Overconfident Mothers?
 

Hi All -- I saw the thread in this section about overconfident PNM's...but what about mothers who suffer from too much confidence?!

I was at a Christmas party a couple of weeks ago -- a few friends and I were left with our jaws hanging open when another woman told us her daughter was "pretty much guaranteed a bid to four sororities."

Her girl is a high school senior who has recently been accepted at, and confirmed her enrollment for Fall 2011, at an SEC school. I know all SEC recruitments are fiercely competitive; this girl's particular school is one of THE most competitive.

Mom says DD is a sure thing for four of the sororities, though. Her first cousin is a member of one of them; her guy cousin is good friends with a lot of girls in another. He's also in what Mom deems a top tier fraternity at this school. As for the other two sure things, according to mom, this girl has some friends who are members.

Maybe those factors will help, but we tried to tell her that nobody is guaranteed anything and that recs are a must. She just nodded and smiled politely as though we were speaking of something that did not apply to her.

Two of the women in the conversation were sorority members at this particular SEC school. They told her that over 1000 young women participate in recruitment and that, as great as her daughter is, everyone shows up with the full package these days. They tried to explain first round parties and how her daughter would only have a short amount of time to meet members -- and that not having recs could result in her getting released. Again, the nod and polite smile. She seems to think her daughter is safe with four sororities.

She was not in a sorority herself, but wants very much for her daughter to be Greek. Her daughter is a very sweet girl who would probably have much to offer a sorority -- but I'm afraid Mama is going to sabotage her with ill advice. This is her first child to go away to school.

I did tell her to come do some reading on Greek Chat!

How do you get it through the heads of these moms that their DD's do not enter recruitment with any promises?

I don't know the daughter all that well -- but from what I do know, she seems pretty sharp, so I do hope she'll research this out. Also, a lot of girls from our area will be going through recruitment at SEC schools next fall --perhaps when she sees them securing recs, she'll realize it's not optional where she's going. I just could not believe how sure the mother was about DD's chances. Most of the mother's I know are, at best, cautiously optimistic...but most are pretty nervous!

Did all of you offer to do recs for DD? How was that received?

I swear that I've seen as many moms who weren't Greek act this way as moms who were. This one seems to not realize that offending Greek women can result in her daughter getting cut if those women report back to the chapters what's going on. Yeah, the daughter shouldn't be cut because mom's being awful but it certainly happens.

That's such a shame. Maybe the daughter will do enough talking about the process with her friends to realize she needs recs...and that her mother is being an idiot. I haven't encountered these parents but my mom has, and it almost never turns out well IMO.

The fact that she's not Greek probably doesn't help since it's harder for her to really understand what goes on behind the scenes...and that having a friend or cousin in a chapter doesn't guarantee a bid by any means, especially at a super competitive school. I know every mother thinks they're unique snowflake is the best snowflake, but seriously...with 1000+ girls going through, how many of them are beautiful, straight A students with impressive resumes and friends in chapters? A LOT OF THEM. It always boggles my mind that mothers/PNMs don't grasp that.

This mom sounds uninformed. I'm thinking she's actually insecure - no one who knows anything about any GLOs (and most especially SEC GLOs) would be that cocky.

What would I do? Work around the mom to maximize the daughter's chances in a very polite manner. I'd invite the daughter to Panhellenic pre-recruitment meetings (if there are any in the area, of course), ask the daughter for her resume so you can submit a recommendation letter, share my GLO's magazine with the daughter, tell her about all the websites that the GLOs maintain, and have a conversation with the daughter in which you kindly and truthfully spell out the facts of life re: SEC recruitment.

Otherwise, we're going to be getting a panic post from daughter or mother a week before recruitment starts. Or, worse, a nastygram post afterwards when recruitment is a FAIL because daughter was not prepared. I have been known to say "I told you so" but there is no satisfaction in it when I say those words.

Pretty much.

I don't think it matters if you were Greek or not when you have a daughter that goes through. It is so different now then it was when I went through in the early 80's. Unless you do volunteer work and understand the voting process today I don't think you can truly comprehend what happens. I know my groups voting has changed since I was in the Chapter. I actually had 2 alumni contact me after Fall Recruitment wanting to know what happened and why their DD's didn't get a bid. When I told them how RFM works they were shocked. To get through round one now you HAVE to have a recommendation even at the not so competitive schools IMHO OR you have to have that 1,000 watt personality that lights up a room so you get noticed. 10-15 minutes is not much time to get to know any one it is all first impressions. I have seen some really great girls get released after the first round with impressive resumes and no recs.

I've seen some really great girls with impressive resumes get cut after first round even with recs.:(

Absolutely. Could not agree more. Amen.

ETA: yes, Carnation, true, seen that also.

Didn't we have this thread before? Or did we just have some moms on here who thought that? (Or both)

I would remind her of the amount of work her daughter had to do to achieve in HS, and everything she had to go through to be accepted at the college of her choice. Hopefully mom will nod and say "yes, yes." Then tell her that recruitment IS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AND REQUIRES THE SAME AMOUNT OF PREPARATION.

That's what I don't get. These people are on CC from their kid's freshman year on making sure they get the school they want, because they realize even if they got into 5 different Ivies with no trouble, it isn't like that anymore! I don't know why they think that what is basically a competition among hundreds of accomplished women (a fact you can find out fairly easily with limited Internet research) doesn't require a similar effort.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on this. The school this girl will be attending is UGA -- I know I don't need to say another word about what she'll be up against during recruitment! She was recently accepted through early action. (They were notified early December.) The whole conversation at this party actually got started when we were discussing the UGA acceptances at our children's high schools. Several got in; a lot more got deferred and at least one was flat out denied.

The mom certainly gets how competitive it is to get accepted at this school, and even seems to understand that recruitment can be a blood bath -- she just thinks DD is in some safe little bubble with four sororities because of her connections. DD has apparently met a lot of girls in one of the sororities and "they all just love her" according to mom.

You know, I don't think we did offer to write recs. It's always been a given around here that a lot of us give recs -- we get contacted every year. Since this is mom's first chick to leave the nest, maybe she does not realize that...so we can let DD know that we're available and stress to her how necessary they are. Thanks -- that is a great suggestion.

There is no question about what's going to happen to this girl if she attempts UGA recruitment without recs. I suspect, too, that mom is assuring her she has nothing to worry about with four of the sororities. She told us that all four are among the best at UGA -- we told her that the best sorority for anyone at UGA is the one that most fits them, period. Again, that nod and polite smile!

I'll tell you that I got into a sorority at UGA back in 1993 without recs - I had no idea I needed them - my mother wasn't Greek, my sister was Greek at a non-competitive school, so I was clueless. None of us realized rush was competitive or that I should have gotten recs... basically, I was as dumb as dumb could be.

But, on my side, I had good grades, lots of activities and a decent "stage presence". Add to that, I was also naive and didn't have my heart set on any house going in. And I wasn't cocky, and neither was Mom.

In short, I was damn lucky.

Of course, back then, you could get in with a mediocre GPA and average SAT scores. I think I'd still get admitted, but it's not the sure thing it would have been back then.

Well, even if Precious Angel doesn't pledge, at least she has a shot at getting a good education. :)

I just hope Snowflake Daughter is a better conversationalist than her mother.

We had someone this fall who knew a PNM who's mother WAS a legacy at a non-SEC school but the PNM was attending an SEC school and mother had already decided that it was no big deal, PNM would get legacy chapter, don't need recs for anyone else kthxbi.

Don't remember who was the OP in that thread though, a regular GCer not the PNM or the mom.