Overconfident Mothers? - Page 2

KSUViolet06 · #16 01-03-2011, 02:25 PM

The thing with having friends in a chapter is that the majority of other PNMs have them too. One friennd in a chapter does not a bid make.

Also, how does a non-Greek mom become so obsessed with having a Greek daughter? Is it a case of "we live in a very Greek focused town and I see that all the women who are successful, in Junior League, etc. are sorority women?"

Munchkin03 · #17 01-03-2011, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also, how does a non-Greek mom become so obsessed with having a Greek daughter? Is it a case of "we live in a very Greek focused town and I see that all the women who are successful, in Junior League, etc. are sorority women?"

It's the same thing with some cheerleading moms. Sometimes it comes down to perceived exclusion and wanting their daughters to have it "better."

carnation · #18 01-03-2011, 03:54 PM

It's funny, most of the obsessed cheer moms I know are either ex-supercheerleaders (like the one who wrote a university about her daughter's cheer skills when the girl was a high school freshman, girl ended up growing way too tall for their coed team btw) or uber-trashy women who probably desperately longed to be cheerleaders when they were in high school. The thing is that now cheering is a sport that requires considerable tumbling skills and cheerleaders aren't chosen by student body vote like they were back in the day. Soooo...you actually have all these awful moms who thought that putting their daughters through gymnastics for years to make sure they'd be high school cheerleaders someday would ensure that their daughters would be wildly popular.

These moms always seem to be shocked when their daughters are treated like any other athletes instead of campus queens. They're the ones who try to jack up the price of cheering by insisting that the girls buy matching warm-ups or expensive sets of poms or that the moms spring for a new $50 gift basket for every competition--hey, every cheerleader needs a zebra-striped, personalized basket with a set of zebra-themed accessories in it!

But I digress with my rant. It could be that Mom did feel left out of campus life back in the day and her sniezhana (look it up) is being prepped to do what she couldn't. If her daughter doesn't make it, Mom may very well feel like everything she's done for her child has come to naught.

Eightisgreat · #19 01-03-2011, 04:00 PM

Maybe I am a "in the minority mom" but I know recruitment for my kid is going to be tough as nails and I remind her of that every single time it comes up in conversation. I am even getting sick of hearing myself say "open mind." My daughter is concerned because she believes she offers plenty; strong resume, good people skills, in great shape, long hair, pretty girl, 4.0, strong charity work and guess what...she is just like 60% of all the other girls in this southern town university campus. Her recruitment will not just be tough, but brutal, and I refuse to handicap her by making her believe "she has this". Do I think she has a good shot? Sure...IF she keeps an open mind and does not drink the "top tier" kool-aid.

Alumiyum · #20 01-03-2011, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eightisgreat

Maybe I am a "in the minority mom" but I know recruitment for my kid is going to be tough as nails and I remind her of that every single time it comes up in conversation. I am even getting sick of hearing myself say "open mind." My daughter is concerned because she believes she offers plenty; strong resume, good people skills, in great shape, long hair, pretty girl, 4.0, strong charity work and guess what...she is just like 60% of all the other girls in this southern town university campus. Her recruitment will not just be tough, but brutal, and I refuse to handicap her by making her believe "she has this". Do I think she has a good shot? Sure...IF she keeps an open mind and does not drink the "top tier" kool-aid.

Good. If she listens to you she'll it'll be smooth sailing for her compared to the girls with the in-denial moms.

FleurGirl · #21 01-03-2011, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The thing with having friends in a chapter is that the majority of other PNMs have them too. One friennd in a chapter does not a bid make.

This is so true. One friend in a particular sorority does not help you when a chapter of hundreds of girls is selecting new members! And I would think that in SEC GLOs where the chapters are just massive even having dozens of friends in the chapter wouldn't help either. Hopefully these moms will come to their senses...

greekdee · #22 01-03-2011, 04:49 PM

Based on what a mutual friend has told me, this mom did miss out on a lot during her own high school and college days, and does have some inferiority and acceptance issues because of it. She wants this girl to have the experiences she didn't, and I do understand that, but she has never (that I know of) encouraged her to find her own way; she's always pushed her towards the most popular and competitive activities in our community (and cheerleading is a big one). Believe me, she's not the only parent in this town who has gotten caught up in what's popular instead of pursuing the things that truly interest her child.

We also live in a community where there is, unfortunately, a lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" and one way people compete is with their children -- their trophy kids. It's almost like, the more academically, athletically and socially successful their children are, the more they think it validates them as good parents. It REALLY gets on my nerves!

There are a lot of people in our community who are Greek -- and many have children who have followed suit. As more and more of us have kids reaching college age, the talk about Greek life has really been on the front burner recently...I guess she is hearing a lot about it and has decided it's the next popular activity her daughter needs to pursue in order to be included and part of the social scene.

ellebud · #23 01-03-2011, 05:43 PM

Want to know what happens when a Mom knows it all? Want to know what happens when mother and/or daughter refuses to listen to basic information because they "know better" and (in their case) recruitment isn't as competitive? I wrote a thread on it: My daughter's friend's recruitment.

In short: Mom (who was Greek and deactivated after a standards meeting) who knows how valuable a commodity her daughter is in this world. Mother and daughter looked on the internet to see the top tier houses, which were the ONLY acceptable houses. Mother and daughter refused my daughter's advice on clothing (flipflops and cutoffs were the chosen outfit for casual days). And her legacy chapter? EWWWWWWW...do you know that they had a bald girl in the house? Recs? Nah, not necessary.

First round: dropped from all the "right" houses.

Joined a recolonizing house and dropped out.

Went through informal...dressed better...no bid from top house.

Went through formal spring.....didn't work either.

Now she claims that girls from the top houses are stopping her on campus BEGGING her to join.

I'll introduce them to the OP's family with the title: What not to do...and say. (Did I mention that she insulted her legacy house? When she was there...talking to the girls....)

carnation · #24 01-03-2011, 06:15 PM

They're begging her?

Isn't she about a junior now?

Alumiyum · #25 01-03-2011, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greekdee

Based on what a mutual friend has told me, this mom did miss out on a lot during her own high school and college days, and does have some inferiority and acceptance issues because of it. She wants this girl to have the experiences she didn't, and I do understand that, but she has never (that I know of) encouraged her to find her own way; she's always pushed her towards the most popular and competitive activities in our community (and cheerleading is a big one). Believe me, she's not the only parent in this town who has gotten caught up in what's popular instead of pursuing the things that truly interest her child.

We also live in a community where there is, unfortunately, a lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" and one way people compete is with their children -- their trophy kids. It's almost like, the more academically, athletically and socially successful their children are, the more they think it validates them as good parents. It REALLY gets on my nerves!

There are a lot of people in our community who are Greek -- and many have children who have followed suit. As more and more of us have kids reaching college age, the talk about Greek life has really been on the front burner recently...I guess she is hearing a lot about it and has decided it's the next popular activity her daughter needs to pursue in order to be included and part of the social scene.

IMO a lot of that went on where I grew up. Only most of the parents seemed to have a really accurate view on what it took to get in. And for some of these kids, it did matter because they came back home and will (I'm sure) be active participants in the social scene where the right sorority/friends/school does have a huge impact on their social success. Could be the case for this kid, and I hate that her mom might ruin it for her.

Maybe you could find a nice way of telling her that if this is that important to her (and her daughter, but it sounds like that's really a secondary issue to her) she should listen to those who have actually been through the system and have enough connections to know what recruitment is like now. I hate to think what will happen when unique snowflake is dropped from all those houses she's "guaranteed" to get into. Especially if unique snowflake actually wants this for herself as badly as her mother wants it for her.

ellebud · #26 01-03-2011, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

They're begging her?

Isn't she about a junior now?

She is a sophomore, almost a junior. Mine is a bit older, one semester ahead.

But geez Louise, don't girls from top and heck all houses, prowl the campus and ask random girls to join their house? She is a top commodity after all.

33girl · #27 01-03-2011, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

uber-trashy women who probably desperately longed to be cheerleaders when they were in high school.

Uber-trashy and cheerleader are not always mutually exclusive. Just saying is all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellebud

EWWWWWWW...do you know that they had a bald girl in the house?

Oh come on.

You can't drop that and not explain.

AZTheta · #28 01-03-2011, 08:11 PM

ellebud, I <3 you (and not in a weird way!). Happy New Year!

And of course all the chapters prowl the campus and beg for members. Yes, of course. At every school, no matter its size or the size of its Greek system. Uh huh. Sure.

When pigs fly.

ellebud · #29 01-03-2011, 08:52 PM

Az: Love you too! And Happy New Year to you and everyone here.

One of the sisters made a comment to soothe over the awkwardness of a sister who is involuntarily bald. It is a medical condition. That would be medically baldness (aloplesia sp?) or chemo. The girl chooses not to wear a wig. Her sisters chooses to love her as she is.

And yes, absolutely, girls are prowling the school on a mission: find Cinderella and bring her back to the castle.

KSUViolet06 · #30 01-03-2011, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FleurGirl

This is so true. One friend in a particular sorority does not help you when a chapter of hundreds of girls is selecting new members! And I would think that in SEC GLOs where the chapters are just massive even having dozens of friends in the chapter wouldn't help either. Hopefully these moms will come to their senses...

Also, I don't think PNMs consider that while you might have ONE friend, there are other PNMs who have MULTIPLE close connections within that same chapter. Ex: Overconfident Daughter has one friend in ABC. But Patty PNM may be from the same town as 20 ABCs and has gone to the same camp as 10 others since she was 5. One girl who just kind of knew/liked you in HS is different from maybe 10-20 people who have known you forever.