How does one respond to...

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I recommend instructing them on how to leave all of the sorority properties that they have in their possession.

They can figure out the rest from there.

You know, you kind of acknowledged that this wasn't really your lane. NPC members generally have to be given permission to leave vs. being kicked out. Although granting the permission is preferable for all involved, it's not as simple as that. And individuals who might be expressing a desire to deactivate or depledge could have reasons that need addressing as a chapter or even at the university or HQ level.

It's taken more seriously than Leave Your Stuff and Get Out.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

You know, you kind of acknowledged that this wasn't really your lane.

Yeah and that's why a thread in the general Greek Life forum should specify it is basically about the NPC.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yeah and that's why a thread in the general Greek Life forum should specify it is basically about the NPC.

The thing is, often when people start a thread like this, they don't realize that there may be lanes involved, so they don't know to specify.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

The thing is, often when people start a thread like this, they don't realize that there may be lanes involved, so they don't know to specify.

She should take my advice and see where that leads her.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yeah and that's why a thread in the general Greek Life forum should specify it is basically about the NPC.

Sure but once you figured it out you're just kind of harassing the OP with advice that isn't relevant. It isn't a "stay in your own lane" thing as much as a "you realized it's not yours so don't treat it like it is"

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Sure but once you figured it out you're just kind of harassing the OP with advice that isn't relevant. It isn't a "stay in your own lane" thing as much as a "you realized it's not yours so don't treat it like it is"

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Sure but once you figured it out you're just kind of harassing the OP with advice that isn't relevant. It isn't a "stay in your own lane" thing as much as a "you realized it's not yours so don't treat it like it is"

Or the OP is smart just like you are and realizes that my jokingly serious response doesn't apply to what she's talking about. In the Greek Life forum where someone assumes that their question is a general one, those who can apply my advice are free to do so. It certainly isn't the first thread in which this has happened. Whooptydo.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Miriverite

I understand fully that sometimes Greek life -isn't- for everyone. My question was more geared towards, "How do we, as members or exec officers, deal with someone who cites this reason for quitting, and then does not or refuses to elaborate?" What questions should we ask, what actions should we take? There have been some great responses thus far - thanks and keep 'em coming! =)

See my above post.

I don't want to get too nebby as to different groups' operations, but I'd guess that national offices require more than "it just wasn't for me" as a self-termination excuse. We had a woman try to self-terminate and she was denied because she didn't have valid reasons. If they don't tell you why, then the chapter shouldn't sign off on the termination/should request HQ doesn't approve it. Yes, it sounds a little blackmaily but I believe if someone's quitting they should show a little courtesy and tell you if it's them not you, rather than make you think the sorority's to blame.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

See my above post.

I don't want to get too nebby as to different groups' operations, but I'd guess that national offices require more than "it just wasn't for me" as a self-termination excuse. We had a woman try to self-terminate and she was denied because she didn't have valid reasons. If they don't tell you why, then the chapter shouldn't sign off on the termination/should request HQ doesn't approve it. Yes, it sounds a little blackmaily but I believe if someone's quitting they should show a little courtesy and tell you if it's them not you, rather than make you think the sorority's to blame.

So, this obviously varies based on the (NPC) sorority. My question, if you don't mind my asking, is whether the denial was "successful." Were you all able to get her to want to stay beyond being forced to stay? How does it work in terms of sisterhood and interaction when someone is denied the ability to self-terminate? I don't recall this topic on GC before as it pertains to the NPC.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

So, this obviously varies based on the (NPC) sorority. My question, if you don't mind my asking, is whether the denial was "successful." Were you all able to get her to want to stay beyond being forced to stay? How does it work in terms of sisterhood and interaction when someone is denied the ability to self-terminate? I don't recall this topic on GC before as it pertains to the NPC.

Her reason for wanting to leave was "I'm a senior and I don't go to anything and don't want to pay for it." The chapter didn't oppose the termination, the national office did. We were a little more understanding of being flat ass broke than HQ was, and she was on the flaky side to begin with. She was active for another semester, did student teaching and then graduated.

That was probably a bad example to use in this context, but I just wanted to point out that even if people DO try to self-terminate it can get shot down by the NO and they're still on the hook for dues, so they might as well try to work it out. Obviously this isn't the case with every group as there are stories of women terminating left and right because they're upperclassmen.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Her reason for wanting to leave was "I'm a senior and I don't go to anything and don't want to pay for it." The chapter didn't oppose the termination, the national office did. We were a little more understanding of being flat ass broke than HQ was, and she was on the flaky side to begin with. She was active for another semester, did student teaching and then graduated.

That was probably a bad example to use in this context, but I just wanted to point out that even if people DO try to self-terminate it can get shot down by the NO and they're still on the hook for dues, so they might as well try to work it out. Obviously this isn't the case with every group as there are stories of women terminating left and right because they're upperclassmen.

That is interesting. Thanks for answering.

(If the OP was seeking advice rather than just sparking discussion) the point is that the OP needs to know what her NHQ/NO policies and procedures are and her chapter will know what to do from there should this ever be an issue. Consult your local/regional entity and chapter advisor (for those GLOs that don't allow nonmembers to advise). As with many Greek Life topics, it isn't really about what GCers think or what other orgs do. We should all know our GLO's policies and procedures and how our NHQs operate.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Her reason for wanting to leave was "I'm a senior and I don't go to anything and don't want to pay for it." The chapter didn't oppose the termination, the national office did. We were a little more understanding of being flat ass broke than HQ was, and she was on the flaky side to begin with. She was active for another semester, did student teaching and then graduated.

That was probably a bad example to use in this context, but I just wanted to point out that even if people DO try to self-terminate it can get shot down by the NO and they're still on the hook for dues, so they might as well try to work it out. Obviously this isn't the case with every group as there are stories of women terminating left and right because they're upperclassmen.

I feel like it's a little too easy for members to self terminate in some NPC's (mine included, if my understanding of the process is correct). On the other hand, if they TRULY do not want to be in my chapter, I want them to be able to leave.

I also have a "thing" about members self terminating and still wearing letters. I don't expect them to hand in the t-shirts they paid for or the jewelry their mother bought them, but I also expect that since they no longer want to represent my organization they will no longer wear my letters. Huge pet peeve.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I also have a "thing" about members self terminating and still wearing letters. I don't expect them to hand in the t-shirts they paid for or the jewelry their mother bought them, but I also expect that since they no longer want to represent my organization they will no longer wear my letters. Huge pet peeve.

When it comes to people who are depledging (and not people who simply don't want to be active/financial for a period of time as a collegiate or alum), some fraternities and sororities collect many of the items from the person. That includes ritual, pins, paraphernalia, etc. Some entities request for these items to be left in good faith and some entities offer...encouragement to do so.

It makes sense that some people don't want to leave some of the letters/symbols behind that were gifts, but people should have enough respect to check with the policies and procedures to see what to do. I recommend donating the items to an active member. It is against some GLO's policies and procedures to do things like donate items to The Salvation Army or throw them in the trash. We can't necessarily force someone who chooses to depledge (or is even expelled) to return every single thing or stop wearing and displaying every single thing. It's dumb for them to want to do so, but people don't always make sense.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

When it comes to people who are depledging (and not people who simply don't want to be active/financial for a period of time as a collegiate or alum), some fraternities and sororities collect many of the items from the person. That includes ritual, pins, paraphernalia, etc. Some entities request for these items to be left in good faith and some entities offer...encouragement to do so.

It makes sense that some people don't want to leave some of the letters/symbols behind that were gifts, but people should have enough respect to check with the policies and procedures to see what to do. I recommend donating the items to an active member. It is against some GLO's policies and procedures to do things like donate items to The Salvation Army or throw them in the trash. We can't necessarily force someone who chooses to depledge (or is even expelled) to return every single thing or stop wearing and displaying every single thing. It's dumb for them to want to do so, but people don't always make sense.

Pins/badges and ritual should be given back to the organization, period, IMO. I think giving items with letters to an active is the best solution, but so many (the ones I know, specifically) do not and continue to wear the mixer and formal shirts, keep letters on their cars, etc. It really does irritate me, and I wish other actives would be a little more firm in the separation between "friend" and "sister" when a member deactivates. I don't advocate shunning them, and I have good friends that have quit for different reasons. But I don't refer to them as a sister, and refuse to act like they are one. They quit. They are my good friend, but they are not a sister in my organization and IMO that line should be drawn.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't want to get too nebby as to different groups' operations, but I'd guess that national offices require more than "it just wasn't for me" as a self-termination excuse. We had a woman try to self-terminate and she was denied because she didn't have valid reasons. If they don't tell you why, then the chapter shouldn't sign off on the termination/should request HQ doesn't approve it. Yes, it sounds a little blackmaily but I believe if someone's quitting they should show a little courtesy and tell you if it's them not you, rather than make you think the sorority's to blame.

This is interesting.

In my organization (and in similar orgs, I've been told), your dues are sent off as soon as they're paid with the understanding that it's non-refundable. If, after paying dues, someone decides to drop, that's his prerogative. He knows he's not getting his money back. That's why I don't feel compelled to probe when a pledge doesn't want to continue the process.

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I feel like it's a little too easy for members to self terminate in some NPC's (mine included, if my understanding of the process is correct). On the other hand, if they TRULY do not want to be in my chapter, I want them to be able to leave.

I also have a "thing" about members self terminating and still wearing letters. I don't expect them to hand in the t-shirts they paid for or the jewelry their mother bought them, but I also expect that since they no longer want to represent my organization they will no longer wear my letters. Huge pet peeve.

This is why I'm glad that letters are restricted to initiated members. We don't have to worry about getting lettered items back, as they don't wear letters in the first place.

I'm not aware of anyone refusing to return ritual items or pins.