knock the Black Off You!!!

[MaMaBuddha]

Originally posted by CherryPepsi


I heard you was showin off in church (huh?butiaintdonuthin!)

MomPepsi:I don't give a da_n who gonna be there! I'm not they momma
I'm YOURS!
CP:(shegetonmydaggonenerves) )
MP:WHAT U SAY?!?! Say it louder so I knock the hell out of you....
CP:I aint even say nothin'
CP:Icallubackshebuggin'

last but not least......GO OUTSIDE AND GET ME A SWITCH!!!!!!!! (Yeah Right! ...I bring back a twig, my dad brings in a branch)exit stage left

this has happened too much....

the phrase the Big MaMaBuddha would say to me and my brother was


if ya'll don't sit ya'll tails down somewhere....i'mma fram ya ass into the wall.

she would have me and my brother shook when she said this...then we would try to figure what the hell FRAM meant. to this day we don't know...but it sounded like it hurt what ever it was.

[CherryPepsi]

Originally posted by Sugar_N_Spice


WOOOWW!! LOL I've heard these three many times before...

S_S You ever had to ease past your mom or dad when they had a strap in they hand???? Talkin about Get in Here!!!??

You ever see ya friend get a beating then YOUR moms start frontin' talkin about You next!! If You don't______!!

ulike..WT_ what I do???

[korkscru]

I'm from the south (South Carolina) so I've heard it ALL. I tell my clients and my children that my momma "wasn't no joke". She was full of fire and she was very consistent with her discipline. Heck, I got beatings until I was 17-years-old (with the extension cord during my teen years). But here are some things that my mom would say. I find them really funny now, but they sure weren't funny then.

GIRL, IF YOU DON'T STOP, THEY GONE HAVETO CALL THE POLICE FOR ME AND THE FUNERAL HOME FOR YOU.;

ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR (and you KNOW that you wanted to say yes---now THIS should be a classic).;

I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ______. YOU MY CHILD AND YOU GONE DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO.;

YOU AIN'T GOT NO ROOM. ALL THE ROOMS IN THIS HOUSE ARE MINE.;

I'M GONE BE ALL OVER YOU LIKE WHITE ON RICE.;

DON'T DO WHAT I SAID, DO WHAT I SAY (WTF?);

WELL, IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW MY RULES, YOU CAN LEAVE. AND LEAVE WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU BROUGHT.;

I'M GONE CHANGE MY NAME FROM "MAMA" TO SOMETHING ELSE (this is after I've called her over and over and over again).;

I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF TALKING TO YOU. THE TALKING IS OVER----GET THE BELT (or whatever "weapon" that she would choose).;

Oh there are many, many more, but I just can't think right now.

[lil_sunshine]

I brought you in this world and I'll take you out. And it don't make a difference b/c I'll make another one looks just like you (you now know how much I love, "Bill Cosby- Himself").

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.

You suck your teeth and I'll pull each and every last one of them out of your head!

What!?! You still crying?!? You must want some more, don't you?

That's all I can think of for now. Laterz!

[Rain Man]

This isn't a reprimand per se, but I thought it was noteworthy to mention:

My mom and grandma would say, "I ain't stuttin' SoAndSo."

Example:

RM: The cable company called and said if you don't pay the bill, they're gonna cut off the cable."

Mom: I ain't stuttin' the cable company or their money.

Well, this is noteworthy b/c I started using the term, but I always said, "I ain't STUTTERIN' what SoAndSo said about me" b/c that's what I thought Mom was trying to say.

I spent the next 10-15 years misusing the term, and when Mom set the record straight, I continued to say "stutterin". Practice makes perfect.

Has anyone here ever used that expression?

RM

[Sugar_N_Spice]

Originally posted by korkscru
ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR (and you KNOW that you wanted to say yes---now THIS should be a classic).

YOU AIN'T GOT NO ROOM. ALL THE ROOMS IN THIS HOUSE ARE MINE.

Your Mom was wrong for telling you that you don't have a room...LOL...My Mom tries to pull that crap, but she knows I ain't haven't it (don't ever tell her I said this though...I will deny it )

I was quite a smart mouth in my teenage years. I would have probably said "You always change the story around"--then my Mom would have proceeded to snatch me up by the collar (or hair, whichever was readily available...). I eventually learned better...

Oh, the memories...

[MaMaBuddha]

Originally posted by korkscru

ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR (and you KNOW that you wanted to say yes---now THIS should be a classic)

this is indeed a classic.

I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ______. YOU MY CHILD AND YOU GONE DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO.

then she would go into the long lecture saying... if _______ jumped off a bridge, would you follow too?

WELL, IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW MY RULES, YOU CAN LEAVE. AND LEAVE WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU BROUGHT..

then she would surprise you with the "you ain't even brought nuthin, cause i gave you everything you ever needed!!"

it was a no-win situation.

[korkscru]

Sugar_N_Spice and MaMaBuddha, yall think THAT was bad, check this out. I remember saying this to my mom. Keep in mind that I'm about 16-years-old, the 2nd of 4 children (3 girls and one boy) and I'm saying this while I'm crying my eyes out and MY emotions are very high. This was on one occasion when my mother would not allow me to go somewhere. Also keep in mind that my mother would have this BLANK expression (no smile, no frown, no NOTHING) on her face whenever I would try to appeal to her "softer" side (or in other words MANIPULATE her).


"YOU LOVE TINA BECAUSE SHE'S THE OLDEST. YOU LOVE JR BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY BOY. AND YOU LOVE KEN BECAUSE SHE'S THE BABY. SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME?".

Sisterfriends, my mother immediately nipped that mess right in the bud. After a little contemplation, she calmly looked at me and said,

"IN THE MIDDLE. NOW, GET OUTTA MY FACE WITH THAT WHITE-GIRL MESS BEFORE I KNOCK YOU DOWN. DON'T EVEN TRY TO COME TO ME WITH THAT."

Now yall can imagine how fast my jaw dropped to the floor. I just KNEW that she would give in once I said that. But she wasn't even hearing that. My mother was NOT the one that you would try to manipulate. She would always say "YOU CAN'T FOOL THE FOOLER. AND YOU CAN'T SH*T THE SH*TTER". I KNEW that I was loved (MOST of the time ) and SHE knew that I knew that I was loved. But I guess that it was all a part of the teenage GAMES that we play with our parents. I'm already looking for my daughter and son to go that route when they become teenagers.

[Sugar_N_Spice]

Originally posted by korkscru
"YOU LOVE TINA BECAUSE SHE'S THE OLDEST. YOU LOVE JR BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY BOY. AND YOU LOVE KEN BECAUSE SHE'S THE BABY. SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME?".

Sisterfriends, my mother immediately nipped that mess right in the bud. After a little contemplation, she calmly looked at me and said,

"IN THE MIDDLE. NOW, GET OUTTA MY FACE WITH THAT WHITE-GIRL MESS BEFORE I KNOCK YOU DOWN. DON'T EVEN TRY TO COME TO ME WITH THAT."

Oh my gosh, you're Mom is worse than mine...
All I can say is "DAYUM!!!"...

[ClassyLady]

Originally posted by korkscru

GIRL, IF YOU DON'T STOP, THEY GONE HAVETO CALL THE POLICE FOR ME AND THE FUNERAL HOME FOR YOU.;

YOU AIN'T GOT NO ROOM. ALL THE ROOMS IN THIS HOUSE ARE MINE.;

I'M GONE BE ALL OVER YOU LIKE WHITE ON RICE.;

DON'T DO WHAT I SAID, DO WHAT I SAY (WTF?);

Oh, I have heard these enough for six lifetimes !!!!

My mom had a few variations though

"We about to be on the front page of the mornin paper, me in handcuffs and you on the ground."

"That may be your room but it's in MY house."

"I'll be all over you like a cheap suit'

"Do what I say and not as I do"

"Keep on cryin and I'ma give you something to cry about."
I didn't understand this one til about I was about 14. You're gonna give me something to cry about??? I thought you just did otherwise, I wouldn't be cryin right now.

My mother would also call me by my sisters' names and get mad when I didn't answer her. When I said "but, mom you ain't even call my name," she would say "you know who you are!!"

[CherryPepsi]

YALL CRAZY LOOOOOOOL!!!

NO remember when yall parents aint want you to punk out from a bully. Now my dad he didnt want me to fight,but my moms was like the next time you come in here crying, YOU GONNA HAVE TO FIGHT ME????(yipes ) NOW MAKE YA CHOICE!!!!

Needless to say I didnt want to fight my mom, so guess who got it

You ever get a beating from a neighbor and you go thinkin to yaself its all good Imma tell my momma. Ya dumba__ get anotha beatin! followed by a YOU PROBABLY DESERVED IT!!!!!!!!(wtbloodclot?)

Yall ever get beat with a Hot Wheels track lol

Top 5 Sho' Nuff Beatdowns

1. Showin' ya butt in the department store (any store)
2. Stompin up the steps or Slammin any doors (to let everbody know you mad. MOMS dont G. A. F.)
3. Doin nasty cheers in the street(Dont act like you dont know what I am talkin bout)
4.Ya parents have to leave work cuz you messin up in school
5.Embarrasing your parents in front of company

I just thought of 5 I m sure yall can think of more!!!

[korkscru]

No CherryPepsi, not a hotwheel track. How's about...THE EXTENSION CORD?!!! Yeah, that's right, THE EXTENSION CORD was my mother's buddy. She could swing that thing like never before. Here are some other scenerio yall.

YOU MISS YOUR CURFEW BY...LET'S SAY 30 MINUTES TO AN HOUR AND YOUR MOTHER...LOCKS YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE. You haveto stay on the porch (IN THE FREAKING COLD) until your mother decides that she wants to let you in. And THEN...you get a beat down ANNNDDD put on restriction after she does that. Now how ya like DEM apples? OR....

YOU'RE ABOUT 21-YEARS-OLD, YOU'RE HOME FROM COLLEGE AND YOU SSLLIPPP AND SAY ONE CURSE WORD (like d*mn) IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER (WHILE SHE'S DRIVING) BECAUSE YOU JUST SAW AN EX-BOYFRIEND THAT YOU HADN'T SEEN IN YEARS. YOUR MOTHER ALL OF SUDDEN...BACK HANDS YOU IN THE MOUTH RIGHT AT THE STOP SIGN IN FRONT OF YOUR EX...AND THE PEOPLE THAT HE'S WITH. OR...

AS PUNISHMENT FOR SOMETHING THAT...YOUR SISTER...DID, YOUR MOM TAKES AALLL OF THE PHONES OUT OF THE HOUSE AND PUTS THEM IN THE TRUNK OF HER CAR WHILE SHE'S AT WORK. OR...

YOU MAKE, 2 WEEKS AHEAD OF TIME, ARRANGEMENTS TO GO SOMEWHERE WITHOUT ASKING YOUR MOTHER. SHE SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ALTHOUGH SHE HEARS YOU TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS ON THE PHONE ABOUT IT. ON THE NIGHT THAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO OUT, YOUR MOTHER LET'S YOU TAKE YOUR BATH, DO YOUR HAIR, AND EVEN PUT ON YOUR OUTFIT. SHE SAYS NOTHING DURING THE TIME THAT YOU'RE WAITING FOR YOUR RIDE TO COME PICK YOU UP. AS SOON AS YOUR RIDE GETS THERE AND BLOWS THE HORN, SHE ASKS "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? YOU NEVER ASKED ME ONE THING AND I SURE DIDN'T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GO ANYWHERE."

I'm telling yall, my mother WASN'T NO JOKE. These things ACTUALLY happened to me, specifically during my teen years. Can ANYBODY beat that? I bet you guys are saying that I was like in a prison or something. And get this yall, IT SURELY FELT LIKE IT!!

Now that I'm grown with kids of my own, I can appreciate my mother's stern and consistent (although a little EXTREME in my then "teenaged" eyes) disciplinary actions. I think that they CERTAINLY were a MAIN factor in making me the person that I am today. My mother and I are now very, very close friends. That's right, I can NOW call her FRIEND because when I was under HER roof she would say "I AIN'T YOUR FRIEND AND I REALLY DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE ME OR NOT. WE CAN BE FRIENDS WHEN YOU GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND ON YOUR OWN. BUT UNTIL THEN, I'M YOUR MAMA AND YOU GONE STAY IN A CHILD'S PLACE". She would also say "YOU GONE BE SOMEBODY EVEN IF I HAVETO KILL YOU TO DO IT."

I love my mother. She's a GREAT person who did what she had to do in order to raise her kids the right way.

[Sugar_N_Spice]

Originally posted by CherryPepsi
NO remember when yall parents aint want you to punk out from a bully. Now my dad he didnt want me to fight,but my moms was like the next time you come in here crying, YOU GONNA HAVE TO FIGHT ME????(yipes ) NOW MAKE YA CHOICE!!!!

Needless to say I didnt want to fight my mom, so guess who got it

WOOOOW!!! I remember having to do thi in the 5th grade b/c this girl in my class was bullying me...Well, y'all know the rest of the story...From then on out, I let NO ONE bully me!!!

[Sugar_N_Spice]

I know some of ya'll have heard this one before:
Me: This is child-abuse...I'm gonna call the police!
My Mom: Go ahead...Better yet, I'll call them for you!!

Also, once my Mom told me that she was tired of me acting up (this was when I was about 12 or 13--I was a bad thing back then!!) so she was going to give me up for adoption or send me to a juvenile center!!! Y'all, I was SO SCUUUURRRED!!! No joke...She even took out the yellow pages, and proceeded to dial numerious numbers...I just went in my room and cried...

[ClassyLady]

Originally posted by korkscru
No CherryPepsi, not a hotwheel track. How's about...THE EXTENSION CORD?!!! Yeah, that's right, THE EXTENSION CORD was my mother's buddy. She could swing that thing like never before. Here are some other scenerio yall.

YOU MISS YOUR CURFEW BY...LET'S SAY 30 MINUTES TO AN HOUR AND YOUR MOTHER...LOCKS YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE.

YOU MAKE, 2 WEEKS AHEAD OF TIME, ARRANGEMENTS TO GO SOMEWHERE WITHOUT ASKING YOUR MOTHER.

Let me tell you, one morning I was acting up at breakfast, and my mother beat me with a spatula. The very same spatula that she was cooking with so it had hot grease on it which burned my butt as she beat me. Then this same woman, rinsed it off in the sink and went back to turning pancakes.

One time, I tried to sneak in my house at 4:00 in the morning. I came in and walked by her bedroom really quietly. She didn't say anything so I thought she was sleep and that I had gotten away with it. Oh no. She ain't that dumb. That lady was wide awake and looking at her clock as I was coming in. The next morning I tried to act like everything was normal. She said in the calmest voice that I have ever heard "Your little a$$ thinks you slick. I know what time you came in last night and for that you won't be going out for until the end of the year." It was August!!! I wanted to just fall out on the floor right there.

Another time, I was planning to go to a party and then stay out real late with my friends. So, I told my mom that I was staying the night over my friends house. She let me get reaady, do my hair, get dressed, and even leave. She waited until she knew that we were about to leave my friends house and then called over there and told my friend's mother that I did not have her permission to go anywhere. She said to be waiting outside because she was on her way to get me.

I love my mother to death now. But, when I was younger I couldn't stand her. I just knew that lady was crazy because only a crazy woman would come up with half of the things she did.